Spouse wants me to cut contact with my mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did she do?

OP here.

Back history - She told everyone my now husband was going to cheat and leave me because he asked for a prenup. She told a lot of my family members and she was almost disinvited to our wedding.

Recent - She left our young infant child alone while sleeping for 10-15 minutes to grab herself coffee and lunch.

We gave her access to our DD for her to order food and coffee for lunch. Instead she decided to not use it and just went a block down to grab it.

She acted as if it was no big deal. We only found out because she told us she liked the restaurants food and she said she just picked it up because she needed to grab coffee from DD.

Husband said he doesn’t want her to have any contact with our child.

I wouldn't have her babysit but I think having contact with you present is different.

OP here. There’s just a long history of other issues.

- She has spread rumors about my MIL because of her jealousy over my close relationship with her.

- She has made rude comments about my husband several times. This has included about his work, his family life, and our lifestyle. She also insinuated my big engagement ring was because of his physical inadequacies.

- She tried to exclude her from our baby shower because “ it’s a woman thing”.

Hmm.

She’s certainly a piece of work.

Is there a way to meet in the middle of the current status and your husbands extreme status and pare down the time and babysitting time entirely?
Like meet up at Smithsonian’s and a lunch, or the playground together and coffee, or shopping plus a meal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never let a man isolate you from friends or family.

VERY true.

[Anonymous]

This thread is Troll City. Especially OP’s subsequent comments. Lame

[Anonymous]

OP, Imagine if she was your husband's mom and behaved in this manner, what would you do? Do that.

[Anonymous]

Leaving a baby alone is ground for loosing custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is Troll City. Especially OP’s subsequent comments. Lame

OP here. This is all very true. You probably don’t understand because you grew up with normal parents.

My mom’s siblings cut her off. I didn’t even meet any of them until I became an adult. Almost no in my family likes my mom. My mom used to abuse us as kids because she hated my bio dad who abused her. She would fat shame me ( never fat) when I was in school. She would call me a sl*t when I was like 12. I have limited contact with her and would cut her completely off if it weren’t for my stepdad.

I keep in contact because my stepdad is a nice guy and I feel bad for him. He refuses to leave even though she treats him like dirt most of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, Imagine if she was your husband's mom and behaved in this manner, what would you do? Do that.

OP here. She would never babysit my kid. I don’t know if I would go as far as cutting off full contact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She has your goose cooked hasn't she?
Toxic woman and you can't let go of mommy. Do you live her or does she guilt you into saying you do and act like a good daughter?.
Even if your hubbie dropped dead tonight eliminating the dilemma in original post, I suggest you get therapy and shield yourself and your children from that verbal abuse.

OP here. I haven’t told my mom I loved her since I think I was a kid. We never grew up saying I love you to each other or really much emotion. I’m not a super emotional person. I learned to be with an ex of mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is right to be concerned. Once your child gets older and more perceptive, do you really want him/her to be around this toxicity?

OP here. I guess the consensus is to cut her off fully from my child.

I’m just more forgiving and willing to look past things. I don’t like drama or fighting.

My sister does limit contact because my mom hates her BF and she has said terrible things to my niece about her dad.

[Anonymous]

Your DH has a right to be completely fed up at this point and I don’t blame him at all for being highly upset right now. Leaving the baby alone would push me over the edge.

Beyond that, sounds quite like my MIL. She is an alcoholic and she & DH have a very volatile relationship- always have. We largely came to an agreement years ago…(1) definitely never alone with the kids (2) supervised contact with the kids but not much of it- mostly major family events etc (3) I am polite to her at family events but have no relationship or contact with her otherwise (4)beyond that DH can do what he wants. It is his mom and his choice.

MIL does live a plane ride away which obviously makes things easier. DH talks to her on the phone several times a month- sometimes they seem to be getting along a bit, other times not at all. He goes to visit her alone every year or so. The kids and I only see her at major family gatherings. I listen to DH and try to be supportive but it is his choice how to handle their relationship.

[Anonymous]

When is Op going to admit her 100s of “follow up posts” are totally insane and trollish?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is Troll City. Especially OP’s subsequent comments. Lame

OP here. This is all very true. You probably don’t understand because you grew up with normal parents.

My mom’s siblings cut her off. I didn’t even meet any of them until I became an adult. Almost no in my family likes my mom. My mom used to abuse us as kids because she hated my bio dad who abused her. She would fat shame me ( never fat) when I was in school. She would call me a sl*t when I was like 12. I have limited contact with her and would cut her completely off if it weren’t for my stepdad.

I keep in contact because my stepdad is a nice guy and I feel bad for him. He refuses to leave even though she treats him like dirt most of the time.

Wait- he’s not even your bio dad and he’s the only reason you don’t cut contact? This is wild. Cut contact with her immediately. I can’t imagine wanting someone like that around my children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never let a man isolate you from friends or family.

This. No truer words could be spoken.

I disagree. The family you chose to create is arguably more important than your family of origin. You admit your mom is toxic. I think you’ve been looking for a reason or courage to change something about your relationship with your mom and maybe your husband is the scapegoat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When is Op going to admit her 100s of “follow up posts” are totally insane and trollish?

OP here. They may be insane but they are my life. Not everyone grows up in a perfect house with perfect parents. My family life was chaotic and dysfunctional. I’m not sure why you can’t understand that and I’m lying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is Troll City. Especially OP’s subsequent comments. Lame

OP here. This is all very true. You probably don’t understand because you grew up with normal parents.

My mom’s siblings cut her off. I didn’t even meet any of them until I became an adult. Almost no in my family likes my mom. My mom used to abuse us as kids because she hated my bio dad who abused her. She would fat shame me ( never fat) when I was in school. She would call me a sl*t when I was like 12. I have limited contact with her and would cut her completely off if it weren’t for my stepdad.

I keep in contact because my stepdad is a nice guy and I feel bad for him. He refuses to leave even though she treats him like dirt most of the time.

Wait- he’s not even your bio dad and he’s the only reason you don’t cut contact? This is wild. Cut contact with her immediately. I can’t imagine wanting someone like that around my children.

OP here. He isn’t my bio dad but he is my father. My bio dad was a deadbeat abusive alcoholic. I’ve had a relationship with him but not much. He has changed a lot but I still have very limited contact with him.

My stepdad raised me since I was 8. He is everything a father should be. His the absolute best parent/role model I had in my life. I would never want to cut contact with a man who chose to accept myself and my siblings and raise us.