Surprised by Dad and step mom relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could have written this post myself. Exact same situation with myself and my sister who were pushed to excel academically and be successful. My dad married my step-mom when I was 14 and they had a daughter who has always been spoiled with zero push to do anything. She is now 26 and dropped out of college and has never had a job. She still lives at home and is bankrolled by my father who doesn’t seem to care whether or not she has a job of any kind or is even a functional human being. It’s baffling.

We should form a club. My dad's adult son with his third wife is a perpetual student who can't hold a job. He runs around like an idiot and is bankrolled by my father. When I asked why he was fired from his most recent job, my father explained that "he had a female boss who was jealous of his success". His success at...what? Collecting graduate degrees? Not paying bills? Breathing?

This is the same dad who told my sister and I that we should always depend on ourselves. Sis is a full professor, I'm in Biglaw. We don't get it. If it was just about coddling the wives, I could buy it. But the obvious parroting of his various wives' enabling of their failure-to-launch kids is just deeply disappointing.

As annoying as that is, I hope you’re grateful that you were raised by the better parent, earlier version of your dad.

I am, actually. When it doesn't piss me off how happy-go-lucky my stepbrother is (he is literally shielded from all problems), I feel bad for him. The gravy train will end at some point, and he's just going to be mystified at why life is so hard. I had a whole conversation with my 13 yo today about how problem-solving is a skill, and sometimes tolerating discomfort is just part of life. But you find some little silver lining to get through it, which (not always, but often), works.

So yes, I'd rather have the life skills. I just wish I wasn't watching the parenting disparity in my own family.

[Anonymous]

He recognized the error of his ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad raised two daughters and always pushed us to be high achieving academically and pushed us to go into high earning careers. Sister and I both graduated top of our high school class, went to highly ranked colleges and have successful careers. While I have mommy-tracked I make $150,000 a year/part time and sister makes $1 million a year. We both are married and have kids, etc.

My parents got divorced 20 years ago and my dad has since remarried a woman who is basically a doormat. She does not work, does not contribute to running the house and pretty much is only there to look pretty. She will cook for him and do his laundry. But he has a very busy life with lots of businesses and needs help running his household (like paying bills, organizing and scheduling house maintenance, gardening and keeping the house up, etc) and I feel like she does not contribute at all.

I am just so surprised that my dad decided to marry someone so passive when he has raised two women to be the exact opposite. Even my mom (his ex-wife) is very independent, worked my whole life, etc.

Did your mom work when they were married or only after divorce?

This is the right question! Let’s give credit to the mom! And why did they divorce? The dad now has a trophy wife and he may be happy.

Op - mom always worked. Until she retired. They divorced when my dad cheated on my mom (not with current step mom).

Dad is worth around $6 million. He is 70 and step mom is 45.

Trophy wife. Sex and companionship. Not raising anyone, not building anything, life is on autopilot and the focus is on pleasure over all else.

I'm sorry, it's a bummer. Focus on your own life and don't idealize him. People are flawed, even our parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad raised two daughters and always pushed us to be high achieving academically and pushed us to go into high earning careers. Sister and I both graduated top of our high school class, went to highly ranked colleges and have successful careers. While I have mommy-tracked I make $150,000 a year/part time and sister makes $1 million a year. We both are married and have kids, etc.

My parents got divorced 20 years ago and my dad has since remarried a woman who is basically a doormat. She does not work, does not contribute to running the house and pretty much is only there to look pretty. She will cook for him and do his laundry. But he has a very busy life with lots of businesses and needs help running his household (like paying bills, organizing and scheduling house maintenance, gardening and keeping the house up, etc) and I feel like she does not contribute at all.

I am just so surprised that my dad decided to marry someone so passive when he has raised two women to be the exact opposite. Even my mom (his ex-wife) is very independent, worked my whole life, etc.

Did your mom work when they were married or only after divorce?

This is the right question! Let’s give credit to the mom! And why did they divorce? The dad now has a trophy wife and he may be happy.

Op - mom always worked. Until she retired. They divorced when my dad cheated on my mom (not with current step mom).

Dad is worth around $6 million. He is 70 and step mom is 45.

That's even that much to give up your life. I hope they're happy and really in love

[Anonymous]

Your dad's a loser. Also I hope you know your stepmom and stepbrother will be getting your dad's entire estate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad raised two daughters and always pushed us to be high achieving academically and pushed us to go into high earning careers. Sister and I both graduated top of our high school class, went to highly ranked colleges and have successful careers. While I have mommy-tracked I make $150,000 a year/part time and sister makes $1 million a year. We both are married and have kids, etc.

My parents got divorced 20 years ago and my dad has since remarried a woman who is basically a doormat. She does not work, does not contribute to running the house and pretty much is only there to look pretty. She will cook for him and do his laundry. But he has a very busy life with lots of businesses and needs help running his household (like paying bills, organizing and scheduling house maintenance, gardening and keeping the house up, etc) and I feel like she does not contribute at all.

I am just so surprised that my dad decided to marry someone so passive when he has raised two women to be the exact opposite. Even my mom (his ex-wife) is very independent, worked my whole life, etc.

Did your mom work when they were married or only after divorce?

This is the right question! Let’s give credit to the mom! And why did they divorce? The dad now has a trophy wife and he may be happy.

Op - mom always worked. Until she retired. They divorced when my dad cheated on my mom (not with current step mom).

Dad is worth around $6 million. He is 70 and step mom is 45.

🤢🤢🤢

[Anonymous]

The dad sounds like a good dad who helped raise strong young women. He is in his later years now and just wants happiness but lots of women and some men judge him negatively for their own personal reasons.

Kudos to the dad and kudos to the daughter.

[Anonymous]

I'd be most annoyed by growing up with one set of values that he taught- now being undermined by the values he is now living. So if the topic comes up that you are 'picking on' the loser sibling when you are asking questions about them getting on with life, I'd be pointing out each time that these were not the values he taught you, so you are trying to understand why those values are now ok? It all points back at him.

It wouldn't sting so much- except that estate is likely going to the new wife and loser kid. Which again, undermines what he taught about how important hard work is. Grieving through anger is not fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad raised two daughters and always pushed us to be high achieving academically and pushed us to go into high earning careers. Sister and I both graduated top of our high school class, went to highly ranked colleges and have successful careers. While I have mommy-tracked I make $150,000 a year/part time and sister makes $1 million a year. We both are married and have kids, etc.

My parents got divorced 20 years ago and my dad has since remarried a woman who is basically a doormat. She does not work, does not contribute to running the house and pretty much is only there to look pretty. She will cook for him and do his laundry. But he has a very busy life with lots of businesses and needs help running his household (like paying bills, organizing and scheduling house maintenance, gardening and keeping the house up, etc) and I feel like she does not contribute at all.

I am just so surprised that my dad decided to marry someone so passive when he has raised two women to be the exact opposite. Even my mom (his ex-wife) is very independent, worked my whole life, etc.

Did your mom work when they were married or only after divorce?

This is the right question! Let’s give credit to the mom! And why did they divorce? The dad now has a trophy wife and he may be happy.

Op - mom always worked. Until she retired. They divorced when my dad cheated on my mom (not with current step mom).

Dad is worth around $6 million. He is 70 and step mom is 45.

Your numbers don't add up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your dad's a loser. Also I hope you know your stepmom and stepbrother will be getting your dad's entire estate.

+1

And he’s really the one with whom you’re angry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The dad sounds like a good dad who helped raise strong young women. He is in his later years now and just wants happiness but lots of women and some men judge him negatively for their own personal reasons.

Kudos to the dad and kudos to the daughter.

"Personal reasons" being expecting a parent to uphold the values they communicated were important when their kids were growing up.

Most of the gray divorces I've seen involve men cheating. It begins there, with the rejection and casting aside of the mother.

[Anonymous]

She’s a trophy wife. Men are dogs. This surprises you?

[Anonymous]

He’s a trophy husband. Women are dogs. This surprises you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad raised two daughters and always pushed us to be high achieving academically and pushed us to go into high earning careers. Sister and I both graduated top of our high school class, went to highly ranked colleges and have successful careers. While I have mommy-tracked I make $150,000 a year/part time and sister makes $1 million a year. We both are married and have kids, etc.

My parents got divorced 20 years ago and my dad has since remarried a woman who is basically a doormat. She does not work, does not contribute to running the house and pretty much is only there to look pretty. She will cook for him and do his laundry. But he has a very busy life with lots of businesses and needs help running his household (like paying bills, organizing and scheduling house maintenance, gardening and keeping the house up, etc) and I feel like she does not contribute at all.

I am just so surprised that my dad decided to marry someone so passive when he has raised two women to be the exact opposite. Even my mom (his ex-wife) is very independent, worked my whole life, etc.

Did your mom work when they were married or only after divorce?

This is the right question! Let’s give credit to the mom! And why did they divorce? The dad now has a trophy wife and he may be happy.

Op - mom always worked. Until she retired. They divorced when my dad cheated on my mom (not with current step mom).

Dad is worth around $6 million. He is 70 and step mom is 45.

Your numbers don't add up.

How do my numbers not add up? My step mom is 45. I am 41. She is 4 years older than me.

Also I am not the person who has a step brother. That is another poster.

Op here

[Anonymous]

Perhaps your dad wanted what he wanted for you because he knows/knew deep down (perhaps subconsciously) that being able to hold your own and be self-sufficient was ultimately better for YOU as a person. He can know that and put women in a position where they are subservient or not self-sufficient beause it benefits him at the same time.