First date — how physical?

[Anonymous]

I slept with my current boyfriend on the first date. He asked me to be exclusive when he called the next day, which surprised me, as I was mostly just enjoying having a fun night and didn't know he was so into me. Second date was dinner and another sleepover, third date was an overnight trip, fourth was another overnight trip, it wasn't until our fifth time seeing each other for a lunch date that I didn't sleep with him lol. Still going strong! If he likes you, it won't matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most men don’t want to merry the people they sleep with on the first date. Yes, I know a few do but most don’t.

I'm aware of this. This is why I don't keep going on dates with men who try to sleep with me on a first, even if they apologize and decide to pursue me seriously. If a man doesn't marry women he gladly sleeps with on a first date, why should women be expected to be ok with men who do the same and are hypocritical about it?

[Anonymous]

Yes, I think this is awful advice. As a women even if I’m super attracted to a man and would love a second date. I would never allow a stranger to kiss me. We do not know each other well enough for that. Even too much physical contact is a big off putting.

[Anonymous]

We did it on the first date. Still married 19 years later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve had sex with people on the first date but I’d known them for awhile. Never on the first date with a stranger regardless of how attractive they were.

My wife had a crush on me in college before we actually met and hooked up at a party, and we slept together that night, stayed over in her room. Was I a stranger by your definition?

+100. This must be incredibly common. Absolutely nothing wrong with it for college kids, so why not post college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most men don’t want to merry the people they sleep with on the first date. Yes, I know a few do but most don’t.

I'm aware of this. This is why I don't keep going on dates with men who try to sleep with me on a first, even if they apologize and decide to pursue me seriously. If a man doesn't marry women he gladly sleeps with on a first date, why should women be expected to be ok with men who do the same and are hypocritical about it?

NP and +100 to this post above. No really decent guy who was interested in me as a whole person and who was looking for an actual relationship ever tried anything on the first date--or on the first few dates. I found a great college boyfriend and, later, a wonderful DH that way. Real relationships not fixated on just sex from the start. Makes the sex well worth any wait, because it's with someone you actually know and already share other things with.

[Anonymous]

OP back with an update

We talked after and I told him I was trying to take things slow because I didn’t want him to think I just wanted a fling. He said he respected me and was very sweet.

Second time I saw him was for a briefer meeting, he did not try to kiss me but the chemistry was strong and we had a great time.

We have met up a few times since and it has gotten more physical though we still haven’t slept together. We are still talking but various issues have interfered with things moving forward. I do think he’s still interested, as am I.

So in retrospect it didn’t mean anything, and I think likely things moved faster the first time because we knew each other from before. He was always very respectful in prior interactions so I guess I was just surprised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't assume anything. I would have slept with DH on the first date but for being on my period. We did, however, get sloshed and make out for an hour at the bar. In our case, the only thing it was evidence of was our fantastic chemistry and how much we liked each other.

oh gross

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP back with an update

We talked after and I told him I was trying to take things slow because I didn’t want him to think I just wanted a fling. He said he respected me and was very sweet.

Second time I saw him was for a briefer meeting, he did not try to kiss me but the chemistry was strong and we had a great time.

We have met up a few times since and it has gotten more physical though we still haven’t slept together. We are still talking but various issues have interfered with things moving forward. I do think he’s still interested, as am I.

So in retrospect it didn’t mean anything, and I think likely things moved faster the first time because we knew each other from before. He was always very respectful in prior interactions so I guess I was just surprised.

You do realize he’s not going to do anything now until you initiate, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had sex on my first date.

Cool. I had sex on my last date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back with an update

We talked after and I told him I was trying to take things slow because I didn’t want him to think I just wanted a fling. He said he respected me and was very sweet.

Second time I saw him was for a briefer meeting, he did not try to kiss me but the chemistry was strong and we had a great time.

We have met up a few times since and it has gotten more physical though we still haven’t slept together. We are still talking but various issues have interfered with things moving forward. I do think he’s still interested, as am I.

So in retrospect it didn’t mean anything, and I think likely things moved faster the first time because we knew each other from before. He was always very respectful in prior interactions so I guess I was just surprised.

You do realize he’s not going to do anything now until you initiate, right?

Yep, she’s ruined it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I believe that if a guy on a first date really likes someone he's going to be very careful about moving too far too fast so he doesn't blow it. If he doesn't really like someone he might make some pretty strong moves to see if they are reciprocated and then its off to the races. I've had some first date guys make pretty strong moves and its a real turn off.

This^. A first date isn't hook up in polite society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP back with an update

We talked after and I told him I was trying to take things slow because I didn’t want him to think I just wanted a fling. He said he respected me and was very sweet.

Second time I saw him was for a briefer meeting, he did not try to kiss me but the chemistry was strong and we had a great time.

We have met up a few times since and it has gotten more physical though we still haven’t slept together. We are still talking but various issues have interfered with things moving forward. I do think he’s still interested, as am I.

So in retrospect it didn’t mean anything, and I think likely things moved faster the first time because we knew each other from before. He was always very respectful in prior interactions so I guess I was just surprised.

You’ve been dating since March without having sex? Are you both exclusive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP back with an update

We talked after and I told him I was trying to take things slow because I didn’t want him to think I just wanted a fling. He said he respected me and was very sweet.

Second time I saw him was for a briefer meeting, he did not try to kiss me but the chemistry was strong and we had a great time.

We have met up a few times since and it has gotten more physical though we still haven’t slept together. We are still talking but various issues have interfered with things moving forward. I do think he’s still interested, as am I.

So in retrospect it didn’t mean anything, and I think likely things moved faster the first time because we knew each other from before. He was always very respectful in prior interactions so I guess I was just surprised.

You do realize he’s not going to do anything now until you initiate, right?

Yep this has moved in to the twilight zone. He will be hedging with OP. I give it maybe one or two dates and then the old fade out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had sex on my first date.

Cool. I had sex on my last date.

Yes but 1995 was a long time ago.