AITA for blowing up after someone pushed a hot-button issue in my own home?

[Anonymous]

You are both in the wrong. She was in the wrong for poking the bear and you were in the wrong for taking the bait.

Sounds like you also apologized immediately. If somebody asks you about it, you can say hey they were poking with bear. I blew up. I apologized to him. it was wrong of me to blow up. And move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You DID attack them.

Yes, but only after being provoked repeatedly.

But any way, what should I do now? I’m still not exactly happy with this person for the things they said.

They don’t exist to you anymore. Done.

Yes. I once had someone in my family do something like this. I actually gave her a few more chances, but after a while I realized this person wasn’t ever going to stop engaging in behaviors like this. So, I just don’t see them anymore.

[Anonymous]

I get it, op. This is my sister. She pokes and pokes. You tell her you won’t discuss it and she pokes some more until you explode. BTDT. Sorry, not sorry.

They know it’s not something you want to discuss but they push anyway. They have a choice, they can just not bring the subject up. They can’t help themselves, it’s a compulsion. Pull back on the relationship as much as you can.

And shame on that person for discussing it with others. Provoking you in person was not enough, now they want other people to continue the fight for them. A pox on all their houses!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m hoping for some outside perspective here.
Someone in my life was over at my house this weekend. While visiting, they brought up a very polarizing, hot-button topic, one that affects me personally and emotionally. They know this. And they also know (or should know) how I feel about it. They lean the opposite direction, and instead of letting it be, they kept pushing.
(Just to clarify: it's not anything overtly political—nothing about Trump, Palestine, sexuality, immigration, or anything like that. I know it’s vague, but I can’t say more without it being too identifiable.)

I tried to disengage and not take the bait, but they kept at it. Eventually, I lost my cool. I yelled. I got aggressive. Definitely not my proudest moment, but also, I felt seriously provoked. This wasn’t a neutral debate; it felt like they came in looking to stir something up.
Now, they’re going around telling people I "attacked" them, and I’ve gotten a couple of texts from mutuals today asking what happened and why I "blew up" at X. FWIW, I did apologize for my tone in the moment, though now I sort of wish I hadn’t!

So I guess I’m wondering, am I the one in the wrong here? I know I didn’t handle it well at the end, but I also feel like there's a line, and they crossed it. You don’t go to someone’s house, bring up something deeply personal to them, and keep poking until they snap, right?

Yeah, my mom does this all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like the litter post, are these AI generated?

OP here. I’m a real person!

Exactly what an AI would say!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are always in the wrong for losing your temper.

I get that, but I couldn’t exactly leave. I was in my own home, and they kept poking the bear even as they gathered their shoes and belongings to leave.

You could have disengaged or engaged calmly without becoming aggressive.

All these posts are so disingenuous. Sounds like the other person was being aggressive, not letting a sensitive topic drop, and as guest, natch. Are some of you just horrible guests or just plain entitled. A person is allowed to call out bad behavior. And, the fact that the guest went and involved a bunch of other people, tells me everything I need to know about them.

I’m sure it’s family. But they clearly are immature and poorly behaved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need a therapist and anger management, Stat.

I agree. If you fly off the handle like this and only blame the other person , you need to get yourself help.

Nope. OP isn't entirely blaming the other person and people like the aggressor sometimes need to experience the effect of their behavior. I would 1) not be embarrassed, 2) not apologize, and 3) walk away without further engagement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are always in the wrong for losing your temper.

Correct.

If you don’t want to discuss it, say “I’m not going to discuss this any further. How was your weekend?”

I mean seriously, who yells at people. What a joke. Were you raised in a barn?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are always in the wrong for losing your temper.

Correct.

If you don’t want to discuss it, say “I’m not going to discuss this any further. How was your weekend?”

I mean seriously, who yells at people. What a joke. Were you raised in a barn?

Who continuously provokes someone knowing that they are aiming to set them off?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are always in the wrong for losing your temper.

Correct.

If you don’t want to discuss it, say “I’m not going to discuss this any further. How was your weekend?”

I mean seriously, who yells at people. What a joke. Were you raised in a barn?

Who continuously provokes someone knowing that they are aiming to set them off?

Most people in civilized societies are able to discuss a wide array of controversial topics without resorting to yelling and aggression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are always in the wrong for losing your temper.

Disagree.

OP was needled and provoked and the other person would not drop it. Sometimes people need a good "punch in the face" to STFU.

[phone]

[Anonymous]

To all the people telling OP to get help with her anger, do you think it is always inappropriate to show anger? I don’t think a raised voice when intentionally provoked is automatically a problem.

[Anonymous]

You say the person repeatedly poked at the xyz issue, knowing it was deeply personal and emotional to you. You reiterate that you’re not proud of losing your cool, but you tried over and over to drop the subject and he would not relent. Add that you’ve apologized and will deal with your emotional reactions, but at the same time now understand that this person can’t be at your home anymore because they refuse to act decently and honor boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To all the people telling OP to get help with her anger, do you think it is always inappropriate to show anger? I don’t think a raised voice when intentionally provoked is automatically a problem.

As someone who has criticized the OPs self described behavior, I am fine with showing anger in certain contexts. This scenario is not one of them, based on what OP has shared.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You say the person repeatedly poked at the xyz issue, knowing it was deeply personal and emotional to you. You reiterate that you’re not proud of losing your cool, but you tried over and over to drop the subject and he would not relent. Add that you’ve apologized and will deal with your emotional reactions, but at the same time now understand that this person can’t be at your home anymore because they refuse to act decently and honor boundaries.

100% this

They were over the top then decided to bring other people in your life who were not present into it. They are messy and are no longer welcome to your home.