Friend with low-key WFH job doesn't get it

[Anonymous]

I will truly never understand people who get on these threads and accuse working moms who are struggling of not raising their own kids.

[Anonymous]

OP - my guess is that you are projecting somehow that you are harried, do not enjoy the office, etc. And she is trying to start a conversation by being on your sympathetic team.

If you love the office, when she says "ugh, office," You say: "Oh, I love the office actually." If you do this consistently, she will stop (and soon, I predict).

But truthfully if you do love the office, I don't understand why this bothers you?

[Anonymous]

just a comment that you really have no idea how low-key or not her workday or job is

at the same time, you could make an snarky comment about how you are important and thus need to be there in person

the comment regarding your husband is weird and sexist sounding.i'd be embarrased if people thought I was the primary caretaker simply b/c I am a woman but you do you

[Anonymous]

You are internalizing this. And clearly salty that you don’t have this type of job. This is a complete you problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - my guess is that you are projecting somehow that you are harried, do not enjoy the office, etc. And she is trying to start a conversation by being on your sympathetic team.

If you love the office, when she says "ugh, office," You say: "Oh, I love the office actually." If you do this consistently, she will stop (and soon, I predict).

But truthfully if you do love the office, I don't understand why this bothers you?

+1 and I’m a NP.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she was trying to give empathy bc her husband always complains about going in. I say this as a full time working mom.

[Anonymous]

I think this is more about you. If she says that, just say yes, you have to go to the office. This seems like not a big deal.

I’m a SAHM. I’m very active at school. Most moms work. Many work from home. Some have demanding work from home jobs and others seem much more available than me. There are some people who are just very available. I’m not sure why this is so offensive to you.

I’m from nyc and I try to meet up with friends during the work day. Some can squeeze in coffee or lunch. Others can’t.

There is a pta event at our school today. I’m sure half the parents will roll in in athleisure and half will be on their way to work.

[Anonymous]

I'd give the exact same boring-ish but true response every time. "Yeah, I don't love going into the office, but I like the job overall, so that's where I'm at with it." Hopefully that will eventually shut down the line of conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she just making this comments out of the blue or have you complained to her before about having to go into the office? Maybe she is trying to empathize/ validate your feelings and thinks this is what you want to hear. Agree, with other poster brush it off or say I don't mind, or its nice to have an excuse to get out of yoga pants.

Yes! Say that while pointedly looking at HER yoga pants! I would love to overhear and see that at the bus stop as a bystander, sipping my tea

Maybe she likes yoga pants?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well she’s right that you’re a sucker

this. LOL

Why have kids if you are just going to work all the time and have other people raise them. Just because that's what most people are doing in this area, doesn't mean you're doing it right.

Oh please. I am absolutely raising my kids. A parent drops them off and picks them up every single day. There are tons of people who are great parents who work in person. Get real.

Yea maybe on weekends LOL

Are you spending more time with your elementary school kids than someone who drops them in the am and meets them in the pm? The only difference is the work in office mom is making money for her family while you go to yoga and organize your closets.

Not the pp but I am spending more time with my kids than someone who drops them off and meets them in the evening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t work anymore. I sometimes comment on people’s work attire because they look nice. I miss going to an office.

When I was a working mom, I used to feel bad if there was a valentines play date in the middle of the day or a mom would plan some themed playground outing where everyone wears their favorite jersey. This would be after school before dinner and I would never be able to make these. No one ever tried to put me down.

I now sometimes host play dates on teacher work days or half days. I invite working moms and their kids and I think they get irritated at me and answer with I have to work. I think it is kind of rude.

Lol, what? You think THEY are rude for explaining why they can't make an event? What would you rather them say? I think you are rude for assuming parents can make things in the middle of the work day. If you want to invite them to something in the middle of the work day, say "I realize you may have to work, but wanted to include you in case you could make it"

You sound like a peach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just think people forget what other schedules are like sometimes.

My teacher friends are always saying how lucky I am to work at home and how easy it must be- which I agree with and say yes, I am very lucky ...then they ask what I am doing for summer break or anytime school is closed for longer periods (winter, spring, etc). Um Jan... I am working. My kid is in camp. I dont have any leave because we take leave for every random day school is closed or has a 3 hr dismissal.

It doesnt sound like a purposefully hurtful statement, more just unaware.

THIS. I have a teacher mom friend who all year is going on and on about how "lucky" I am to be able to get my DD to a 4pm dance class because she "only" gets to leave at 4:30pm. But I literally drop DD off and then go to the library to get right back to work (which she knows), I'm not exactly hanging out and socializing. Then when she does show up at 4:30, she's absolutely not having to work and instead going on leisurely walks while she waits for her DD. She also will go on about how she gets into work at 7:45, which 5 minutes from her house. But that's normal if you leave at 4:30! Meanwhile I commute 30 minutes and am in the office at 6:45 (to be able to leave early to get DD to dance). It's it's exhausting, but I don't complain, because this is what I CHOSE. Some people just love to complain and she's one of them, who doesn't realize how good she has it.

Then summer comes and I mention that I can't get DD to a 3pm dance class and her attitude is basically "sucks to suck" and "omg I forget you don't have SUMMERS off" and it gets old real fast. I just say yep and walk away, because it's not worth it.

[Anonymous]

What are her exact words, be lcause you already sound crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would ignore her unless the comments are specifically addressed to me. I’d also focus on chatting with non-annoying moms. If you really can’t avoid her, I’d nicely contrast her negative attitude with a positive one.

“Ugh, you have to go into the office AGAIN?”

“I do, it might sound crazy to you, but being in the office really helps me focus/is helpful for collaboration/gets my creative juices flowing.” This all sounds cheesy, so DIY your reason.

You’re acknowledging her implied criticism and shutting it down.

She sounds like a PITA and I’m a SAHM who would avoid her.

Or "ugh. aren't you tired of sitting at home all day?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t work anymore. I sometimes comment on people’s work attire because they look nice. I miss going to an office.

When I was a working mom, I used to feel bad if there was a valentines play date in the middle of the day or a mom would plan some themed playground outing where everyone wears their favorite jersey. This would be after school before dinner and I would never be able to make these. No one ever tried to put me down.

I now sometimes host play dates on teacher work days or half days. I invite working moms and their kids and I think they get irritated at me and answer with I have to work. I think it is kind of rude.

Lol, what? You think THEY are rude for explaining why they can't make an event? What would you rather them say? I think you are rude for assuming parents can make things in the middle of the work day. If you want to invite them to something in the middle of the work day, say "I realize you may have to work, but wanted to include you in case you could make it"

You sound like a peach.

Most parents work. Our kids are in elementary. The parents don’t have to stay. It is a gesture to include the parents. Some parents drop off, stay for a few minutes and come back later. Some parents only drop off. Some parents hang out the entire time. Some parents may say they have a sitter or their kid is in camp. It is the tone of the mom who says they can’t participate because she is working that is off putting. There was this one mom I had asked if her daughter could go out for ice cream and go to the playground with us after school. Her answer was that her child has to go to after care because the parents have to work. The tone was what was rude. I could have taken her out, brought her back to our house for dinner or dropped child off at home. Her response was so negative that I never asked them to hang out again.