How to deal with DC not going to a selective university socially

[Anonymous]

Own it. Smart, accomplished kids go everywhere. And successful people come from everywhere. All you are feeling ends once they go to school. My DC goes to a school much derided here, by choice. His experience has been by all accounts amazing and much better than some friends at higher rated schools, and he has a prestigious job offer. Just wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Serious question: why do you care what some rando at the gym thinks?

I see the same people often. Cliques form sometimes and I feel totally condescended to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Own it. Smart, accomplished kids go everywhere. And successful people come from everywhere. All you are feeling ends once they go to school. My DC goes to a school much derided here, by choice. His experience has been by all accounts amazing and much better than some friends at higher rated schools, and he has a prestigious job offer. Just wait.

Thanks

[Anonymous]

1. Grow a thicker skin. Rude people aren't worth your time and attention

2. Come up with a stock response, eg he's really happy with it, excited for next year. Smile and be proud of your kid.

Many people are either totally clueless about the current state of college admissions, just uniformed about a lot of schools, and/or snobs.

FWIW, one of my kids is at a LAC with a 75% admit rate and the other's at VT in a major with an 80% admit rate. It's fascinating that nobody questions the VT, they don't know that it was easier to get into than the LAC.
When people asked where DD was going, a school most hasn't heard of, I just assumed they would be happy for her and curious about the school (since that's how I feel when I hear a kid has picked a school I haven't heard of). So, I was happy to extol the amazing program they have for her major and how she was so happy with her visits. I didn't think anyone was ever intentionally rude about it but maybe I was just clueless, or really didn't care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it interesting when parents of young kids get judgy about a less selective school. They have clear expectations that their kids will be Harvard bound.

Yes!!! This is part of it! Young moms are often so judgy...wait until you realize your kid has to cure iicancer to get into some of these places

And now it's going to be even harder for them with all of the cancer research funding cut

[Anonymous]

It won’t matter at all next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The moms I know are smug and deriding and make me feel like dirt because my DC is going to a school with a 60+ % acceptance rate. Does anyone have experience with how to handle this?

What do you mean by smug and deriding? Are they saying, "Oh, I'm sorry."? We weren't there so maybe you're describing it accurately, but it's also possible you're misinterpreting their reactions because it's what you expect.

[Anonymous]

I have a hard time believing you. All the people I know would just congratulate and be happy for the kid. Are you seriously not just projecting your own disappointment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Serious question: why do you care what some rando at the gym thinks?

I see the same people often. Cliques form sometimes and I feel totally condescended to.

This seems to be a YOU problem. If you try to have more confidence in yourself, you will feel better and interpret the cues and messages from others completely differently.

[Anonymous]

Just say he got accepted to some expensive school but is going to community college to save money

[Anonymous]

I'm also wondering what specifically they are saying to make you feel bad. Are the being rude or are you feeling insecure?

[Anonymous]

Maybe they're sensing your disappointment. Because it's coming through loud and clear in your post!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Find new friends.

Those women are not friends (or your picker is way way off).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be loud and proud. Wear your kids college sweatshirt everywhere. Identify and Talk up all the positives to yourself, your child. Find your own happiness, focus on your kids pathway for success, and dont worry about judgement from your narrow minded neighbors. Congrats to you and your kid!

I love this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Drop them. Also, nothing wrong with saying "Oh, people around here are so competitive, so we've decided not to talk about where our kids are going in order to not make people feel badly." Keep them guessing.

Too late for this. I don't really have the gall to speak out like this so went with the flow and told many people our plans. I wish I hadn't now...

I feel bad that you are ashamed of your child’s accomplishment. How can he feel good about himself or where he is heading?

You need therapy or something. Your self esteem and pride in your child should not be dictated by the people around you. You are not in middle school.