Does hiring childcare make me a bad parent?

[Anonymous]

OP, I became super involved as a parent once my kids were about 4. I did fine when they were babies, but I worked and needed a night nurse and a day nanny, and the infant to toddler stage was hard for me. I can't say I enjoyed it. I am loving the older years with my kids, though. I have built enough seniority in my career to work on my schedule from where I want. I am there for all their activities. We travel. We read together. We work out together. I genuinely enjoy spending as much time with them as possible, and I couldn't say that when they were tiny. I've always loved them the same, but those years were hard for me as a parent.

[Anonymous]

So you have 2 parents and 2 care givers? Good lord, why did you bother having a second kid? Doesnt seem like you are cut out for parenting multiple kids.

[Anonymous]

You said you are nearing the end of your second pregnancy but you have a 6 week old? Huh?

[Anonymous]

Maybe it’s good you have some help, your posts are very confusing. Regardless I wouldn’t feel bad about it at all. You have some time to get pelvic floor therapy, rest, and really recover.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't talk about childcare at the workplace. There are too many different people with different arrangements--guys with SAHM wives, dual income households with working women who married rich men so they have live in nannies, people who do regular daycare, etc. Someone is always going to get their feathers ruffled.

This. People have very different resources. Unless someone is asking specifically for recommendations or advice (like recs for a daycare near the office, or finding out what nanny service people have used) then share what you know. But sitting around comparing situations is going to bug some people.

I get privately annoyed whenever someone goes on and on about how their mom or MIL takes care of their baby because that's not an option for me. I don't judge them, I just don't want to hear about it. It's like bragging about being tall -- good for you but there is nothing I can do about not being tall so I kindly request you shut the **** up about it.

Yep, agree. It’s all a very sensitive, personal thing for many people and not something you talk about at work. Even if everyone is socioeconomically similar, there’s massive variations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m nearing the end of my second pregnancy and can’t keep up physical or mentally most days with my toddler. We started our toddlers nanny while on maternity leave, and I’m planning on doing the same thing with my second. I’m also looking into hiring a night nurse. My co-worker made a very judgy comment about my plans to hire so much help. This isn’t the first time I’ve had judgement comments about this. Am I a bad parent if I prefer to hire childcare?

No, you aren't a bad parent or a good parent. You are just a parent trying to make it work. Some parents are more nurturing, others aren't. Some have resources to outsource it, others don't and some don't want to outsource it. I'm sure most childcare providers want to outsource their jobs but they can't and have to take care of random people's children. That's just life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me the entire point of parenting is to enjoy time with my kids. I was able to do that while being the primary caregiver, with no other childcare apart from my husband. But if you enjoy time with your kids only if you outsource, then that's fine. The goal is met.

OP here. I spend plenty of time with my kids and enjoy it. I also need a break and caring for a 6 week old and a 22 month old is a lot of work.

I will still spend the day with my newborn but it will be helping having a night nurse when I go back to work at 14 weeks. My toddler gets ample time with both my husband and I when he isn’t in with the nanny.

Oh you didn't need to justify yourself. I support you.

[Anonymous]

It would've made sense if you were concerned about your children judging you in future, why would you be concerned about judgment of random colleagues?

[Anonymous]

Well, real question is how much time their dad is spending with them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You said you are nearing the end of your second pregnancy but you have a 6 week old? Huh?

Glad someone else caught this. And talking at work while on maternity leave? This timeline is wonky as heck.

[Anonymous]

No!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It makes you an uninvolved parent. It’s a big into why even have kids.

Maybe try again with…grammar?

[Anonymous]

If you need help you need help.

But you should consider your limitations before having more children. I really don't understand people who have kids not to spend time with them or constantly ship them off to care givers. Yes, I work a demanding job but most time when I'm not working I spend with my kids. You really only have a few years with them in the grand scheme, older kids are interested in friends.

[Anonymous]

Some rely on family help. Some rely on paid help.

IMO, not that different.

You're fine.

[Anonymous]

I live in NYC. Nannies are very common here.
I sense they are less frequently used in the DMV….and the rest of the country.

Night nurse or night nanny is new to me. I have heard it over the past 7 years. In the olden days, we had baby nurses 7x24 while the new mom was recovering. Then the new mom would be on her own, til hiring help to return to work.

Some of us spent the majority of our take home pay on Nannies, figuring it was really part of both parents’ paychecks and an investment in maintaining our long term careers.