Addressing comment about racism

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:That 3rd grader was verbally attacked. Just because your kindergartner apologized doesn't mean the 3rd grader has to accept the apology. This is a good lesson for your kid - some things hurt people REALLY deeply. And some things you can't just apologize away. From now on, he needs to come ask what things mean before repeating them lest this happen again. It's a harsh lesson, but so is life.

The 3rd grader was verbally attacked and is now recounting what happened. You're asking an 8 or 9 yr old to have grace because your son who made a mistake is 5 or 6. But he's not required to. It's okay for a 3rd grader to be hurt and to tell people about it.

OP here. Thank you. Yes to all of this. I have not said anything b/c of all of this. I am very uncomfortable about turning the tables on the other child.

You should not be.
This feeling is exactly why some dishonest people use the racism labels to get away with their own shortcomings.
Email the admin

Definitely. Because what will improve the (true) story of a five year old calling a schoolmate an inappropriate name will be the equally (true) chapter two when the White mother calls the school to try to get an eight year old girl in trouble for reporting honestly about how a boy spoke to her. That will absolutely win you the validation you’re seeking. Everyone will want to be friends with your kid then.

Take. The. L.

If this is bothering your son, make it a teachable moment. Ask him what the little girl might be thinking to still need to talk about what happened to her. Let his discomfort reinforce how serious his mistake was.

Or, you know, teach him that his actions don’t have consequences and lean in hard on that #BoyMom trope.

DP. That's fine and all. Can you also teach your girls to get over themselves and learn to be people instead of victims? Girls have a lot of power right now and they don't know the right way to use it. Their parents aren't teaching them. The system isn't teaching them either.

What power is it you think this eight year old is abusing? The power to tell the truth about something that happened to her?

You’re right about one thing— telling the truth about her experience isn’t something this little girl would always been able to do. I’m sorry you see it as a bad thing that girls can “right now”.

We're talking about a 3rd grader obsessed with a kindergartener.

Telling people that a kid said something inappropriate to her makes her “obsessed” now? Neat.

Offhand how often is she allowed to tell someone something that happened to her before she reaches your limit on how much an eight year old girl may speak about her experiences?

She didn’t say what happened. She called the kid a racist. She’s assigning a motive to his action despite the fact he is a young child who apologized. That is the problem. And if she’s going around giving him this label to look bad, I bet she’s not giving a full version of events including that he apologized.

An eight year old girl, describing someone using an offensive term to her, said “he was racist”. That’s what the OP said, you made up all the rest of it on your own.

What about what she said is inaccurate? Behaving in a racist way= racist. She used the past tense so perhaps she’s hopeful he will improve.

No. A five year old using a racist word is not “behaving in a racist way”. He is behaving in a five year old way.

You are ridiculous.

She’s eight. She’s a child, describing something that happened to her honestly, in a factual way even if one you don’t like. To put it your way— she’s behaving in an eight year old way in describing what happened to her.

This rush to defend a “fragile” male whose mother says he isn’t impacted by it is really telling.

NP. No she's not being factual. A kindergartner repeating a word they don't understand isn't being racist. That's not about "defending" him, that's just describing what happened accurately.

Yes, she's behaving in a normal eight year old way, but she's still getting it wrong in calling him racist. The adults around her should step in and help her understand what's going on, so that when she's older she can behave in an appropriate adult way. Both kids need to learn something from this, even though both are acting in age appropriate ways.

If he pushed her and she broke her arm. She would say “he was mean”. That might not mean the kid is always mean, but it would mean what he did in the moment was mean.

What the kid did in the moment was racist. Was it with perfect understanding of the enormity of that fact? No. But he selected a child of a minority race to say something inappropriate to. As stated upthred— if he picked the little white girl sitting next to him to try out his new word on, that’s not racist even if it is still an in appropriate word to say. Hopefully he won’t always be so, but pretending what he did wasn’t racist is incorrect.

What if they were playing a physical game, or he was falling or losing his balance, and he *accidentally* pushed her? Is that still “mean”?

(As an aside, how do you know he didn’t call other kids this name as well? OP only heard from the parents of one kid but that doesn’t mean he didn’t throw the new word around at others.)

The five year old isn’t racist. The five year old wasn’t behaving in a racist way. Again, you are completely and utterly ridiculous.

Mature people can distinguish between intent and deed; it’s pathetic that so many posters in this thread apparently cannot.

This wasn’t an accident, which is the whole point. If he pushed a kid on purpose and she broke her arm, he was mean. Doesn’t mean he’s a mean kid or even that he meant to do something SO hurtful, but it is what it is.

Your “it was an accident!” Analogy works if he learned his fun new word, started yelling it, and this girl happens to overhear. It may be upsetting to her and he’s still being inappropriate and should be taught better, but it’s an accident as you describe. That he instead went and said his fun new racially inappropriate word to a little girl of color is not an accident.

If he pushed a white 3rd grade girl, she broke her arm and went around school telling her peers the kindergartner was a violent person I would have the same reaction.

She isn’t saying, per the OP, that “he is a racist person”. If she told her peers he “was violent” she’s being accurate. It’s weird that you don’t think girls are allowed to say what happens to them if it might make a boy uncomfortable with the outcome of his behavior, which in this case is only going to help him in the long term.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:That 3rd grader was verbally attacked. Just because your kindergartner apologized doesn't mean the 3rd grader has to accept the apology. This is a good lesson for your kid - some things hurt people REALLY deeply. And some things you can't just apologize away. From now on, he needs to come ask what things mean before repeating them lest this happen again. It's a harsh lesson, but so is life.

The 3rd grader was verbally attacked and is now recounting what happened. You're asking an 8 or 9 yr old to have grace because your son who made a mistake is 5 or 6. But he's not required to. It's okay for a 3rd grader to be hurt and to tell people about it.

OP here. Thank you. Yes to all of this. I have not said anything b/c of all of this. I am very uncomfortable about turning the tables on the other child.

You should not be.
This feeling is exactly why some dishonest people use the racism labels to get away with their own shortcomings.
Email the admin

Definitely. Because what will improve the (true) story of a five year old calling a schoolmate an inappropriate name will be the equally (true) chapter two when the White mother calls the school to try to get an eight year old girl in trouble for reporting honestly about how a boy spoke to her. That will absolutely win you the validation you’re seeking. Everyone will want to be friends with your kid then.

Take. The. L.

If this is bothering your son, make it a teachable moment. Ask him what the little girl might be thinking to still need to talk about what happened to her. Let his discomfort reinforce how serious his mistake was.

Or, you know, teach him that his actions don’t have consequences and lean in hard on that #BoyMom trope.

DP. That's fine and all. Can you also teach your girls to get over themselves and learn to be people instead of victims? Girls have a lot of power right now and they don't know the right way to use it. Their parents aren't teaching them. The system isn't teaching them either.

What power is it you think this eight year old is abusing? The power to tell the truth about something that happened to her?

You’re right about one thing— telling the truth about her experience isn’t something this little girl would always been able to do. I’m sorry you see it as a bad thing that girls can “right now”.

We're talking about a 3rd grader obsessed with a kindergartener.

Telling people that a kid said something inappropriate to her makes her “obsessed” now? Neat.

Offhand how often is she allowed to tell someone something that happened to her before she reaches your limit on how much an eight year old girl may speak about her experiences?

She didn’t say what happened. She called the kid a racist. She’s assigning a motive to his action despite the fact he is a young child who apologized. That is the problem. And if she’s going around giving him this label to look bad, I bet she’s not giving a full version of events including that he apologized.

An eight year old girl, describing someone using an offensive term to her, said “he was racist”. That’s what the OP said, you made up all the rest of it on your own.

What about what she said is inaccurate? Behaving in a racist way= racist. She used the past tense so perhaps she’s hopeful he will improve.

No. A five year old using a racist word is not “behaving in a racist way”. He is behaving in a five year old way.

You are ridiculous.

She’s eight. She’s a child, describing something that happened to her honestly, in a factual way even if one you don’t like. To put it your way— she’s behaving in an eight year old way in describing what happened to her.

This rush to defend a “fragile” male whose mother says he isn’t impacted by it is really telling.

NP. No she's not being factual. A kindergartner repeating a word they don't understand isn't being racist. That's not about "defending" him, that's just describing what happened accurately.

Yes, she's behaving in a normal eight year old way, but she's still getting it wrong in calling him racist. The adults around her should step in and help her understand what's going on, so that when she's older she can behave in an appropriate adult way. Both kids need to learn something from this, even though both are acting in age appropriate ways.

If he pushed her and she broke her arm. She would say “he was mean”. That might not mean the kid is always mean, but it would mean what he did in the moment was mean.

What the kid did in the moment was racist. Was it with perfect understanding of the enormity of that fact? No. But he selected a child of a minority race to say something inappropriate to. As stated upthred— if he picked the little white girl sitting next to him to try out his new word on, that’s not racist even if it is still an in appropriate word to say. Hopefully he won’t always be so, but pretending what he did wasn’t racist is incorrect.

What if they were playing a physical game, or he was falling or losing his balance, and he *accidentally* pushed her? Is that still “mean”?

(As an aside, how do you know he didn’t call other kids this name as well? OP only heard from the parents of one kid but that doesn’t mean he didn’t throw the new word around at others.)

The five year old isn’t racist. The five year old wasn’t behaving in a racist way. Again, you are completely and utterly ridiculous.

Mature people can distinguish between intent and deed; it’s pathetic that so many posters in this thread apparently cannot.

This wasn’t an accident, which is the whole point. If he pushed a kid on purpose and she broke her arm, he was mean. Doesn’t mean he’s a mean kid or even that he meant to do something SO hurtful, but it is what it is.

Your “it was an accident!” Analogy works if he learned his fun new word, started yelling it, and this girl happens to overhear. It may be upsetting to her and he’s still being inappropriate and should be taught better, but it’s an accident as you describe. That he instead went and said his fun new racially inappropriate word to a little girl of color is not an accident.

If he pushed a white 3rd grade girl, she broke her arm and went around school telling her peers the kindergartner was a violent person I would have the same reaction.

She isn’t saying, per the OP, that “he is a racist person”. If she told her peers he “was violent” she’s being accurate. It’s weird that you don’t think girls are allowed to say what happens to them if it might make a boy uncomfortable with the outcome of his behavior, which in this case is only going to help him in the long term.

So happens I have an 8 year old DD. She is in second grade so the girl in question is 9 or close to 9. The other day my DD had a kindergartner from her school chase her around the neighborhood playground telling her he wanted to kiss her. She told him to cut it out; he did not stop, she went to his mother. The mom handled it. My DD did not call this boy a stalker or say he was trying to molest her. She sure as heck is not processing this with her peers.

Would have been a completely different reaction if the boy chasing her was a 6th grader. By 8 kids have started to develop enough flexible thinking.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:That 3rd grader was verbally attacked. Just because your kindergartner apologized doesn't mean the 3rd grader has to accept the apology. This is a good lesson for your kid - some things hurt people REALLY deeply. And some things you can't just apologize away. From now on, he needs to come ask what things mean before repeating them lest this happen again. It's a harsh lesson, but so is life.

The 3rd grader was verbally attacked and is now recounting what happened. You're asking an 8 or 9 yr old to have grace because your son who made a mistake is 5 or 6. But he's not required to. It's okay for a 3rd grader to be hurt and to tell people about it.

OP here. Thank you. Yes to all of this. I have not said anything b/c of all of this. I am very uncomfortable about turning the tables on the other child.

You should not be.
This feeling is exactly why some dishonest people use the racism labels to get away with their own shortcomings.
Email the admin

Definitely. Because what will improve the (true) story of a five year old calling a schoolmate an inappropriate name will be the equally (true) chapter two when the White mother calls the school to try to get an eight year old girl in trouble for reporting honestly about how a boy spoke to her. That will absolutely win you the validation you’re seeking. Everyone will want to be friends with your kid then.

Take. The. L.

If this is bothering your son, make it a teachable moment. Ask him what the little girl might be thinking to still need to talk about what happened to her. Let his discomfort reinforce how serious his mistake was.

Or, you know, teach him that his actions don’t have consequences and lean in hard on that #BoyMom trope.

DP. That's fine and all. Can you also teach your girls to get over themselves and learn to be people instead of victims? Girls have a lot of power right now and they don't know the right way to use it. Their parents aren't teaching them. The system isn't teaching them either.

What power is it you think this eight year old is abusing? The power to tell the truth about something that happened to her?

You’re right about one thing— telling the truth about her experience isn’t something this little girl would always been able to do. I’m sorry you see it as a bad thing that girls can “right now”.

We're talking about a 3rd grader obsessed with a kindergartener.

Telling people that a kid said something inappropriate to her makes her “obsessed” now? Neat.

Offhand how often is she allowed to tell someone something that happened to her before she reaches your limit on how much an eight year old girl may speak about her experiences?

She didn’t say what happened. She called the kid a racist. She’s assigning a motive to his action despite the fact he is a young child who apologized. That is the problem. And if she’s going around giving him this label to look bad, I bet she’s not giving a full version of events including that he apologized.

An eight year old girl, describing someone using an offensive term to her, said “he was racist”. That’s what the OP said, you made up all the rest of it on your own.

What about what she said is inaccurate? Behaving in a racist way= racist. She used the past tense so perhaps she’s hopeful he will improve.

No. A five year old using a racist word is not “behaving in a racist way”. He is behaving in a five year old way.

You are ridiculous.

She’s eight. She’s a child, describing something that happened to her honestly, in a factual way even if one you don’t like. To put it your way— she’s behaving in an eight year old way in describing what happened to her.

This rush to defend a “fragile” male whose mother says he isn’t impacted by it is really telling.

NP. No she's not being factual. A kindergartner repeating a word they don't understand isn't being racist. That's not about "defending" him, that's just describing what happened accurately.

Yes, she's behaving in a normal eight year old way, but she's still getting it wrong in calling him racist. The adults around her should step in and help her understand what's going on, so that when she's older she can behave in an appropriate adult way. Both kids need to learn something from this, even though both are acting in age appropriate ways.

If he pushed her and she broke her arm. She would say “he was mean”. That might not mean the kid is always mean, but it would mean what he did in the moment was mean.

What the kid did in the moment was racist. Was it with perfect understanding of the enormity of that fact? No. But he selected a child of a minority race to say something inappropriate to. As stated upthred— if he picked the little white girl sitting next to him to try out his new word on, that’s not racist even if it is still an in appropriate word to say. Hopefully he won’t always be so, but pretending what he did wasn’t racist is incorrect.

What if they were playing a physical game, or he was falling or losing his balance, and he *accidentally* pushed her? Is that still “mean”?

(As an aside, how do you know he didn’t call other kids this name as well? OP only heard from the parents of one kid but that doesn’t mean he didn’t throw the new word around at others.)

The five year old isn’t racist. The five year old wasn’t behaving in a racist way. Again, you are completely and utterly ridiculous.

Mature people can distinguish between intent and deed; it’s pathetic that so many posters in this thread apparently cannot.

This wasn’t an accident, which is the whole point. If he pushed a kid on purpose and she broke her arm, he was mean. Doesn’t mean he’s a mean kid or even that he meant to do something SO hurtful, but it is what it is.

Your “it was an accident!” Analogy works if he learned his fun new word, started yelling it, and this girl happens to overhear. It may be upsetting to her and he’s still being inappropriate and should be taught better, but it’s an accident as you describe. That he instead went and said his fun new racially inappropriate word to a little girl of color is not an accident.

If he pushed a white 3rd grade girl, she broke her arm and went around school telling her peers the kindergartner was a violent person I would have the same reaction.

She isn’t saying, per the OP, that “he is a racist person”. If she told her peers he “was violent” she’s being accurate. It’s weird that you don’t think girls are allowed to say what happens to them if it might make a boy uncomfortable with the outcome of his behavior, which in this case is only going to help him in the long term.

So happens I have an 8 year old DD. She is in second grade so the girl in question is 9 or close to 9. The other day my DD had a kindergartner from her school chase her around the neighborhood playground telling her he wanted to kiss her. She told him to cut it out; he did not stop, she went to his mother. The mom handled it. My DD did not call this boy a stalker or say he was trying to molest her. She sure as heck is not processing this with her peers.

Would have been a completely different reaction if the boy chasing her was a 6th grader. By 8 kids have started to develop enough flexible thinking.

So nothing happened to your eight year old, and saying he was trying to molest her would have been lying. The eight year old in the OP has a kid approach her and make a racist comment. She therefor truthfully gets to say the kid was racist. I’m sorry that bothers you. But policing a child of color on her reaction to being called a racial slur in order to protect another child from experiencing natural consequences? Nope.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That 3rd grader was verbally attacked. Just because your kindergartner apologized doesn't mean the 3rd grader has to accept the apology. This is a good lesson for your kid - some things hurt people REALLY deeply. And some things you can't just apologize away. From now on, he needs to come ask what things mean before repeating them lest this happen again. It's a harsh lesson, but so is life.

The 3rd grader was verbally attacked and is now recounting what happened. You're asking an 8 or 9 yr old to have grace because your son who made a mistake is 5 or 6. But he's not required to. It's okay for a 3rd grader to be hurt and to tell people about it.

OP here. Thank you. Yes to all of this. I have not said anything b/c of all of this. I am very uncomfortable about turning the tables on the other child.

You should not be.
This feeling is exactly why some dishonest people use the racism labels to get away with their own shortcomings.
Email the admin

Definitely. Because what will improve the (true) story of a five year old calling a schoolmate an inappropriate name will be the equally (true) chapter two when the White mother calls the school to try to get an eight year old girl in trouble for reporting honestly about how a boy spoke to her. That will absolutely win you the validation you’re seeking. Everyone will want to be friends with your kid then.

Take. The. L.

If this is bothering your son, make it a teachable moment. Ask him what the little girl might be thinking to still need to talk about what happened to her. Let his discomfort reinforce how serious his mistake was.

Or, you know, teach him that his actions don’t have consequences and lean in hard on that #BoyMom trope.

DP. That's fine and all. Can you also teach your girls to get over themselves and learn to be people instead of victims? Girls have a lot of power right now and they don't know the right way to use it. Their parents aren't teaching them. The system isn't teaching them either.

What power is it you think this eight year old is abusing? The power to tell the truth about something that happened to her?

You’re right about one thing— telling the truth about her experience isn’t something this little girl would always been able to do. I’m sorry you see it as a bad thing that girls can “right now”.

We're talking about a 3rd grader obsessed with a kindergartener.

Telling people that a kid said something inappropriate to her makes her “obsessed” now? Neat.

Offhand how often is she allowed to tell someone something that happened to her before she reaches your limit on how much an eight year old girl may speak about her experiences?

She didn’t say what happened. She called the kid a racist. She’s assigning a motive to his action despite the fact he is a young child who apologized. That is the problem. And if she’s going around giving him this label to look bad, I bet she’s not giving a full version of events including that he apologized.

An eight year old girl, describing someone using an offensive term to her, said “he was racist”. That’s what the OP said, you made up all the rest of it on your own.

What about what she said is inaccurate? Behaving in a racist way= racist. She used the past tense so perhaps she’s hopeful he will improve.

No. A five year old using a racist word is not “behaving in a racist way”. He is behaving in a five year old way.

You are ridiculous.

She’s eight. She’s a child, describing something that happened to her honestly, in a factual way even if one you don’t like. To put it your way— she’s behaving in an eight year old way in describing what happened to her.

This rush to defend a “fragile” male whose mother says he isn’t impacted by it is really telling.

NP. No she's not being factual. A kindergartner repeating a word they don't understand isn't being racist. That's not about "defending" him, that's just describing what happened accurately.

Yes, she's behaving in a normal eight year old way, but she's still getting it wrong in calling him racist. The adults around her should step in and help her understand what's going on, so that when she's older she can behave in an appropriate adult way. Both kids need to learn something from this, even though both are acting in age appropriate ways.

If he pushed her and she broke her arm. She would say “he was mean”. That might not mean the kid is always mean, but it would mean what he did in the moment was mean.

What the kid did in the moment was racist. Was it with perfect understanding of the enormity of that fact? No. But he selected a child of a minority race to say something inappropriate to. As stated upthred— if he picked the little white girl sitting next to him to try out his new word on, that’s not racist even if it is still an in appropriate word to say. Hopefully he won’t always be so, but pretending what he did wasn’t racist is incorrect.

What if they were playing a physical game, or he was falling or losing his balance, and he *accidentally* pushed her? Is that still “mean”?

(As an aside, how do you know he didn’t call other kids this name as well? OP only heard from the parents of one kid but that doesn’t mean he didn’t throw the new word around at others.)

The five year old isn’t racist. The five year old wasn’t behaving in a racist way. Again, you are completely and utterly ridiculous.

Mature people can distinguish between intent and deed; it’s pathetic that so many posters in this thread apparently cannot.

This wasn’t an accident, which is the whole point. If he pushed a kid on purpose and she broke her arm, he was mean. Doesn’t mean he’s a mean kid or even that he meant to do something SO hurtful, but it is what it is.

Your “it was an accident!” Analogy works if he learned his fun new word, started yelling it, and this girl happens to overhear. It may be upsetting to her and he’s still being inappropriate and should be taught better, but it’s an accident as you describe. That he instead went and said his fun new racially inappropriate word to a little girl of color is not an accident.

If he pushed a white 3rd grade girl, she broke her arm and went around school telling her peers the kindergartner was a violent person I would have the same reaction.

She isn’t saying, per the OP, that “he is a racist person”. If she told her peers he “was violent” she’s being accurate. It’s weird that you don’t think girls are allowed to say what happens to them if it might make a boy uncomfortable with the outcome of his behavior, which in this case is only going to help him in the long term.

So happens I have an 8 year old DD. She is in second grade so the girl in question is 9 or close to 9. The other day my DD had a kindergartner from her school chase her around the neighborhood playground telling her he wanted to kiss her. She told him to cut it out; he did not stop, she went to his mother. The mom handled it. My DD did not call this boy a stalker or say he was trying to molest her. She sure as heck is not processing this with her peers.

Would have been a completely different reaction if the boy chasing her was a 6th grader. By 8 kids have started to develop enough flexible thinking.

…maybe being called a racial slur on the playground of her school is more traumatic than being chased, for a child?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:So a 3rd grader is calling a kindergartener a racist now? What kind of school is this

OP here. A small private. I wouldn't say anything to the school but I am considering saying something to the 3rd graders parents, as just an FYI, b/c we did talk so much after my child made the original comments.

This is where you went wrong. You should have said thank you for letting me know and moved on. Talking to others about it just makes it more of a thing in their family so they’re probably bashing your child, calling him racist, etc and the kid heard this. Acknowledge it, handle it, move on. Talking about it doesn’t help. He’s 5 all he needs to know is that’s not a nice word please don’t use it again. Stop shaming him.

OP here. It was over and done in our house until I heard that my kiddo had been called a racist at school. He is obviously not racist. He is 5. I made every effort not to shame him but to reiterate the importance of knowing what things meant before you use them and not repeating everything you hear.

You made him apologize in front of others for using a word he didn’t even understand. It’s like punishing a baby when he says shyt instead of sit. You ignore and move on. The whole apologizing thing made it a thing. Then talking to the school about it, and pulling him out of aftercare. It’s too much, of course people will talk. You made it a thing.

To be fair, white people have to make it a huge deal because of this exact thing. White kids need to know early on to be VERY careful with language because being branded a racist will destroy you. Nobody can make a mistake, even a freaking 5 year old. I understand this reaction.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That 3rd grader was verbally attacked. Just because your kindergartner apologized doesn't mean the 3rd grader has to accept the apology. This is a good lesson for your kid - some things hurt people REALLY deeply. And some things you can't just apologize away. From now on, he needs to come ask what things mean before repeating them lest this happen again. It's a harsh lesson, but so is life.

The 3rd grader was verbally attacked and is now recounting what happened. You're asking an 8 or 9 yr old to have grace because your son who made a mistake is 5 or 6. But he's not required to. It's okay for a 3rd grader to be hurt and to tell people about it.

OP here. Thank you. Yes to all of this. I have not said anything b/c of all of this. I am very uncomfortable about turning the tables on the other child.

You should not be.
This feeling is exactly why some dishonest people use the racism labels to get away with their own shortcomings.
Email the admin

Definitely. Because what will improve the (true) story of a five year old calling a schoolmate an inappropriate name will be the equally (true) chapter two when the White mother calls the school to try to get an eight year old girl in trouble for reporting honestly about how a boy spoke to her. That will absolutely win you the validation you’re seeking. Everyone will want to be friends with your kid then.

Take. The. L.

If this is bothering your son, make it a teachable moment. Ask him what the little girl might be thinking to still need to talk about what happened to her. Let his discomfort reinforce how serious his mistake was.

Or, you know, teach him that his actions don’t have consequences and lean in hard on that #BoyMom trope.

DP. That's fine and all. Can you also teach your girls to get over themselves and learn to be people instead of victims? Girls have a lot of power right now and they don't know the right way to use it. Their parents aren't teaching them. The system isn't teaching them either.

What power is it you think this eight year old is abusing? The power to tell the truth about something that happened to her?

You’re right about one thing— telling the truth about her experience isn’t something this little girl would always been able to do. I’m sorry you see it as a bad thing that girls can “right now”.

We're talking about a 3rd grader obsessed with a kindergartener.

Telling people that a kid said something inappropriate to her makes her “obsessed” now? Neat.

Offhand how often is she allowed to tell someone something that happened to her before she reaches your limit on how much an eight year old girl may speak about her experiences?

She didn’t say what happened. She called the kid a racist. She’s assigning a motive to his action despite the fact he is a young child who apologized. That is the problem. And if she’s going around giving him this label to look bad, I bet she’s not giving a full version of events including that he apologized.

An eight year old girl, describing someone using an offensive term to her, said “he was racist”. That’s what the OP said, you made up all the rest of it on your own.

What about what she said is inaccurate? Behaving in a racist way= racist. She used the past tense so perhaps she’s hopeful he will improve.

No. A five year old using a racist word is not “behaving in a racist way”. He is behaving in a five year old way.

You are ridiculous.

She’s eight. She’s a child, describing something that happened to her honestly, in a factual way even if one you don’t like. To put it your way— she’s behaving in an eight year old way in describing what happened to her.

This rush to defend a “fragile” male whose mother says he isn’t impacted by it is really telling.

NP. No she's not being factual. A kindergartner repeating a word they don't understand isn't being racist. That's not about "defending" him, that's just describing what happened accurately.

Yes, she's behaving in a normal eight year old way, but she's still getting it wrong in calling him racist. The adults around her should step in and help her understand what's going on, so that when she's older she can behave in an appropriate adult way. Both kids need to learn something from this, even though both are acting in age appropriate ways.

If he pushed her and she broke her arm. She would say “he was mean”. That might not mean the kid is always mean, but it would mean what he did in the moment was mean.

What the kid did in the moment was racist. Was it with perfect understanding of the enormity of that fact? No. But he selected a child of a minority race to say something inappropriate to. As stated upthred— if he picked the little white girl sitting next to him to try out his new word on, that’s not racist even if it is still an in appropriate word to say. Hopefully he won’t always be so, but pretending what he did wasn’t racist is incorrect.

What if they were playing a physical game, or he was falling or losing his balance, and he *accidentally* pushed her? Is that still “mean”?

(As an aside, how do you know he didn’t call other kids this name as well? OP only heard from the parents of one kid but that doesn’t mean he didn’t throw the new word around at others.)

The five year old isn’t racist. The five year old wasn’t behaving in a racist way. Again, you are completely and utterly ridiculous.

Mature people can distinguish between intent and deed; it’s pathetic that so many posters in this thread apparently cannot.

This wasn’t an accident, which is the whole point. If he pushed a kid on purpose and she broke her arm, he was mean. Doesn’t mean he’s a mean kid or even that he meant to do something SO hurtful, but it is what it is.

Your “it was an accident!” Analogy works if he learned his fun new word, started yelling it, and this girl happens to overhear. It may be upsetting to her and he’s still being inappropriate and should be taught better, but it’s an accident as you describe. That he instead went and said his fun new racially inappropriate word to a little girl of color is not an accident.

If he pushed a white 3rd grade girl, she broke her arm and went around school telling her peers the kindergartner was a violent person I would have the same reaction.

She isn’t saying, per the OP, that “he is a racist person”. If she told her peers he “was violent” she’s being accurate. It’s weird that you don’t think girls are allowed to say what happens to them if it might make a boy uncomfortable with the outcome of his behavior, which in this case is only going to help him in the long term.

So happens I have an 8 year old DD. She is in second grade so the girl in question is 9 or close to 9. The other day my DD had a kindergartner from her school chase her around the neighborhood playground telling her he wanted to kiss her. She told him to cut it out; he did not stop, she went to his mother. The mom handled it. My DD did not call this boy a stalker or say he was trying to molest her. She sure as heck is not processing this with her peers.

Would have been a completely different reaction if the boy chasing her was a 6th grader. By 8 kids have started to develop enough flexible thinking.

You should bow out of this thread with the other sane people. There is no getting through to people like PP. Her brain is mush. Five year olds are racist, name-calling is traumatic, and eight year olds need to process one-off comments from random little kids. Give me a break. Kids who grow up with parents like this don’t have a prayer.

[Anonymous]

Would anyone's opinion change If a 5 year old boy is dared to touch a 3rd grade girl's butt or crotch and actually does it and the 3rd grade girl tells friends he's a pervert or freak or creep? Does she have that right or is it inappropriate because he's only 5?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would anyone's opinion change If a 5 year old boy is dared to touch a 3rd grade girl's butt or crotch and actually does it and the 3rd grade girl tells friends he's a pervert or freak or creep? Does she have that right or is it inappropriate because he's only 5?

People who want to protect boys from ever experiencing consequences genuinely don’t care what they do to
girls. Girls have to protect their attackers from discomfort, or they are “bullies” or “have a vendetta”

The discomfort of girls doesn’t matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would anyone's opinion change If a 5 year old boy is dared to touch a 3rd grade girl's butt or crotch and actually does it and the 3rd grade girl tells friends he's a pervert or freak or creep? Does she have that right or is it inappropriate because he's only 5?

People who want to protect boys from ever experiencing consequences genuinely don’t care what they do to
girls. Girls have to protect their attackers from discomfort, or they are “bullies” or “have a vendetta”

The discomfort of girls doesn’t matter.

Why are you hijacking this whole thread with your repeated attempts to frame this as some sort of gender issue? Give it a rest already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So a 3rd grader is calling a kindergartener a racist now? What kind of school is this

OP here. A small private. I wouldn't say anything to the school but I am considering saying something to the 3rd graders parents, as just an FYI, b/c we did talk so much after my child made the original comments.

This is where you went wrong. You should have said thank you for letting me know and moved on. Talking to others about it just makes it more of a thing in their family so they’re probably bashing your child, calling him racist, etc and the kid heard this. Acknowledge it, handle it, move on. Talking about it doesn’t help. He’s 5 all he needs to know is that’s not a nice word please don’t use it again. Stop shaming him.

OP here. It was over and done in our house until I heard that my kiddo had been called a racist at school. He is obviously not racist. He is 5. I made every effort not to shame him but to reiterate the importance of knowing what things meant before you use them and not repeating everything you hear.

You made him apologize in front of others for using a word he didn’t even understand. It’s like punishing a baby when he says shyt instead of sit. You ignore and move on. The whole apologizing thing made it a thing. Then talking to the school about it, and pulling him out of aftercare. It’s too much, of course people will talk. You made it a thing.

To be fair, white people have to make it a huge deal because of this exact thing. White kids need to know early on to be VERY careful with language because being branded a racist will destroy you. Nobody can make a mistake, even a freaking 5 year old. I understand this reaction.

What??? I am not American and I find your comment laughable. Are you white? No, branding someone racist will not destroy them. Well, maybe you and your friends will try to destroy that person, because you are a sheep. But not everyone like you and not everyone is buying into rumors. People use racism as a weapon too often nowadays.
Just because you will want to destroy someone else life doesn’t mean other people will follow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So a 3rd grader is calling a kindergartener a racist now? What kind of school is this

OP here. A small private. I wouldn't say anything to the school but I am considering saying something to the 3rd graders parents, as just an FYI, b/c we did talk so much after my child made the original comments.

This is where you went wrong. You should have said thank you for letting me know and moved on. Talking to others about it just makes it more of a thing in their family so they’re probably bashing your child, calling him racist, etc and the kid heard this. Acknowledge it, handle it, move on. Talking about it doesn’t help. He’s 5 all he needs to know is that’s not a nice word please don’t use it again. Stop shaming him.

OP here. It was over and done in our house until I heard that my kiddo had been called a racist at school. He is obviously not racist. He is 5. I made every effort not to shame him but to reiterate the importance of knowing what things meant before you use them and not repeating everything you hear.

You made him apologize in front of others for using a word he didn’t even understand. It’s like punishing a baby when he says shyt instead of sit. You ignore and move on. The whole apologizing thing made it a thing. Then talking to the school about it, and pulling him out of aftercare. It’s too much, of course people will talk. You made it a thing.

To be fair, white people have to make it a huge deal because of this exact thing. White kids need to know early on to be VERY careful with language because being branded a racist will destroy you. Nobody can make a mistake, even a freaking 5 year old. I understand this reaction.

What??? I am not American and I find your comment laughable. Are you white? No, branding someone racist will not destroy them. Well, maybe you and your friends will try to destroy that person, because you are a sheep. But not everyone like you and not everyone is buying into rumors. People use racism as a weapon too often nowadays.
Just because you will want to destroy someone else life doesn’t mean other people will follow.

I would really hope the poster you’re responding to is a troll and no one really tells their kids the reason you don’t make racist comments at school is because “it will destroy you” but rather because…making racist comments anywhere is intensely rude and demonstrates a lack of class.