Moms who are out of the young kids phase - I need your wisdom

[Anonymous]

I did take a pause when the kids were little. I got a job again when my youngest went to kindergarten. I do not regret it. I was a teacher though and left when it was more competitive and went back when openings were plentiful so I got a better job when returning.

[Anonymous]

No more propaganda.

[Anonymous]

Unless you are homeschooling, you aren't staying home with your kids. You are staying home to have 6-7 hours a day of me time. Own it for what it is. Your kids are at school for 6-7 hours a day, you could be working - you aren't with them or being present with them at all during that time, they aren't even there.

I have a babywho is a few months old and a teen. Please read more carefully before you post in such an abrasive manner.

Further, I learned when my teen was school aged, and I was working full time, that there is a benefit to being present at home. Yes, you can be very present while your children are at school. It gives you an opportunity to prepare, organize, and coordinate. There are many wonderful things that can be done during school hours that enhance family life. Wishing you peace.

[Anonymous]

I took off for a year when my older two were 0 and 2, which I needed just to stay afloat, so I don’t regret it, but i don’t think my kids are any better off for it. I went back to work again with #3 when he was 12 weeks. My kids are now 6, 11, and 13 and I am planning to cut back immensely once I vest in my current job in June. I am really feeling the crunch now of time flying too fast, needing to be in too many places at once, the kids just really needing time with mom - dealing with periods and middle school drama and algebra homework and discussions of hopes and dreams and world events - things you can’t just outsource to aftercare. If you are looking to cut back altogether, that’s one thing, but if you are looking for a few years that matter most to be home - I would say middle school.

[Anonymous]

I wonder this often too. Why does everyone work towards retirement when the best years are those with kids? I am working and have never stayed at home but I’m disillusioned. I’m in my dream job with a 5 minute commute and high pay- golden handcuffs. Dh also only makes about 160k. Not impossible to live on but we enjoy my 200k and save a lot. Sigh.

I truly wish I could quit my job and come back to it in 5 or 10 years but I doubt it would exist. It takes a lot to keep up with it and to keep my skills sharp.

[Anonymous]

I worked. I wish we could've afforded for me to stay home. But I don't know if the kids would have benefited more or not. Their close friends were all in the same after school program together at the elementary school. So I don't know if they would've wanted to come home early because they would've missed out on hanging out with their friends after school. Or maybe that's just an excuse because maybe if they did come home at 3 it's possible they might have been closer with the kids in the neighborhood who had stay at home moms. Hard to tell.

I made sure that even though I worked, I was very involved with my kids and I don't think they missed out on anything.

So again, I don't know if my kids would've benefited or not from me not working. I think I would've benefited because it would've been easier for me to make sure dinners were prepared and all that stuff.

[Anonymous]

I worked full time in a promising career for almost 8 years after college and then decided to SAHM when I had my DC when I was 30. I went back to work when DC was 8 out of necessity (DH had a major job change with lower pay due to a permanent disability heath issue) and I regret it every day. I missed a lot of the fun after school activities and field trips and had to juggle appointments, sick kids and holidays with limited time off. My DC suffered terribly making the adjustment from pick up after to school to going to aftercare until 5:30. My career took a long time to take off again and I had to basically start over in jobs I was overqualified for until I made it to the high level I am at now. However, looking back I would have been incredibly bored and wished I had thought about doing part time from toddler hood. That would have kept my resume updated and my mind sharp.

[Anonymous]

I cut back a lot in the elementary years and don’t regret it at all. I was very active in school, room parent, volunteered, etc…

My kid was so happy I was involved. All the teachers and most of the kids knew me. I helped the school and have lots of great memories of events, field trips, etc…

Absolutely no regrets and would do it all again. Making more money instead was not worth it to me. Those years are short and go by fast.

[Anonymous]

As a mom of an elementary schooler who is now single, I am soooo glad I kept my career. I'm at the point where I know others who are also getting divorced and man some of the women who were absolutely the most insufferable about staying home are really suffering now because they stopped working and have a massive gap in their resume. I had an easier time weathering the storm because I always had my own career.

So I guess I would say take the time off if you're independently wealthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have three young kids. My career is at an inflection point and I’m considering taking a pause to be fully present with my kids.

If your kids are out of the little kid phase - looking back, do you think it matters to have a stay at home mom? Do you regret working full time or staying home full time? Or are you happy that you continued your career or stayed home? I would love to hear how parents whose kids are older reflect on working vs staying home.

It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. In certain jobs you can mommy track or coast (reaping what you sow) until your kids get older. Especially if you have flexibility and a good work-life balance right now and can’t afford to SAHM long term, make sure you think through what you are giving up in addition to what you are getting in the context of potentially needing to jump back into a role with less flexibility initially.

[Anonymous]

I worked PT until the kids went to college (20 hours per week). For me, it was the best of both worlds, and, best for our family. Kid home sick? I got that. Volunteer in the classroom for whatever reason (ES)? I got that. Random Wednesday off school because of whatever? I got that. Driving the kids here and there all over this huge county? I got that too.

When the youngest went to college, I went back FT. It did take a job change and 2.5 years to get back into the grove and earning what I thought was the right amount, but so worth it. I wouldn't change a thing

[Anonymous]

I’m a SAHM and I wouldn’t do it if you aren’t really, really comfortable and independent financially.

If you are, and you don’t care about missing out on your career, it’s great! But if you aren’t or you enjoy your job, I would try to hire more home staff and keep working.

[Anonymous]

Mine are 10 and 15 now, and I’ve always worked full time except for short maternity leaves. Pros and cons, but one pro is I have been with my company for a long time now and get a big chunk of leave each year. This has been really helpful when my kids have needed me and to allow for more down weeks over the summer.

The school calendar is not as reliable as the daycare calendar, so I think it would’ve been more challenging trying to start work full time and establish myself with a kindergartener, if that makes sense.

[Anonymous]

I have stayed home for the past ten years. My oldest is now 16. I am almost 50 now and many of my friends are looking forward to retirement. I often hear them say they can’t wait to retire after their kids are done college.

DH earns enough money for me to not work. I would have continued to work or gone to work by now if we needed my income. He earns a seven figure income and college and retirement already fully funded and then some. I have considered getting a job just for the sake of getting a job but I would probably only earn 100k for something below where I ended a decade ago. It seems not worth it.

[Anonymous]

We divorced when my kids were little, so it wasn’t an option for me-but I would have hated it. I am a better parent for having time away from my kids.

That said-I’ve always been a fed with a family friendly boss, so I had plenty of leave and schedule flexibility). And because I worked straight through, now that they are in middle and high school, my career is in a place where I have much more flexibility (and money) to be involved in their activities, plan special times with them, etc.