Does hiring childcare make me a bad parent?

[Anonymous]

If your husband is not very helpful, then it is very important to have support if you can afford it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your coworker is envious of all the help you have during a time where she had (or would have) very little help. She's being rude if her judgment is overt or coming out of nowhere.

But if her judgment is more like "wow, that's a lot of help" in a tone of voice that isn't 100% supportive, she's actually not even being rude. That's a sign you need to shut up about all your paid help at work. No one needs to know ALL your business.

This. I’m a fed. I took the 10 weeks of leave I’d accrued after each kid was born and went back to work. We had daycare, but no babysitters, no breaks except the ones we gave each other. It was HARD. I don’t judge or resent anyone who has other options, but I am jealous.

I had a coworker who quit to stay at home while her first child was an infant because it was so hard to be a working parent. We were friendly and when we were talking about it one day she was rattling off the things that were difficult and suggesting they were unique challenges (they were not, and I say that as someone who worked through serious PPD/A and I understand not everyone knows what people are going through).

She said something about not knowing how other people do it, as if we could all just quit working and stay home. I said very directly that most of us do it because we have to and we don’t have other options. I’m sure she took it as being judgmental. I wasn’t judging her decision, but the total lack of perspective.

I also remember being in the grocery store with my then 6 week old and the woman stocking shelves had a baby the same age and was on her second day back to work. I started being real careful about who I complained to about going back after 10 weeks after that.

It sounds like a rhetorical question that you took literally. I ask that question, a lot. Most of us make tradeoffs, and those tradeoffs are different depending on each families' circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Why are people still responding to this troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do your best not to talk about your childcare options or choices with anyone outside of specially cleared family and “mom friends.”

Seriously, some people outside that circle will be terrible and some will just be bored/disinterested.

Seriously, this. OP left herself wide open for peanut gallery comments when she started sharing personal family details with a rando coworker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m nearing the end of my second pregnancy and can’t keep up physical or mentally most days with my toddler. We started our toddlers nanny while on maternity leave, and I’m planning on doing the same thing with my second. I’m also looking into hiring a night nurse. My co-worker made a very judgy comment about my plans to hire so much help. This isn’t the first time I’ve had judgement comments about this. Am I a bad parent if I prefer to hire childcare?

What a stupid question! Adults do what they think is best for their family and do not need to ask colleagues or an anonymous chat room.

[Anonymous]

Everyone has a night nurse. They just don’t openly discuss. My kids are 22 months apart as well. I hired a night nurse for five months with my second. It made my days with him absolutely blissful. Would highly recommend.