Does hiring childcare make me a bad parent?
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Anonymous
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I’m nearing the end of my second pregnancy and can’t keep up physical or mentally most days with my toddler. We started our toddlers nanny while on maternity leave, and I’m planning on doing the same thing with my second. I’m also looking into hiring a night nurse. My co-worker made a very judgy comment about my plans to hire so much help. This isn’t the first time I’ve had judgement comments about this. Am I a bad parent if I prefer to hire childcare?
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Anonymous
| Your coworker is an ass. |
Anonymous
| Ignore everyone and do what you need to do. Your baby won't remember if they had a night nurse. Just make sure you hire someone with good references. |
Anonymous
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For me the entire point of parenting is to enjoy time with my kids. I was able to do that while being the primary caregiver, with no other childcare apart from my husband. But if you enjoy time with your kids only if you outsource, then that's fine. The goal is met.
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Anonymous
OP here. I spend plenty of time with my kids and enjoy it. I also need a break and caring for a 6 week old and a 22 month old is a lot of work. I will still spend the day with my newborn but it will be helping having a night nurse when I go back to work at 14 weeks. My toddler gets ample time with both my husband and I when he isn’t in with the nanny. |
Anonymous
| I think you are the opposite...you're a good parent if you recognize when you are stretched too thin mentally (or if you just can't do something related to parenting well) and if you have the resources, whether it's outsourcing or family help or whatever, you use them. Don't be a martyr or a slave to your ego. |
Anonymous
| No, I think it’s great that you know your limitations. Trying to do what you can’t will make you an angry unhappy parent. Better to get help. |
Anonymous
| It makes you an uninvolved parent. It’s a big into why even have kids. |
Anonymous
| The ideal situation is to be married to a rich dude and be a stay at home mom, but that's not the case for most people |
Anonymous
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Do your best not to talk about your childcare options or choices with anyone outside of specially cleared family and “mom friends.”
Seriously, some people outside that circle will be terrible and some will just be bored/disinterested. |
Anonymous
I have that (though actually I’m rich too) but I still have some childcare because not having any is horrible and I would rather work if that was the only way to get a regular break from small kids. Instead I just hire childcare and keep the details to myself. |
Anonymous
| This is a class signal and your coworker is jealous. Ignore and never share personal information again. They showed their cards being negative to a pregnant woman. |
Anonymous
+1 Most rich people have some additional help with the kids, whether it's professional care or help from grandparents/family. |
Anonymous
Why are you assuming your 14 week old won’t be sleeping through the night? I don’t understand having a night nurse at 14 weeks. With a little bit of effort most babies can be good night sleepers by then. If you’re outsourcing everything just spend your money on a sleep coach. |
Anonymous
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Your coworker is envious of all the help you have during a time where she had (or would have) very little help. She's being rude if her judgment is overt or coming out of nowhere.
But if her judgment is more like "wow, that's a lot of help" in a tone of voice that isn't 100% supportive, she's actually not even being rude. That's a sign you need to shut up about all your paid help at work. No one needs to know ALL your business. |