Are most men just inherently “selfish”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would think he's forgetful and inconsiderate. Were you texting him and he didn't respond?

If you weren't texting him, he probably thought you'd come back after a reasonable amount of time or the normal end of his workday.

If this is a pattern, break up with him.

Well, it’s really on OP if she chose to wander around in the dark instead of thinking “Hmm, guess he forgot to text, I’ll go home.” If he consistently ignores & flakes that’s an issue. But OP also has to be reasonable.

I don’t think that’s fair. She is thinking about what she would do in her boyfriend’s situation, WHICH WE ALL DO, and, in the best possible light, is exactly what he was doing.
She is thinking, “I would communicate and text, and I would be worried that he didn’t have anywhere to go and was upset.”
At BEST, he was thinking, “She would call or just come home if the coffee shop closes and she doesn’t have anywhere to go.”

And I am saying that there is merit in being more assertive and looking after your own interests, and less concerned with what other people are doing/thinking. It doesn’t mean her BF is less caring than she is. Just that he relies on people doing what it reasonable and doesn’t think it’s all on him. Unless he actually flaked out there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with assuming that a person would return to her own home when she needed to …

NP. I agree with the other poster that you’re attempting to mischaracterize the OP’s actions and making them seem “zanier” than they were. If her boyfriend did indeed need a silent apartment for his work event, then it would make perfect sense she wouldn’t want to disturb him while he worked and would wait for his call.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends on the person. My husband is much more thoughtful than I am - or it seems that it comes more naturally to him. I know what I “should” do, but I have to make a conscious effort to do it. We each have things we are better at remembering to be communicative or collaborative about regarding the kids and the house. If I actually need an update or a check-in because there is a subsequent event that depends on trading places / swapping cars / handing off the kids - I remind him or he reminds me. He tends to get “lost” in social situations and lose track of time and I tend to get “lost” at work and forget to let people know when I am coming home.
Unless it seems blatantly mean, controlling, or dismissive, I would just be more vocal about your needs. Like “I’m looking forward to dinner, please let me know when I can come back up and change to get ready.” I can see someone actually being selfish in a cruel way, but I can also recognize that keeping track of time and thinking of how your actions and schedule impact others is something some people are bad at - like remember names or thinking ahead.

[Anonymous]

No they’re not inherently or passively selfish.

They’re selfish because others let them be. Their parents, their girlfriend, their wives, their coworkers. That’s empowering and then more of the same, more selfishness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would think he's forgetful and inconsiderate. Were you texting him and he didn't respond?

If you weren't texting him, he probably thought you'd come back after a reasonable amount of time or the normal end of his workday.

If this is a pattern, break up with him.

Well, it’s really on OP if she chose to wander around in the dark instead of thinking “Hmm, guess he forgot to text, I’ll go home.” If he consistently ignores & flakes that’s an issue. But OP also has to be reasonable.

I don’t think that’s fair. She is thinking about what she would do in her boyfriend’s situation, WHICH WE ALL DO, and, in the best possible light, is exactly what he was doing.
She is thinking, “I would communicate and text, and I would be worried that he didn’t have anywhere to go and was upset.”
At BEST, he was thinking, “She would call or just come home if the coffee shop closes and she doesn’t have anywhere to go.”

And I am saying that there is merit in being more assertive and looking after your own interests, and less concerned with what other people are doing/thinking. It doesn’t mean her BF is less caring than she is. Just that he relies on people doing what it reasonable and doesn’t think it’s all on him. Unless he actually flaked out there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with assuming that a person would return to her own home when she needed to …

NP. I agree with the other poster that you’re attempting to mischaracterize the OP’s actions and making them seem “zanier” than they were. If her boyfriend did indeed need a silent apartment for his work event, then it would make perfect sense she wouldn’t want to disturb him while he worked and would wait for his call.

No, it really did not make sense for OP to wait until the coffee shop was closed and she had to wander around. Unless there was some very clear plan like “I will be presenting to the CEO from 4-6” at some point, most people would have assumed the BF forgot to text and have headed home. OP has only herself to blame for being too submissive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By that I mean, I feel like I’m constantly thinking of my boyfriend. For example, we share a small apartment and sometimes I need to have it by myself for meetings. Occasionally the reverse happens too, like yesterday. We had made plans to go to dinner after, but as the hours ticked by, I never heard anything from him, not until the coffeee shop had closed and I’d walked around our neighborhood in the dark. When he finally did text me to check in and give me the all clear to go back to the apartment, I was annoyed, because I’m always so communicative with him when he’s out of the apartment, and always thinking about him. This is obviously just the latest thing, it’s not a standalone. I just feel this kind of thing happens all the time- he seems to think mostly of himself whereas I think of “us” and “him” much more. But I don’t know if I’m overreacting and this is a tiny thing, or maybe just what you have to expect from all men, or if I just picked a selfish one. Would love to hear from the DCUM ladies, who have much more experience dealing with men than I do, I think

You live together so, presumably, you've been dating longer than a month or two. You both need to communicate better. I don't understand why either of you needs to leave the apt entirely, but that's beside the point.

Why don't you compare schedules? If you know he doesn't provide that information, TALK. TO. HIM.
"What time do you need the apt to yourself today?"
"What time will your meeting finish?"
"Text me when your meeting is finished. I'll be at the coffee shop."

Why on earth would you wander around in the dark instead of going out for a drink, or to run errands, or something of that nature? Your boyfriend communicates differently than you. You know this. Teach him how you want him to communicate, or ask more questions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would think he's forgetful and inconsiderate. Were you texting him and he didn't respond?

If you weren't texting him, he probably thought you'd come back after a reasonable amount of time or the normal end of his workday.

If this is a pattern, break up with him.

Well, it’s really on OP if she chose to wander around in the dark instead of thinking “Hmm, guess he forgot to text, I’ll go home.” If he consistently ignores & flakes that’s an issue. But OP also has to be reasonable.

I don’t think that’s fair. She is thinking about what she would do in her boyfriend’s situation, WHICH WE ALL DO, and, in the best possible light, is exactly what he was doing.
She is thinking, “I would communicate and text, and I would be worried that he didn’t have anywhere to go and was upset.”
At BEST, he was thinking, “She would call or just come home if the coffee shop closes and she doesn’t have anywhere to go.”

And I am saying that there is merit in being more assertive and looking after your own interests, and less concerned with what other people are doing/thinking. It doesn’t mean her BF is less caring than she is. Just that he relies on people doing what it reasonable and doesn’t think it’s all on him. Unless he actually flaked out there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with assuming that a person would return to her own home when she needed to …

NP. I agree with the other poster that you’re attempting to mischaracterize the OP’s actions and making them seem “zanier” than they were. If her boyfriend did indeed need a silent apartment for his work event, then it would make perfect sense she wouldn’t want to disturb him while he worked and would wait for his call.

No, it really did not make sense for OP to wait until the coffee shop was closed and she had to wander around. Unless there was some very clear plan like “I will be presenting to the CEO from 4-6” at some point, most people would have assumed the BF forgot to text and have headed home. OP has only herself to blame for being too submissive.

It really did, and since her boyfriend communicated to her that he needed the apartment to be silent (hence the whole reason this happened) it's respectful and kind of her to respect that and not text or call him. You sound like you dont have an awareness of healthy boundaries

[Anonymous]

In my experience, men think of themselves first. I have learned to self-advocate to avoid getting run over at home and work. For example, a colleague who brings in less revenue was getting a bigger paycheck at work. I had to work with a coach to learn how to negotiate for myself. My husband pulls crap all the time that prioritizes his work over mine concerning parenting tasks, and I have had to push for a firm schedule. I don't think it is fair to generalize, so I'll speak to my experience, which is that men in my life are takers, and I was raised to be a giver, and men took advantage of that, and I've needed outside help to learn how to set boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would think he's forgetful and inconsiderate. Were you texting him and he didn't respond?

If you weren't texting him, he probably thought you'd come back after a reasonable amount of time or the normal end of his workday.

If this is a pattern, break up with him.

Well, it’s really on OP if she chose to wander around in the dark instead of thinking “Hmm, guess he forgot to text, I’ll go home.” If he consistently ignores & flakes that’s an issue. But OP also has to be reasonable.

I don’t think that’s fair. She is thinking about what she would do in her boyfriend’s situation, WHICH WE ALL DO, and, in the best possible light, is exactly what he was doing.
She is thinking, “I would communicate and text, and I would be worried that he didn’t have anywhere to go and was upset.”
At BEST, he was thinking, “She would call or just come home if the coffee shop closes and she doesn’t have anywhere to go.”

And I am saying that there is merit in being more assertive and looking after your own interests, and less concerned with what other people are doing/thinking. It doesn’t mean her BF is less caring than she is. Just that he relies on people doing what it reasonable and doesn’t think it’s all on him. Unless he actually flaked out there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with assuming that a person would return to her own home when she needed to …

NP. I agree with the other poster that you’re attempting to mischaracterize the OP’s actions and making them seem “zanier” than they were. If her boyfriend did indeed need a silent apartment for his work event, then it would make perfect sense she wouldn’t want to disturb him while he worked and would wait for his call.

No, it really did not make sense for OP to wait until the coffee shop was closed and she had to wander around. Unless there was some very clear plan like “I will be presenting to the CEO from 4-6” at some point, most people would have assumed the BF forgot to text and have headed home. OP has only herself to blame for being too submissive.

It really did, and since her boyfriend communicated to her that he needed the apartment to be silent (hence the whole reason this happened) it's respectful and kind of her to respect that and not text or call him. You sound like you dont have an awareness of healthy boundaries

No, it’s not “respectful and kind”
to stay out of your own home until past nightfall when the logical assumption is that he *forgot to text.* Boundaries are one thing, being stupidly passive is another thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would think he's forgetful and inconsiderate. Were you texting him and he didn't respond?

If you weren't texting him, he probably thought you'd come back after a reasonable amount of time or the normal end of his workday.

If this is a pattern, break up with him.

Well, it’s really on OP if she chose to wander around in the dark instead of thinking “Hmm, guess he forgot to text, I’ll go home.” If he consistently ignores & flakes that’s an issue. But OP also has to be reasonable.

I don’t think that’s fair. She is thinking about what she would do in her boyfriend’s situation, WHICH WE ALL DO, and, in the best possible light, is exactly what he was doing.
She is thinking, “I would communicate and text, and I would be worried that he didn’t have anywhere to go and was upset.”
At BEST, he was thinking, “She would call or just come home if the coffee shop closes and she doesn’t have anywhere to go.”

And I am saying that there is merit in being more assertive and looking after your own interests, and less concerned with what other people are doing/thinking. It doesn’t mean her BF is less caring than she is. Just that he relies on people doing what it reasonable and doesn’t think it’s all on him. Unless he actually flaked out there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with assuming that a person would return to her own home when she needed to …

NP. I agree with the other poster that you’re attempting to mischaracterize the OP’s actions and making them seem “zanier” than they were. If her boyfriend did indeed need a silent apartment for his work event, then it would make perfect sense she wouldn’t want to disturb him while he worked and would wait for his call.

No, it really did not make sense for OP to wait until the coffee shop was closed and she had to wander around. Unless there was some very clear plan like “I will be presenting to the CEO from 4-6” at some point, most people would have assumed the BF forgot to text and have headed home. OP has only herself to blame for being too submissive.

It really did, and since her boyfriend communicated to her that he needed the apartment to be silent (hence the whole reason this happened) it's respectful and kind of her to respect that and not text or call him. You sound like you dont have an awareness of healthy boundaries

No, it’s not “respectful and kind”
to stay out of your own home until past nightfall when the logical assumption is that he *forgot to text.* Boundaries are one thing, being stupidly passive is another thing.

Why would you assume that a Zoom meeting would end simply because it got dark outside? Did you time travel from 1605?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would think he's forgetful and inconsiderate. Were you texting him and he didn't respond?

If you weren't texting him, he probably thought you'd come back after a reasonable amount of time or the normal end of his workday.

If this is a pattern, break up with him.

Well, it’s really on OP if she chose to wander around in the dark instead of thinking “Hmm, guess he forgot to text, I’ll go home.” If he consistently ignores & flakes that’s an issue. But OP also has to be reasonable.

I don’t think that’s fair. She is thinking about what she would do in her boyfriend’s situation, WHICH WE ALL DO, and, in the best possible light, is exactly what he was doing.
She is thinking, “I would communicate and text, and I would be worried that he didn’t have anywhere to go and was upset.”
At BEST, he was thinking, “She would call or just come home if the coffee shop closes and she doesn’t have anywhere to go.”

And I am saying that there is merit in being more assertive and looking after your own interests, and less concerned with what other people are doing/thinking. It doesn’t mean her BF is less caring than she is. Just that he relies on people doing what it reasonable and doesn’t think it’s all on him. Unless he actually flaked out there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with assuming that a person would return to her own home when she needed to …

NP. I agree with the other poster that you’re attempting to mischaracterize the OP’s actions and making them seem “zanier” than they were. If her boyfriend did indeed need a silent apartment for his work event, then it would make perfect sense she wouldn’t want to disturb him while he worked and would wait for his call.

No, it really did not make sense for OP to wait until the coffee shop was closed and she had to wander around. Unless there was some very clear plan like “I will be presenting to the CEO from 4-6” at some point, most people would have assumed the BF forgot to text and have headed home. OP has only herself to blame for being too submissive.

It really did, and since her boyfriend communicated to her that he needed the apartment to be silent (hence the whole reason this happened) it's respectful and kind of her to respect that and not text or call him. You sound like you dont have an awareness of healthy boundaries

No, it’s not “respectful and kind”
to stay out of your own home until past nightfall when the logical assumption is that he *forgot to text.* Boundaries are one thing, being stupidly passive is another thing.

Why would you assume that a Zoom meeting would end simply because it got dark outside? Did you time travel from 1605?

It gets dark around 7:30 pm now. Unless for some reason I knew that the meeting likely went past 6 AND it was actually so sensitive that I literally could not walk in the door, I’d be going home at a normal time. The much more reasonable assumption is that he forgot. You have only yourself to blame if you exaggerately defer to others. You’ll get walked on (and yes, men will be more likely to do it) and you won’t do anyone any good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would think he's forgetful and inconsiderate. Were you texting him and he didn't respond?

If you weren't texting him, he probably thought you'd come back after a reasonable amount of time or the normal end of his workday.

If this is a pattern, break up with him.

Well, it’s really on OP if she chose to wander around in the dark instead of thinking “Hmm, guess he forgot to text, I’ll go home.” If he consistently ignores & flakes that’s an issue. But OP also has to be reasonable.

I don’t think that’s fair. She is thinking about what she would do in her boyfriend’s situation, WHICH WE ALL DO, and, in the best possible light, is exactly what he was doing.
She is thinking, “I would communicate and text, and I would be worried that he didn’t have anywhere to go and was upset.”
At BEST, he was thinking, “She would call or just come home if the coffee shop closes and she doesn’t have anywhere to go.”

And I am saying that there is merit in being more assertive and looking after your own interests, and less concerned with what other people are doing/thinking. It doesn’t mean her BF is less caring than she is. Just that he relies on people doing what it reasonable and doesn’t think it’s all on him. Unless he actually flaked out there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with assuming that a person would return to her own home when she needed to …

NP. I agree with the other poster that you’re attempting to mischaracterize the OP’s actions and making them seem “zanier” than they were. If her boyfriend did indeed need a silent apartment for his work event, then it would make perfect sense she wouldn’t want to disturb him while he worked and would wait for his call.

No, it really did not make sense for OP to wait until the coffee shop was closed and she had to wander around. Unless there was some very clear plan like “I will be presenting to the CEO from 4-6” at some point, most people would have assumed the BF forgot to text and have headed home. OP has only herself to blame for being too submissive.

It really did, and since her boyfriend communicated to her that he needed the apartment to be silent (hence the whole reason this happened) it's respectful and kind of her to respect that and not text or call him. You sound like you dont have an awareness of healthy boundaries

No, it’s not “respectful and kind”
to stay out of your own home until past nightfall when the logical assumption is that he *forgot to text.* Boundaries are one thing, being stupidly passive is another thing.

Why would you assume that a Zoom meeting would end simply because it got dark outside? Did you time travel from 1605?

It gets dark around 7:30 pm now. Unless for some reason I knew that the meeting likely went past 6 AND it was actually so sensitive that I literally could not walk in the door, I’d be going home at a normal time. The much more reasonable assumption is that he forgot. You have only yourself to blame if you exaggerately defer to others. You’ll get walked on (and yes, men will be more likely to do it) and you won’t do anyone any good.

Plenty of meetings go on after dark- not sure why you think the Zoom servers magically shut down after sundown. 7:30 also isnt particularly late for certain industries- it's not like sunset happens at 11pm. Depending on how important the meeting was (presumably pretty important given him needing the apartment to himself) it's the respectful thing to not disturb your partner until youre sure it's fine. And it's the respectful thing for the other partner to anticipate that and text as soon as theyre done

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would think he's forgetful and inconsiderate. Were you texting him and he didn't respond?

If you weren't texting him, he probably thought you'd come back after a reasonable amount of time or the normal end of his workday.

If this is a pattern, break up with him.

Well, it’s really on OP if she chose to wander around in the dark instead of thinking “Hmm, guess he forgot to text, I’ll go home.” If he consistently ignores & flakes that’s an issue. But OP also has to be reasonable.

I don’t think that’s fair. She is thinking about what she would do in her boyfriend’s situation, WHICH WE ALL DO, and, in the best possible light, is exactly what he was doing.
She is thinking, “I would communicate and text, and I would be worried that he didn’t have anywhere to go and was upset.”
At BEST, he was thinking, “She would call or just come home if the coffee shop closes and she doesn’t have anywhere to go.”

And I am saying that there is merit in being more assertive and looking after your own interests, and less concerned with what other people are doing/thinking. It doesn’t mean her BF is less caring than she is. Just that he relies on people doing what it reasonable and doesn’t think it’s all on him. Unless he actually flaked out there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with assuming that a person would return to her own home when she needed to …

NP. I agree with the other poster that you’re attempting to mischaracterize the OP’s actions and making them seem “zanier” than they were. If her boyfriend did indeed need a silent apartment for his work event, then it would make perfect sense she wouldn’t want to disturb him while he worked and would wait for his call.

No, it really did not make sense for OP to wait until the coffee shop was closed and she had to wander around. Unless there was some very clear plan like “I will be presenting to the CEO from 4-6” at some point, most people would have assumed the BF forgot to text and have headed home. OP has only herself to blame for being too submissive.

It really did, and since her boyfriend communicated to her that he needed the apartment to be silent (hence the whole reason this happened) it's respectful and kind of her to respect that and not text or call him. You sound like you dont have an awareness of healthy boundaries

No, it’s not “respectful and kind”
to stay out of your own home until past nightfall when the logical assumption is that he *forgot to text.* Boundaries are one thing, being stupidly passive is another thing.

Why would you assume that a Zoom meeting would end simply because it got dark outside? Did you time travel from 1605?

It gets dark around 7:30 pm now. Unless for some reason I knew that the meeting likely went past 6 AND it was actually so sensitive that I literally could not walk in the door, I’d be going home at a normal time. The much more reasonable assumption is that he forgot. You have only yourself to blame if you exaggerately defer to others. You’ll get walked on (and yes, men will be more likely to do it) and you won’t do anyone any good.

Plenty of meetings go on after dark- not sure why you think the Zoom servers magically shut down after sundown. 7:30 also isnt particularly late for certain industries- it's not like sunset happens at 11pm. Depending on how important the meeting was (presumably pretty important given him needing the apartment to himself) it's the respectful thing to not disturb your partner until youre sure it's fine. And it's the respectful thing for the other partner to anticipate that and text as soon as theyre done

Look, there’s being “respectful and kind” and there’s being a doormat. That’s the point. No man would mope around outside until 8pm because he thought *maybe* his GF was still on a zoom call. It’s not actually respectful and kind to be a martyr. You inconvenience yourself and then make everyone pay.

And there’s also just having common sense. If OP didn’t have the common sense to just … go home … and as a result caused herself discomfort and is now mad at her BF, that’s just dumb. You have to be responsible for yourself and be able to figure things out on a practical level. Like if her BF said he would go shopping and get milk but didn’t, then she opened the fridge and saw only expired milk, if she drinks the sour milk because she assumes he just bought it, that’s her own d*mn fault. Use your brain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would think he's forgetful and inconsiderate. Were you texting him and he didn't respond?

If you weren't texting him, he probably thought you'd come back after a reasonable amount of time or the normal end of his workday.

If this is a pattern, break up with him.

Well, it’s really on OP if she chose to wander around in the dark instead of thinking “Hmm, guess he forgot to text, I’ll go home.” If he consistently ignores & flakes that’s an issue. But OP also has to be reasonable.

I don’t think that’s fair. She is thinking about what she would do in her boyfriend’s situation, WHICH WE ALL DO, and, in the best possible light, is exactly what he was doing.
She is thinking, “I would communicate and text, and I would be worried that he didn’t have anywhere to go and was upset.”
At BEST, he was thinking, “She would call or just come home if the coffee shop closes and she doesn’t have anywhere to go.”

And I am saying that there is merit in being more assertive and looking after your own interests, and less concerned with what other people are doing/thinking. It doesn’t mean her BF is less caring than she is. Just that he relies on people doing what it reasonable and doesn’t think it’s all on him. Unless he actually flaked out there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with assuming that a person would return to her own home when she needed to …

NP. I agree with the other poster that you’re attempting to mischaracterize the OP’s actions and making them seem “zanier” than they were. If her boyfriend did indeed need a silent apartment for his work event, then it would make perfect sense she wouldn’t want to disturb him while he worked and would wait for his call.

No, it really did not make sense for OP to wait until the coffee shop was closed and she had to wander around. Unless there was some very clear plan like “I will be presenting to the CEO from 4-6” at some point, most people would have assumed the BF forgot to text and have headed home. OP has only herself to blame for being too submissive.

It really did, and since her boyfriend communicated to her that he needed the apartment to be silent (hence the whole reason this happened) it's respectful and kind of her to respect that and not text or call him. You sound like you dont have an awareness of healthy boundaries

No, it’s not “respectful and kind”
to stay out of your own home until past nightfall when the logical assumption is that he *forgot to text.* Boundaries are one thing, being stupidly passive is another thing.

Why would you assume that a Zoom meeting would end simply because it got dark outside? Did you time travel from 1605?

It gets dark around 7:30 pm now. Unless for some reason I knew that the meeting likely went past 6 AND it was actually so sensitive that I literally could not walk in the door, I’d be going home at a normal time. The much more reasonable assumption is that he forgot. You have only yourself to blame if you exaggerately defer to others. You’ll get walked on (and yes, men will be more likely to do it) and you won’t do anyone any good.

Plenty of meetings go on after dark- not sure why you think the Zoom servers magically shut down after sundown. 7:30 also isnt particularly late for certain industries- it's not like sunset happens at 11pm. Depending on how important the meeting was (presumably pretty important given him needing the apartment to himself) it's the respectful thing to not disturb your partner until youre sure it's fine. And it's the respectful thing for the other partner to anticipate that and text as soon as theyre done

This is a whole lot of tangled nonsense considering the meeting appeared to end at a normal time and the BF just forgot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By that I mean, I feel like I’m constantly thinking of my boyfriend. For example, we share a small apartment and sometimes I need to have it by myself for meetings. Occasionally the reverse happens too, like yesterday. We had made plans to go to dinner after, but as the hours ticked by, I never heard anything from him, not until the coffeee shop had closed and I’d walked around our neighborhood in the dark. When he finally did text me to check in and give me the all clear to go back to the apartment, I was annoyed, because I’m always so communicative with him when he’s out of the apartment, and always thinking about him. This is obviously just the latest thing, it’s not a standalone. I just feel this kind of thing happens all the time- he seems to think mostly of himself whereas I think of “us” and “him” much more. But I don’t know if I’m overreacting and this is a tiny thing, or maybe just what you have to expect from all men, or if I just picked a selfish one. Would love to hear from the DCUM ladies, who have much more experience dealing with men than I do, I think

This was too long for me to read the whole thing. But since you’re a woman, it’s safe to assume you’re overreacting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my experience, men think of themselves first. I have learned to self-advocate to avoid getting run over at home and work. For example, a colleague who brings in less revenue was getting a bigger paycheck at work. I had to work with a coach to learn how to negotiate for myself. My husband pulls crap all the time that prioritizes his work over mine concerning parenting tasks, and I have had to push for a firm schedule. I don't think it is fair to generalize, so I'll speak to my experience, which is that men in my life are takers, and I was raised to be a giver, and men took advantage of that, and I've needed outside help to learn how to set boundaries.

Totally agree with this poster . You have to learn to stand up for your needs because as a married woman I know men will just push the boundary as much as they can . There are a few giver men out there but not too many . Men are generally poor communicators and let things like this slip their mind conveniently. I also would have just said f it and gone home once it went on too long.