Addressing comment about racism

[Anonymous]

Interesting that the initial assumption was that the N word was used and the other child was Black. What a world to live in.

OP, I hope your son and the other child can get past what happened. It's unfortunate that the other child experienced the racist comment. Thank you for holding your son accountable and trying to right the wrong that was done to the other child. I hope the little girl can process what happened and understand that your son did not understand the gravity of what he said. I applaud you for the actions that you took and for continuing to keep an eye on things at school so things do not escalate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So a 3rd grader is calling a kindergartener a racist now? What kind of school is this

OP here. A small private. I wouldn't say anything to the school but I am considering saying something to the 3rd graders parents, as just an FYI, b/c we did talk so much after my child made the original comments.

This is where you went wrong. You should have said thank you for letting me know and moved on. Talking to others about it just makes it more of a thing in their family so they’re probably bashing your child, calling him racist, etc and the kid heard this. Acknowledge it, handle it, move on. Talking about it doesn’t help. He’s 5 all he needs to know is that’s not a nice word please don’t use it again. Stop shaming him.

Agree, I think the part that may not have helped was making your child apologize publicly to the other family. That made it into a bigger thing than it needed to be, which then gives the 3rd grader leverage to use it against your kid. Addressing it privately with your child would have been better. And you can’t control what types of words your kid will learn from other kids. Best you can do is prepare them that there are a lot of racist words out there and never to use them and explain why and what the consequences of using such words would be.

It is truly bizarre to me that a 9 year old, who has already gotten an in-person apology, is going around school calling a kindergartner racist. Her and the parents are being vindictive, the tone for how this is being handled is set at home by the girl’s parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That 3rd grader was verbally attacked. Just because your kindergartner apologized doesn't mean the 3rd grader has to accept the apology. This is a good lesson for your kid - some things hurt people REALLY deeply. And some things you can't just apologize away. From now on, he needs to come ask what things mean before repeating them lest this happen again. It's a harsh lesson, but so is life.

The 3rd grader was verbally attacked and is now recounting what happened. You're asking an 8 or 9 yr old to have grace because your son who made a mistake is 5 or 6. But he's not required to. It's okay for a 3rd grader to be hurt and to tell people about it.

OP here. Thank you. Yes to all of this. I have not said anything b/c of all of this. I am very uncomfortable about turning the tables on the other child.

You should not be.
This feeling is exactly why some dishonest people use the racism labels to get away with their own shortcomings.
Email the admin

Definitely. Because what will improve the (true) story of a five year old calling a schoolmate an inappropriate name will be the equally (true) chapter two when the White mother calls the school to try to get an eight year old girl in trouble for reporting honestly about how a boy spoke to her. That will absolutely win you the validation you’re seeking. Everyone will want to be friends with your kid then.

Take. The. L.

If this is bothering your son, make it a teachable moment. Ask him what the little girl might be thinking to still need to talk about what happened to her. Let his discomfort reinforce how serious his mistake was.

Or, you know, teach him that his actions don’t have consequences and lean in hard on that #BoyMom trope.

DP. That's fine and all. Can you also teach your girls to get over themselves and learn to be people instead of victims? Girls have a lot of power right now and they don't know the right way to use it. Their parents aren't teaching them. The system isn't teaching them either.

What power is it you think this eight year old is abusing? The power to tell the truth about something that happened to her?

You’re right about one thing— telling the truth about her experience isn’t something this little girl would always been able to do. I’m sorry you see it as a bad thing that girls can “right now”.

We're talking about a 3rd grader obsessed with a kindergartener.

Telling people that a kid said something inappropriate to her makes her “obsessed” now? Neat.

Offhand how often is she allowed to tell someone something that happened to her before she reaches your limit on how much an eight year old girl may speak about her experiences?

She didn’t say what happened. She called the kid a racist. She’s assigning a motive to his action despite the fact he is a young child who apologized. That is the problem. And if she’s going around giving him this label to look bad, I bet she’s not giving a full version of events including that he apologized.

An eight year old girl, describing someone using an offensive term to her, said “he was racist”. That’s what the OP said, you made up all the rest of it on your own.

What about what she said is inaccurate? Behaving in a racist way= racist. She used the past tense so perhaps she’s hopeful he will improve.

No. A five year old using a racist word is not “behaving in a racist way”. He is behaving in a five year old way.

You are ridiculous.

She’s eight. She’s a child, describing something that happened to her honestly, in a factual way even if one you don’t like. To put it your way— she’s behaving in an eight year old way in describing what happened to her.

This rush to defend a “fragile” male whose mother says he isn’t impacted by it is really telling.

NP. No she's not being factual. A kindergartner repeating a word they don't understand isn't being racist. That's not about "defending" him, that's just describing what happened accurately.

Yes, she's behaving in a normal eight year old way, but she's still getting it wrong in calling him racist. The adults around her should step in and help her understand what's going on, so that when she's older she can behave in an appropriate adult way. Both kids need to learn something from this, even though both are acting in age appropriate ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That 3rd grader was verbally attacked. Just because your kindergartner apologized doesn't mean the 3rd grader has to accept the apology. This is a good lesson for your kid - some things hurt people REALLY deeply. And some things you can't just apologize away. From now on, he needs to come ask what things mean before repeating them lest this happen again. It's a harsh lesson, but so is life.

The 3rd grader was verbally attacked and is now recounting what happened. You're asking an 8 or 9 yr old to have grace because your son who made a mistake is 5 or 6. But he's not required to. It's okay for a 3rd grader to be hurt and to tell people about it.

OP here. Thank you. Yes to all of this. I have not said anything b/c of all of this. I am very uncomfortable about turning the tables on the other child.

You should not be.
This feeling is exactly why some dishonest people use the racism labels to get away with their own shortcomings.
Email the admin

Definitely. Because what will improve the (true) story of a five year old calling a schoolmate an inappropriate name will be the equally (true) chapter two when the White mother calls the school to try to get an eight year old girl in trouble for reporting honestly about how a boy spoke to her. That will absolutely win you the validation you’re seeking. Everyone will want to be friends with your kid then.

Take. The. L.

If this is bothering your son, make it a teachable moment. Ask him what the little girl might be thinking to still need to talk about what happened to her. Let his discomfort reinforce how serious his mistake was.

Or, you know, teach him that his actions don’t have consequences and lean in hard on that #BoyMom trope.

DP. That's fine and all. Can you also teach your girls to get over themselves and learn to be people instead of victims? Girls have a lot of power right now and they don't know the right way to use it. Their parents aren't teaching them. The system isn't teaching them either.

What power is it you think this eight year old is abusing? The power to tell the truth about something that happened to her?

You’re right about one thing— telling the truth about her experience isn’t something this little girl would always been able to do. I’m sorry you see it as a bad thing that girls can “right now”.

We're talking about a 3rd grader obsessed with a kindergartener.

Telling people that a kid said something inappropriate to her makes her “obsessed” now? Neat.

Offhand how often is she allowed to tell someone something that happened to her before she reaches your limit on how much an eight year old girl may speak about her experiences?

She didn’t say what happened. She called the kid a racist. She’s assigning a motive to his action despite the fact he is a young child who apologized. That is the problem. And if she’s going around giving him this label to look bad, I bet she’s not giving a full version of events including that he apologized.

An eight year old girl, describing someone using an offensive term to her, said “he was racist”. That’s what the OP said, you made up all the rest of it on your own.

What about what she said is inaccurate? Behaving in a racist way= racist. She used the past tense so perhaps she’s hopeful he will improve.

No. A five year old using a racist word is not “behaving in a racist way”. He is behaving in a five year old way.

You are ridiculous.

She’s eight. She’s a child, describing something that happened to her honestly, in a factual way even if one you don’t like. To put it your way— she’s behaving in an eight year old way in describing what happened to her.

This rush to defend a “fragile” male whose mother says he isn’t impacted by it is really telling.

NP. No she's not being factual. A kindergartner repeating a word they don't understand isn't being racist. That's not about "defending" him, that's just describing what happened accurately.

Yes, she's behaving in a normal eight year old way, but she's still getting it wrong in calling him racist. The adults around her should step in and help her understand what's going on, so that when she's older she can behave in an appropriate adult way. Both kids need to learn something from this, even though both are acting in age appropriate ways.

If he pushed her and she broke her arm. She would say “he was mean”. That might not mean the kid is always mean, but it would mean what he did in the moment was mean.

What the kid did in the moment was racist. Was it with perfect understanding of the enormity of that fact? No. But he selected a child of a minority race to say something inappropriate to. As stated upthred— if he picked the little white girl sitting next to him to try out his new word on, that’s not racist even if it is still an in appropriate word to say. Hopefully he won’t always be so, but pretending what he did wasn’t racist is incorrect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That 3rd grader was verbally attacked. Just because your kindergartner apologized doesn't mean the 3rd grader has to accept the apology. This is a good lesson for your kid - some things hurt people REALLY deeply. And some things you can't just apologize away. From now on, he needs to come ask what things mean before repeating them lest this happen again. It's a harsh lesson, but so is life.

The 3rd grader was verbally attacked and is now recounting what happened. You're asking an 8 or 9 yr old to have grace because your son who made a mistake is 5 or 6. But he's not required to. It's okay for a 3rd grader to be hurt and to tell people about it.

OP here. Thank you. Yes to all of this. I have not said anything b/c of all of this. I am very uncomfortable about turning the tables on the other child.

You should not be.
This feeling is exactly why some dishonest people use the racism labels to get away with their own shortcomings.
Email the admin

Definitely. Because what will improve the (true) story of a five year old calling a schoolmate an inappropriate name will be the equally (true) chapter two when the White mother calls the school to try to get an eight year old girl in trouble for reporting honestly about how a boy spoke to her. That will absolutely win you the validation you’re seeking. Everyone will want to be friends with your kid then.

Take. The. L.

If this is bothering your son, make it a teachable moment. Ask him what the little girl might be thinking to still need to talk about what happened to her. Let his discomfort reinforce how serious his mistake was.

Or, you know, teach him that his actions don’t have consequences and lean in hard on that #BoyMom trope.

DP. That's fine and all. Can you also teach your girls to get over themselves and learn to be people instead of victims? Girls have a lot of power right now and they don't know the right way to use it. Their parents aren't teaching them. The system isn't teaching them either.

What power is it you think this eight year old is abusing? The power to tell the truth about something that happened to her?

You’re right about one thing— telling the truth about her experience isn’t something this little girl would always been able to do. I’m sorry you see it as a bad thing that girls can “right now”.

We're talking about a 3rd grader obsessed with a kindergartener.

Telling people that a kid said something inappropriate to her makes her “obsessed” now? Neat.

Offhand how often is she allowed to tell someone something that happened to her before she reaches your limit on how much an eight year old girl may speak about her experiences?

She didn’t say what happened. She called the kid a racist. She’s assigning a motive to his action despite the fact he is a young child who apologized. That is the problem. And if she’s going around giving him this label to look bad, I bet she’s not giving a full version of events including that he apologized.

An eight year old girl, describing someone using an offensive term to her, said “he was racist”. That’s what the OP said, you made up all the rest of it on your own.

What about what she said is inaccurate? Behaving in a racist way= racist. She used the past tense so perhaps she’s hopeful he will improve.

No. A five year old using a racist word is not “behaving in a racist way”. He is behaving in a five year old way.

You are ridiculous.

She’s eight. She’s a child, describing something that happened to her honestly, in a factual way even if one you don’t like. To put it your way— she’s behaving in an eight year old way in describing what happened to her.

This rush to defend a “fragile” male whose mother says he isn’t impacted by it is really telling.

NP. No she's not being factual. A kindergartner repeating a word they don't understand isn't being racist. That's not about "defending" him, that's just describing what happened accurately.

Yes, she's behaving in a normal eight year old way, but she's still getting it wrong in calling him racist. The adults around her should step in and help her understand what's going on, so that when she's older she can behave in an appropriate adult way. Both kids need to learn something from this, even though both are acting in age appropriate ways.

I’m the poster immediately above and would just add, when she’s older, if someone calls her a racist slur again, she will still be correct in saying that person was racist.

The consequences to the perpetrator though, will be much more severe (suspension from school, firing from job). So he needs to learn now, though it’s already pretty late.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That 3rd grader was verbally attacked. Just because your kindergartner apologized doesn't mean the 3rd grader has to accept the apology. This is a good lesson for your kid - some things hurt people REALLY deeply. And some things you can't just apologize away. From now on, he needs to come ask what things mean before repeating them lest this happen again. It's a harsh lesson, but so is life.

The 3rd grader was verbally attacked and is now recounting what happened. You're asking an 8 or 9 yr old to have grace because your son who made a mistake is 5 or 6. But he's not required to. It's okay for a 3rd grader to be hurt and to tell people about it.

OP here. Thank you. Yes to all of this. I have not said anything b/c of all of this. I am very uncomfortable about turning the tables on the other child.

You should not be.
This feeling is exactly why some dishonest people use the racism labels to get away with their own shortcomings.
Email the admin

Definitely. Because what will improve the (true) story of a five year old calling a schoolmate an inappropriate name will be the equally (true) chapter two when the White mother calls the school to try to get an eight year old girl in trouble for reporting honestly about how a boy spoke to her. That will absolutely win you the validation you’re seeking. Everyone will want to be friends with your kid then.

Take. The. L.

If this is bothering your son, make it a teachable moment. Ask him what the little girl might be thinking to still need to talk about what happened to her. Let his discomfort reinforce how serious his mistake was.

Or, you know, teach him that his actions don’t have consequences and lean in hard on that #BoyMom trope.

DP. That's fine and all. Can you also teach your girls to get over themselves and learn to be people instead of victims? Girls have a lot of power right now and they don't know the right way to use it. Their parents aren't teaching them. The system isn't teaching them either.

What power is it you think this eight year old is abusing? The power to tell the truth about something that happened to her?

You’re right about one thing— telling the truth about her experience isn’t something this little girl would always been able to do. I’m sorry you see it as a bad thing that girls can “right now”.

We're talking about a 3rd grader obsessed with a kindergartener.

Telling people that a kid said something inappropriate to her makes her “obsessed” now? Neat.

Offhand how often is she allowed to tell someone something that happened to her before she reaches your limit on how much an eight year old girl may speak about her experiences?

She didn’t say what happened. She called the kid a racist. She’s assigning a motive to his action despite the fact he is a young child who apologized. That is the problem. And if she’s going around giving him this label to look bad, I bet she’s not giving a full version of events including that he apologized.

An eight year old girl, describing someone using an offensive term to her, said “he was racist”. That’s what the OP said, you made up all the rest of it on your own.

What about what she said is inaccurate? Behaving in a racist way= racist. She used the past tense so perhaps she’s hopeful he will improve.

No. A five year old using a racist word is not “behaving in a racist way”. He is behaving in a five year old way.

You are ridiculous.

She’s eight. She’s a child, describing something that happened to her honestly, in a factual way even if one you don’t like. To put it your way— she’s behaving in an eight year old way in describing what happened to her.

This rush to defend a “fragile” male whose mother says he isn’t impacted by it is really telling.

NP. No she's not being factual. A kindergartner repeating a word they don't understand isn't being racist. That's not about "defending" him, that's just describing what happened accurately.

Yes, she's behaving in a normal eight year old way, but she's still getting it wrong in calling him racist. The adults around her should step in and help her understand what's going on, so that when she's older she can behave in an appropriate adult way. Both kids need to learn something from this, even though both are acting in age appropriate ways.

I’m the poster immediately above and would just add, when she’s older, if someone calls her a racist slur again, she will still be correct in saying that person was racist.

The consequences to the perpetrator though, will be much more severe (suspension from school, firing from job). So he needs to learn now, though it’s already pretty late.

He's five. It's not "pretty late" for anything. You're so clearly hopped up on the adrenaline rush of getting to crucify someone that there's no use in talking to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That 3rd grader was verbally attacked. Just because your kindergartner apologized doesn't mean the 3rd grader has to accept the apology. This is a good lesson for your kid - some things hurt people REALLY deeply. And some things you can't just apologize away. From now on, he needs to come ask what things mean before repeating them lest this happen again. It's a harsh lesson, but so is life.

The 3rd grader was verbally attacked and is now recounting what happened. You're asking an 8 or 9 yr old to have grace because your son who made a mistake is 5 or 6. But he's not required to. It's okay for a 3rd grader to be hurt and to tell people about it.

OP here. Thank you. Yes to all of this. I have not said anything b/c of all of this. I am very uncomfortable about turning the tables on the other child.

You should not be.
This feeling is exactly why some dishonest people use the racism labels to get away with their own shortcomings.
Email the admin

Definitely. Because what will improve the (true) story of a five year old calling a schoolmate an inappropriate name will be the equally (true) chapter two when the White mother calls the school to try to get an eight year old girl in trouble for reporting honestly about how a boy spoke to her. That will absolutely win you the validation you’re seeking. Everyone will want to be friends with your kid then.

Take. The. L.

If this is bothering your son, make it a teachable moment. Ask him what the little girl might be thinking to still need to talk about what happened to her. Let his discomfort reinforce how serious his mistake was.

Or, you know, teach him that his actions don’t have consequences and lean in hard on that #BoyMom trope.

DP. That's fine and all. Can you also teach your girls to get over themselves and learn to be people instead of victims? Girls have a lot of power right now and they don't know the right way to use it. Their parents aren't teaching them. The system isn't teaching them either.

What power is it you think this eight year old is abusing? The power to tell the truth about something that happened to her?

You’re right about one thing— telling the truth about her experience isn’t something this little girl would always been able to do. I’m sorry you see it as a bad thing that girls can “right now”.

We're talking about a 3rd grader obsessed with a kindergartener.

Telling people that a kid said something inappropriate to her makes her “obsessed” now? Neat.

Offhand how often is she allowed to tell someone something that happened to her before she reaches your limit on how much an eight year old girl may speak about her experiences?

She didn’t say what happened. She called the kid a racist. She’s assigning a motive to his action despite the fact he is a young child who apologized. That is the problem. And if she’s going around giving him this label to look bad, I bet she’s not giving a full version of events including that he apologized.

An eight year old girl, describing someone using an offensive term to her, said “he was racist”. That’s what the OP said, you made up all the rest of it on your own.

What about what she said is inaccurate? Behaving in a racist way= racist. She used the past tense so perhaps she’s hopeful he will improve.

No. A five year old using a racist word is not “behaving in a racist way”. He is behaving in a five year old way.

You are ridiculous.

She’s eight. She’s a child, describing something that happened to her honestly, in a factual way even if one you don’t like. To put it your way— she’s behaving in an eight year old way in describing what happened to her.

This rush to defend a “fragile” male whose mother says he isn’t impacted by it is really telling.

He is not a fragile male nor is he being described as a fragile male. He is accurately being described as a five year old with a five year old brain. The way he acted is common for kids that age, they are obsessed with using potty words or forbidden words. Unfortunately for OP’s son he got exposed to the wrong word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That 3rd grader was verbally attacked. Just because your kindergartner apologized doesn't mean the 3rd grader has to accept the apology. This is a good lesson for your kid - some things hurt people REALLY deeply. And some things you can't just apologize away. From now on, he needs to come ask what things mean before repeating them lest this happen again. It's a harsh lesson, but so is life.

The 3rd grader was verbally attacked and is now recounting what happened. You're asking an 8 or 9 yr old to have grace because your son who made a mistake is 5 or 6. But he's not required to. It's okay for a 3rd grader to be hurt and to tell people about it.

OP here. Thank you. Yes to all of this. I have not said anything b/c of all of this. I am very uncomfortable about turning the tables on the other child.

You should not be.
This feeling is exactly why some dishonest people use the racism labels to get away with their own shortcomings.
Email the admin

Definitely. Because what will improve the (true) story of a five year old calling a schoolmate an inappropriate name will be the equally (true) chapter two when the White mother calls the school to try to get an eight year old girl in trouble for reporting honestly about how a boy spoke to her. That will absolutely win you the validation you’re seeking. Everyone will want to be friends with your kid then.

Take. The. L.

If this is bothering your son, make it a teachable moment. Ask him what the little girl might be thinking to still need to talk about what happened to her. Let his discomfort reinforce how serious his mistake was.

Or, you know, teach him that his actions don’t have consequences and lean in hard on that #BoyMom trope.

DP. That's fine and all. Can you also teach your girls to get over themselves and learn to be people instead of victims? Girls have a lot of power right now and they don't know the right way to use it. Their parents aren't teaching them. The system isn't teaching them either.

What power is it you think this eight year old is abusing? The power to tell the truth about something that happened to her?

You’re right about one thing— telling the truth about her experience isn’t something this little girl would always been able to do. I’m sorry you see it as a bad thing that girls can “right now”.

We're talking about a 3rd grader obsessed with a kindergartener.

Telling people that a kid said something inappropriate to her makes her “obsessed” now? Neat.

Offhand how often is she allowed to tell someone something that happened to her before she reaches your limit on how much an eight year old girl may speak about her experiences?

She didn’t say what happened. She called the kid a racist. She’s assigning a motive to his action despite the fact he is a young child who apologized. That is the problem. And if she’s going around giving him this label to look bad, I bet she’s not giving a full version of events including that he apologized.

An eight year old girl, describing someone using an offensive term to her, said “he was racist”. That’s what the OP said, you made up all the rest of it on your own.

What about what she said is inaccurate? Behaving in a racist way= racist. She used the past tense so perhaps she’s hopeful he will improve.

No. A five year old using a racist word is not “behaving in a racist way”. He is behaving in a five year old way.

You are ridiculous.

She’s eight. She’s a child, describing something that happened to her honestly, in a factual way even if one you don’t like. To put it your way— she’s behaving in an eight year old way in describing what happened to her.

This rush to defend a “fragile” male whose mother says he isn’t impacted by it is really telling.

What’s really telling is that you apparently think it would be some shameful, laughable thing for a kindergartener to be “fragile”. Do you even hear yourself? I feel sorry for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That 3rd grader was verbally attacked. Just because your kindergartner apologized doesn't mean the 3rd grader has to accept the apology. This is a good lesson for your kid - some things hurt people REALLY deeply. And some things you can't just apologize away. From now on, he needs to come ask what things mean before repeating them lest this happen again. It's a harsh lesson, but so is life.

The 3rd grader was verbally attacked and is now recounting what happened. You're asking an 8 or 9 yr old to have grace because your son who made a mistake is 5 or 6. But he's not required to. It's okay for a 3rd grader to be hurt and to tell people about it.

OP here. Thank you. Yes to all of this. I have not said anything b/c of all of this. I am very uncomfortable about turning the tables on the other child.

You should not be.
This feeling is exactly why some dishonest people use the racism labels to get away with their own shortcomings.
Email the admin

Definitely. Because what will improve the (true) story of a five year old calling a schoolmate an inappropriate name will be the equally (true) chapter two when the White mother calls the school to try to get an eight year old girl in trouble for reporting honestly about how a boy spoke to her. That will absolutely win you the validation you’re seeking. Everyone will want to be friends with your kid then.

Take. The. L.

If this is bothering your son, make it a teachable moment. Ask him what the little girl might be thinking to still need to talk about what happened to her. Let his discomfort reinforce how serious his mistake was.

Or, you know, teach him that his actions don’t have consequences and lean in hard on that #BoyMom trope.

DP. That's fine and all. Can you also teach your girls to get over themselves and learn to be people instead of victims? Girls have a lot of power right now and they don't know the right way to use it. Their parents aren't teaching them. The system isn't teaching them either.

What power is it you think this eight year old is abusing? The power to tell the truth about something that happened to her?

You’re right about one thing— telling the truth about her experience isn’t something this little girl would always been able to do. I’m sorry you see it as a bad thing that girls can “right now”.

We're talking about a 3rd grader obsessed with a kindergartener.

Telling people that a kid said something inappropriate to her makes her “obsessed” now? Neat.

Offhand how often is she allowed to tell someone something that happened to her before she reaches your limit on how much an eight year old girl may speak about her experiences?

She didn’t say what happened. She called the kid a racist. She’s assigning a motive to his action despite the fact he is a young child who apologized. That is the problem. And if she’s going around giving him this label to look bad, I bet she’s not giving a full version of events including that he apologized.

An eight year old girl, describing someone using an offensive term to her, said “he was racist”. That’s what the OP said, you made up all the rest of it on your own.

What about what she said is inaccurate? Behaving in a racist way= racist. She used the past tense so perhaps she’s hopeful he will improve.

No. A five year old using a racist word is not “behaving in a racist way”. He is behaving in a five year old way.

You are ridiculous.

She’s eight. She’s a child, describing something that happened to her honestly, in a factual way even if one you don’t like. To put it your way— she’s behaving in an eight year old way in describing what happened to her.

This rush to defend a “fragile” male whose mother says he isn’t impacted by it is really telling.

NP. No she's not being factual. A kindergartner repeating a word they don't understand isn't being racist. That's not about "defending" him, that's just describing what happened accurately.

Yes, she's behaving in a normal eight year old way, but she's still getting it wrong in calling him racist. The adults around her should step in and help her understand what's going on, so that when she's older she can behave in an appropriate adult way. Both kids need to learn something from this, even though both are acting in age appropriate ways.

If he pushed her and she broke her arm. She would say “he was mean”. That might not mean the kid is always mean, but it would mean what he did in the moment was mean.

What the kid did in the moment was racist. Was it with perfect understanding of the enormity of that fact? No. But he selected a child of a minority race to say something inappropriate to. As stated upthred— if he picked the little white girl sitting next to him to try out his new word on, that’s not racist even if it is still an in appropriate word to say. Hopefully he won’t always be so, but pretending what he did wasn’t racist is incorrect.

What if they were playing a physical game, or he was falling or losing his balance, and he *accidentally* pushed her? Is that still “mean”?

(As an aside, how do you know he didn’t call other kids this name as well? OP only heard from the parents of one kid but that doesn’t mean he didn’t throw the new word around at others.)

The five year old isn’t racist. The five year old wasn’t behaving in a racist way. Again, you are completely and utterly ridiculous.

Mature people can distinguish between intent and deed; it’s pathetic that so many posters in this thread apparently cannot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That 3rd grader was verbally attacked. Just because your kindergartner apologized doesn't mean the 3rd grader has to accept the apology. This is a good lesson for your kid - some things hurt people REALLY deeply. And some things you can't just apologize away. From now on, he needs to come ask what things mean before repeating them lest this happen again. It's a harsh lesson, but so is life.

The 3rd grader was verbally attacked and is now recounting what happened. You're asking an 8 or 9 yr old to have grace because your son who made a mistake is 5 or 6. But he's not required to. It's okay for a 3rd grader to be hurt and to tell people about it.

OP here. Thank you. Yes to all of this. I have not said anything b/c of all of this. I am very uncomfortable about turning the tables on the other child.

You should not be.
This feeling is exactly why some dishonest people use the racism labels to get away with their own shortcomings.
Email the admin

Definitely. Because what will improve the (true) story of a five year old calling a schoolmate an inappropriate name will be the equally (true) chapter two when the White mother calls the school to try to get an eight year old girl in trouble for reporting honestly about how a boy spoke to her. That will absolutely win you the validation you’re seeking. Everyone will want to be friends with your kid then.

Take. The. L.

If this is bothering your son, make it a teachable moment. Ask him what the little girl might be thinking to still need to talk about what happened to her. Let his discomfort reinforce how serious his mistake was.

Or, you know, teach him that his actions don’t have consequences and lean in hard on that #BoyMom trope.

DP. That's fine and all. Can you also teach your girls to get over themselves and learn to be people instead of victims? Girls have a lot of power right now and they don't know the right way to use it. Their parents aren't teaching them. The system isn't teaching them either.

What power is it you think this eight year old is abusing? The power to tell the truth about something that happened to her?

You’re right about one thing— telling the truth about her experience isn’t something this little girl would always been able to do. I’m sorry you see it as a bad thing that girls can “right now”.

We're talking about a 3rd grader obsessed with a kindergartener.

Telling people that a kid said something inappropriate to her makes her “obsessed” now? Neat.

Offhand how often is she allowed to tell someone something that happened to her before she reaches your limit on how much an eight year old girl may speak about her experiences?

She didn’t say what happened. She called the kid a racist. She’s assigning a motive to his action despite the fact he is a young child who apologized. That is the problem. And if she’s going around giving him this label to look bad, I bet she’s not giving a full version of events including that he apologized.

An eight year old girl, describing someone using an offensive term to her, said “he was racist”. That’s what the OP said, you made up all the rest of it on your own.

What about what she said is inaccurate? Behaving in a racist way= racist. She used the past tense so perhaps she’s hopeful he will improve.

No. A five year old using a racist word is not “behaving in a racist way”. He is behaving in a five year old way.

You are ridiculous.

She’s eight. She’s a child, describing something that happened to her honestly, in a factual way even if one you don’t like. To put it your way— she’s behaving in an eight year old way in describing what happened to her.

This rush to defend a “fragile” male whose mother says he isn’t impacted by it is really telling.

What’s really telling is that you apparently think it would be some shameful, laughable thing for a kindergartener to be “fragile”. Do you even hear yourself? I feel sorry for your kids.

np. That's not what the term fragile male refers to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That 3rd grader was verbally attacked. Just because your kindergartner apologized doesn't mean the 3rd grader has to accept the apology. This is a good lesson for your kid - some things hurt people REALLY deeply. And some things you can't just apologize away. From now on, he needs to come ask what things mean before repeating them lest this happen again. It's a harsh lesson, but so is life.

The 3rd grader was verbally attacked and is now recounting what happened. You're asking an 8 or 9 yr old to have grace because your son who made a mistake is 5 or 6. But he's not required to. It's okay for a 3rd grader to be hurt and to tell people about it.

OP here. Thank you. Yes to all of this. I have not said anything b/c of all of this. I am very uncomfortable about turning the tables on the other child.

You should not be.
This feeling is exactly why some dishonest people use the racism labels to get away with their own shortcomings.
Email the admin

Definitely. Because what will improve the (true) story of a five year old calling a schoolmate an inappropriate name will be the equally (true) chapter two when the White mother calls the school to try to get an eight year old girl in trouble for reporting honestly about how a boy spoke to her. That will absolutely win you the validation you’re seeking. Everyone will want to be friends with your kid then.

Take. The. L.

If this is bothering your son, make it a teachable moment. Ask him what the little girl might be thinking to still need to talk about what happened to her. Let his discomfort reinforce how serious his mistake was.

Or, you know, teach him that his actions don’t have consequences and lean in hard on that #BoyMom trope.

DP. That's fine and all. Can you also teach your girls to get over themselves and learn to be people instead of victims? Girls have a lot of power right now and they don't know the right way to use it. Their parents aren't teaching them. The system isn't teaching them either.

What power is it you think this eight year old is abusing? The power to tell the truth about something that happened to her?

You’re right about one thing— telling the truth about her experience isn’t something this little girl would always been able to do. I’m sorry you see it as a bad thing that girls can “right now”.

We're talking about a 3rd grader obsessed with a kindergartener.

Telling people that a kid said something inappropriate to her makes her “obsessed” now? Neat.

Offhand how often is she allowed to tell someone something that happened to her before she reaches your limit on how much an eight year old girl may speak about her experiences?

She didn’t say what happened. She called the kid a racist. She’s assigning a motive to his action despite the fact he is a young child who apologized. That is the problem. And if she’s going around giving him this label to look bad, I bet she’s not giving a full version of events including that he apologized.

An eight year old girl, describing someone using an offensive term to her, said “he was racist”. That’s what the OP said, you made up all the rest of it on your own.

What about what she said is inaccurate? Behaving in a racist way= racist. She used the past tense so perhaps she’s hopeful he will improve.

No. A five year old using a racist word is not “behaving in a racist way”. He is behaving in a five year old way.

You are ridiculous.

She’s eight. She’s a child, describing something that happened to her honestly, in a factual way even if one you don’t like. To put it your way— she’s behaving in an eight year old way in describing what happened to her.

This rush to defend a “fragile” male whose mother says he isn’t impacted by it is really telling.

NP. No she's not being factual. A kindergartner repeating a word they don't understand isn't being racist. That's not about "defending" him, that's just describing what happened accurately.

Yes, she's behaving in a normal eight year old way, but she's still getting it wrong in calling him racist. The adults around her should step in and help her understand what's going on, so that when she's older she can behave in an appropriate adult way. Both kids need to learn something from this, even though both are acting in age appropriate ways.

If he pushed her and she broke her arm. She would say “he was mean”. That might not mean the kid is always mean, but it would mean what he did in the moment was mean.

What the kid did in the moment was racist. Was it with perfect understanding of the enormity of that fact? No. But he selected a child of a minority race to say something inappropriate to. As stated upthred— if he picked the little white girl sitting next to him to try out his new word on, that’s not racist even if it is still an in appropriate word to say. Hopefully he won’t always be so, but pretending what he did wasn’t racist is incorrect.

What if they were playing a physical game, or he was falling or losing his balance, and he *accidentally* pushed her? Is that still “mean”?

(As an aside, how do you know he didn’t call other kids this name as well? OP only heard from the parents of one kid but that doesn’t mean he didn’t throw the new word around at others.)

The five year old isn’t racist. The five year old wasn’t behaving in a racist way. Again, you are completely and utterly ridiculous.

Mature people can distinguish between intent and deed; it’s pathetic that so many posters in this thread apparently cannot.

np. It was racist. Maybe pp posed a bad analogy, but the act was racist. You don't need racist intent to do something racist. The effect was clearly hurtful in a way that only racism is to that other child. If you have ever been the target of racism, perhaps you would know that a child can be racist for a moment and still be an innocent, good child.

What's pathetic is how long this thread is going. OP has already said that she is going to move on and say nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That 3rd grader was verbally attacked. Just because your kindergartner apologized doesn't mean the 3rd grader has to accept the apology. This is a good lesson for your kid - some things hurt people REALLY deeply. And some things you can't just apologize away. From now on, he needs to come ask what things mean before repeating them lest this happen again. It's a harsh lesson, but so is life.

The 3rd grader was verbally attacked and is now recounting what happened. You're asking an 8 or 9 yr old to have grace because your son who made a mistake is 5 or 6. But he's not required to. It's okay for a 3rd grader to be hurt and to tell people about it.

OP here. Thank you. Yes to all of this. I have not said anything b/c of all of this. I am very uncomfortable about turning the tables on the other child.

You should not be.
This feeling is exactly why some dishonest people use the racism labels to get away with their own shortcomings.
Email the admin

Definitely. Because what will improve the (true) story of a five year old calling a schoolmate an inappropriate name will be the equally (true) chapter two when the White mother calls the school to try to get an eight year old girl in trouble for reporting honestly about how a boy spoke to her. That will absolutely win you the validation you’re seeking. Everyone will want to be friends with your kid then.

Take. The. L.

If this is bothering your son, make it a teachable moment. Ask him what the little girl might be thinking to still need to talk about what happened to her. Let his discomfort reinforce how serious his mistake was.

Or, you know, teach him that his actions don’t have consequences and lean in hard on that #BoyMom trope.

DP. That's fine and all. Can you also teach your girls to get over themselves and learn to be people instead of victims? Girls have a lot of power right now and they don't know the right way to use it. Their parents aren't teaching them. The system isn't teaching them either.

What power is it you think this eight year old is abusing? The power to tell the truth about something that happened to her?

You’re right about one thing— telling the truth about her experience isn’t something this little girl would always been able to do. I’m sorry you see it as a bad thing that girls can “right now”.

We're talking about a 3rd grader obsessed with a kindergartener.

Telling people that a kid said something inappropriate to her makes her “obsessed” now? Neat.

Offhand how often is she allowed to tell someone something that happened to her before she reaches your limit on how much an eight year old girl may speak about her experiences?

She didn’t say what happened. She called the kid a racist. She’s assigning a motive to his action despite the fact he is a young child who apologized. That is the problem. And if she’s going around giving him this label to look bad, I bet she’s not giving a full version of events including that he apologized.

An eight year old girl, describing someone using an offensive term to her, said “he was racist”. That’s what the OP said, you made up all the rest of it on your own.

What about what she said is inaccurate? Behaving in a racist way= racist. She used the past tense so perhaps she’s hopeful he will improve.

No. A five year old using a racist word is not “behaving in a racist way”. He is behaving in a five year old way.

You are ridiculous.

She’s eight. She’s a child, describing something that happened to her honestly, in a factual way even if one you don’t like. To put it your way— she’s behaving in an eight year old way in describing what happened to her.

This rush to defend a “fragile” male whose mother says he isn’t impacted by it is really telling.

NP. No she's not being factual. A kindergartner repeating a word they don't understand isn't being racist. That's not about "defending" him, that's just describing what happened accurately.

Yes, she's behaving in a normal eight year old way, but she's still getting it wrong in calling him racist. The adults around her should step in and help her understand what's going on, so that when she's older she can behave in an appropriate adult way. Both kids need to learn something from this, even though both are acting in age appropriate ways.

If he pushed her and she broke her arm. She would say “he was mean”. That might not mean the kid is always mean, but it would mean what he did in the moment was mean.

What the kid did in the moment was racist. Was it with perfect understanding of the enormity of that fact? No. But he selected a child of a minority race to say something inappropriate to. As stated upthred— if he picked the little white girl sitting next to him to try out his new word on, that’s not racist even if it is still an in appropriate word to say. Hopefully he won’t always be so, but pretending what he did wasn’t racist is incorrect.

What if they were playing a physical game, or he was falling or losing his balance, and he *accidentally* pushed her? Is that still “mean”?

(As an aside, how do you know he didn’t call other kids this name as well? OP only heard from the parents of one kid but that doesn’t mean he didn’t throw the new word around at others.)

The five year old isn’t racist. The five year old wasn’t behaving in a racist way. Again, you are completely and utterly ridiculous.

Mature people can distinguish between intent and deed; it’s pathetic that so many posters in this thread apparently cannot.

np. It was racist. Maybe pp posed a bad analogy, but the act was racist. You don't need racist intent to do something racist. The effect was clearly hurtful in a way that only racism is to that other child. If you have ever been the target of racism, perhaps you would know that a child can be racist for a moment and still be an innocent, good child.

What's pathetic is how long this thread is going. OP has already said that she is going to move on and say nothing.

Probably because all you pro-racism, woe is me, people won’t give it a rest. Most sane people in this world don’t think like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That 3rd grader was verbally attacked. Just because your kindergartner apologized doesn't mean the 3rd grader has to accept the apology. This is a good lesson for your kid - some things hurt people REALLY deeply. And some things you can't just apologize away. From now on, he needs to come ask what things mean before repeating them lest this happen again. It's a harsh lesson, but so is life.

The 3rd grader was verbally attacked and is now recounting what happened. You're asking an 8 or 9 yr old to have grace because your son who made a mistake is 5 or 6. But he's not required to. It's okay for a 3rd grader to be hurt and to tell people about it.

OP here. Thank you. Yes to all of this. I have not said anything b/c of all of this. I am very uncomfortable about turning the tables on the other child.

You should not be.
This feeling is exactly why some dishonest people use the racism labels to get away with their own shortcomings.
Email the admin

Definitely. Because what will improve the (true) story of a five year old calling a schoolmate an inappropriate name will be the equally (true) chapter two when the White mother calls the school to try to get an eight year old girl in trouble for reporting honestly about how a boy spoke to her. That will absolutely win you the validation you’re seeking. Everyone will want to be friends with your kid then.

Take. The. L.

If this is bothering your son, make it a teachable moment. Ask him what the little girl might be thinking to still need to talk about what happened to her. Let his discomfort reinforce how serious his mistake was.

Or, you know, teach him that his actions don’t have consequences and lean in hard on that #BoyMom trope.

DP. That's fine and all. Can you also teach your girls to get over themselves and learn to be people instead of victims? Girls have a lot of power right now and they don't know the right way to use it. Their parents aren't teaching them. The system isn't teaching them either.

What power is it you think this eight year old is abusing? The power to tell the truth about something that happened to her?

You’re right about one thing— telling the truth about her experience isn’t something this little girl would always been able to do. I’m sorry you see it as a bad thing that girls can “right now”.

We're talking about a 3rd grader obsessed with a kindergartener.

Telling people that a kid said something inappropriate to her makes her “obsessed” now? Neat.

Offhand how often is she allowed to tell someone something that happened to her before she reaches your limit on how much an eight year old girl may speak about her experiences?

She didn’t say what happened. She called the kid a racist. She’s assigning a motive to his action despite the fact he is a young child who apologized. That is the problem. And if she’s going around giving him this label to look bad, I bet she’s not giving a full version of events including that he apologized.

An eight year old girl, describing someone using an offensive term to her, said “he was racist”. That’s what the OP said, you made up all the rest of it on your own.

What about what she said is inaccurate? Behaving in a racist way= racist. She used the past tense so perhaps she’s hopeful he will improve.

No. A five year old using a racist word is not “behaving in a racist way”. He is behaving in a five year old way.

You are ridiculous.

She’s eight. She’s a child, describing something that happened to her honestly, in a factual way even if one you don’t like. To put it your way— she’s behaving in an eight year old way in describing what happened to her.

This rush to defend a “fragile” male whose mother says he isn’t impacted by it is really telling.

He is not a fragile male nor is he being described as a fragile male. He is accurately being described as a five year old with a five year old brain. The way he acted is common for kids that age, they are obsessed with using potty words or forbidden words. Unfortunately for OP’s son he got exposed to the wrong word.

He’s not being described by his mother as fragile, his mother says he’s not being bullied and he isn’t being negatively impacted by a girl telling a story what happened to her.

Posters here, on the other hand, are grabbing pitchforks for an eight year old
“Bullying” and “ostracizing” and “having a vendetta”. In other words assuming he’s too fragile to deal with the outcomes of his behavior.

And this isn’t a potty word situation and that analogy will never work: a kid obsessed with potty words says them to anyone. This kid singled out a little girl from a minority background to say this offensive word to. As though your kid was saying “poopy” only to the kid with an ostomy bag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That 3rd grader was verbally attacked. Just because your kindergartner apologized doesn't mean the 3rd grader has to accept the apology. This is a good lesson for your kid - some things hurt people REALLY deeply. And some things you can't just apologize away. From now on, he needs to come ask what things mean before repeating them lest this happen again. It's a harsh lesson, but so is life.

The 3rd grader was verbally attacked and is now recounting what happened. You're asking an 8 or 9 yr old to have grace because your son who made a mistake is 5 or 6. But he's not required to. It's okay for a 3rd grader to be hurt and to tell people about it.

OP here. Thank you. Yes to all of this. I have not said anything b/c of all of this. I am very uncomfortable about turning the tables on the other child.

You should not be.
This feeling is exactly why some dishonest people use the racism labels to get away with their own shortcomings.
Email the admin

Definitely. Because what will improve the (true) story of a five year old calling a schoolmate an inappropriate name will be the equally (true) chapter two when the White mother calls the school to try to get an eight year old girl in trouble for reporting honestly about how a boy spoke to her. That will absolutely win you the validation you’re seeking. Everyone will want to be friends with your kid then.

Take. The. L.

If this is bothering your son, make it a teachable moment. Ask him what the little girl might be thinking to still need to talk about what happened to her. Let his discomfort reinforce how serious his mistake was.

Or, you know, teach him that his actions don’t have consequences and lean in hard on that #BoyMom trope.

DP. That's fine and all. Can you also teach your girls to get over themselves and learn to be people instead of victims? Girls have a lot of power right now and they don't know the right way to use it. Their parents aren't teaching them. The system isn't teaching them either.

What power is it you think this eight year old is abusing? The power to tell the truth about something that happened to her?

You’re right about one thing— telling the truth about her experience isn’t something this little girl would always been able to do. I’m sorry you see it as a bad thing that girls can “right now”.

We're talking about a 3rd grader obsessed with a kindergartener.

Telling people that a kid said something inappropriate to her makes her “obsessed” now? Neat.

Offhand how often is she allowed to tell someone something that happened to her before she reaches your limit on how much an eight year old girl may speak about her experiences?

She didn’t say what happened. She called the kid a racist. She’s assigning a motive to his action despite the fact he is a young child who apologized. That is the problem. And if she’s going around giving him this label to look bad, I bet she’s not giving a full version of events including that he apologized.

An eight year old girl, describing someone using an offensive term to her, said “he was racist”. That’s what the OP said, you made up all the rest of it on your own.

What about what she said is inaccurate? Behaving in a racist way= racist. She used the past tense so perhaps she’s hopeful he will improve.

No. A five year old using a racist word is not “behaving in a racist way”. He is behaving in a five year old way.

You are ridiculous.

She’s eight. She’s a child, describing something that happened to her honestly, in a factual way even if one you don’t like. To put it your way— she’s behaving in an eight year old way in describing what happened to her.

This rush to defend a “fragile” male whose mother says he isn’t impacted by it is really telling.

NP. No she's not being factual. A kindergartner repeating a word they don't understand isn't being racist. That's not about "defending" him, that's just describing what happened accurately.

Yes, she's behaving in a normal eight year old way, but she's still getting it wrong in calling him racist. The adults around her should step in and help her understand what's going on, so that when she's older she can behave in an appropriate adult way. Both kids need to learn something from this, even though both are acting in age appropriate ways.

If he pushed her and she broke her arm. She would say “he was mean”. That might not mean the kid is always mean, but it would mean what he did in the moment was mean.

What the kid did in the moment was racist. Was it with perfect understanding of the enormity of that fact? No. But he selected a child of a minority race to say something inappropriate to. As stated upthred— if he picked the little white girl sitting next to him to try out his new word on, that’s not racist even if it is still an in appropriate word to say. Hopefully he won’t always be so, but pretending what he did wasn’t racist is incorrect.

What if they were playing a physical game, or he was falling or losing his balance, and he *accidentally* pushed her? Is that still “mean”?

(As an aside, how do you know he didn’t call other kids this name as well? OP only heard from the parents of one kid but that doesn’t mean he didn’t throw the new word around at others.)

The five year old isn’t racist. The five year old wasn’t behaving in a racist way. Again, you are completely and utterly ridiculous.

Mature people can distinguish between intent and deed; it’s pathetic that so many posters in this thread apparently cannot.

This wasn’t an accident, which is the whole point. If he pushed a kid on purpose and she broke her arm, he was mean. Doesn’t mean he’s a mean kid or even that he meant to do something SO hurtful, but it is what it is.

Your “it was an accident!” Analogy works if he learned his fun new word, started yelling it, and this girl happens to overhear. It may be upsetting to her and he’s still being inappropriate and should be taught better, but it’s an accident as you describe. That he instead went and said his fun new racially inappropriate word to a little girl of color is not an accident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That 3rd grader was verbally attacked. Just because your kindergartner apologized doesn't mean the 3rd grader has to accept the apology. This is a good lesson for your kid - some things hurt people REALLY deeply. And some things you can't just apologize away. From now on, he needs to come ask what things mean before repeating them lest this happen again. It's a harsh lesson, but so is life.

The 3rd grader was verbally attacked and is now recounting what happened. You're asking an 8 or 9 yr old to have grace because your son who made a mistake is 5 or 6. But he's not required to. It's okay for a 3rd grader to be hurt and to tell people about it.

OP here. Thank you. Yes to all of this. I have not said anything b/c of all of this. I am very uncomfortable about turning the tables on the other child.

You should not be.
This feeling is exactly why some dishonest people use the racism labels to get away with their own shortcomings.
Email the admin

Definitely. Because what will improve the (true) story of a five year old calling a schoolmate an inappropriate name will be the equally (true) chapter two when the White mother calls the school to try to get an eight year old girl in trouble for reporting honestly about how a boy spoke to her. That will absolutely win you the validation you’re seeking. Everyone will want to be friends with your kid then.

Take. The. L.

If this is bothering your son, make it a teachable moment. Ask him what the little girl might be thinking to still need to talk about what happened to her. Let his discomfort reinforce how serious his mistake was.

Or, you know, teach him that his actions don’t have consequences and lean in hard on that #BoyMom trope.

DP. That's fine and all. Can you also teach your girls to get over themselves and learn to be people instead of victims? Girls have a lot of power right now and they don't know the right way to use it. Their parents aren't teaching them. The system isn't teaching them either.

What power is it you think this eight year old is abusing? The power to tell the truth about something that happened to her?

You’re right about one thing— telling the truth about her experience isn’t something this little girl would always been able to do. I’m sorry you see it as a bad thing that girls can “right now”.

We're talking about a 3rd grader obsessed with a kindergartener.

Telling people that a kid said something inappropriate to her makes her “obsessed” now? Neat.

Offhand how often is she allowed to tell someone something that happened to her before she reaches your limit on how much an eight year old girl may speak about her experiences?

She didn’t say what happened. She called the kid a racist. She’s assigning a motive to his action despite the fact he is a young child who apologized. That is the problem. And if she’s going around giving him this label to look bad, I bet she’s not giving a full version of events including that he apologized.

An eight year old girl, describing someone using an offensive term to her, said “he was racist”. That’s what the OP said, you made up all the rest of it on your own.

What about what she said is inaccurate? Behaving in a racist way= racist. She used the past tense so perhaps she’s hopeful he will improve.

No. A five year old using a racist word is not “behaving in a racist way”. He is behaving in a five year old way.

You are ridiculous.

She’s eight. She’s a child, describing something that happened to her honestly, in a factual way even if one you don’t like. To put it your way— she’s behaving in an eight year old way in describing what happened to her.

This rush to defend a “fragile” male whose mother says he isn’t impacted by it is really telling.

NP. No she's not being factual. A kindergartner repeating a word they don't understand isn't being racist. That's not about "defending" him, that's just describing what happened accurately.

Yes, she's behaving in a normal eight year old way, but she's still getting it wrong in calling him racist. The adults around her should step in and help her understand what's going on, so that when she's older she can behave in an appropriate adult way. Both kids need to learn something from this, even though both are acting in age appropriate ways.

If he pushed her and she broke her arm. She would say “he was mean”. That might not mean the kid is always mean, but it would mean what he did in the moment was mean.

What the kid did in the moment was racist. Was it with perfect understanding of the enormity of that fact? No. But he selected a child of a minority race to say something inappropriate to. As stated upthred— if he picked the little white girl sitting next to him to try out his new word on, that’s not racist even if it is still an in appropriate word to say. Hopefully he won’t always be so, but pretending what he did wasn’t racist is incorrect.

What if they were playing a physical game, or he was falling or losing his balance, and he *accidentally* pushed her? Is that still “mean”?

(As an aside, how do you know he didn’t call other kids this name as well? OP only heard from the parents of one kid but that doesn’t mean he didn’t throw the new word around at others.)

The five year old isn’t racist. The five year old wasn’t behaving in a racist way. Again, you are completely and utterly ridiculous.

Mature people can distinguish between intent and deed; it’s pathetic that so many posters in this thread apparently cannot.

This wasn’t an accident, which is the whole point. If he pushed a kid on purpose and she broke her arm, he was mean. Doesn’t mean he’s a mean kid or even that he meant to do something SO hurtful, but it is what it is.

Your “it was an accident!” Analogy works if he learned his fun new word, started yelling it, and this girl happens to overhear. It may be upsetting to her and he’s still being inappropriate and should be taught better, but it’s an accident as you describe. That he instead went and said his fun new racially inappropriate word to a little girl of color is not an accident.

If he pushed a white 3rd grade girl, she broke her arm and went around school telling her peers the kindergartner was a violent person I would have the same reaction.