10+ years into “settling”

[Anonymous]

Settled. Had kids after 7 years. I stayed at home for a few years. Spouse became emotionally abusive. Marriage became extremely toxic. After 20 years, we’re now living apart and will get divorced. I love my kids but I regret settling. Next I regret not getting out much sooner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women always eventually conclude they "settled" even though they married the best guy they could catch at the time.

This or they were blindsided by the guy. Unless you were a minor or it was a forced marriage, you can't assign all blame to him, you ignored facts and made an informed decision to settle. If you didn't, your IQ is too low to talk to strangers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I had waited for the deep connection person, I'd still be waiting. Same for most people I know.
Several us have kids, but lucky to get rid of the partners and not have to be in a marriage anymore or ever.

I'm 20+ years into “settling”, with 2 children in their early 20s. Earlier this year, I met someone who I deeply connected with - for the first time since my marriage.

What do you think you will do?

This connection has filled me with an ocean of love, warmth, and kindness, and I'll continue sharing it with the world and people around me.

[Anonymous]

We are married 20+ years-- I wouldn't say I settled, but I would say that I accepted some trade offs. To be fair, I would say he accepted some tradeoffs as well. We're content, and I only really feel it on the few occasions that I've met a man that I'm viscerally attracted to- it's then, that I know the difference.

[Anonymous]

Wouldn’t say i settled but I didn’t wait for testing it, I loved him and wanted to be married so did w
14ish years two kids and I'm happy. I know now that good men who are egalitarian, good dads and smart with humor are (sadly) rare - I am glad I choose this over a hot bod or more superficial qualities

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women always eventually conclude they "settled" even though they married the best guy they could catch at the time.

^ This one knows

Not true. I knew I was settling at the time. I had broken up with my true love due to distance and decided I wouldn’t find that again. When XH started pursuing me, hard, I just gave in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These are so bleak. Feel sorry for the posters, the husbands, and the kids.

For society as well for making it necessary to have a wedding, a time consuming job, a mortgage and 2.5 kids to prove your worth.

One of the dumbest posts ever here. “Prove your worth.” You’re completely lacking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women always eventually conclude they "settled" even though they married the best guy they could catch at the time.

Yes and if they settled so did the chump husband.

[Anonymous]

Life's just too busy with jobs and kids to have that deep connection stuff anyway. It was great in the beginning though. I've fallen into the trap of thinking this other person has given up or doesn't care, but it's just the reality of modern society and two working parents. Grass isn't greener with anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Life's just too busy with jobs and kids to have that deep connection stuff anyway. It was great in the beginning though. I've fallen into the trap of thinking this other person has given up or doesn't care, but it's just the reality of modern society and two working parents. Grass isn't greener with anyone else.

I don’t think that’s true. Grass can be greener than than mundane working parent life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you married someone you could have kids and settle down with but not someone you had a deep love connection with or deep attraction — what society seems to call “settling” — how’s it going for you 10+ years in?

Why do women do this to themselves? Seriously don't marry just because you want to have children. You are robbing a potential great guy for another woman the chance at being with someone who deeply love him. Instead he doesn't know he was option #2, #3, who knows...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thirteen years and two kids in. Divorce is imminent, but I’m doing okay! The kids are great, which allows me to focus on them, my friends, fitness, work travel, and hobbies that bring me joy. I wouldn’t say I regret my choices, as I’m 99% sure I would still be single and childless if I hadn’t married him.[/quote]

Guys are you reading this? Choose wisely because you are being used for the kiddos and white dress fantasy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women always eventually conclude they "settled" even though they married the best guy they could catch at the time.

This is so true. My husband isn't perfect but truth is, he was the best I could do. At the time my mother insisted I was settling and wanted me to hold out for someone better. It really ruined our relationship for a few years but I didn't exactly have men knocking down my door. I felt like the odds of someone better coming along were low.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am very much in love. I married a man who is a fairly high earner and good dad, but not someone I was super attracted to or had a deep connection with. We are 17 years and 4 kids in. He has turned out to be a wonderful father, which is very attractive, and he has been open and receptive to learning what I like in bed, so the sex is great and keeps getting better.

He did have trouble with addiction a few years into our marriage, and that was hard. We nearly got divorced. But he went to rehab and has been sober 12 years. It’s been good.

This ain’t bad at all. He seems aware that he needs work and follows through. This was a win!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Husband is okay. He was not the ideal partner for me but the biological clock was ticking and I’m so glad I have the kids. Had it not been for the kids, I would not still be with him by now, but economics and the logistics of coparenting make it better to be together, and I do not have a big hankering for another romantic relationship, so it doesn’t seem worth leaving him. Ironically, though I basically stayed with him because of the kids, the older they get the better my husband and I get along, and I think in the end the kids will leave, and we will have a pleasant companionate marriage.

He resents you every day of his life.