First date — how physical?

[Anonymous]

I was the ultimate prude right through and after college. Nothing on the first date and a long time before making out. I was good friends with my now DH for a few years before our first date and I'm not sure it was really a date. One day I told him my washer/dryer wasn't working so he said come on over, bring your laundry and have dinner. I remember seriously flirting with him on the couch and then it got very physical. I'm glad I had my laundry so I had something to wear the next day. We've been together over 30 years and we still joke about it. He keeps saying I was incredibly easy.

[Anonymous]

I'm divorced and I never do anything beyond a quick hug on a first date even if I'm attracted to a guy. Even if I'm attracted to him I have no desire to swap saliva with someone until I know I really like him and that can take 3 or more dates. I'm not one for teenage necking so once I'm really interested I make my interest clear. If on a first date some guy comes on hot and heavy I'm gone.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate it when men cover me with their saliva without even asking on date 1 or try to pull me close and squeeze me. I’m germaphobic and really guitars my body autonomy. That’s a divinity no for a second date.
I usually initiate sex myself after a few dates by hinting it’s time for him to cook me a dinner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate it when men cover me with their saliva without even asking on date 1 or try to pull me close and squeeze me. I’m germaphobic and really guitars my body autonomy. That’s a divinity no for a second date.
I usually initiate sex myself after a few dates by hinting it’s time for him to cook me a dinner

Do you play the guitar while he's cooking?

[Anonymous]

I’ve run the gamut of almost sex on the first date to waiting 3 months with my now-husband of 20 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't assume anything. I would have slept with DH on the first date but for being on my period. We did, however, get sloshed and make out for an hour at the bar. In our case, the only thing it was evidence of was our fantastic chemistry and how much we liked each other.

This made me happy for some reason.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you already knew the guy before the first date, and had a friendship with him, then I don't think it's odd that he tried to make it physical on the first date.

You've already done the "get to know each other" part of dating, now the question is whether you have the chemistry/sexual compatibility. Regular first date rules don't apply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are men allowed to comment? In my dating years before social media, on the first date I already knew what she looked like so check that box. The next boxes had to do with was she smart, did she have a sense of humor and was she a good conversationalist. If she checked all of those boxes my first date goal was to get to a second date and part of that wasn’t to try to cop a feel!

Ok. I’m confused bc we know each other from before, like many years before when we were in high school. He knows how I look and all the rest. We have had some flirtation in the past. However, this now feels like it could be the start of an actual relationship not the stuff from before. We talked about all of the relationship history and what we are looking for etc. so fairly serious conversation. I wonder if I’m expecting too much or overthinking it to think that if he really wanted a relationship he would have been more reserved physically and just waited.

You’ve known him for a long time and the discussion was very serious regarding relationships and what you are looking for. It’s not surprising that he got a bit physical because you are well past the first date get to know you phase. Discussions like you had are usually 3rd or 4th date discussions. The question is did you enjoy it and what are you going to do about it.

[Anonymous]

I had sex on my first date.

[Anonymous]

"He won't buy the cow if he's gettin' the milk for free!!"

~Great Aunt Agnes

[Anonymous]

Most men don’t want to merry the people they sleep with on the first date. Yes, I know a few do but most don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most men don’t want to merry the people they sleep with on the first date. Yes, I know a few do but most don’t.

As a male I agree with you, but I did sleep with my wife on our first date. We had been very good friends for a long time, but dating others, and many of our friends were betting that someday we’d get together. When we were both unattached we decided to go on a real date and the chemistry was pretty immediate because we already knew everything about each other except for one thing which we quickly took care of. The suddenness of it had us laughing because it seemed crazy. Needless to say it didn’t wreck the friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most men don’t want to merry the people they sleep with on the first date. Yes, I know a few do but most don’t.

As a male I agree with you, but I did sleep with my wife on our first date. We had been very good friends for a long time, but dating others, and many of our friends were betting that someday we’d get together. When we were both unattached we decided to go on a real date and the chemistry was pretty immediate because we already knew everything about each other except for one thing which we quickly took care of. The suddenness of it had us laughing because it seemed crazy. Needless to say it didn’t wreck the friendship.

That story is totally different from sleeping with strangers on first date

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If a man was quite physical on the first date would you assume he’s not interested in a longterm relationship? Kissing, touching, hugging, not full on making out but towards.

We don't know the background, or what happened. There is no way to know, but time will tell.

PS--some folks sleep together on a first date and end up married. So it's not an accurate barometer anyway