Reply to Are most men just inherently “selfish”?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would think he's forgetful and inconsiderate. Were you texting him and he didn't respond?

If you weren't texting him, he probably thought you'd come back after a reasonable amount of time or the normal end of his workday.

If this is a pattern, break up with him.[/quote]

Well, it’s really on OP if she chose to wander around in the dark instead of thinking “Hmm, guess he forgot to text, I’ll go home.” If he consistently ignores & flakes that’s an issue. But OP also has to be reasonable. [/quote]

I don’t think that’s fair.  She is thinking about what she would do in her boyfriend’s situation, WHICH WE ALL DO, and, in the best possible light, is exactly what he was doing.  
She is thinking, “I would communicate and text, and I would be worried that he didn’t have anywhere to go and was upset.”  
At BEST, he was thinking, “She would call or just come home if the coffee shop closes and she doesn’t have anywhere to go.”  [/quote]

And I am saying that there is merit in being more assertive and looking after your own interests, and less concerned with what other people are doing/thinking. It doesn’t mean her BF is less caring than she is. Just that he relies on people doing what it reasonable and doesn’t think it’s all on him. Unless he actually flaked out there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with assuming that a person would return to her own home when she needed to …[/quote]

NP. I agree with the other poster that you’re attempting to mischaracterize the OP’s actions and making them seem “zanier” than they were. If her boyfriend did indeed need a silent apartment for his work event, then it would make perfect sense she wouldn’t want to disturb him while he worked and would wait for his call.[/quote]

No, it really did not make sense for OP to wait until the coffee shop was closed and she had to wander around. Unless there was some very clear plan like “I will be presenting to the CEO from 4-6” at some point, most people would have assumed the BF forgot to text and have headed home. OP has only herself to blame for being too submissive. [/quote]

It really did, and since her boyfriend communicated to her that he needed the apartment to be silent (hence the whole reason this happened) it's respectful and kind of her to respect that and not text or call him.  You sound like you dont have an awareness of healthy boundaries [/quote]

No, it’s not “respectful and kind”
to stay out of your own home until past nightfall when the logical assumption is that he *forgot to text.* Boundaries are one thing, being stupidly passive is another thing. [/quote]

Why would you assume that a Zoom meeting would end simply because it got dark outside?  Did you time travel from 1605?[/quote]

It gets dark around 7:30 pm now. Unless for some reason I knew that the meeting likely went past 6 AND it was actually so sensitive that I literally could not walk in the door, I’d be going home at a normal time. The much more reasonable assumption is that he forgot. You have only yourself to blame if you exaggerately defer to others. You’ll get walked on (and yes, men will be more likely to do it) and you won’t do anyone any good. [/quote]
Plenty of meetings go on after dark- not sure why you think the Zoom servers magically shut down after sundown.  7:30 also isnt particularly late for certain industries- it's not like sunset happens at 11pm.  Depending on how important the meeting was (presumably pretty important given him needing the apartment to himself) it's the respectful thing to not disturb your partner until youre sure it's fine. And it's the respectful thing for the other partner to anticipate that and text as soon as theyre done[/quote]

Look, there’s being “respectful and kind” and there’s being a doormat. That’s the point. No man would mope around outside until 8pm because he thought *maybe* his GF was still on a zoom call. It’s not actually respectful and kind to be a martyr. You inconvenience yourself and then make everyone pay.

And there’s also just having common sense. If OP didn’t have the common sense to just … go home … and as a result caused herself discomfort and is now mad at her BF, that’s just dumb. You have to be responsible for yourself and be able to figure things out on a practical level. Like if her BF said he would go shopping and get milk but didn’t, then she opened the fridge and saw only expired milk, if she drinks the sour milk because she assumes he just bought it, that’s her own d*mn fault. Use your brain. [/quote]

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