Am I out of line? Not wanting to celebrate DC's graduation if they don't have a job lined up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine is applying to everything he finds that is relevant. Each has over 100 applicants.

Your kid has finished college. That is an accomplishment.

90% of the kids in the upper middle class finish college. A piece of paper generous parents pay for is not an accomplishment. The accomplishment is becoming self-sustaining in a career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow.

This must the preview post to the "my adult child never comes home to visit me, don't they know I am their mother and they owe me?" style post in about 5-10 years.

DC is failing to launch. There is nothing to come home and visit if they don't ever leave.

That's not a reason not to celebrate graduation. Give kid a deadline for when support is cut off. Age 22 is still very young. Not celebrating graduation is just awful. Suggests a very dysfunctional relationship with your kid.

We told DC they are not coming back home since last summer. DC thinks we're bluffing I guess because DC still doesn't have a job. We are fed up. I'm sorry, I. Am. Done. And I'm not going to pretend to be happy in June because we bought DC a degree DC is too unmotivated to use to get a damn job.

[Anonymous]

Similar thread in adult kid forum
https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1183405.page

[Anonymous]

WTF.

[Anonymous]

My DS does NOT want to celebrate his college graduation because he has not yet received a job offer. My wife can pull strings at her federal agency, as a Fed, to get DS a good paying government contracting job, but DS wants to find a job on his own. DW is very frustrated that DS would not accept help from his mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous[b wrote:]Trol[/b]l

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine is applying to everything he finds that is relevant. Each has over 100 applicants.

Your kid has finished college. That is an accomplishment.

90% of the kids in the upper middle class finish college. A piece of paper generous parents pay for is not an accomplishment. The accomplishment is becoming self-sustaining in a career.

The accomplishment is raising an independent child, so we see who the real failure is here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing to celebrate if eldest DC lacks a full-time job offer and is not self-sustainable by June. I'm actually going to be deeply embarrassed and I mean that very sincerely. I'm just so fed up with the excuses and tired of being a bank to a mooch.

Guess you shouldn't have ruined the economy for the next generation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope this is a troll. If not, I feel very sorry for your child. Their life must have been hell with you as a parent.

Nearly 200,000USD the last four years but it's been hell to be our kid? Go screw yourself.

OP no one forced you to pay over $200,000. That was your mistake.

You are awful. Not the PP.

I get that you want your kid to have a job and you feel they did not work hard. Well gee over the last four years there were many things you could have done to not be involved. When your kid turned 18 you had no obligation to fund their college. You had no obligation to house and feed them. If you raised an entitled brat that is on you, not your kid.

Not going to graduation is 100% wrong in any universe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not only are YTA you’re a horrible human being.

Graduating is a big accomplishment. I hope your kid has family other than you because you’re awful.

This is OP. It is not an accomplishment to take easy undergraduate classes on a parents' dime. I'm sorry, it's just not. It's been a free vacation at our expense. If DC doesn't have a job, it just tees up us being embarrassed when people ask what are DC's plans after college. I'm just done.

Sounds like you did a $hitty job raising them. You were done years ago apparently.

[Anonymous]

Scary mom (or dad)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine is applying to everything he finds that is relevant. Each has over 100 applicants.

Your kid has finished college. That is an accomplishment.

90% of the kids in the upper middle class finish college. A piece of paper generous parents pay for is not an accomplishment. The accomplishment is becoming self-sustaining in a career.

The accomplishment is raising an independent child, so we see who the real failure is here.

This. 100% this. OP failed not her "child" who by the way is now an adult. OP is not responsible for them. OP is an insecure shit.

[Anonymous]

Not every field commits job offers in advance of graduation. My daughter graduated, looked for a job, and found a great one. Why punish your kid like that?

[Anonymous]

NP. Yeah my kid isn’t putting in a lot of effort (really, any effort) towards finding a job either. And I am very unhappy about that. And we will not enable it by providing financial support after graduation if they are unemployed unless something serious and outside their control happens. It may be that mid June is FAFO time for DS.

BUT, if your kid graduated from HS 4 years ago like mine did, they missed out on any real HS graduation. Which makes this college graduation doubly special in my mind. That him means we will set aside our disappointment about not finding a job for a weekend, focus on the positives and gather as a family (grandparents, aunts, his sis bling, etc included) to celebrate 4 (and to some extent 8) years of hard work and him getting a college degree.

Failure to secure a job is a separate issue from graduation and the outlines of what we will and will not do if DS is unemployed after graduation were discussed at fall break, and were reiterated at winter break. DS knows we are serious about him attending grad school or getting a job. And, he may be in for a rough, “do you want fries with that?” summer.

But COVID robbed our family, which is spread across the Eastern seaboard, of the celebration his sister got when she graduated from HS. And it taught us that life is too short and too unpredictable not to grab the moments when we can gather as a family and celebrate— and enjoy every single minute. If he still doesn’t have a job, graduation weekend isn’t the time to deal with that. The problems will still be there when graduation is over.

I can’t imagine telling a kid who missed HS graduation and missed a normal start to college that we are also robbing him of our love and support during his college graduation. And I can’t imagine after living through COVID not gathering the grandparents (who, let’s face it, only have so much time left with us) and extended family and celebrating.

So yes OP. I understand your disappointment. I’m living it right now. But, refusing to show up for your kid at such an important milestone— especially a kid who lost important milestones to COVID? You suck OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing to celebrate if eldest DC lacks a full-time job offer and is not self-sustainable by June. I'm actually going to be deeply embarrassed and I mean that very sincerely. I'm just so fed up with the excuses and tired of being a bank to a mooch.

Oh my gosh you are terrible. Give them a break. They should have at least a month or two to relax before starting a lifetime of work. We will be giving my son a trip to Europe as their grad gift.