Addressing comment about racism

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Terrible school environment. One kid has a racial slur thrown at them and a kindergartner is labeled a racist for once using a word he does not understand and was probably goaded into using.

If he used it contextually he had some level of understanding. He may not have understood the severity of the word but likely knew it wasn’t a positive term.

Except the child’s five and the term had no more meaning to him than if he had called the third grader a poopyhead.

If that were true he wouldn’t have singled out a racial minority to say it to. He would have said it to the white girl next to him.

He heard the other 3rd grader say it to the same girl and repeated it, he did not single out a random Asian minority. Yes a five year old brain is not developed enough to have cognitive flexibility let alone contextual nuances. He learned his lesson, stigmatizing him as a racist to the school community is a very cruel thing.

That is not what the OP says, are you the OP or are you writing fan fiction?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why should the third grader have to keep son’s behaviors secret? Why does she get a job because your son did something wrong? Do you see how ridiculous that is?

She does not need to keep anything a secret but why does she keep advertising this? And why has she singled out the kindergartner and not her 3rd grade peer?

[Anonymous]

This is a rare case where restorative justice is actually called for. Kids are stupid (not their fault! They are little kids!). Teacher should sit them down for a conversation, teach a lesson, and then enforce anti-slander rules going forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why should the third grader have to keep son’s behaviors secret? Why does she get a job because your son did something wrong? Do you see how ridiculous that is?

She does not need to keep anything a secret but why does she keep advertising this? And why has she singled out the kindergartner and not her 3rd grade peer?

The OP doesn’t say the third grade peer said anything to the little girl— only that the peer “taught” the OPs child the word. The person who went up to the little girl and said something offensive was OPs child.

You’re right. She does not need to keep anything a secret. If OP doesn’t want the ugly truth told about her child’s behavior she can work to improve that behavior.

[Anonymous]

This is a truly hilarious and deeply worrying microcosm of gender dynamics in the U.S.

Oh yes we all agree the boys behavior was unacceptable but if the girl keeps telling the truth about his behavior it might ruin his (kindergarten) career!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. I taught my sons to look out for younger children, to be careful of them, help if needed, and ignore any bad behavior by them, which included the occasional hitting, throwing things, or bad language. Do parents not teach their daughters that?

NP. I only have daughters. I do tell them to look out for younger children, but I don't have them accept physical violence from anyone. They are taught to say please stop and if it doesn't stop get an authority figure. Why would we let violence from kids slide just because they are young? It doesn't stop unless kids are taught to stop it.

100% You don't ignore someone getting hurt.

I tell my kid, if kids are being naughty (low class, but consensual, behavior), ignore it ad don't participate. But if someone is trying to hurt someone, get an adult.

[Anonymous]

Most of you are batsh!t. A five year old can’t be racist. If the third grader’s parents had functioning brains THEY would have made sure not to make this “a thing” but no - they have to make sure their special snowflake feels “victimized” and “deeply hurt” by a freaking kindergartener who doesn’t have the mental capacity to distinguish whatever he said from “poopy head” or “buttface”.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you’ve handled this well, and are thinking about it in helpful ways. I also agree with the PP who pointed out how the third grader might be feeling and what she might be processing. While this might blow over quickly for your son, you have no way of knowing the impact of this incident on the other child.

One possibility is to seek guidance from the school, and find out what — if anything— the school is doing school wide to address these types of issues.

I’m NOT suggesting that you do this, but I can say that I’ve worked in schools as a consultant, and, in a situation like this, with permission from the parents, I would meet with each kid separately to explore the incident— if they wished to do so. I would also ask each student if they wanted to meet with the other student with me to talk about what happened. That would give the other student an opportunity to share how she felt if she wanted to, and give your son a chance to do the same. The kids could then share a bit of play time together if they wished. I’ve done this a lot with kids, and the students involved almost always welcome the opportunity to be heard as a positive step in resolving any conflict — particularly when the conflict was not entirely intentional. I mention this suggesting one possible course of action. I’m not recommending it — because it’s hard to know if your school setting has someone in this type of neutral-yet generally positive role who could pull this off without it feeling like a disciplinary concern. (I worked at a school with K teacher who was universally respected and well-thought of. She often had similar interventions with even middle school students who had had her as a teacher. )

Tldr: Is there a counselor or other staff member at the school that you could consult for suggestions and possible interventions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actions have consequences?

This is why your white kid needed to learn before kindergarten that we don’t say things about how people look, because those things can hurt feelings. Your white kid needed to learn before kindergarten that race in particular has a hard, sad history and saying things about someone’s skin color can be more hurtful than they understand.

But since you didn’t do that, your kid is learning that sometimes actions have unintended consequences. I agree they’re learning it in a harsh way but for that I’m afraid you only have yourself to blame.

Holy cow, you can’t be serious. Enjoy the consequences of this insane line of “thinking” which will almost undoubtedly be four more years of Trump.

Seriously, SO SICK of people like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why should the third grader have to keep son’s behaviors secret? Why does she get a job because your son did something wrong? Do you see how ridiculous that is?

She does not need to keep anything a secret but why does she keep advertising this? And why has she singled out the kindergartner and not her 3rd grade peer?

“Advertising “? That’s an interesting word for an adult to use about a child who was on the receiving end of someone else’s hurtful behavior. Possibly because she’s hurt, even deeply hurt, and dealing with the loss of what she believed was a safe space.
She’s talking about it because kids who are secure enough tend to talk openly about things that matter to them.
She’s singled out the kid who’s behavior hurt her directly. She may not even be aware of the third grader’s role in this. DP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a truly hilarious and deeply worrying microcosm of gender dynamics in the U.S.

Oh yes we all agree the boys behavior was unacceptable but if the girl keeps telling the truth about his behavior it might ruin his (kindergarten) career!

This has nothing to do with gender, it could have been two girls. The 3rd grader on a personal vendetta to expose a racist kindergartner is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a truly hilarious and deeply worrying microcosm of gender dynamics in the U.S.

Oh yes we all agree the boys behavior was unacceptable but if the girl keeps telling the truth about his behavior it might ruin his (kindergarten) career!

This has nothing to do with gender, it could have been two girls. The 3rd grader on a personal vendetta to expose a racist kindergartner is ridiculous.

Gender has a lot to do with this, if you're being honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a truly hilarious and deeply worrying microcosm of gender dynamics in the U.S.

Oh yes we all agree the boys behavior was unacceptable but if the girl keeps telling the truth about his behavior it might ruin his (kindergarten) career!

This has nothing to do with gender, it could have been two girls. The 3rd grader on a personal vendetta to expose a racist kindergartner is ridiculous.

A five year old can’t be a racist but an eight year old can have a vendetta?

Amazing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actions have consequences?

This is why your white kid needed to learn before kindergarten that we don’t say things about how people look, because those things can hurt feelings. Your white kid needed to learn before kindergarten that race in particular has a hard, sad history and saying things about someone’s skin color can be more hurtful than they understand.

But since you didn’t do that, your kid is learning that sometimes actions have unintended consequences. I agree they’re learning it in a harsh way but for that I’m afraid you only have yourself to blame.

Holy cow, you can’t be serious. Enjoy the consequences of this insane line of “thinking” which will almost undoubtedly be four more years of Trump.

Seriously, SO SICK of people like you.

Which part triggered you? Actions having consequences or teaching your kids not to say mean things about the color of peoples skin because there’s a long sad history there?

Because I have to tell you these are things my Republican parents had no problem teaching me in the eighties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a truly hilarious and deeply worrying microcosm of gender dynamics in the U.S.

Oh yes we all agree the boys behavior was unacceptable but if the girl keeps telling the truth about his behavior it might ruin his (kindergarten) career!

This has nothing to do with gender, it could have been two girls. The 3rd grader on a personal vendetta to expose a racist kindergartner is ridiculous.

A five year old can’t be a racist but an eight year old can have a vendetta?

Amazing.

Yeah human development is pretty amazing. A 2 year old who pulls my 5 year old’s hair is not labeled an aggressor. It’s not pleasant, but we understand they are learning impulse control.