Addressing comment about racism

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a truly hilarious and deeply worrying microcosm of gender dynamics in the U.S.

Oh yes we all agree the boys behavior was unacceptable but if the girl keeps telling the truth about his behavior it might ruin his (kindergarten) career!

She isn’t telling the truth about his behavior. She is labeling him. An 8/9 year old labeling a freaking 5 year old is insane. She doesn’t have to accept being called a bad word and she did the appropriate thing by telling trusted adults. But now these adults need to do the right thing by helping her contextualize the difference in being called this word by a young child vs a peer or adult, and how to handle it without turning into a bully of a kinder kid.

OP here. Agree with you but she is not bullying him. If she was I would 100% step in. He has no idea this is even happening. She told other kids that 'he was racist'. Apparently one of the other kids then pointed out that he was a kindergartener. If my son was feeling anything about this I would advocate for him b/c of his age, but I also can accept and understand her wanting to share/vent with classmates to some degree. I don't think for a minute her parents told her my son is a racist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a truly hilarious and deeply worrying microcosm of gender dynamics in the U.S.

Oh yes we all agree the boys behavior was unacceptable but if the girl keeps telling the truth about his behavior it might ruin his (kindergarten) career!

This has nothing to do with gender, it could have been two girls. The 3rd grader on a personal vendetta to expose a racist kindergartner is ridiculous.

Gender has a lot to do with this, if you're being honest.

Yes, we are teaching girls that their own stories don’t belong them so little boys don’t have to be upset.

I’m unsure why so many haven’t talked to their kids about racial slurs and not using words they don’t know the meaning of. If this kid was older he would be getting his butt kicked.

Oh c’mon, most parents are not giving their kids a run down of every racial slur or stereotype that exists.

I’ve talked with my K kid about not commenting on people’s appearances, not bullying someone because of skin color, etc. But there is zero chance I’m telling a little boy learning impulse control who loves to say poopy/potty words some more words that are off limits.

And the fact you mentioned if he was older he would get his butt kicked *is the point*. He isn’t older. He’s 5.

If the girl need to process her subjective feelings that is fine, but it doesn’t give her a pass to try to turn a small child into a social pariah so she can feel better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a truly hilarious and deeply worrying microcosm of gender dynamics in the U.S.

Oh yes we all agree the boys behavior was unacceptable but if the girl keeps telling the truth about his behavior it might ruin his (kindergarten) career!

This has nothing to do with gender, it could have been two girls. The 3rd grader on a personal vendetta to expose a racist kindergartner is ridiculous.

Gender has a lot to do with this, if you're being honest.

Yes, we are teaching girls that their own stories don’t belong them so little boys don’t have to be upset.

I’m unsure why so many haven’t talked to their kids about racial slurs and not using words they don’t know the meaning of. If this kid was older he would be getting his butt kicked.

Oh c’mon, most parents are not giving their kids a run down of every racial slur or stereotype that exists.

I’ve talked with my K kid about not commenting on people’s appearances, not bullying someone because of skin color, etc. But there is zero chance I’m telling a little boy learning impulse control who loves to say poopy/potty words some more words that are off limits.

And the fact you mentioned if he was older he would get his butt kicked *is the point*. He isn’t older. He’s 5.

If the girl need to process her subjective feelings that is fine, but it doesn’t give her a pass to try to turn a small child into a social pariah so she can feel better.

And yet the OP says this is not what she’s doing. So hang in there with your victimized white boy fanfiction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actions have consequences?

This is why your white kid needed to learn before kindergarten that we don’t say things about how people look, because those things can hurt feelings. Your white kid needed to learn before kindergarten that race in particular has a hard, sad history and saying things about someone’s skin color can be more hurtful than they understand.

But since you didn’t do that, your kid is learning that sometimes actions have unintended consequences. I agree they’re learning it in a harsh way but for that I’m afraid you only have yourself to blame.

Holy cow, you can’t be serious. Enjoy the consequences of this insane line of “thinking” which will almost undoubtedly be four more years of Trump.

Seriously, SO SICK of people like you.

Which part triggered you? Actions having consequences or teaching your kids not to say mean things about the color of peoples skin because there’s a long sad history there?

Because I have to tell you these are things my Republican parents had no problem teaching me in the eighties.

The part where the kid is five years old, you moron.

Actions have consequences for five year olds, news at 11. It happens to be one of the best ways for kids to learn. Shielding them from that is bad parenting.

And, again, republican parents in the eighties, if I had said something racially offensive at school, even at five, my parents would have imposed severe consequences. I don’t get why you think white boys are so fragile now that they can’t be expected to learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That 3rd grader was verbally attacked. Just because your kindergartner apologized doesn't mean the 3rd grader has to accept the apology. This is a good lesson for your kid - some things hurt people REALLY deeply. And some things you can't just apologize away. From now on, he needs to come ask what things mean before repeating them lest this happen again. It's a harsh lesson, but so is life.

The 3rd grader was verbally attacked and is now recounting what happened. You're asking an 8 or 9 yr old to have grace because your son who made a mistake is 5 or 6. But he's not required to. It's okay for a 3rd grader to be hurt and to tell people about it.

OP here. Thank you. Yes to all of this. I have not said anything b/c of all of this. I am very uncomfortable about turning the tables on the other child.

You should not be.
This feeling is exactly why some dishonest people use the racism labels to get away with their own shortcomings.
Email the admin

Definitely. Because what will improve the (true) story of a five year old calling a schoolmate an inappropriate name will be the equally (true) chapter two when the White mother calls the school to try to get an eight year old girl in trouble for reporting honestly about how a boy spoke to her. That will absolutely win you the validation you’re seeking. Everyone will want to be friends with your kid then.

Take. The. L.

If this is bothering your son, make it a teachable moment. Ask him what the little girl might be thinking to still need to talk about what happened to her. Let his discomfort reinforce how serious his mistake was.

Or, you know, teach him that his actions don’t have consequences and lean in hard on that #BoyMom trope.

DP. That's fine and all. Can you also teach your girls to get over themselves and learn to be people instead of victims? Girls have a lot of power right now and they don't know the right way to use it. Their parents aren't teaching them. The system isn't teaching them either.

What power is it you think this eight year old is abusing? The power to tell the truth about something that happened to her?

You’re right about one thing— telling the truth about her experience isn’t something this little girl would always been able to do. I’m sorry you see it as a bad thing that girls can “right now”.

We're talking about a 3rd grader obsessed with a kindergartener.

Telling people that a kid said something inappropriate to her makes her “obsessed” now? Neat.

Offhand how often is she allowed to tell someone something that happened to her before she reaches your limit on how much an eight year old girl may speak about her experiences?

She didn’t say what happened. She called the kid a racist. She’s assigning a motive to his action despite the fact he is a young child who apologized. That is the problem. And if she’s going around giving him this label to look bad, I bet she’s not giving a full version of events including that he apologized.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So a 3rd grader is calling a kindergartener a racist now? What kind of school is this

OP here. A small private. I wouldn't say anything to the school but I am considering saying something to the 3rd graders parents, as just an FYI, b/c we did talk so much after my child made the original comments.

This is where you went wrong. You should have said thank you for letting me know and moved on. Talking to others about it just makes it more of a thing in their family so they’re probably bashing your child, calling him racist, etc and the kid heard this. Acknowledge it, handle it, move on. Talking about it doesn’t help. He’s 5 all he needs to know is that’s not a nice word please don’t use it again. Stop shaming him.

OP here. It was over and done in our house until I heard that my kiddo had been called a racist at school. He is obviously not racist. He is 5. I made every effort not to shame him but to reiterate the importance of knowing what things meant before you use them and not repeating everything you hear.

This is a great lesson he will also need to learn. Not everyone who is called racist is actually a racist. Racist (like idiot, jerk, a**hole, etc.) is misapplied to all kinds of people, but usually white. Tell your child he is not a racist and that the other child mislabeled him.

[Anonymous]

This girls straight up bully

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That 3rd grader was verbally attacked. Just because your kindergartner apologized doesn't mean the 3rd grader has to accept the apology. This is a good lesson for your kid - some things hurt people REALLY deeply. And some things you can't just apologize away. From now on, he needs to come ask what things mean before repeating them lest this happen again. It's a harsh lesson, but so is life.

The 3rd grader was verbally attacked and is now recounting what happened. You're asking an 8 or 9 yr old to have grace because your son who made a mistake is 5 or 6. But he's not required to. It's okay for a 3rd grader to be hurt and to tell people about it.

OP here. Thank you. Yes to all of this. I have not said anything b/c of all of this. I am very uncomfortable about turning the tables on the other child.

You should not be.
This feeling is exactly why some dishonest people use the racism labels to get away with their own shortcomings.
Email the admin

Definitely. Because what will improve the (true) story of a five year old calling a schoolmate an inappropriate name will be the equally (true) chapter two when the White mother calls the school to try to get an eight year old girl in trouble for reporting honestly about how a boy spoke to her. That will absolutely win you the validation you’re seeking. Everyone will want to be friends with your kid then.

Take. The. L.

If this is bothering your son, make it a teachable moment. Ask him what the little girl might be thinking to still need to talk about what happened to her. Let his discomfort reinforce how serious his mistake was.

Or, you know, teach him that his actions don’t have consequences and lean in hard on that #BoyMom trope.

DP. That's fine and all. Can you also teach your girls to get over themselves and learn to be people instead of victims? Girls have a lot of power right now and they don't know the right way to use it. Their parents aren't teaching them. The system isn't teaching them either.

What power is it you think this eight year old is abusing? The power to tell the truth about something that happened to her?

You’re right about one thing— telling the truth about her experience isn’t something this little girl would always been able to do. I’m sorry you see it as a bad thing that girls can “right now”.

We're talking about a 3rd grader obsessed with a kindergartener.

Telling people that a kid said something inappropriate to her makes her “obsessed” now? Neat.

Offhand how often is she allowed to tell someone something that happened to her before she reaches your limit on how much an eight year old girl may speak about her experiences?

She didn’t say what happened. She called the kid a racist. She’s assigning a motive to his action despite the fact he is a young child who apologized. That is the problem. And if she’s going around giving him this label to look bad, I bet she’s not giving a full version of events including that he apologized.

An eight year old girl, describing someone using an offensive term to her, said “he was racist”. That’s what the OP said, you made up all the rest of it on your own.

What about what she said is inaccurate? Behaving in a racist way= racist. She used the past tense so perhaps she’s hopeful he will improve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That 3rd grader was verbally attacked. Just because your kindergartner apologized doesn't mean the 3rd grader has to accept the apology. This is a good lesson for your kid - some things hurt people REALLY deeply. And some things you can't just apologize away. From now on, he needs to come ask what things mean before repeating them lest this happen again. It's a harsh lesson, but so is life.

The 3rd grader was verbally attacked and is now recounting what happened. You're asking an 8 or 9 yr old to have grace because your son who made a mistake is 5 or 6. But he's not required to. It's okay for a 3rd grader to be hurt and to tell people about it.

OP here. Thank you. Yes to all of this. I have not said anything b/c of all of this. I am very uncomfortable about turning the tables on the other child.

You should not be.
This feeling is exactly why some dishonest people use the racism labels to get away with their own shortcomings.
Email the admin

Definitely. Because what will improve the (true) story of a five year old calling a schoolmate an inappropriate name will be the equally (true) chapter two when the White mother calls the school to try to get an eight year old girl in trouble for reporting honestly about how a boy spoke to her. That will absolutely win you the validation you’re seeking. Everyone will want to be friends with your kid then.

Take. The. L.

If this is bothering your son, make it a teachable moment. Ask him what the little girl might be thinking to still need to talk about what happened to her. Let his discomfort reinforce how serious his mistake was.

Or, you know, teach him that his actions don’t have consequences and lean in hard on that #BoyMom trope.

Congratulations on building a culture where white people are pressured to avoid interacting with POC. I'll see you in 30 years complaining about that glass ceiling and why POC can't seem to get good jobs and opportunities.

You should look at the data at what percentage of the population white people will represent in the US in 30 years.

Hint: it’s well < 50%. I don’t think it will be the POC that will be impacted by white people’s inability to get along with other cultures and races.

I dOnT sEe CoLoR

All races unintentionally or intentionally insult each other, but only white people suffer from white guilt and are manipulable that way.

This. I wasn’t raised in the US, and my children aren’t white. Other cultures are far more racist than people are here, but to white people here being called racist is like the ultimate disgrace. No wonder malicious people use it for their own gain.

[Anonymous]

As far as I can tell the kids use the word racist a lot these days even when it’s not applicable. It will probably blow over. It’s so over used it has less meaning now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actions have consequences?

This is why your white kid needed to learn before kindergarten that we don’t say things about how people look, because those things can hurt feelings. Your white kid needed to learn before kindergarten that race in particular has a hard, sad history and saying things about someone’s skin color can be more hurtful than they understand.

But since you didn’t do that, your kid is learning that sometimes actions have unintended consequences. I agree they’re learning it in a harsh way but for that I’m afraid you only have yourself to blame.

Holy cow, you can’t be serious. Enjoy the consequences of this insane line of “thinking” which will almost undoubtedly be four more years of Trump.

Seriously, SO SICK of people like you.

Which part triggered you? Actions having consequences or teaching your kids not to say mean things about the color of peoples skin because there’s a long sad history there?

Because I have to tell you these are things my Republican parents had no problem teaching me in the eighties.

The part where the kid is five years old, you moron.

Actions have consequences for five year olds, news at 11. It happens to be one of the best ways for kids to learn. Shielding them from that is bad parenting.

And, again, republican parents in the eighties, if I had said something racially offensive at school, even at five, my parents would have imposed severe consequences. I don’t get why you think white boys are so fragile now that they can’t be expected to learn.

Eh, no one cares what another white male hating liberal with zero original thought and absolutely no critical thinking ability says or thinks about literally anything. Go talk to your therapist and put another slactivist sign in your yard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That 3rd grader was verbally attacked. Just because your kindergartner apologized doesn't mean the 3rd grader has to accept the apology. This is a good lesson for your kid - some things hurt people REALLY deeply. And some things you can't just apologize away. From now on, he needs to come ask what things mean before repeating them lest this happen again. It's a harsh lesson, but so is life.

The 3rd grader was verbally attacked and is now recounting what happened. You're asking an 8 or 9 yr old to have grace because your son who made a mistake is 5 or 6. But he's not required to. It's okay for a 3rd grader to be hurt and to tell people about it.

OP here. Thank you. Yes to all of this. I have not said anything b/c of all of this. I am very uncomfortable about turning the tables on the other child.

You should not be.
This feeling is exactly why some dishonest people use the racism labels to get away with their own shortcomings.
Email the admin

Definitely. Because what will improve the (true) story of a five year old calling a schoolmate an inappropriate name will be the equally (true) chapter two when the White mother calls the school to try to get an eight year old girl in trouble for reporting honestly about how a boy spoke to her. That will absolutely win you the validation you’re seeking. Everyone will want to be friends with your kid then.

Take. The. L.

If this is bothering your son, make it a teachable moment. Ask him what the little girl might be thinking to still need to talk about what happened to her. Let his discomfort reinforce how serious his mistake was.

Or, you know, teach him that his actions don’t have consequences and lean in hard on that #BoyMom trope.

DP. That's fine and all. Can you also teach your girls to get over themselves and learn to be people instead of victims? Girls have a lot of power right now and they don't know the right way to use it. Their parents aren't teaching them. The system isn't teaching them either.

What power is it you think this eight year old is abusing? The power to tell the truth about something that happened to her?

You’re right about one thing— telling the truth about her experience isn’t something this little girl would always been able to do. I’m sorry you see it as a bad thing that girls can “right now”.

We're talking about a 3rd grader obsessed with a kindergartener.

Telling people that a kid said something inappropriate to her makes her “obsessed” now? Neat.

Offhand how often is she allowed to tell someone something that happened to her before she reaches your limit on how much an eight year old girl may speak about her experiences?

She didn’t say what happened. She called the kid a racist. She’s assigning a motive to his action despite the fact he is a young child who apologized. That is the problem. And if she’s going around giving him this label to look bad, I bet she’s not giving a full version of events including that he apologized.

An eight year old girl, describing someone using an offensive term to her, said “he was racist”. That’s what the OP said, you made up all the rest of it on your own.

What about what she said is inaccurate? Behaving in a racist way= racist. She used the past tense so perhaps she’s hopeful he will improve.

No. A five year old using a racist word is not “behaving in a racist way”. He is behaving in a five year old way.

You are ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So a 3rd grader is calling a kindergartener a racist now? What kind of school is this

OP here. A small private. I wouldn't say anything to the school but I am considering saying something to the 3rd graders parents, as just an FYI, b/c we did talk so much after my child made the original comments.

This is where you went wrong. You should have said thank you for letting me know and moved on. Talking to others about it just makes it more of a thing in their family so they’re probably bashing your child, calling him racist, etc and the kid heard this. Acknowledge it, handle it, move on. Talking about it doesn’t help. He’s 5 all he needs to know is that’s not a nice word please don’t use it again. Stop shaming him.

Agree, I think the part that may not have helped was making your child apologize publicly to the other family. That made it into a bigger thing than it needed to be, which then gives the 3rd grader leverage to use it against your kid. Addressing it privately with your child would have been better. And you can’t control what types of words your kid will learn from other kids. Best you can do is prepare them that there are a lot of racist words out there and never to use them and explain why and what the consequences of using such words would be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That 3rd grader was verbally attacked. Just because your kindergartner apologized doesn't mean the 3rd grader has to accept the apology. This is a good lesson for your kid - some things hurt people REALLY deeply. And some things you can't just apologize away. From now on, he needs to come ask what things mean before repeating them lest this happen again. It's a harsh lesson, but so is life.

The 3rd grader was verbally attacked and is now recounting what happened. You're asking an 8 or 9 yr old to have grace because your son who made a mistake is 5 or 6. But he's not required to. It's okay for a 3rd grader to be hurt and to tell people about it.

OP here. Thank you. Yes to all of this. I have not said anything b/c of all of this. I am very uncomfortable about turning the tables on the other child.

You should not be.
This feeling is exactly why some dishonest people use the racism labels to get away with their own shortcomings.
Email the admin

Definitely. Because what will improve the (true) story of a five year old calling a schoolmate an inappropriate name will be the equally (true) chapter two when the White mother calls the school to try to get an eight year old girl in trouble for reporting honestly about how a boy spoke to her. That will absolutely win you the validation you’re seeking. Everyone will want to be friends with your kid then.

Take. The. L.

If this is bothering your son, make it a teachable moment. Ask him what the little girl might be thinking to still need to talk about what happened to her. Let his discomfort reinforce how serious his mistake was.

Or, you know, teach him that his actions don’t have consequences and lean in hard on that #BoyMom trope.

DP. That's fine and all. Can you also teach your girls to get over themselves and learn to be people instead of victims? Girls have a lot of power right now and they don't know the right way to use it. Their parents aren't teaching them. The system isn't teaching them either.

What power is it you think this eight year old is abusing? The power to tell the truth about something that happened to her?

You’re right about one thing— telling the truth about her experience isn’t something this little girl would always been able to do. I’m sorry you see it as a bad thing that girls can “right now”.

We're talking about a 3rd grader obsessed with a kindergartener.

Telling people that a kid said something inappropriate to her makes her “obsessed” now? Neat.

Offhand how often is she allowed to tell someone something that happened to her before she reaches your limit on how much an eight year old girl may speak about her experiences?

She didn’t say what happened. She called the kid a racist. She’s assigning a motive to his action despite the fact he is a young child who apologized. That is the problem. And if she’s going around giving him this label to look bad, I bet she’s not giving a full version of events including that he apologized.

An eight year old girl, describing someone using an offensive term to her, said “he was racist”. That’s what the OP said, you made up all the rest of it on your own.

What about what she said is inaccurate? Behaving in a racist way= racist. She used the past tense so perhaps she’s hopeful he will improve.

No. A five year old using a racist word is not “behaving in a racist way”. He is behaving in a five year old way.

You are ridiculous.

She’s eight. She’s a child, describing something that happened to her honestly, in a factual way even if one you don’t like. To put it your way— she’s behaving in an eight year old way in describing what happened to her.

This rush to defend a “fragile” male whose mother says he isn’t impacted by it is really telling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actions have consequences?

This is why your white kid needed to learn before kindergarten that we don’t say things about how people look, because those things can hurt feelings. Your white kid needed to learn before kindergarten that race in particular has a hard, sad history and saying things about someone’s skin color can be more hurtful than they understand.

But since you didn’t do that, your kid is learning that sometimes actions have unintended consequences. I agree they’re learning it in a harsh way but for that I’m afraid you only have yourself to blame.

Holy cow, you can’t be serious. Enjoy the consequences of this insane line of “thinking” which will almost undoubtedly be four more years of Trump.

Seriously, SO SICK of people like you.

Which part triggered you? Actions having consequences or teaching your kids not to say mean things about the color of peoples skin because there’s a long sad history there?

Because I have to tell you these are things my Republican parents had no problem teaching me in the eighties.

The part where the kid is five years old, you moron.

Actions have consequences for five year olds, news at 11. It happens to be one of the best ways for kids to learn. Shielding them from that is bad parenting.

And, again, republican parents in the eighties, if I had said something racially offensive at school, even at five, my parents would have imposed severe consequences. I don’t get why you think white boys are so fragile now that they can’t be expected to learn.

Eh, no one cares what another white male hating liberal with zero original thought and absolutely no critical thinking ability says or thinks about literally anything. Go talk to your therapist and put another slactivist sign in your yard.

And yet you care enough to crawl out to comment on what a stranger on the internet thinks because it hurts your feelings so much.