Surprised by Dad and step mom relationship

[Anonymous]

Your dad did not want his daughters dependent on a man who wants a housekeeper and sex. He is ok with marrying someone like that.

[Anonymous]

Also be ready to be completely written out of the will. Men often do that to their kids when they have a 2nd wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s OP’s real concern here? That stepmom is going to walk off with what should have been your inheritance?

Bingo!

Not OP, but that is concerning. People experience cognitive decline in their old age and exercise very poor judgment. The stepmom likely won't advocate for her step kids. It really isn't fair that she should get what OP's mom and dad worked towards jointly just bc she is there.

OP's mom already got her share. Dad is allowed to enjoy his share

Many of these men dump the first wife right around when they start making the big bucks, so I can understand the kids feeling salty about that.

The kids benefit in child support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad raised two daughters and always pushed us to be high achieving academically and pushed us to go into high earning careers. Sister and I both graduated top of our high school class, went to highly ranked colleges and have successful careers. While I have mommy-tracked I make $150,000 a year/part time and sister makes $1 million a year. We both are married and have kids, etc.

My parents got divorced 20 years ago and my dad has since remarried a woman who is basically a doormat. She does not work, does not contribute to running the house and pretty much is only there to look pretty. She will cook for him and do his laundry. But he has a very busy life with lots of businesses and needs help running his household (like paying bills, organizing and scheduling house maintenance, gardening and keeping the house up, etc) and I feel like she does not contribute at all.

I am just so surprised that my dad decided to marry someone so passive when he has raised two women to be the exact opposite. Even my mom (his ex-wife) is very independent, worked my whole life, etc.

Did your mom work when they were married or only after divorce?

This is the right question! Let’s give credit to the mom! And why did they divorce? The dad now has a trophy wife and he may be happy.

Op - mom always worked. Until she retired. They divorced when my dad cheated on my mom (not with current step mom).

Dad is worth around $6 million. He is 70 and step mom is 45.

Seriously?

I’m her age and I wouldn’t date a senior citizen for that much. That’s not a high enough net worth to overlook age.

Maybe she likes him. But there’s no way she’s going to be helping manage his life. She’s there to look pretty and enjoy life — she’s not there to build wealth, she’s there to spend it.

You’re the one who’s getting all worked up because you don’t understand the basics of how life works.

[Anonymous]

Y'all, for real? Did no one else know that their Mom was the reason for their success?

I'd argue that you also don't know what your husband really thinks either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His new wife is a decoration and a comfort to him, not a person to share a load with.

He wanted better for his biological legacy when he was a young man.

Also successful, dominant, high-earning males sometimes don't like to share equal decisions with the equal partners they picked out. They don't have to share power at work...why should they share at home? That seems to be the logic.

In most of the divorces I've seen, the man trades down in terms of his partner's success. Usually for a younger, hotter woman to whom he is more of a hero or success compared to who they used to date. These guys are often selfish and insecure and don't want talk-back. They want "Whatever you say, Dear" type women.

This. Men want very different things for their daughters vs their wives. Research confirms this.

They want daughters who are confident assertive leaders and wives who are agreeable and supportive.

+1. They know that they treat dependent women like trash, so they want to make sure their daughters are independent and can escape men like them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's the male reasoning -

A man doesn't know, when his daughters are born, what the future has in store for them. So a wise man prepares them to be income-earners, in case, they do not get married or get married to ne'er-do-wells.

When a man first gets married, he benefits from an equal partnership in which his wife also earns income. But if he becomes wealthy and gets married later, or is already wealthy when young, he has no particular incentive to marry someone who can help him financially, and he can afford to expand his search to non-income-earners. His priorities change to looks, disposition, caregiving, or other considerations.

This. Your dad wanted to know his daughters would each be okay even if they didn’t have a provider to depend on. He raised you to be able to take care of yourselves independently. He knows he’s financially stable in the future regardless of whether his spouse contributes to household income, so that wasn’t a requirement for his second wife.

So he trained his daughters to work hard so that he can then spend his money providing for someone else's daughter who is same age as his daughters.

Some men are idiots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How dare he want some enjoyment for himself after a lifetime of hard work.

So the only enjoyment he could fine was a failure to launch 40 year old? He must be charming!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s OP’s real concern here? That stepmom is going to walk off with what should have been your inheritance?

Bingo!

Not OP, but that is concerning. People experience cognitive decline in their old age and exercise very poor judgment. The stepmom likely won't advocate for her step kids. It really isn't fair that she should get what OP's mom and dad worked towards jointly just bc she is there.

Shouldn't OP's mom have gotten her fair share in the divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP could be 40, SM is 44 and maybe DF is 65. Everyone is old 'enough'. And if she cooks, does laundry and he has to pay bills for his companies, he's not rich enough for it to be worth it. She has to sleep with an old dude who is really not that rich. Kind of sad. Best she could do.

Sad for OP and her sister too.

There is no way I am spending money taking care of another adult when I could leave that money to my children. He could have found a woman who had her own coins. But he does not give a crap about his children and would rather give money to another person's child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, there’s nothing to understand. Do you want people wondering why you mommy tracked? If you’re worried he needs financial help, you can hire someone for him or do it yourself. If you don’t like those options (I wouldn’t care for them myself) then you might as well save yourself some mental energy and stop worrying.

She might have mummy tracked but 150k is more than enough for her to take care of herself. And she probably takes care of her and her husband's kids. It's a completely different situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps your dad wanted what he wanted for you because he knows/knew deep down (perhaps subconsciously) that being able to hold your own and be self-sufficient was ultimately better for YOU as a person. He can know that and put women in a position where they are subservient or not self-sufficient beause it benefits him at the same time.

He did not put a middle aged woman in a position where she is subservient. He chose a broke woman who is willing to be subservient to get her bills paid.

That's the best woman he could get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dad raised two daughters and always pushed us to be high achieving academically and pushed us to go into high earning careers. Sister and I both graduated top of our high school class, went to highly ranked colleges and have successful careers. While I have mommy-tracked I make $150,000 a year/part time and sister makes $1 million a year. We both are married and have kids, etc.

My parents got divorced 20 years ago and my dad has since remarried a woman who is basically a doormat. She does not work, does not contribute to running the house and pretty much is only there to look pretty. She will cook for him and do his laundry. But he has a very busy life with lots of businesses and needs help running his household (like paying bills, organizing and scheduling house maintenance, gardening and keeping the house up, etc) and I feel like she does not contribute at all.

I am just so surprised that my dad decided to marry someone so passive when he has raised two women to be the exact opposite. Even my mom (his ex-wife) is very independent, worked my whole life, etc.

This isn’t rocket science. He knows what type of person he is and didn’t want his daughters dependent on someone like him for their livelihood.

[Anonymous]

Reading this thread . . . women are so cynical. Sad you guys had such a shitty life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad raised two daughters and always pushed us to be high achieving academically and pushed us to go into high earning careers. Sister and I both graduated top of our high school class, went to highly ranked colleges and have successful careers. While I have mommy-tracked I make $150,000 a year/part time and sister makes $1 million a year. We both are married and have kids, etc.

My parents got divorced 20 years ago and my dad has since remarried a woman who is basically a doormat. She does not work, does not contribute to running the house and pretty much is only there to look pretty. She will cook for him and do his laundry. But he has a very busy life with lots of businesses and needs help running his household (like paying bills, organizing and scheduling house maintenance, gardening and keeping the house up, etc) and I feel like she does not contribute at all.

I am just so surprised that my dad decided to marry someone so passive when he has raised two women to be the exact opposite. Even my mom (his ex-wife) is very independent, worked my whole life, etc.

Did your mom work when they were married or only after divorce?

This is the right question! Let’s give credit to the mom! And why did they divorce? The dad now has a trophy wife and he may be happy.

Op - mom always worked. Until she retired. They divorced when my dad cheated on my mom (not with current step mom).

Dad is worth around $6 million. He is 70 and step mom is 45.

Ah. Got it. I can see why you’re concerned. You aren’t getting anything, btw.