why does my inlaws intense love for my kids bug me so much?

[Anonymous]

And to reply to your comment, your family and grandparents treating you like you are the very best is optimal, and gives you confidence in yourself. That was not my family and I've always struggled with confidence and self esteem. It's actually good for your kids to feel loved and like someone thinks they are the best.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know but you have no idea how lucky you are. One of the strangest posts I’ve seen.

[Anonymous]

Be happy. My mom doesn’t even ever ask about my kids and forgets their birthdays and gives them a $25 gift card for Christmas.

[Anonymous]

Geez. OP. Let it go. Is this really what you feel compelled to complain about? How about being happy that they love your kids. Get some perspective.

[Anonymous]

My grandparents on one side treated me and their other grandkids this way and it was wonderful. I loved them so much and have many fond memories.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it has to do with your or your spouse’s relationship with them? I was close to my mom’s mother. She never said anything but later I learned that their relationship hadn’t been great and my mom was abused by her. It was hard for her to accept the relationship because she was giving me the love she hadn’t gotten. However, she never said anything to me at the time and was philosophical about it, that people can change.

All my grandparents died young and she was the only one I was close to. I’m happy I had that.

[Anonymous]

You sound insecure. What a gift it is to have grandparents that adore their grandkids so much. I don’t get how you see this as a bad thing unless you’re worried your kids will love them more than you? I truly don’t get your annoyance

[Anonymous]

OP isn’t describing adoring grandparents, she’s describing obsessive anxious grandparents. Obsessive behavior triggers annoyance or red flags with normal people. It feels off, something is not right etc. No one enjoys being the receiver of someone else’s anxiety. Sometimes it’s benign and other times it’s something to watch out for more weird behavior.

I have a relative who is obsessed with their little dog. I could write OPs post just inserting dogs name, dog mommie for grandparent and latest trick or poop for speech. It’s annoying because it’s weird. It’s benign to us because it’s her life. The worst for us is having to look at ten thousand dog photos and say uh huh a lot during dog raving monologues.

If it were my kids, I would feel uneasy about the obsession. What happens when the kids get older and spend less time with them? Will they be able to adjust or will they throw fits and try to smother them?

The over the top worrying whenever they are sick is them forcing their anxiety on you. This is annoying. If anything serious ever happens, these types make it worse by really falling apart when you need support.

[Anonymous]

Love is great.
Love without boundaries is smothering.

[Anonymous]

They sound awesome. Let them have their fun. Obviously they get a lot of joy out of being grandparents. My in-laws barely notice my kid's existence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really trying to understand the root cause of why it drives me crazy so I can let it go and stop being annoyed about it. I realize it's a me problem - not a them problem and there's certainly nothing i'd ask them to change. The "intensity" is things like

- having over 55 pictures of the kids displayed around their house
- having every piece of kid "art" they get kept on the wall forever - even welcome signs our nanny made when they came to visit when the kids were little
- forcing store and restaurant workers to look at pictures of the kids regularly
- worrying every time a kid is sick or injured
- thinking everything a kid does is the best (eg saw my kid give an average speech at school and they described it as "having total command of the room! the absolutely best in the class!"
- define themselves as "grandma / grandpa" and use those terms even when talking to us / other people

those are just examples. I don't think its some just general anti-inlaw or controlling thing....my husband's aunt and uncle are also very close to the kids and as well as other extended family so it's not an "only i can love my kids!" crazy thing

I suspect it's a twinge of jealousy, maybe because nobody in your life was crazy like that about you when you were little. And it's okay if that's the reason - we are only human and feelings are just feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really trying to understand the root cause of why it drives me crazy so I can let it go and stop being annoyed about it. I realize it's a me problem - not a them problem and there's certainly nothing i'd ask them to change. The "intensity" is things like

- having over 55 pictures of the kids displayed around their house
- having every piece of kid "art" they get kept on the wall forever - even welcome signs our nanny made when they came to visit when the kids were little
- forcing store and restaurant workers to look at pictures of the kids regularly
- worrying every time a kid is sick or injured
- thinking everything a kid does is the best (eg saw my kid give an average speech at school and they described it as "having total command of the room! the absolutely best in the class!"
- define themselves as "grandma / grandpa" and use those terms even when talking to us / other people

those are just examples. I don't think its some just general anti-inlaw or controlling thing....my husband's aunt and uncle are also very close to the kids and as well as other extended family so it's not an "only i can love my kids!" crazy thing

You sound jealous.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it feels to you like they are controlling?

[Anonymous]

They have a different value system than you do. You don’t want the kids to be ‘won’ over by their over the top behavior or consider your love inferior. You don’t feel seen in that your value system is not respected or upheld. you feel they will be corrupted and that you’ll have to work to deprogram them after staying with in laws. You have to intellectualize it by remembering that no one trumps mom. That exposure to different value systems is healthy and that no one system is completely right and without flaws under certain circumstances. See the strengths of what your in laws offer rather than defining them by their weaknesses. And make this work for you. Can they watch kids on school closure days? Find ways for kids to get time with grandparents without your presence, observing and judging.

[Anonymous]

They're acting narcissistic. Showing people in stores pictures is rude.