Low effort teen feeling left out

[Anonymous]

He’s right. Don’t ‘middle kid syndrome’ him. Good for him for advocating for himself. Don’t let him down.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're getting a rare instance of unanimous response in DCUM. Listen up , and do right by your kid.

[Anonymous]

OP is in the wrong here, but maybe it's just that I'm actual middle class and not made of money...I wouldn't take one of my kids to LA just because he demanded it either. That's a huge trip! My kids don't randomly get to ask for anything costing any amount to make it "even."

[Anonymous]

I think a teen requesting extended 1:1 should not be turned down. You won't have him home for much longer! Love your son and cherish your time with him. This isn't a reward to be earned. It's a joy to experience together. You don't have to agree to everything he wants, but can you not see that a trip with your son is something to cherish? Some kids need more time to hit their stride, and life isn't about achievements. It's about loving each other.

I think the boy/girl twin dynamic can be so fraught, because all too often the girl is higher performing at least when young, and he's also a middle child! That alone is reason enough to spend more time with him.

[Anonymous]

It's about time to get started with college visits anyway, why not plan a trip around that if you're being a stickler for having a "reason".

Travel and new experiences help people bond. He is offering you this time to do something special together. Don't reject the gift because you don't like the packaging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is in the wrong here, but maybe it's just that I'm actual middle class and not made of money...I wouldn't take one of my kids to LA just because he demanded it either. That's a huge trip! My kids don't randomly get to ask for anything costing any amount to make it "even."

Agreed. It’s good to spend time with him, but it doesn’t have to be a big expensive trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's about time to get started with college visits anyway, why not plan a trip around that if you're being a stickler for having a "reason".

Travel and new experiences help people bond. He is offering you this time to do something special together. Don't reject the gift because you don't like the packaging.

Exactly. Teens rarely request more time with their parents so take this request seriously. If it’s out of your budget, discuss alternatives with him (maybe within a few hours driving distance).

[Anonymous]

Another vote for taking him on that special trip. It’s great that he’s asking to spend time with you and, once he’s a bit older or off at college, that may not be happening as much.

Why does he want to go to LA? It sounds like he is interested in something there so it’s a good opportunity for you to connect over one of his interests

[Anonymous]

Why does he have to perform to get to spend time with you out of state like the other kids? He’s crying out to feel loved by you. Don’t scree it up and screw him up by not meeting his needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I definitely think it is cruel. Accept him for who he is. Take him on a trip to a place where there is something that interests him.

My son would make the same request. I think cruel to not honor this request.

Maybe he is into music and would like to go to a special concert? What about a special museum?

I think what you are doing is unfair and probably very hurtful to B15. He doesn’t like sports. Find something he does like and honor that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is in the wrong here, but maybe it's just that I'm actual middle class and not made of money...I wouldn't take one of my kids to LA just because he demanded it either. That's a huge trip! My kids don't randomly get to ask for anything costing any amount to make it "even."

Agreed. It’s good to spend time with him, but it doesn’t have to be a big expensive trip.

Especially if the others didn't actually get to pick their destinations either, they went where the teams went! I agree that time together sounds really important, but this may be one of those situations where equality isn't actually possible, and the parents can set some guardrails on what is realistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's about time to get started with college visits anyway, why not plan a trip around that if you're being a stickler for having a "reason".

Travel and new experiences help people bond. He is offering you this time to do something special together. Don't reject the gift because you don't like the packaging.

Not a great idea looking at colleges with this op who calls her son “low effort and lazy”. It has to be relaxed and fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I definitely think it is cruel. Accept him for who he is. Take him on a trip to a place where there is something that interests him.

Yes. DH takes him camping. I take him with me to visit family. He is specifically requesting a trip solo to LA just for fun. Sans siblings. His reasoning is “sister and brother got to go to Chicago & Miami but that was for sports. If we go to LA or another big trip we’d go as a family.

Why didn't you take him along?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is in the wrong here, but maybe it's just that I'm actual middle class and not made of money...I wouldn't take one of my kids to LA just because he demanded it either. That's a huge trip! My kids don't randomly get to ask for anything costing any amount to make it "even."

I get what you’re saying but in this case it’s obvious the parents have spent a lot of money in search of their other children’s “perfected ambitions”. Telling this kid they have no money for his interests is just another reason he won’t be associating with them as an adult (and believe me, I think too many people in this world no-contact their parents - but this black sheep so-called no effort child who is apparently doing nothing to raise his parents’ social cred, has my blessing in telling them
To go to hell as he gets older)

[Anonymous]

Learn to love your lazy kid. You don't.