Addressing comment about racism

[Anonymous]

My kindergartener (who is white) learned a racist phrase from an older child in aftercare at his school and repeated it to another child (not white) in 3rd grade from his school at the park. The other child's parents texted me about it, I apologized profusely and spoke to my child extensively about what they said, what to means, why its wrong. I also had my child apologize in-person with the parents there to the other child. I have also reached out the school about what is going down in aftercare and we have not thus far returned until things get under control with the aftercare setting.

I felt like I handled a difficult situation reasonably well but I have since been told that the 3rd grader my child made the racist comment to has called him a racist to other kids at school. On the one hand, I can see letting this go for a bunch of reasons. On the other hand, it makes me very uncomfortable because my child is a kindergartener. I'd love any thoughts on how to proceed.

[Anonymous]

I might be older than you, 43 YOA white male, but I think all the raps songs have that word too. There nothing that you could do about it. He just saying what his friends are saying just because you might say a word doesn't make you racist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I might be older than you, 43 YOA white male, but I think all the raps songs have that word too. There nothing that you could do about it. He just saying what his friends are saying just because you might say a word doesn't make you racist.

OP here. He did not use the n word. He is a kindergartener.

[Anonymous]

That 3rd grader was verbally attacked. Just because your kindergartner apologized doesn't mean the 3rd grader has to accept the apology. This is a good lesson for your kid - some things hurt people REALLY deeply. And some things you can't just apologize away. From now on, he needs to come ask what things mean before repeating them lest this happen again. It's a harsh lesson, but so is life.

The 3rd grader was verbally attacked and is now recounting what happened. You're asking an 8 or 9 yr old to have grace because your son who made a mistake is 5 or 6. But he's not required to. It's okay for a 3rd grader to be hurt and to tell people about it.

[Anonymous]

How small is this school so that the Kindergarteners have regular contact with the 3rd graders? Is this a private school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That 3rd grader was verbally attacked. Just because your kindergartner apologized doesn't mean the 3rd grader has to accept the apology. This is a good lesson for your kid - some things hurt people REALLY deeply. And some things you can't just apologize away. From now on, he needs to come ask what things mean before repeating them lest this happen again. It's a harsh lesson, but so is life.

The 3rd grader was verbally attacked and is now recounting what happened. You're asking an 8 or 9 yr old to have grace because your son who made a mistake is 5 or 6. But he's not required to. It's okay for a 3rd grader to be hurt and to tell people about it.

OP here. Thank you. Yes to all of this. I have not said anything b/c of all of this. I am very uncomfortable about turning the tables on the other child.

[Anonymous]

I would have talked to him privately but ignored everyone else in the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So a 3rd grader is calling a kindergartener a racist now? What kind of school is this

OP here. A small private. I wouldn't say anything to the school but I am considering saying something to the 3rd graders parents, as just an FYI, b/c we did talk so much after my child made the original comments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have talked to him privately but ignored everyone else in the situation.

Talk to who privately. I think the pronouns are getting confusing. My child, the kindergarten, is a boy. The 3rd grader is a girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How small is this school so that the Kindergarteners have regular contact with the 3rd graders? Is this a private school?

Its a small private so they do have interaction. The 3rd grader did not tell my child he was racist. I would actually feel better about that. It was said to other kids at the school and then I heard about it from others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So a 3rd grader is calling a kindergartener a racist now? What kind of school is this

OP here. A small private. I wouldn't say anything to the school but I am considering saying something to the 3rd graders parents, as just an FYI, b/c we did talk so much after my child made the original comments.

This is where you went wrong. You should have said thank you for letting me know and moved on. Talking to others about it just makes it more of a thing in their family so they’re probably bashing your child, calling him racist, etc and the kid heard this. Acknowledge it, handle it, move on. Talking about it doesn’t help. He’s 5 all he needs to know is that’s not a nice word please don’t use it again. Stop shaming him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So a 3rd grader is calling a kindergartener a racist now? What kind of school is this

OP here. A small private. I wouldn't say anything to the school but I am considering saying something to the 3rd graders parents, as just an FYI, b/c we did talk so much after my child made the original comments.

This is where you went wrong. You should have said thank you for letting me know and moved on. Talking to others about it just makes it more of a thing in their family so they’re probably bashing your child, calling him racist, etc and the kid heard this. Acknowledge it, handle it, move on. Talking about it doesn’t help. He’s 5 all he needs to know is that’s not a nice word please don’t use it again. Stop shaming him.

OP here. It was over and done in our house until I heard that my kiddo had been called a racist at school. He is obviously not racist. He is 5. I made every effort not to shame him but to reiterate the importance of knowing what things meant before you use them and not repeating everything you hear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So a 3rd grader is calling a kindergartener a racist now? What kind of school is this

OP here. A small private. I wouldn't say anything to the school but I am considering saying something to the 3rd graders parents, as just an FYI, b/c we did talk so much after my child made the original comments.

This is where you went wrong. You should have said thank you for letting me know and moved on. Talking to others about it just makes it more of a thing in their family so they’re probably bashing your child, calling him racist, etc and the kid heard this. Acknowledge it, handle it, move on. Talking about it doesn’t help. He’s 5 all he needs to know is that’s not a nice word please don’t use it again. Stop shaming him.

OP here. It was over and done in our house until I heard that my kiddo had been called a racist at school. He is obviously not racist. He is 5. I made every effort not to shame him but to reiterate the importance of knowing what things meant before you use them and not repeating everything you hear.

You made him apologize in front of others for using a word he didn’t even understand. It’s like punishing a baby when he says shyt instead of sit. You ignore and move on. The whole apologizing thing made it a thing. Then talking to the school about it, and pulling him out of aftercare. It’s too much, of course people will talk. You made it a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So a 3rd grader is calling a kindergartener a racist now? What kind of school is this

OP here. A small private. I wouldn't say anything to the school but I am considering saying something to the 3rd graders parents, as just an FYI, b/c we did talk so much after my child made the original comments.

This is where you went wrong. You should have said thank you for letting me know and moved on. Talking to others about it just makes it more of a thing in their family so they’re probably bashing your child, calling him racist, etc and the kid heard this. Acknowledge it, handle it, move on. Talking about it doesn’t help. He’s 5 all he needs to know is that’s not a nice word please don’t use it again. Stop shaming him.

OP here. It was over and done in our house until I heard that my kiddo had been called a racist at school. He is obviously not racist. He is 5. I made every effort not to shame him but to reiterate the importance of knowing what things meant before you use them and not repeating everything you hear.

You made him apologize in front of others for using a word he didn’t even understand. It’s like punishing a baby when he says shyt instead of sit. You ignore and move on. The whole apologizing thing made it a thing. Then talking to the school about it, and pulling him out of aftercare. It’s too much, of course people will talk. You made it a thing.

You are out of your mind.

Please don't listen to this psycho.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That 3rd grader was verbally attacked. Just because your kindergartner apologized doesn't mean the 3rd grader has to accept the apology. This is a good lesson for your kid - some things hurt people REALLY deeply. And some things you can't just apologize away. From now on, he needs to come ask what things mean before repeating them lest this happen again. It's a harsh lesson, but so is life.

The 3rd grader was verbally attacked and is now recounting what happened. You're asking an 8 or 9 yr old to have grace because your son who made a mistake is 5 or 6. But he's not required to. It's okay for a 3rd grader to be hurt and to tell people about it.

The 3rd grader needs to understand that the kindergartner apologized. it was discussed and that doesn’t mean that he now has license to call him names.

What was said anyway? I hate when people post with no details. What was the word?