Men who juggle 4+ women

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recently learned a guy I was casually seeing is also seeing 4 other women of all ages. Younger and older than him. 2 of whom he’s on relationships with. They don’t know of these other women.

I knew we casual, but shocked it was that many. What do men get out of this? Isn’t that hard to keep up? Harder than a relationship.

Are we dating the same guy? lol

He has a full time job and kids. Obviously not seeing him after this tidbit. But shocked because I had no idea. Two other women think they are in a relationship with him. I’m not going to bother with telling them. Just let it implode on him.

I did date casually when I was younger but it was at first talking and date 1 or 2. Not months long fwb or relationships. I wanted casual because I’m recently separated but already worried that this is what I will find.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Usually men like different things in women

1. The one he actually likes
2. The one who likes him a little more
3. The one who doesn’t have any commitments and is okay with causal s3x
4. The new girl that might be something

Men are weird

The summer after my divorce there was the woman my exact age (41) who I really liked and was hoping would become something long-term (she was a parent also and with our schedules we saw each other a half dozen-ish times over those three months), the woman a decade younger who was crazy about me and talked about marriage, and the 21-year-old who was insane in bed.

That's how I thought things would go forever.

So you pulled this off for 3 months? But only two. And you didn’t tell them you were in a relationship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recently learned a guy I was casually seeing is also seeing 4 other women of all ages. Younger and older than him. 2 of whom he’s on relationships with. They don’t know of these other women.

I knew we casual, but shocked it was that many. What do men get out of this? Isn’t that hard to keep up? Harder than a relationship.

Are we dating the same guy? lol

He has a full time job and kids. Obviously not seeing him after this tidbit. But shocked because I had no idea. Two other women think they are in a relationship with him. I’m not going to bother with telling them. Just let it implode on him.

I did date casually when I was younger but it was at first talking and date 1 or 2. Not months long fwb or relationships. I wanted casual because I’m recently separated but already worried that this is what I will find.

But how did he explain you his unavailability on weekends? It's easy to use kids as "coverup" when you see other women. Usually men who say they were busy at work, not available on weekends, or sudden custody changes are just multi-dating. It's your take whether to take on this crap or not.
I never sleep with anyone before regularly seeing them a few times a week for at least a month. This shows me the person makes himself available to me, and builds trust resulting in sexual relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recently learned a guy I was casually seeing is also seeing 4 other women of all ages. Younger and older than him. 2 of whom he’s on relationships with. They don’t know of these other women.

I knew we casual, but shocked it was that many. What do men get out of this? Isn’t that hard to keep up? Harder than a relationship.

Are we dating the same guy? lol

He has a full time job and kids. Obviously not seeing him after this tidbit. But shocked because I had no idea. Two other women think they are in a relationship with him. I’m not going to bother with telling them. Just let it implode on him.

I did date casually when I was younger but it was at first talking and date 1 or 2. Not months long fwb or relationships. I wanted casual because I’m recently separated but already worried that this is what I will find.

But how did he explain you his unavailability on weekends? It's easy to use kids as "coverup" when you see other women. Usually men who say they were busy at work, not available on weekends, or sudden custody changes are just multi-dating. It's your take whether to take on this crap or not.
I never sleep with anyone before regularly seeing them a few times a week for at least a month. This shows me the person makes himself available to me, and builds trust resulting in sexual relationship.

His excuse was having his kids 3 days a week that he shared custody with. He always made a point to have his phone away to give full attention and complained about people on their phones. Then he had trips to see friends for 3-4 days every two months. I have my kids on weekends so it actually seemed ideal. It’s so clear now but not at the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recently learned a guy I was casually seeing is also seeing 4 other women of all ages. Younger and older than him. 2 of whom he’s on relationships with. They don’t know of these other women.

I knew we casual, but shocked it was that many. What do men get out of this? Isn’t that hard to keep up? Harder than a relationship.

Are we dating the same guy? lol

He has a full time job and kids. Obviously not seeing him after this tidbit. But shocked because I had no idea. Two other women think they are in a relationship with him. I’m not going to bother with telling them. Just let it implode on him.

I did date casually when I was younger but it was at first talking and date 1 or 2. Not months long fwb or relationships. I wanted casual because I’m recently separated but already worried that this is what I will find.

But how did he explain you his unavailability on weekends? It's easy to use kids as "coverup" when you see other women. Usually men who say they were busy at work, not available on weekends, or sudden custody changes are just multi-dating. It's your take whether to take on this crap or not.
I never sleep with anyone before regularly seeing them a few times a week for at least a month. This shows me the person makes himself available to me, and builds trust resulting in sexual relationship.

His excuse was having his kids 3 days a week that he shared custody with. He always made a point to have his phone away to give full attention and complained about people on their phones. Then he had trips to see friends for 3-4 days every two months. I have my kids on weekends so it actually seemed ideal. It’s so clear now but not at the time.

Oh you are so naive, OP. Who visits friedns 3-4 days every two months! Never start sleeping with anyone who mentions an upcoming trip: these are with other women

[Anonymous]

We get (sexual) variety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently learned a guy I was casually seeing is also seeing 4 other women of all ages. Younger and older than him. 2 of whom he’s on relationships with. They don’t know of these other women.

I knew we casual, but shocked it was that many. What do men get out of this? Isn’t that hard to keep up? Harder than a relationship.

OP what do you mean "in relationships with" ... the other person thinks its exclusive?

The real question is will you keep seeing him, which I'm sure you will. In fact would not be surprised if the others knew too

In addition to variety and the reliable access multiple people provides him- probably boosts his ego a bit and creates some intrigue around him with you and others in the trough

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We get (sexual) variety.

Are the women really that different in bed? Or is it that they look different?

I’ve slept with 7 men, now happily married. Two were outstanding in bed, four decent, one terrible. I don’t think I’d get anything out of being with any combination of 2-3-4 of them at the same time. And I have a type so some of them didn’t look that different from each other either…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We get (sexual) variety.

Are the women really that different in bed? Or is it that they look different?

Both. I don't have a "type", I like variety. Back when I was single and dating multiple women, it would be all over the place. A skinny blonde, curvy brunette, etc. People are also different in what they are good at in bed. You mentioned having slept with only 7 people so you may not have experienced that level of variety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We get (sexual) variety.

Are the women really that different in bed? Or is it that they look different?

Both. I don't have a "type", I like variety. Back when I was single and dating multiple women, it would be all over the place. A skinny blonde, curvy brunette, etc. People are also different in what they are good at in bed. You mentioned having slept with only 7 people so you may not have experienced that level of variety.

Well no, because within the 7 there was already so much overlap, playing the field just seemed pointless.

The two that were outstanding were insane. Taking those memories to my death bed for sure. But they were kind of hard to find. There were also men I could tell would be mediocre in bed just from kissing them, so those didn’t really go anywhere…

Maybe men are just lazier in bed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We get (sexual) variety.

Are the women really that different in bed? Or is it that they look different?

Both. I don't have a "type", I like variety. Back when I was single and dating multiple women, it would be all over the place. A skinny blonde, curvy brunette, etc. People are also different in what they are good at in bed. You mentioned having slept with only 7 people so you may not have experienced that level of variety.

Well no, because within the 7 there was already so much overlap, playing the field just seemed pointless.

The two that were outstanding were insane. Taking those memories to my death bed for sure. But they were kind of hard to find. There were also men I could tell would be mediocre in bed just from kissing them, so those didn’t really go anywhere…

Maybe men are just lazier in bed?

Curious, what separated those two men from the pack?

[Anonymous]

Why are you picking an alpha, OP? Go for a beta male.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Usually men like different things in women

1. The one he actually likes
2. The one who likes him a little more
3. The one who doesn’t have any commitments and is okay with causal s3x
4. The new girl that might be something

Men are weird

The summer after my divorce there was the woman my exact age (41) who I really liked and was hoping would become something long-term (she was a parent also and with our schedules we saw each other a half dozen-ish times over those three months), the woman a decade younger who was crazy about me and talked about marriage, and the 21-year-old who was insane in bed.

That's how I thought things would go forever.

What makes a woman insane in bed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We get (sexual) variety.

Are the women really that different in bed? Or is it that they look different?

Both. I don't have a "type", I like variety. Back when I was single and dating multiple women, it would be all over the place. A skinny blonde, curvy brunette, etc. People are also different in what they are good at in bed. You mentioned having slept with only 7 people so you may not have experienced that level of variety.

Well no, because within the 7 there was already so much overlap, playing the field just seemed pointless.

The two that were outstanding were insane. Taking those memories to my death bed for sure. But they were kind of hard to find. There were also men I could tell would be mediocre in bed just from kissing them, so those didn’t really go anywhere…

Maybe men are just lazier in bed?

I’m a woman and I’ll put it terms of myself. It takes me a bit of time to get comfortable enough with someone to really relax and to figure out the right adjustments. So it would be hard for me to have some great payoff with simultaneous variety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Usually men like different things in women

1. The one he actually likes
2. The one who likes him a little more
3. The one who doesn’t have any commitments and is okay with causal s3x
4. The new girl that might be something

Men are weird

Not weird. Similar to women, who like:

1. Rich guy for gifts
2. Hot guy for good sex
3. Friend with benefits for when she doesn't want to dress up.
4. Fatherly guy for kids
5. Guy whose genetalia she keeps in a jar on a shelf as a backup.

Both of these posts seem accurate to me. As a decent looking middle aged man with a good job, I can't actually juggle four women at the same time, but two at the same time isn't hard, and four over a six month period is easy. It doesn't involve dishonesty. The women don't usually want to know about the others, at least at the beginning, and they don't usually ask, at least not directly.

I also know several women who want three to five of the qualities listed in the second post. I've played all of those roles at some point.

Here's the thing that some people don't get. These relationships usually aren't transactional and they usually aren't just physical. Also, a lot of serial monogamists are really just "monogamish," and that's true of both men and women.

Often, when women like rich guys for gifts, the women like the feeling of being appreciated and receiving attention. These women aren't having sex for money or jewelry or nice dinners. They're actually drawn to the men.

The "friend with benefits for when she doesn't want to dress up" is someone who makes her feel relaxed and sexually satisfied, but he's probably not just a sex object.

You could write a whole separate post about women who like "fatherly" guys. Yes, it's for the kids, but its also about a desire to feel secure.

Even the women who keep a guy's genitalia in a jar may be very attracted to the guy and feel terrible when he eventually takes his genitals elsewhere, or when he finds out that he's been juggling multiple women because she kept him on a shelf as backup.