Do you say anything if visiting family are dressed inappropriately?

[Anonymous]

Wow, OP.

She's a teenage girl wearing a mini skirt around her FAMILY. You know, the people who should be caring and supportive of her, and not staring at her to see if they and Grandma can see her underwear. Gross, what is wrong with you?

What do you do? You keep your shut and be warm, welcoming, and supportive of this girl.

At the very least, give her a safe place to try out her teenaged fashion missteps.

[Anonymous]

Repeat this slowly to yourself until it sinks in: “Do not make comments about other people’s appearances.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We hosted family and friends over the weekend for an annual party at our vacation home. Not a snooty affair, everyone comes dressed in cozy business casual attire. My niece was not the only 17 to 20 year old, however, she was the only one wearing essentially a mini skirt, so short that my elderly mother saw her underwear when she reached down to grab something. You could feel guests looking at her and side-eying. We didn't say anything but I sort of regret not saying anything to her parents. That said, our children are younger, so I acknowledge I don't know how difficult it is to veto clothing choices on technically adult kids when you attend an event together.

If she had been wearing a thong and flashing her a$$ or falling out of her top I might have said something to my sibling, depending on composition of the other guests. Otherwise I’d be cool.

[Anonymous]

Say nothing. It’s HER parent’s job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 44 and I wear mini skirts, OP. I know not to bend down with very short skirts, and I choose pencil minis so that when I walk up and down stairs, people can't see my underwear. In winter I wear fun tights with my skirts.

But a teen has to learn all this. It's NOT your place to remind her in front of guests. She will learn it, don't worry. And accidents happen sometimes - they're not anyone's fault. When someone has a wardrobe malfunction, your job is to pretend it never happened.

And unless you're incredibly conservative, I can't imagine people side-eyeing a woman wearing a mini skirt. Heck, *I* come from a somewhat conservative culture (East Asian), and I get complimented on my outfits by my MIL.

WTH is this?

I assume it’s something like a tight denim miniskirt.

[Anonymous]

I never say a word.

But I was VERY amused to see an Instagram video with a young woman showing how to tie a wool scarf around your head to be warm when the skin of her stomach was visible. I mean, maybe you'd be warm already if your skin wasn't showing in a snowy December?

I know enough not to comment on such posts though.

lol

[Anonymous]

She's a teenager. It's fine.

[Anonymous]

"I can see your panties." when she bent down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 44 and I wear mini skirts, OP. I know not to bend down with very short skirts, and I choose pencil minis so that when I walk up and down stairs, people can't see my underwear. In winter I wear fun tights with my skirts.

But a teen has to learn all this. It's NOT your place to remind her in front of guests. She will learn it, don't worry. And accidents happen sometimes - they're not anyone's fault. When someone has a wardrobe malfunction, your job is to pretend it never happened.

And unless you're incredibly conservative, I can't imagine people side-eyeing a woman wearing a mini skirt. Heck, *I* come from a somewhat conservative culture (East Asian), and I get complimented on my outfits by my MIL.

WTH is this?

It's a mini that's more figure-hugging, like a pencil skirt is (not "tight" necessarily). As opposed to a flouncy, skater mini skirt, because people can see everything in those if you're on a balcony or on top of a staircase.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your guests are rude if they're side eyeing a kid's mini skirt.

Exactly. And maybe even worse. No one should be "eyeing" this teenager at all. OP needs to stop worrying about this kid's clothing and start worrying about being in a family of creepers.

[Anonymous]

I will share a story. When I got married my 18 year old niece wore a dress that was very short and very tight. I know for sure people were commenting because I had to tell a couple of them to knock it off she was only 18. She’s now a mom of five and dresses super conservatively with a very impressive career. I think she had filled out a little just before the end and didn’t quite realize how much her new curves were going to change the shape and length of the dress!

At any rate, it is hard to say anything to teen girls about their clothes. As a mom, I would generally say something but I might also make a judgement call that in that moment saying something would mean she’d skip the party so I might make a judgement call just to grit my teeth and ignore. But if you’re not the mom, it’s exponentially harder to say anything.

She might have learned a lesson. I remember wearing a skirt like that to my first job and then deciding “nope — not gonna dress that way around middle aged men again.” I’m sure I’ll get flamed for saying that, but it’s reality and not likely to change.

[Anonymous]

Teenagers make fashion mistakes. It’s what they do. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:According to Emily Post, the error here is on the host. Dress codes should be communicated clearly to guests well in advance of an event. If you wanted to specify skirts be of a certain length, you should have done so on the invitation. You did send a formal invitation, yes?

Post also says that attire should be appropriate to the occasion and setting. However, she is mostly focused on attire that would be considered disrespectful in a house of worship (for instance while attending a wedding or baptism) -- I suspect clothing in a private home would be given more leeway. Particularly if the host failed to specify a dress code that would give guests guidance on what to wear.

So no, it is not appropriate to comment negatively on your guests clothing. Good manners dictate that a gracious host will overlook this kind of faux pas.

Come on. Anyone and everyone of class knows that "in a private home" the dress code is "cozy business casual attire." This does not need to be specified on the invitation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 44 and I wear mini skirts, OP. I know not to bend down with very short skirts, and I choose pencil minis so that when I walk up and down stairs, people can't see my underwear. In winter I wear fun tights with my skirts.

But a teen has to learn all this. It's NOT your place to remind her in front of guests. She will learn it, don't worry. And accidents happen sometimes - they're not anyone's fault. When someone has a wardrobe malfunction, your job is to pretend it never happened.

And unless you're incredibly conservative, I can't imagine people side-eyeing a woman wearing a mini skirt. Heck, *I* come from a somewhat conservative culture (East Asian), and I get complimented on my outfits by my MIL.

WTH is this?

I have no idea, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your guests are rude if they're side eyeing a kid's mini skirt.

Exactly. And maybe even worse. No one should be "eyeing" this teenager at all. OP needs to stop worrying about this kid's clothing and start worrying about being in a family of creepers.

If someone bends over and shows their butt to all….its not the adults being creepers, it’s her being an exhibitionist. A creeper is someone who upskorts or looks through the crack in the bathroom door. Not someone minding their own business at the chip and dip table who unexpectedly gets an eye full of underwear.
Look, we all make wardrobe mistakes and I think most women have been there with realizing something is more revealing than they thought it was gojng to be. I’m not saying put her in the stocks, or even to say anything to her about it. But blaming adults just for being in the room when she’s running around wearing a long shirt and calling it a dress is taking it too far the other way.