Surprised by Dad and step mom relationship

[Anonymous]

Dad raised two daughters and always pushed us to be high achieving academically and pushed us to go into high earning careers. Sister and I both graduated top of our high school class, went to highly ranked colleges and have successful careers. While I have mommy-tracked I make $150,000 a year/part time and sister makes $1 million a year. We both are married and have kids, etc.

My parents got divorced 20 years ago and my dad has since remarried a woman who is basically a doormat. She does not work, does not contribute to running the house and pretty much is only there to look pretty. She will cook for him and do his laundry. But he has a very busy life with lots of businesses and needs help running his household (like paying bills, organizing and scheduling house maintenance, gardening and keeping the house up, etc) and I feel like she does not contribute at all.

I am just so surprised that my dad decided to marry someone so passive when he has raised two women to be the exact opposite. Even my mom (his ex-wife) is very independent, worked my whole life, etc.

[Anonymous]

His new wife is a decoration and a comfort to him, not a person to share a load with.

He wanted better for his biological legacy when he was a young man.

Also successful, dominant, high-earning males sometimes don't like to share equal decisions with the equal partners they picked out. They don't have to share power at work...why should they share at home? That seems to be the logic.

In most of the divorces I've seen, the man trades down in terms of his partner's success. Usually for a younger, hotter woman to whom he is more of a hero or success compared to who they used to date. These guys are often selfish and insecure and don't want talk-back. They want "Whatever you say, Dear" type women.

[Anonymous]

Because he did not raise you, your mother did.

You have idolized this man in your mind.

He wanted to control someone your mother was not that person. He wants a personal maid with sexual favors and that is what he has.

[Anonymous]

Most men still prefer the traditional woman who has the interest, time and energy to prioritize creating the home life he looks forward to.

Let your father live the way he wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because he did not raise you, your mother did.

You have idolized this man in your mind.

He wanted to control someone your mother was not that person. He wants a personal maid with sexual favors and that is what he has.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dad raised two daughters and always pushed us to be high achieving academically and pushed us to go into high earning careers. Sister and I both graduated top of our high school class, went to highly ranked colleges and have successful careers. While I have mommy-tracked I make $150,000 a year/part time and sister makes $1 million a year. We both are married and have kids, etc.

My parents got divorced 20 years ago and my dad has since remarried a woman who is basically a doormat. She does not work, does not contribute to running the house and pretty much is only there to look pretty. She will cook for him and do his laundry. But he has a very busy life with lots of businesses and needs help running his household (like paying bills, organizing and scheduling house maintenance, gardening and keeping the house up, etc) and I feel like she does not contribute at all.

I am just so surprised that my dad decided to marry someone so passive when he has raised two women to be the exact opposite. Even my mom (his ex-wife) is very independent, worked my whole life, etc.

You sound obnoxious. She is older and if he's earning that much money, they can hire a housekeeper and gardener. Its probably his house. Why shoudl she work if she's older. She contributes in her own way. You don't like her and just say that. Why will your husband not financially support you so you can stay at home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because he did not raise you, your mother did.

You have idolized this man in your mind.

He wanted to control someone your mother was not that person. He wants a personal maid with sexual favors and that is what he has.

No!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad raised two daughters and always pushed us to be high achieving academically and pushed us to go into high earning careers. Sister and I both graduated top of our high school class, went to highly ranked colleges and have successful careers. While I have mommy-tracked I make $150,000 a year/part time and sister makes $1 million a year. We both are married and have kids, etc.

My parents got divorced 20 years ago and my dad has since remarried a woman who is basically a doormat. She does not work, does not contribute to running the house and pretty much is only there to look pretty. She will cook for him and do his laundry. But he has a very busy life with lots of businesses and needs help running his household (like paying bills, organizing and scheduling house maintenance, gardening and keeping the house up, etc) and I feel like she does not contribute at all.

I am just so surprised that my dad decided to marry someone so passive when he has raised two women to be the exact opposite. Even my mom (his ex-wife) is very independent, worked my whole life, etc.

You sound obnoxious. She is older and if he's earning that much money, they can hire a housekeeper and gardener. Its probably his house. Why shoudl she work if she's older. She contributes in her own way. You don't like her and just say that. Why will your husband not financially support you so you can stay at home?

Op - actually she is 4 years older than me. So that doesn’t work in your narrative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad raised two daughters and always pushed us to be high achieving academically and pushed us to go into high earning careers. Sister and I both graduated top of our high school class, went to highly ranked colleges and have successful careers. While I have mommy-tracked I make $150,000 a year/part time and sister makes $1 million a year. We both are married and have kids, etc.

My parents got divorced 20 years ago and my dad has since remarried a woman who is basically a doormat. She does not work, does not contribute to running the house and pretty much is only there to look pretty. She will cook for him and do his laundry. But he has a very busy life with lots of businesses and needs help running his household (like paying bills, organizing and scheduling house maintenance, gardening and keeping the house up, etc) and I feel like she does not contribute at all.

I am just so surprised that my dad decided to marry someone so passive when he has raised two women to be the exact opposite. Even my mom (his ex-wife) is very independent, worked my whole life, etc.

You sound obnoxious. She is older and if he's earning that much money, they can hire a housekeeper and gardener. Its probably his house. Why shoudl she work if she's older. She contributes in her own way. You don't like her and just say that. Why will your husband not financially support you so you can stay at home?

Op - actually she is 4 years older than me. So that doesn’t work in your narrative.

Gross.
It's not that deep. It's an age gap relationship, and stepmother wants a soft life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad raised two daughters and always pushed us to be high achieving academically and pushed us to go into high earning careers. Sister and I both graduated top of our high school class, went to highly ranked colleges and have successful careers. While I have mommy-tracked I make $150,000 a year/part time and sister makes $1 million a year. We both are married and have kids, etc.

My parents got divorced 20 years ago and my dad has since remarried a woman who is basically a doormat. She does not work, does not contribute to running the house and pretty much is only there to look pretty. She will cook for him and do his laundry. But he has a very busy life with lots of businesses and needs help running his household (like paying bills, organizing and scheduling house maintenance, gardening and keeping the house up, etc) and I feel like she does not contribute at all.

I am just so surprised that my dad decided to marry someone so passive when he has raised two women to be the exact opposite. Even my mom (his ex-wife) is very independent, worked my whole life, etc.

You sound obnoxious. She is older and if he's earning that much money, they can hire a housekeeper and gardener. Its probably his house. Why shoudl she work if she's older. She contributes in her own way. You don't like her and just say that. Why will your husband not financially support you so you can stay at home?

Op - actually she is 4 years older than me. So that doesn’t work in your narrative.

Ew, should have led with that. He wanted a new child bride to entertain him. She wanted a sugar daddy. Your dad is a creep.

[Anonymous]

As a woman who doesn't do much, despite a graduate degree and the recipient of passive income of her own making, I take exception to the fact that I should be considered less than someone who has a career and runs around doing various things. Being "busy" is not a measure of kindness or intelligence or caregiving. Productivity is not the only, or even primary way to assess the worth of a human being. If this woman makes your father happy, surely that should be the only thing you care about?

I know this might be difficult for you to understand if you were raised to believe that sloth is for idiots and parasites. And I know I cannot change your mind. All I'm suggesting is that you don't let it show too much. Given her age, this woman will survive your father. If you're on good terms with her, and try to find something you can respect about her, then it will make all the future transitions - your father's retirement, his decline and eventual passing, various inheritances - easier.

And no, I am not your father's wife. I know a doofus will post "Found the wife!" in a moronically gleeful way.

[Anonymous]

He wanted one kind of person to raise his kids, and he wants a different kind of person to cater to him now. They're different job descriptions.

And he probably couldn't afford this kind of wife when he was younger.

[Anonymous]

I could have written this post myself. Exact same situation with myself and my sister who were pushed to excel academically and be successful. My dad married my step-mom when I was 14 and they had a daughter who has always been spoiled with zero push to do anything. She is now 26 and dropped out of college and has never had a job. She still lives at home and is bankrolled by my father who doesn’t seem to care whether or not she has a job of any kind or is even a functional human being. It’s baffling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His new wife is a decoration and a comfort to him, not a person to share a load with.

He wanted better for his biological legacy when he was a young man.

Also successful, dominant, high-earning males sometimes don't like to share equal decisions with the equal partners they picked out. They don't have to share power at work...why should they share at home? That seems to be the logic.

In most of the divorces I've seen, the man trades down in terms of his partner's success. Usually for a younger, hotter woman to whom he is more of a hero or success compared to who they used to date. These guys are often selfish and insecure and don't want talk-back. They want "Whatever you say, Dear" type women.

This. Men want very different things for their daughters vs their wives. Research confirms this.

They want daughters who are confident assertive leaders and wives who are agreeable and supportive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dad raised two daughters and always pushed us to be high achieving academically and pushed us to go into high earning careers. Sister and I both graduated top of our high school class, went to highly ranked colleges and have successful careers. While I have mommy-tracked I make $150,000 a year/part time and sister makes $1 million a year. We both are married and have kids, etc.

My parents got divorced 20 years ago and my dad has since remarried a woman who is basically a doormat. She does not work, does not contribute to running the house and pretty much is only there to look pretty. She will cook for him and do his laundry. But he has a very busy life with lots of businesses and needs help running his household (like paying bills, organizing and scheduling house maintenance, gardening and keeping the house up, etc) and I feel like she does not contribute at all.

I am just so surprised that my dad decided to marry someone so passive when he has raised two women to be the exact opposite. Even my mom (his ex-wife) is very independent, worked my whole life, etc.

He got his trophy wife and she clearly keeps him happy in the ways he likes. What’s the mystery here?