why does my inlaws intense love for my kids bug me so much?

[Anonymous]

Really trying to understand the root cause of why it drives me crazy so I can let it go and stop being annoyed about it. I realize it's a me problem - not a them problem and there's certainly nothing i'd ask them to change. The "intensity" is things like

- having over 55 pictures of the kids displayed around their house
- having every piece of kid "art" they get kept on the wall forever - even welcome signs our nanny made when they came to visit when the kids were little
- forcing store and restaurant workers to look at pictures of the kids regularly
- worrying every time a kid is sick or injured
- thinking everything a kid does is the best (eg saw my kid give an average speech at school and they described it as "having total command of the room! the absolutely best in the class!"
- define themselves as "grandma / grandpa" and use those terms even when talking to us / other people

those are just examples. I don't think its some just general anti-inlaw or controlling thing....my husband's aunt and uncle are also very close to the kids and as well as other extended family so it's not an "only i can love my kids!" crazy thing

[Anonymous]

I envy you. My in-laws don't show any interest and it hurts.

[Anonymous]

Are your kids the only grandkids? That's why.

[Anonymous]

op here - oh how i wish this wasn't real. but it is - we have the only grandkids, they had only one kid (dh) and were unable to have more though they very much want to. so there's a lot of pent up love / loving there. i just want to be able to smile indulgently at it instead of feeling agitated every time i go in their house and see even more pics

[Anonymous]

My in-laws are so selfish they've never even been to one of my kids' games, never wanted to spend time with them at all, and barely know them despite living 20 mins away. I'd trade with you any day.

[Anonymous]

I think, secretly, you want DCUM to tell you that your feelings are valid and your inlaws are overbearing weirdos.

I hope you can heal yourself because you sound like you have some deep-rooted issues. I want all the love for my children that the world has to offer. I can't imagine hating on that.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you see it as competition?

[Anonymous]

Whatever the reason, you should get over it. There are very few people in this world who will love your kids totally unconditionally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op here - oh how i wish this wasn't real. but it is - we have the only grandkids, they had only one kid (dh) and were unable to have more though they very much want to. so there's a lot of pent up love / loving there. i just want to be able to smile indulgently at it instead of feeling agitated every time i go in their house and see even more pics

You're annoyed because you want them to be different. Instead, lean into this enthusiasm. Do they babysit? Would they run Grandma camp during a week or two in the summer? Give them gift of framed pictures of the kids and framed works of "art" your children made. You'll never have to buy another present for them!

Find a way for this to work for you.

[Anonymous]

My guess is that the intensity goes along with expectations that turn into obligations like wanting to be included in everything, worming their way into your vacations, expecting too many visits that limit time for things your family would actually enjoy.

Some people this age can get really weird and selfish. They can behave like children grabbing a doll yelling Mine! Mine!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op here - oh how i wish this wasn't real. but it is - we have the only grandkids, they had only one kid (dh) and were unable to have more though they very much want to. so there's a lot of pent up love / loving there. i just want to be able to smile indulgently at it instead of feeling agitated every time i go in their house and see even more pics

Do they babysit a lot or not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:op here - oh how i wish this wasn't real. but it is - we have the only grandkids, they had only one kid (dh) and were unable to have more though they very much want to. so there's a lot of pent up love / loving there. i just want to be able to smile indulgently at it instead of feeling agitated every time i go in their house and see even more pics

Do they babysit a lot or not?

They don't, they totally would but aren't able to do it safely with their physical limitations. they can handle one kid and will sometimes have one for a couple days for their / the kids fun

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:op here - oh how i wish this wasn't real. but it is - we have the only grandkids, they had only one kid (dh) and were unable to have more though they very much want to. so there's a lot of pent up love / loving there. i just want to be able to smile indulgently at it instead of feeling agitated every time i go in their house and see even more pics

Do they babysit a lot or not?

They don't, they totally would but aren't able to do it safely with their physical limitations. they can handle one kid and will sometimes have one for a couple days for their / the kids fun

This....is babysitting. Sorry, OP, you're a nut. Some of you is sane because you mostly realizing that this is a you problem, but the fact this is any kind of problem at all is inordinately silly.

[Anonymous]

Do you feel weird because secretly you feel like you yourself should be more excited about your own kids, and you don't feel it?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like they're making your kids their entire identity. It's like having a clingy girlfriend. They need to be more well-rounded and find other friends and interests.