Friend with low-key WFH job doesn't get it

[Anonymous]

Just tell her how her comments make you feel.

Say something like, I know you mean well or naturally friendly, but can you not mention so and so everytime you see me?

For the most part, I love what I do and appreciate that going into the office makes me a better employee and has become something I can look forward to. But there are definitely days that are harder than others and I’d just like to be left alone on those days.

Or something to that effect.

[Anonymous]

I would say "Yes, I go every Tuesday" and kind of roll my eyes. Because this sounds petty and annoying, not actually like she is sympathetic or cares. But I also generally avoid random mom chatter as much as possible so maybe I'm not the best for advice!

I would also think of responses or comments that puts down her work ethic like "how do you get anything done you're always on your way to run errands during the work day" or "so do you only work part time now? It seems like you have a lot of free time". But again, i care zero about making mom friends!

[Anonymous]

You sound insecure

[Anonymous]

I always like to remind people that it's fun to be among adults in the office, and I get to go to lunch, and see people, and not be super bored working in my house every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your life is hard right now. Her words sound sympathetic so make sure you're not overlaying nefarious intent. Either she's you friend or not. It's ok to ease away but I wouldn't say anything because you would sound nuts

Her words do not sound sympathetic, they sound annoying AF. I would respond with something like, "I know, going to the office isn't ideal, but I like the job, so it is what it is". Whatever you say, repeat your exact same response every time she makes a comment about you going to the office. Hopefully she gets the hint.

+1

OP is not asking the neighbor for sympathy and certainly not asking for it every day or even three days a week! Some people just go on autopilot with the dumb things they say and keep repeating them over and over.

I second repeating the same thing over and over as a reply. Or call it out by saying, "Wow, do you realize you say that every day?"

[Anonymous]

Regardless of how socially clueless she may be, you are feeling demoralized because YOU don’t like your life. So focus on that. Living well is the best revenge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would either say, “ack, don’t remind me!” every time she says it till she stops, or if you want to be a little more acidic, I’d say something like “Thank goodness! I would go crazy if I had up be here all the time!” Smile brightly.

I love this.

I say this as someone who is fully WFH ha!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me like she’s trying to start a conversation and be sympathetic. But that she doesn’t have much else to go on to talk about with you. Like the stuff about your DH’s involvement sounds admitting to me.

I was thinking this too.

Same here.

I mean, your second of example of her being annoying by complimenting your husband on being an involved parent isn't exactly winning me over to your side.

It's fine if you just don't like this person OP. It sounds like she rubs you the wrong way.

But my takeaway at this point is that you just need to shrug this off and not take it personally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would ignore her unless the comments are specifically addressed to me. I’d also focus on chatting with non-annoying moms. If you really can’t avoid her, I’d nicely contrast her negative attitude with a positive one.

“Ugh, you have to go into the office AGAIN?”

“I do, it might sound crazy to you, but being in the office really helps me focus/is helpful for collaboration/gets my creative juices flowing.” This all sounds cheesy, so DIY your reason.

You’re acknowledging her implied criticism and shutting it down.

She sounds like a PITA and I’m a SAHM who would avoid her.

Agree with this advice. I think part of the reason this is annoying you is that you actually are kind of jealous of her because it sounds like she barely has to work and has almost no time commitments. So you feel defensive because on some level you agree with her that your situation sucks and hers is ideal.

But PP here is right -- there are good things about going to the office and there are good and important jobs that cannot be done remotely. Figure out what is *good* about going into the office for you and just use it as a quick talking point the next time she does this. If it happens to subtly imply that you are better than her, oh well:

"I actually like the work/home separation -- once I leave work, I'm totally focused on myself and family and don't even check email because I can just leave it all at the office."

"I discovered during the pandemic that I don't actually love remote work. I'm not as productive and I miss people and feeling like a grown up in an office."

"My office is great though -- terrific coworkers and I have a nice view from my office. I can't find that in the suburbs."

"I listen to books on my commute. I recently worked my way through all the recent National Book Award winners -- it's been great for my cocktail conversation!"

And so on. I get where you are coming from regarding hating your commute, but if you look at it from certain angles, it absolutely has advantages. Find them and talk them up. Don't let this woman dictate the parameters of your happiness.

[Anonymous]

This woman is not your friend. She's just someone annoying you need to work harder on ignoring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would ignore her unless the comments are specifically addressed to me. I’d also focus on chatting with non-annoying moms. If you really can’t avoid her, I’d nicely contrast her negative attitude with a positive one.

“Ugh, you have to go into the office AGAIN?”

“I do, it might sound crazy to you, but being in the office really helps me focus/is helpful for collaboration/gets my creative juices flowing.” This all sounds cheesy, so DIY your reason.

You’re acknowledging her implied criticism and shutting it down.

She sounds like a PITA and I’m a SAHM who would avoid her.

Agree with this advice. I think part of the reason this is annoying you is that you actually are kind of jealous of her because it sounds like she barely has to work and has almost no time commitments. So you feel defensive because on some level you agree with her that your situation sucks and hers is ideal.

But PP here is right -- there are good things about going to the office and there are good and important jobs that cannot be done remotely. Figure out what is *good* about going into the office for you and just use it as a quick talking point the next time she does this. If it happens to subtly imply that you are better than her, oh well:

"I actually like the work/home separation -- once I leave work, I'm totally focused on myself and family and don't even check email because I can just leave it all at the office."

"I discovered during the pandemic that I don't actually love remote work. I'm not as productive and I miss people and feeling like a grown up in an office."

"My office is great though -- terrific coworkers and I have a nice view from my office. I can't find that in the suburbs."

"I listen to books on my commute. I recently worked my way through all the recent National Book Award winners -- it's been great for my cocktail conversation!"

And so on. I get where you are coming from regarding hating your commute, but if you look at it from certain angles, it absolutely has advantages. Find them and talk them up. Don't let this woman dictate the parameters of your happiness.

Op here. This is super helpful - thank you. I definitely am a bit jealous. I didn’t do great working from home during covid mentally and my work really is better in person but my work week is pretty draining and walking my dog in the sunshine and getting my errands done during the week sounds glorious. I really appreciate the perspective shift and am going to think a lot about this!

[Anonymous]

I think she's trying to sympathize, but you're very sensitive and insecure about your work and you can't process her comments the right way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your life is hard right now. Her words sound sympathetic so make sure you're not overlaying nefarious intent. Either she's you friend or not. It's ok to ease away but I wouldn't say anything because you would sound nuts

Her words do not sound sympathetic, they sound annoying AF. I would respond with something like, "I know, going to the office isn't ideal, but I like the job, so it is what it is". Whatever you say, repeat your exact same response every time she makes a comment about you going to the office. Hopefully she gets the hint.

Repeating the exact same response makes you the crazy one.

Not when the other woman keeps making the exact same comment!

[Anonymous]

What if you responded with "I actually love going to the office and getting to see my work friends!" or something along those lines.

I WFH now exclusively since COVID and I like it but I also miss the camaraderie of physically being around my co-workers.

[Anonymous]

Ask if her company is hiring.