Addressing comment about racism

[Anonymous]

OP, your kid is a kindergartner. It is time to move on. You've missed the window to apply to other private schools. So now he can go to public school, where 3rd graders will never be talking to to the little kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I understand that you don’t want your kid to be labeled as a racist, but I really think that you have to understand this as a sign of how deeply hurtful this was to the other child. Trust me the other child’s parents are also having some difficult conversations trying to convey that their daughter’s feelings are valid, they have her back, and that she’s safe, but that she has to let it go. Continuing to escalate the situation until you achieve some perfect scenario which I don’t think you’ve articulated in your mind, never mind whether it’s realizable, will just victimize BOTH children over and over again. Don’t do that.

But DO express to the school that some inappropriate stuff is going on during aftercare - you should be asking the person who is supposed to be supervising to take some responsibility, not righteously lobbing some of yours (that you carefully and thoughtfully took) back onto that girl.

OP here. This is so spot on that. I’m not even going to read anymore. Thank you so much for posting this.

[Anonymous]

OP, the kid thinks your child is racist because they used racist words. That’s their opinion and they’re entitled to it. The victim is the child that was racially attacked, not your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That 3rd grader was verbally attacked. Just because your kindergartner apologized doesn't mean the 3rd grader has to accept the apology. This is a good lesson for your kid - some things hurt people REALLY deeply. And some things you can't just apologize away. From now on, he needs to come ask what things mean before repeating them lest this happen again. It's a harsh lesson, but so is life.

The 3rd grader was verbally attacked and is now recounting what happened. You're asking an 8 or 9 yr old to have grace because your son who made a mistake is 5 or 6. But he's not required to. It's okay for a 3rd grader to be hurt and to tell people about it.

The third grader doesn’t have to accept the apology and like OP’s child. But it’s also wrong to label a very young child who is still learning about social issues as a racist. I have a K and 3rd grade kid, so I know first hand exactly how large the developmental difference is between a 5/6 year old and an 8/9 year old. The third grader knows full stop that going around telling people this child is a racist will cause OP’s child to be excluded and potentially bullied by other students.

In fact I would say an older elementary child singling out a very young child with a negative label is a a much more intentional harmful act than a K kid repeating something they likely didn’t fully grasp the meaning of. Really, it’s the original third grader who said the word that is most at fault in this whole situation. I hope since OP quickly corrected her child and made him apologize, the other parents will nip their child in the bud from continuing this situation.

That said, there really isn’t much OP can do at this point. Any attempt to clear her child’s name will just result in a Streisand effect. I think at this point you just have to wait for it to die down … maybe loop the K teacher in so she can keep an eye on the situation. And I’d maybe tell a couple close friends what happened and how it was promptly handled with a lesson/apology so these friends can help set the record straight in case the rumor mill winds up as a game of telephone.

[Anonymous]

Terrible school environment. One kid has a racial slur thrown at them and a kindergartner is labeled a racist for once using a word he does not understand and was probably goaded into using.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Terrible school environment. One kid has a racial slur thrown at them and a kindergartner is labeled a racist for once using a word he does not understand and was probably goaded into using.

If he used it contextually he had some level of understanding. He may not have understood the severity of the word but likely knew it wasn’t a positive term.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Terrible school environment. One kid has a racial slur thrown at them and a kindergartner is labeled a racist for once using a word he does not understand and was probably goaded into using.

If he used it contextually he had some level of understanding. He may not have understood the severity of the word but likely knew it wasn’t a positive term.

Except the child’s five and the term had no more meaning to him than if he had called the third grader a poopyhead.

[Anonymous]

Actions have consequences?

This is why your white kid needed to learn before kindergarten that we don’t say things about how people look, because those things can hurt feelings. Your white kid needed to learn before kindergarten that race in particular has a hard, sad history and saying things about someone’s skin color can be more hurtful than they understand.

But since you didn’t do that, your kid is learning that sometimes actions have unintended consequences. I agree they’re learning it in a harsh way but for that I’m afraid you only have yourself to blame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Terrible school environment. One kid has a racial slur thrown at them and a kindergartner is labeled a racist for once using a word he does not understand and was probably goaded into using.

If he used it contextually he had some level of understanding. He may not have understood the severity of the word but likely knew it wasn’t a positive term.

Except the child’s five and the term had no more meaning to him than if he had called the third grader a poopyhead.

If that were true he wouldn’t have singled out a racial minority to say it to. He would have said it to the white girl next to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Terrible school environment. One kid has a racial slur thrown at them and a kindergartner is labeled a racist for once using a word he does not understand and was probably goaded into using.

If he used it contextually he had some level of understanding. He may not have understood the severity of the word but likely knew it wasn’t a positive term.

You've got the power dynamics way off (as apparently does the 3rd grader, who is also being raised wrong). A 3rd grader has much more power than a kindergartner. She may have been taught to feel harmed but actually she's behaving very aggressively by attacking a kindergartner.

[Anonymous]

Why should the third grader have to keep son’s behaviors secret? Why does she get a job because your son did something wrong? Do you see how ridiculous that is?

[Anonymous]

NP. I taught my sons to look out for younger children, to be careful of them, help if needed, and ignore any bad behavior by them, which included the occasional hitting, throwing things, or bad language. Do parents not teach their daughters that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. I taught my sons to look out for younger children, to be careful of them, help if needed, and ignore any bad behavior by them, which included the occasional hitting, throwing things, or bad language. Do parents not teach their daughters that?

NP. I only have daughters. I do tell them to look out for younger children, but I don't have them accept physical violence from anyone. They are taught to say please stop and if it doesn't stop get an authority figure. Why would we let violence from kids slide just because they are young? It doesn't stop unless kids are taught to stop it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Terrible school environment. One kid has a racial slur thrown at them and a kindergartner is labeled a racist for once using a word he does not understand and was probably goaded into using.

If he used it contextually he had some level of understanding. He may not have understood the severity of the word but likely knew it wasn’t a positive term.

Except the child’s five and the term had no more meaning to him than if he had called the third grader a poopyhead.

If that were true he wouldn’t have singled out a racial minority to say it to. He would have said it to the white girl next to him.

He heard the other 3rd grader say it to the same girl and repeated it, he did not single out a random Asian minority. Yes a five year old brain is not developed enough to have cognitive flexibility let alone contextual nuances. He learned his lesson, stigmatizing him as a racist to the school community is a very cruel thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Terrible school environment. One kid has a racial slur thrown at them and a kindergartner is labeled a racist for once using a word he does not understand and was probably goaded into using.

If he used it contextually he had some level of understanding. He may not have understood the severity of the word but likely knew it wasn’t a positive term.

Except the child’s five and the term had no more meaning to him than if he had called the third grader a poopyhead.

If that were true he wouldn’t have singled out a racial minority to say it to. He would have said it to the white girl next to him.

He heard the other 3rd grader say it to the same girl and repeated it, he did not single out a random Asian minority. Yes a five year old brain is not developed enough to have cognitive flexibility let alone contextual nuances. He learned his lesson, stigmatizing him as a racist to the school community is a very cruel thing.

What lesson did he learn? It doesn’t sound like there were consequences for his behavior unless I misread the OP.