Spouse wants me to cut contact with my mom

[Anonymous]

So your mom said your DH has a small penis because he gave you a nice ring?

Honestly she sounds completely awful and I can understand why he wants to cut her off. Does he like your dad?

[Anonymous]

My dh does not have the right to cut my mother out of my life even though she is unbearable. Not going to happen.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is right. Given all you have described, yes, she deserves to be cut off. She cannot control herself and cannot improve. The fact your brother cut her off is a HUGE red flag.

If ever you choose to keep a relationship with your mother, you must never have her over to annoy your husband (and child, in the future). You go out of your house to meet her somewhere. Your husband deserves a life without your mother in it.

Honestly, if you can see your father without your mother, that would be best.

- BTDT with a less nasty mother whom I cut off briefly then allowed back in, just so I could see my ailing father. We don't live on the same continent, which helps A LOT. She has been equally nasty to my husband and daughter (who is now a teen).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean your mom sounds awful and it’s of course not okay to leave a sleeping baby alone. She should never be alone with the kids again. On cutting her off, I don’t know, I’d get some therapy. Would your DH never seeing her again be sufficient, could you go see your family alone with the kid?

OP here. My mom would never go to therapy. She thinks it’s for weak people with made up problems.

You get the therapy, to learn how to deal with her and to discern what you want your relationship with her to be.

This. Also, to help you learn appropriate boundaries and aspects of all relationships. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP, why even start this thread? You hate your mom.

[Anonymous]

Your husband sounds very controlling.

The prenup means you’re more financially vulnerable than you would otherwise be. Plus he wants to isolate you from your family so you’re without a support system. He controls the money, he wants to control who you talk to as well.

The fact that you have a contentious relationship with your mom that you admit was abusive is a red flag for your marriage. Statistically, you’re more likely to seek out a partner who’s abusive because that feels familiar and comfortable.

I don’t want to minimize the severity of leaving an infant alone. Of course it’s a given that your mom won’t babysit in the future. But going no contact over this incident is batshit insane.

You’ve truly traded one abuser for another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So your mom said your DH has a small penis because he gave you a nice ring?

Honestly she sounds completely awful and I can understand why he wants to cut her off. Does he like your dad?

OP here. Yes she insinuated that.

He likes my stepdad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In marriage we are to forsake all others if necessary. Act accordingly.

Why is it necessary in this case?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dh does not have the right to cut my mother out of my life even though she is unbearable. Not going to happen.

OP here. He didn’t say I have to cut her from my life. He said that he wants her but from our kids lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sounds very controlling.

The prenup means you’re more financially vulnerable than you would otherwise be. Plus he wants to isolate you from your family so you’re without a support system. He controls the money, he wants to control who you talk to as well.

The fact that you have a contentious relationship with your mom that you admit was abusive is a red flag for your marriage. Statistically, you’re more likely to seek out a partner who’s abusive because that feels familiar and comfortable.

I don’t want to minimize the severity of leaving an infant alone. Of course it’s a given that your mom won’t babysit in the future. But going no contact over this incident is batshit insane.

You’ve truly traded one abuser for another.

Not quite. The husband is not controlling or abusive, and OP's mother has been massively unpleasant for years. Her own son has cut her off. She is said to be untreated bipolar.

All this makes for pretty convincing evidence that OP's mother needs to be either cut off or seen solely to provide access to OP's father.

[Anonymous]

I see your DH’s point. Obviously you agree that she can never be left alone with the kids, but what if she trashes your DH to them when they are old enough to understand? That would be enough for me to stay she shouldn’t have access to them. Certainly not without both of you present the entire time. Does she live locally? It sounds like you have waaay too much contact with her. Meet her on your own once a month or so, but I’d keep her negativity away from the kids.

You said your parents are divorced, why can’t you see your dad separately?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sounds very controlling.

The prenup means you’re more financially vulnerable than you would otherwise be. Plus he wants to isolate you from your family so you’re without a support system. He controls the money, he wants to control who you talk to as well.

The fact that you have a contentious relationship with your mom that you admit was abusive is a red flag for your marriage. Statistically, you’re more likely to seek out a partner who’s abusive because that feels familiar and comfortable.

I don’t want to minimize the severity of leaving an infant alone. Of course it’s a given that your mom won’t babysit in the future. But going no contact over this incident is batshit insane.

You’ve truly traded one abuser for another.

OP here.

- My husband isn’t controlling.

- We both signed a prenup to protect assets that were acquired before being married. Any money earned in our marriage is ours.

- He doesn’t control our money. We both work and have a joint account. I can spend as much as I want and he doesn’t care or say anything. It’s our money.

- My husband has never once been abusive or controlling. He has never called me a name, yelled at me, or kept from me people. He’s extremely sweet and supportive and would never harm me. I even make most of the decisions in our house.

- it’s not just one incident. It’s a culmination of many incidents.

[Anonymous]

I agree with your DH. You can see your mom solo.

[Anonymous]

He is right to be concerned. Once your child gets older and more perceptive, do you really want him/her to be around this toxicity?

[Anonymous]

She has your goose cooked hasn't she?
Toxic woman and you can't let go of mommy. Do you live her or does she guilt you into saying you do and act like a good daughter?.
Even if your hubbie dropped dead tonight eliminating the dilemma in original post, I suggest you get therapy and shield yourself and your children from that verbal abuse.