Friend with low-key WFH job doesn't get it

[Anonymous]

Big smile

“Yes! I go to work on weekdays.”

[Anonymous]

"I love my job, I'm so lucky!!"

[Anonymous]

She's just making conversation. Try to find something else to talk about.

[Anonymous]

“Ugh, you have to go into the office AGAIN?”

I'd give a cheerful "Yep!" + some offhand comment that makes it sound very rewarding and important.
"Yep! Out of state clients in for a big meeting. Got to go win the next contract!"
"Yep! Hardware coming in for testing. Can't do that from home!"
"Yeah, I do. Have a few new starts who really need some in-person pointers."
"Yeah, lots of in-person brainstorming sessions planned for the day. Nothing beats an old fashioned whiteboard!".

Basically make it sound like your life is worthy of her respect/envy, not the other way around. She'll stop asking soon enough.

[Anonymous]

She’s just making conversation, OP.

[Anonymous]

If she's getting under your skin, I'd be a little petty and lean into the good parts and make some version of that your canned response.

"Yes. Got some big meetings today!"
"Yes. It's good to have an excuse to not wear my workout clothes!"
"Yes - but at least I get to look forward to engaging in person conversation with my awesome coworkers!"
"Yes. It keeps me sane getting a taste of life out of the neighborhood for a bit!"
"Yes - but if that what it takes to earn a paycheck, I'll do it!"
"Yes. Larla was just asking this morning though what important meetings I had today though, so I guess I"ll take that trade off if it makes my daughter think I'm badass!"
"Yes - but the pile of laundry staring at me in my house makes me glad to be escaping to the corporate world for a bit!"

Sending the positive response back at her can help you frame things in a positive light for yourself which is always a good thing. There really are positives to both ways. Might as well lean into the the positives of the life you have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have two elementary kids and am very friendly with some moms I see every day at the bus stop. Many of them WFH, which m makes sense because they can use the bus because they don't need aftercare. My schedule is flexible but I am in person most of the time and have around a 45-minute commute. Most of the time, I feel fortunate to have the flexibility that I do have but for sure the commute is tiring and I'd love to telework more.

There is one woman in particular who is always making comments I would really like to shut down, basically shaming those of us who go into the office and talking about how bad it sucks. It is not empathetic but is rather a "WOW you're a chump" kind of comment or at least that's how it comes off. She also appears to have the kind of job where she can be out and about walking the neighborhood, running errands, or exercising without worrying about Zoom meetings, which is not at all how what I do is. I really try not to care because my life is not her life but it is exhausting to have someone every morning say, "Oh man you have to go to the office today!?!" when I show up in business casual at the bus stop. I am just trying to survive lady!

I think my family's experience (two working parents doing the best they can to juggle) is more typical than hers in our neighborhood so I wish I could say something to get her to realize that or at least shut up. How blunt would you be in this situation?

In my opinion, it sounds like some jealousy. Why would you care so much if not a bit of it were true? Try reflecting on that and learning to love your own lifestyle for what it is, without comparison, letting her words pass you by without being triggered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just say “Larla, thanks but you don’t need to remind me how tough it is. But it is what it is.” If she keeps reminding you tell her to F off.

This should shut her down

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you're jealous of her and you're choosing to be offended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t work anymore. I sometimes comment on people’s work attire because they look nice. I miss going to an office.

When I was a working mom, I used to feel bad if there was a valentines play date in the middle of the day or a mom would plan some themed playground outing where everyone wears their favorite jersey. This would be after school before dinner and I would never be able to make these. No one ever tried to put me down.

I now sometimes host play dates on teacher work days or half days. I invite working moms and their kids and I think they get irritated at me and answer with I have to work. I think it is kind of rude.

Lol, what? You think THEY are rude for explaining why they can't make an event? What would you rather them say? I think you are rude for assuming parents can make things in the middle of the work day. If you want to invite them to something in the middle of the work day, say "I realize you may have to work, but wanted to include you in case you could make it"

You sound like a peach.

Most parents work. Our kids are in elementary. The parents don’t have to stay. It is a gesture to include the parents. Some parents drop off, stay for a few minutes and come back later. Some parents only drop off. Some parents hang out the entire time. Some parents may say they have a sitter or their kid is in camp. It is the tone of the mom who says they can’t participate because she is working that is off putting. There was this one mom I had asked if her daughter could go out for ice cream and go to the playground with us after school. Her answer was that her child has to go to after care because the parents have to work. The tone was what was rude. I could have taken her out, brought her back to our house for dinner or dropped child off at home. Her response was so negative that I never asked them to hang out again.

You are projecting and sound hugely insecure

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you're jealous of her and you're choosing to be offended.

+1. Its just chit chat.

[Anonymous]

I get it OP. I have a couple mom friends who make weird comments like this (DH and I both work full time, I am not in the office every day but DH is, so it’s most practical for us to use aftercare). I think some people just have a hard time envisioning a life that isn’t exactly like theirs. Or they don’t know what to talk about and it’s their attempt at making small talk.

[Anonymous]

"Yup still have the same old job Nancy. Same one as last week."

Act bored by her dumb observations.

I WFH and have a flexible schedule. I love it. But I would never make comments like this to someone I saw daily. It's socially awkward at BEST, and actually a rude dig at worst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. People like this are so annoying- then again, you could be misinterpreting.

I’d just say a bright “yep! I am!” brush it off and leave it. Not worth any awkwardness with a neighbor you have to see all the time IMO.

This.

You are not simpatico, OP, talk to others and keep it civil and distant with her.

Don't create drama in a place you have to be every day.

Figure out why this bothers you so much, why do you care if she "gets it?" This is way more about you than anyone else. Know thyself.

If you want a lifestyle more like hers, and there may be a jealousy element, job hunt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t work anymore. I sometimes comment on people’s work attire because they look nice. I miss going to an office.

When I was a working mom, I used to feel bad if there was a valentines play date in the middle of the day or a mom would plan some themed playground outing where everyone wears their favorite jersey. This would be after school before dinner and I would never be able to make these. No one ever tried to put me down.

I now sometimes host play dates on teacher work days or half days. I invite working moms and their kids and I think they get irritated at me and answer with I have to work. I think it is kind of rude.

Lol, what? You think THEY are rude for explaining why they can't make an event? What would you rather them say? I think you are rude for assuming parents can make things in the middle of the work day. If you want to invite them to something in the middle of the work day, say "I realize you may have to work, but wanted to include you in case you could make it"

You sound like a peach.

Most parents work. Our kids are in elementary. The parents don’t have to stay. It is a gesture to include the parents. Some parents drop off, stay for a few minutes and come back later. Some parents only drop off. Some parents hang out the entire time. Some parents may say they have a sitter or their kid is in camp. It is the tone of the mom who says they can’t participate because she is working that is off putting. There was this one mom I had asked if her daughter could go out for ice cream and go to the playground with us after school. Her answer was that her child has to go to after care because the parents have to work. The tone was what was rude. I could have taken her out, brought her back to our house for dinner or dropped child off at home. Her response was so negative that I never asked them to hang out again.

You are projecting and sound hugely insecure

I’m not projecting anything. If my kid really liked that kid and asked her for by name, I may have tried again. The kid is now a know troublemaker so I’m glad the kids aren’t close. The mom wasn’t interested in hanging out. No big deal.