Friend with low-key WFH job doesn't get it

[Anonymous]

I have two elementary kids and am very friendly with some moms I see every day at the bus stop. Many of them WFH, which m makes sense because they can use the bus because they don't need aftercare. My schedule is flexible but I am in person most of the time and have around a 45-minute commute. Most of the time, I feel fortunate to have the flexibility that I do have but for sure the commute is tiring and I'd love to telework more.

There is one woman in particular who is always making comments I would really like to shut down, basically shaming those of us who go into the office and talking about how bad it sucks. It is not empathetic but is rather a "WOW you're a chump" kind of comment or at least that's how it comes off. She also appears to have the kind of job where she can be out and about walking the neighborhood, running errands, or exercising without worrying about Zoom meetings, which is not at all how what I do is. I really try not to care because my life is not her life but it is exhausting to have someone every morning say, "Oh man you have to go to the office today!?!" when I show up in business casual at the bus stop. I am just trying to survive lady!

I think my family's experience (two working parents doing the best they can to juggle) is more typical than hers in our neighborhood so I wish I could say something to get her to realize that or at least shut up. How blunt would you be in this situation?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your life is hard right now. Her words sound sympathetic so make sure you're not overlaying nefarious intent. Either she's you friend or not. It's ok to ease away but I wouldn't say anything because you would sound nuts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your life is hard right now. Her words sound sympathetic so make sure you're not overlaying nefarious intent. Either she's you friend or not. It's ok to ease away but I wouldn't say anything because you would sound nuts

Her words do not sound sympathetic, they sound annoying AF. I would respond with something like, "I know, going to the office isn't ideal, but I like the job, so it is what it is". Whatever you say, repeat your exact same response every time she makes a comment about you going to the office. Hopefully she gets the hint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your life is hard right now. Her words sound sympathetic so make sure you're not overlaying nefarious intent. Either she's you friend or not. It's ok to ease away but I wouldn't say anything because you would sound nuts

Her words do not sound sympathetic, they sound annoying AF. I would respond with something like, "I know, going to the office isn't ideal, but I like the job, so it is what it is". Whatever you say, repeat your exact same response every time she makes a comment about you going to the office. Hopefully she gets the hint.

Repeating the exact same response makes you the crazy one.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. People like this are so annoying- then again, you could be misinterpreting.

I’d just say a bright “yep! I am!” brush it off and leave it. Not worth any awkwardness with a neighbor you have to see all the time IMO.

[Anonymous]

I would either say, “ack, don’t remind me!” every time she says it till she stops, or if you want to be a little more acidic, I’d say something like “Thank goodness! I would go crazy if I had up be here all the time!” Smile brightly.

[Anonymous]

Just say “Larla, thanks but you don’t need to remind me how tough it is. But it is what it is.” If she keeps reminding you tell her to F off.

[Anonymous]

I would ignore her unless the comments are specifically addressed to me. I’d also focus on chatting with non-annoying moms. If you really can’t avoid her, I’d nicely contrast her negative attitude with a positive one.

“Ugh, you have to go into the office AGAIN?”

“I do, it might sound crazy to you, but being in the office really helps me focus/is helpful for collaboration/gets my creative juices flowing.” This all sounds cheesy, so DIY your reason.

You’re acknowledging her implied criticism and shutting it down.

She sounds like a PITA and I’m a SAHM who would avoid her.

[Anonymous]

OP - any other examples of what she's said? The one you provided hardly paints her as rude. She may be a bit off-key socially, but it hardly seems like she's calling you a chump...

[Anonymous]

Is she just making this comments out of the blue or have you complained to her before about having to go into the office? Maybe she is trying to empathize/ validate your feelings and thinks this is what you want to hear. Agree, with other poster brush it off or say I don't mind, or its nice to have an excuse to get out of yoga pants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she just making this comments out of the blue or have you complained to her before about having to go into the office? Maybe she is trying to empathize/ validate your feelings and thinks this is what you want to hear. Agree, with other poster brush it off or say I don't mind, or its nice to have an excuse to get out of yoga pants.

Yes! Say that while pointedly looking at HER yoga pants! I would love to overhear and see that at the bus stop as a bystander, sipping my tea

[Anonymous]

I think it’s always best to assume positive intent.

There is no reason you need to carry around any of her drama or internalize anything she says. Assume she’s also doing her best - just smile and move on.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Other comments are usually things related to how my DH is such an involved dad (he is fine and occasionally covers pick up/drop off but he does less than half...) and she doesn't know how moms have in-person jobs or travel. Those comments are less frequent.

The going into the office thing is, I kid you not, every time I show up not in workout clothes. It is frustrating because my schedule doesn't change so it seems like it is just unnecessary to call out the obvious. I don't think it is necessarily malicious intent, but more cluelessness and probably being a little socially off but it is still a bit demoralizing to have that in my face every day.

Thanks for the tips... they are helpful.

[Anonymous]

This post could be about me and my reactions to the bus stop conversations about morning boot camp class or who's going to lunch at the school or whatever while I'm gearing up for my commute. Someone might toss a purely observational chit-chat effort my way and it sounds like your WFH neighbor is attempting the same. My internal reaction speaks to my issues about my work/life balance and that's on me not them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would either say, “ack, don’t remind me!” every time she says it till she stops, or if you want to be a little more acidic, I’d say something like “Thank goodness! I would go crazy if I had up be here all the time!” Smile brightly.

Or just cheerfully say, “that’s right!” when she (once again) points out that you have to go to the office. The less you say the better. You could even taper to a nod of acknowledgment.