Caught wife of 18 years cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want to save the marriage?

I don't know. It hurts. I would never be able to forgive her.

Maybe if you know the reasons forgiveness is possible, if you want it.

I cheated on my husband, for over 10 years with another married man, BUT at no time did I actually ever want to leave my husband. This was from about year 15 to 25 in our marriage. My lover gave me attentions my husband never has so I enjoyed that. And I also loved my husband throughout, but differently. I won't give all my reasons here, but if my husband had confronted me I would have stopped things immediately as breaking up my family is something I never would have wanted to do. It would have killed my one child who always broke into tears when the husband and I did fight. She's in her 30s and would still be devasted if we split. We've been married long enough now, we rarely fight any more.
Years out now, I miss my lover and we still sometimes message each other on Facebook, but I'm in my 60s and he's 70 and life is just different now. I joke that even if my husband died tomorrow, i never want to date again...cuz old men are creepy (so are old women...egad that's me!).

Pretty sure this is was a narcissist looks like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want to save the marriage?

I don't know. It hurts. I would never be able to forgive her.

Maybe if you know the reasons forgiveness is possible, if you want it.

I cheated on my husband, for over 10 years with another married man, BUT at no time did I actually ever want to leave my husband. This was from about year 15 to 25 in our marriage. My lover gave me attentions my husband never has so I enjoyed that. And I also loved my husband throughout, but differently. I won't give all my reasons here, but if my husband had confronted me I would have stopped things immediately as breaking up my family is something I never would have wanted to do. It would have killed my one child who always broke into tears when the husband and I did fight. She's in her 30s and would still be devasted if we split. We've been married long enough now, we rarely fight any more.
Years out now, I miss my lover and we still sometimes message each other on Facebook, but I'm in my 60s and he's 70 and life is just different now. I joke that even if my husband died tomorrow, i never want to date again...cuz old men are creepy (so are old women...egad that's me!).

This is really not what OP needs to hear at the moment. Seriously read the room.

Agad, right?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want to save the marriage?

I don't know. It hurts. I would never be able to forgive her.

Maybe if you know the reasons forgiveness is possible, if you want it.

I cheated on my husband, for over 10 years with another married man, BUT at no time did I actually ever want to leave my husband. This was from about year 15 to 25 in our marriage. My lover gave me attentions my husband never has so I enjoyed that. And I also loved my husband throughout, but differently. I won't give all my reasons here, but if my husband had confronted me I would have stopped things immediately as breaking up my family is something I never would have wanted to do. It would have killed my one child who always broke into tears when the husband and I did fight. She's in her 30s and would still be devasted if we split. We've been married long enough now, we rarely fight any more.
Years out now, I miss my lover and we still sometimes message each other on Facebook, but I'm in my 60s and he's 70 and life is just different now. I joke that even if my husband died tomorrow, i never want to date again...cuz old men are creepy (so are old women...egad that's me!).

This is really not what OP needs to hear at the moment. Seriously read the room.

+ 1 but pp is a delusional narcissist so of course she doesn't see anything wrong with her response the same way she justified her affair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want to save the marriage?

I don't know. It hurts. I would never be able to forgive her.

Maybe if you know the reasons forgiveness is possible, if you want it.

I cheated on my husband, for over 10 years with another married man, BUT at no time did I actually ever want to leave my husband. This was from about year 15 to 25 in our marriage. My lover gave me attentions my husband never has so I enjoyed that. And I also loved my husband throughout, but differently. I won't give all my reasons here, but if my husband had confronted me I would have stopped things immediately as breaking up my family is something I never would have wanted to do. It would have killed my one child who always broke into tears when the husband and I did fight. She's in her 30s and would still be devasted if we split. We've been married long enough now, we rarely fight any more.
Years out now, I miss my lover and we still sometimes message each other on Facebook, but I'm in my 60s and he's 70 and life is just different now. I joke that even if my husband died tomorrow, i never want to date again...cuz old men are creepy (so are old women...egad that's me!).

This is really not what OP needs to hear at the moment. Seriously read the room.

yeah, it's a bunch of men giving their opinion...I'm trying to give an opinion of what a wife may be thinking

No you're spreading your narcissistic delusions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would try to save the marriage. People make mistakes. You owe it to your children to see if it can salvaged.

NP.

Cheating on your marriage is not a "mistake." It's a deliberate move to hurt someone you no longer care about or value. And no, spare me some BS on how people can cheat and still "love" their spouse. Loving someone doesn' involve intentionally hurting them because of your selfish wants.

[Anonymous]

The 60/70 year old cheater makes a good point- think of your wife as someone who doesn’t have the ability to be a fully invested wife. She has put you in a box and doesn’t believe your relationship can fulfill her and doesn’t respect you enough to tell you what she desires. The person she is with you is not her, but a part of her, so go find a woman who will love you instead of use you for the perception of being a reputable wife and mother. Gather information and get a good lawyer, but be a loving father and loyal man, that is what your daughters will remember.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When the call transfered to the car it probably interrupted what she could hear, I think. Not that she knows you know, but she may be worried.

I agree. I’ve had this happen to me with my son. (Although all I heard was music stopping) but you definitely hear it clicking over

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would try to save the marriage. People make mistakes. You owe it to your children to see if it can salvaged.

NP.

Cheating on your marriage is not a "mistake." It's a deliberate move to hurt someone you no longer care about or value. And no, spare me some BS on how people can cheat and still "love" their spouse. Loving someone doesn' involve intentionally hurting them because of your selfish wants.

I love how black and white everyone likes to make out this is. But life is long and difficult and complicated. People get into situations that they don’t intend to. They make bad decisions. They lose their way. They hurt people without meaning to.

A lot of marriages recover from infidelity. Sometimes, perhaps rarely, they even end up stronger.

Calling names and seizing the moral high ground feels good, but OP needs to find the best way forward as a mature adult with responsibilities. Most notably, the kids.

[Anonymous]

This is a troll post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would try to save the marriage. People make mistakes. You owe it to your children to see if it can salvaged.

NP.

Cheating on your marriage is not a "mistake." It's a deliberate move to hurt someone you no longer care about or value. And no, spare me some BS on how people can cheat and still "love" their spouse. Loving someone doesn' involve intentionally hurting them because of your selfish wants.

I love how black and white everyone likes to make out this is. But life is long and difficult and complicated. People get into situations that they don’t intend to. They make bad decisions. They lose their way. They hurt people without meaning to.

A lot of marriages recover from infidelity. Sometimes, perhaps rarely, they even end up stronger.

Calling names and seizing the moral high ground feels good, but OP needs to find the best way forward as a mature adult with responsibilities. Most notably, the kids.

No name-calling just stating facts you are delusional and narcissistic as your continued posting proves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a troll post.

It does seem that way especially with the deep insight post from the cheating wife I half expecting op to come back and thank her for her input sock puppets and such

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just recently caught my wife of 18 years cheating. She does not know that I know.

The way I found out was by unintentionally overhearing her phone conversation with him. I was driving her car, and once I arrived home and pulled into the garage, her phone, which is synced to her car via Bluetooth, transferred the call to the car's audio system. That's how I heard him speaking. It was clear they are lovers. I turned off the car in under a minute. I doubt she was aware of what had occurred.

When I entered the house, she had already hung up. I asked her what she was up to, and she replied that she was chatting with her mom. What a lie.

This really sucks. We have three teenage daughters in HS. They mean the absolute world to me. That is what is going to hurt the most. I don't want to put them through this and I don't want to lose them. They will be crushed. I literally do everything for them, so I think they would want to live with me if given a choice.

I have reached out to a local divorce lawyer for a consultation.
I want to confront her so bad, but I have not yet. She keeps asking if I'm ok, and saying that I seem off. Should I hold off until I speak to my lawyer?

I am still processing all of this. Seems like a bad dream.

Sorry OP. Don't expect society to have much sympathy for you. We reserve sympathy for women because by default they do everything right in the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want to save the marriage?

I don't know. It hurts. I would never be able to forgive her.

Ladies listen up. Many of you choose to forgive, forget or stay for the kids..Men don't. And if he chooses to stay, you will be miserable.

[Anonymous]

Leave her as soon as it is feasible and you have proper counsel on your rights. Even if she stops this affair, commits to you, she will cheat again and undoubtedly drop you in another ten years, without regret. Put yourself first, you only have one life and there is a tremendous possibility you will find a much more rewarding relationship. Your kids will hate her, just the truth, ask me how I know. And yes, my mother cheated again and left my father when he was 71. He is alone and the children hate my mother. She lives alone too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would try to save the marriage. People make mistakes. You owe it to your children to see if it can salvaged.

NP.

Cheating on your marriage is not a "mistake." It's a deliberate move to hurt someone you no longer care about or value. And no, spare me some BS on how people can cheat and still "love" their spouse. Loving someone doesn' involve intentionally hurting them because of your selfish wants.

I love how black and white everyone likes to make out this is. But life is long and difficult and complicated. People get into situations that they don’t intend to. They make bad decisions. They lose their way. They hurt people without meaning to.

A lot of marriages recover from infidelity. Sometimes, perhaps rarely, they even end up stronger.

Calling names and seizing the moral high ground feels good, but OP needs to find the best way forward as a mature adult with responsibilities. Most notably, the kids.

It is black and white, but you are right that many people can forgive and move past betrayal. Cheating is always wrong, but evil actions are not always the end of the story. The final outcome does not retroactively make evil good or the immoral moral, their history will always be tainted, but they can overcome it with a lot of hard work and determination.