SIL doesn’t respect boundaries

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, you have no problem presently, not based on your examples. You may in the future.

These were two examples of many. I could give more but that’s the point? It’s the same story - her not respecting my wishes regarding my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you have no problem presently, not based on your examples. You may in the future.

These were two examples of many. I could give more but that’s the point? It’s the same story - her not respecting my wishes regarding my kids.

I thought it was your daughter's wishes? You keep flip flopping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dunno, this seems like much ado about nothing. How often does SIL come to visit?

At least 6-8x/yr, sometimes more. She flies in from Boston and sometimes takes the train. But she doesn’t have much else going on so she’s here a lot.

So when she travels to you all these times she gets around in a taxi? This sounds a little farfetched.

No. My husband usually picks her up. This particular day her plane was early so she took a taxi straight to the school.

Anything else?

This sounds like another culture clash. What culture are you and your husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you have no problem presently, not based on your examples. You may in the future.

These were two examples of many. I could give more but that’s the point? It’s the same story - her not respecting my wishes regarding my kids.

I thought it was your daughter's wishes? You keep flip flopping.

It was my daughter’s wishes but I communicated them to SIL. I’m not sure why you are trying to find some sort of “gotcha” with my post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dunno, this seems like much ado about nothing. How often does SIL come to visit?

At least 6-8x/yr, sometimes more. She flies in from Boston and sometimes takes the train. But she doesn’t have much else going on so she’s here a lot.

So when she travels to you all these times she gets around in a taxi? This sounds a little farfetched.

No. My husband usually picks her up. This particular day her plane was early so she took a taxi straight to the school.

Anything else?

This sounds like another culture clash. What culture are you and your husband?

Husband is white. I am Japanese.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you have no problem presently, not based on your examples. You may in the future.

These were two examples of many. I could give more but that’s the point? It’s the same story - her not respecting my wishes regarding my kids.

I thought it was your daughter's wishes? You keep flip flopping.

It was my daughter’s wishes but I communicated them to SIL. I’m not sure why you are trying to find some sort of “gotcha” with my post.

Because you aren't communicating well here and probably in reality which is probably a huge part of your problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you have no problem presently, not based on your examples. You may in the future.

These were two examples of many. I could give more but that’s the point? It’s the same story - her not respecting my wishes regarding my kids.

I thought it was your daughter's wishes? You keep flip flopping.

It was my daughter’s wishes but I communicated them to SIL. I’m not sure why you are trying to find some sort of “gotcha” with my post.

Because you aren't communicating well here and probably in reality which is probably a huge part of your problem.

I think OP's description of her statements to SIL is extremely clear. SIL is completely in the wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you have no problem presently, not based on your examples. You may in the future.

These were two examples of many. I could give more but that’s the point? It’s the same story - her not respecting my wishes regarding my kids.

I thought it was your daughter's wishes? You keep flip flopping.

It was my daughter’s wishes but I communicated them to SIL. I’m not sure why you are trying to find some sort of “gotcha” with my post.

Because you aren't communicating well here and probably in reality which is probably a huge part of your problem.

Please enlighten me. I told my SIL to NOT pick up DD at school. She picked her up anyway. What isn’t clear about that? What is the relevance of my DD’s wishes (which were, in fact, to NOT be picked up by SIL)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you have no problem presently, not based on your examples. You may in the future.

These were two examples of many. I could give more but that’s the point? It’s the same story - her not respecting my wishes regarding my kids.

I thought it was your daughter's wishes? You keep flip flopping.

It was my daughter’s wishes but I communicated them to SIL. I’m not sure why you are trying to find some sort of “gotcha” with my post.

Because you aren't communicating well here and probably in reality which is probably a huge part of your problem.

I think OP's description of her statements to SIL is extremely clear. SIL is completely in the wrong.

+1. PP who thinks OP is not “communicating well,” you are wrong and you are grasping at straws. Not sure why this subject is clearly hitting a nerve for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is/wants to be The Fun Aunt, and you don't want her to be.

Um, no. Kid doesn’t seem that into her, and “fun” aunts still respect parental boundaries.

I’d teach DD to label aunt as unsafe each and every time. “You’re not listening to or respecting what I just said; you’re making me feel unsafe.” “Mom and Dad said you weren’t supposed to pick me up at school. If you don’t leave now, I’m going to scream and go find a safe adult.”

Are you insane?

Are you? When parents say don’t show up at my kid’s school, you will not be escorting her home, any adult who does so anyway is unsafe. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, you have no problem presently, not based on your examples. You may in the future.

Err it sounds like sister doesn't respect OP's wishes with respect to her own child at all which *is* a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you have no problem presently, not based on your examples. You may in the future.

These were two examples of many. I could give more but that’s the point? It’s the same story - her not respecting my wishes regarding my kids.

I thought it was your daughter's wishes? You keep flip flopping.

It was my daughter’s wishes but I communicated them to SIL. I’m not sure why you are trying to find some sort of “gotcha” with my post.

Because you aren't communicating well here and probably in reality which is probably a huge part of your problem.

NP. You're wrong. OP was clear, SIL overstepped boundaries. You want to make it a thing about OP and it's not. Even if was simply her wishes (and not her DD, which she did check) but even if she didn't check - it's her kid. It doesn't matter what her kid in elementary wanted in this situation. Not sure why you're trying to drag a stranger online - you need a nap.

OP. I would sit down deliberately and not in the moment of another boundary cross. Sit down and say "I'd like to talk to you about examples of you crossing boundaries and going against what I've asked about my daughter/your niece and let you know it's not okay and makes me very uncomfortable and I'd like you to stop."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you have no problem presently, not based on your examples. You may in the future.

Err it sounds like sister doesn't respect OP's wishes with respect to her own child at all which *is* a problem.

Yep, if mom and dad say no, you won’t be picking our kid up from school and that adult does so anyway, they are unsafe, untrustworthy, and they lose ANY unsupervised access to or contact with the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you have no problem presently, not based on your examples. You may in the future.

These were two examples of many. I could give more but that’s the point? It’s the same story - her not respecting my wishes regarding my kids.

I thought it was your daughter's wishes? You keep flip flopping.

It was my daughter’s wishes but I communicated them to SIL. I’m not sure why you are trying to find some sort of “gotcha” with my post.

Because you aren't communicating well here and probably in reality which is probably a huge part of your problem.

I think OP's description of her statements to SIL is extremely clear. SIL is completely in the wrong.

+1. PP who thinks OP is not “communicating well,” you are wrong and you are grasping at straws. Not sure why this subject is clearly hitting a nerve for you.

Maybe PP is an overbearing, steamrolling loser like the SIL. My SIL is like this too. You can be very clear with her but she ignores it and does what she wants anyway. I don’t understand how people like this operate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you have no problem presently, not based on your examples. You may in the future.

These were two examples of many. I could give more but that’s the point? It’s the same story - her not respecting my wishes regarding my kids.

I thought it was your daughter's wishes? You keep flip flopping.

It was my daughter’s wishes but I communicated them to SIL. I’m not sure why you are trying to find some sort of “gotcha” with my post.

Because you aren't communicating well here and probably in reality which is probably a huge part of your problem.

I think OP's description of her statements to SIL is extremely clear. SIL is completely in the wrong.

+1. PP who thinks OP is not “communicating well,” you are wrong and you are grasping at straws. Not sure why this subject is clearly hitting a nerve for you.

Maybe PP is an overbearing, steamrolling loser like the SIL. My SIL is like this too. You can be very clear with her but she ignores it and does what she wants anyway. I don’t understand how people like this operate.

They seek to control and they seek attention because they have no lives/pathetic lives.