How to deal with DC not going to a selective university socially

[Anonymous]

My neighbor asked me why my child chose CNU when she had been “accepted to more prestigious colleges.” Just said the truth- that she thought it as the best fit for her and then I walked away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not hard. If you say that your kid liked the less competitive school and college town, and wanted to get away from the uber-competitive atmosphere of X, that will satisfy the snobs fairly quickly. It’s a polite way of saying “they didn’t want to spend four years around people like you.”

This is actually why my kid choose her lowest ranked school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares. Since they aren’t your good friends just tell them to fuk off.

Or just say something like “yeah, we were happy to let DC go wherever he/she wanted after the massive windfall inheritance we received.” Then they’ll think you’ll super rich, there will be an element of mystery since you won’t elaborate and you state it so matter of factly, and they’ll be so focused on that they’ll forget all about colleges.

Omg, lol. I love this!

Gimme a break. This is so passive aggressive and cowardly, and actually feed into the notion that the school is inferior.

OP, if someone treats you like crap, call them out on it.

"Susan, do you really think that's a nice or appropriate thing to say? What gives you the idea that it's OK to ridicule the college another kid is going to? Does it make you feel good about yourself? To me, it just says that you have no manners or decency. Wherever my kid goes to college, I hope I have raised him to act better than you are. And I hope your kids have a better example to learn from than you."

It was actually pretty funny. Your response, on the other hand, sounds unhinged and defensive as hell. The other parents will probably walk away from it thinking OP is embarrassed of her kid since her reaction is so disproportionate.

DP. That response doesn’t sound defensive or disproportionate. I see nothing wrong with alerting the person to their rude, insensitive behavior.

That’s simply sticking up for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Serious question: why do you care what some rando at the gym thinks?

+1

Normally if something affects us so much, it’s an “us” problem. Some reflection might bring some peace.

They sound like jerks.

[Anonymous]

I agree that there can be weird social pressure around this from other high school parents. But mainly, it's just other people being curious, or nosy, or just trying to make polite small talk.

The key is to give some reason WHY the kid chose that school, other than "it was the only one they could get into:
"DC wanted a small/big/urban/etc. school"
"X school has a program that is a really good fit for DC"
"DC just loved it when we visited and is so excited to be a (insert mascot)"

[Anonymous]

1. Tell anyone who asks that DC is still undecided.
2. If anyone asks after end of school, deliberately answer a different question (e.g., "s/he is so excited to be majoring in US History") than what as asked, and then move away from the questioner

[Anonymous]

If you are going to let pretentious a-holes bother you, you shouldn't be living in the DMV. It's like living at the North Pole and being sensitive to cold weather.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Tell anyone who asks that DC is still undecided.
2. If anyone asks after end of school, deliberately answer a different question (e.g., "s/he is so excited to be majoring in US History") than what as asked, and then move away from the questioner

Disagree. A friend always qualified her son’s college (“going to X college. Because he has some learning issues” or “he goes to x college because he needed the environment”) and I think it reeks of her embarrassment l, which is totally unnecessary. It doesn’t look good on her to be embarrassed. She could just say the name with a smile and most people wouldn’t think twice about it.

[Anonymous]

How I would deal is to have pity on anyone whose life is so vapid they have to live vicariously through their child’s college application process to gain some sort of feeling of superiority. Like if you stop and think how truly lame that is you’ll stop caring what they think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Tell anyone who asks that DC is still undecided.
2. If anyone asks after end of school, deliberately answer a different question (e.g., "s/he is so excited to be majoring in US History") than what as asked, and then move away from the questioner

Disagree. A friend always qualified her son’s college (“going to X college. Because he has some learning issues” or “he goes to x college because he needed the environment”) and I think it reeks of her embarrassment l, which is totally unnecessary. It doesn’t look good on her to be embarrassed. She could just say the name with a smile and most people wouldn’t think twice about it.

This is good advice and I needed to hear it. I have two kids, both took PSAT in elementary school a few times for being gifted. One at an Ivy and the other going off of a mid-level after a challenging 4 years in high school with mental and physical health issues. I know once it’s announced people that aren’t as in the know of challenges will probably be surprised. I just need to say it with a smile like you said. I’m
not embarrassed, but I do feel like people are judgey. Not my real friends of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The moms I know are smug and deriding and make me feel like dirt because my DC is going to a school with a 60+ % acceptance rate. Does anyone have experience with how to handle this?

Are you sure that these moms are "making you feel like dirt" or is this your own insecurity creeping in? I don't mean to be smug and deriding with this comment, but I think it's very natural to compare ourselves and our kids with others. I'm really trying to focus on my DC and his/her life journey and not obsess about the rat race. I acknowledge that this is easy to say and harder to put into practice. One last thing I'll add is that the majority of people posting on DCUM really ARE smug and deriding and will actually post comments that belittle anyone with a DC who is going to a school with a 60+ % acceptance rate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The moms I know are smug and deriding and make me feel like dirt because my DC is going to a school with a 60+ % acceptance rate. Does anyone have experience with how to handle this?

Are you sure that these moms are "making you feel like dirt" or is this your own insecurity creeping in? I don't mean to be smug and deriding with this comment, but I think it's very natural to compare ourselves and our kids with others. I'm really trying to focus on my DC and his/her life journey and not obsess about the rat race. I acknowledge that this is easy to say and harder to put into practice. One last thing I'll add is that the majority of people posting on DCUM really ARE smug and deriding and will actually post comments that belittle anyone with a DC who is going to a school with a 60+ % acceptance rate.

+1. I think this is about OP’s insecurity.
If you are proud of your kid, then what some ignorant rando says will be more likely to roll off your back.