How to deal with DC not going to a selective university socially

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just say he got accepted to some expensive school but is going to community college to save money

Then they will be sneering at you for being poor.

[Anonymous]

First of all, drop your language
Out of 4,000 universities very few are open enrollment. You are exaggerating. You are exaggerating and criticizing them for exaggerating.

[Anonymous]

No one can make you feel like dirt unless you let them.

[Anonymous]

This can’t be a real post. If it is, OP is not equipped for life.

[Anonymous]

If my SN child goes anywhere for college I will be so thrilled that I can't imagine feeling bad if someone is rude about it.

The joy I will feel will eclipse everything. My excitement will be genuine and my child will know that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This can’t be a real post. If it is, OP is not equipped for life.

Fully agree. I am incredibly proud of my kids for a lot of reasons. I never thought the college they go to should be on the list.

[Anonymous]

OP if you’re not a troll, I understand your position. It’s posted here daily on DCUM- people are mean and snobby about colleges and chances are you’ve encountered one of them in your circle. It feels crappy to have someone (an adult no less) be rude or snide about your child’s accomplishment even if it’s someone in your workout circle at the gym. Some people are miserable humans and want to take it out on others around them.

You also need to be proud of your child and stop feeling ashamed or less than because of *their* college admission. This is your parenting downfall. Jerks are just shining a light on it.

Be proud. Wear the swag. Support your child.

[Anonymous]

Redirect the conversation to a different topic if it comes up. Ask them about their travels, workout, home extended family, whatever, if you have to talk to them. This college admissions thing is temporary and limited to a tiny mostly affluent subset of the population that cares about the minuscule differences amongst the top schools . There’s a life outside of and beyond college admissions.

[Anonymous]

My older son is REA Yale. My younger daughter had ADHD, she’s a fun, free spirit, has her academic struggles and I have no idea where life will take her. I don’t see her at Yale.

Anyone putting my older one on a pedestal and my younger one down can kiss my *ss. You cannot let others dictate, OP.

[Anonymous]

OP needs to grow up.

[Anonymous]

OP, find better people to be around. If people are really acting this way, then they are insecure and projecting onto you.

Just walk away. There are plenty of us who would be happy to share in your child’s success with you. Find us. You’ll be much happier.

[Anonymous]

OP, I totally get it. If you are a troll, you are doing a good job of imitating the vibe in this area.

My husband and I both went to an Ivy and our oldest got into top schools. Are second is a decent student but "DCUMbelow average." (I have actually posted about our family's admissions journey because the funny thing is that the second one has been much more fun and much less stressful since he pretty much only applied to safeties and targets. He has gotten a couple deferrals and all the rest acceptances.)

In any case, I am aware of people's expectations when they ask questions. For me, the key was changing my own limited perspective. I am not accusing you, but I was definitely guilty of considering only a select few schools. (Not openly or to other people, that's just incredibly rude/priveleged/dumbout-of-touch, but for my family.) Then, watching my kids become their own people has changed my perspective. When I helped my second kid research colleges, I found schools I had never heard of that really matched his goals and preferences. I am not pretending he would get into an Ivy if he wanted - he absolutely wouldn't. But even if he were admitted by mistake, it would be that: a mistake. He would be totally miserable. Researching schools with him, I fell in love with a couple schools that I think will help him achieve his goals. He fell in love with a couple other schools. He was accepted at both of our top choices and now will visit again and choose.

Going back to your question, I am so genuinely happy for my kid that I think neighbors and friends respond to that and have been so supportive and celebratory. And of course, people come out of the woodwork to say their nephew goes to the same place and loves it, etc.

So, I think the big change is from within. Also, it helps that if someone were to respond in a snooty way, I'd just think, "they don't know what's best for my kid, so who cares."

[Anonymous]

My dc will go to a very non name school this Fall. He’s excited/we’re excited for him and my friend group of other parents are supportive and happy for him.

Everyone I interact with is of the mindset that there’s a good college match for every kid. If they have judgey opinions, they keep them to themselves.

I’m literally about to go into the gym now and there is zero chance an acquaintance will chat with me, and blatantly or subtly snicker at my kid’s college choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This can’t be a real post. If it is, OP is not equipped for life.

I’m struggling with this too. I’m sure there are people out there like OP is describing, but it’s hard for me to imagine caring what those vapid, shallow people think.

[Anonymous]

Frankly it's much harder socially in the DMV when your kid gets into a top school.

I had the rudest things said to me by fellow parents: "oh, what was her hook?" "oh, must be nice" all the way down to people implying that she cheated.