SIL doesn’t respect boundaries

[Anonymous]

You need hard boundaries.

If she shows up and ignores your instructions about your kid, there’s a direct consequence: For example, she picks up your kid from school against your wishes. Next time she visits she’s only welcome to arrive during the weekend because she can’t be trusted during weekdays. If she’s still overbearing, plan a sleepover for your daughter during her visit.

If there are still problems after that, then take a break from visits. I promise eventually she’ll get it. Or you’ll see her a lot less.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Did you ever ask your daughter if she wanted a ride home from Aunt? It seems like you're answering for her without having asked if she would like that.

Irrelevant. The issue isn’t whether DD wanted a ride (she didn’t), it’s that SIL ignored me when I told her to not go to DD’s school. If I had answered for DD the situation would still be the same.

You don't know she didn't when not even asked. You know OP didn't ask.

Sorry that was me (OP). Daughter didn’t want a ride. I did ask.

Then say that. Because you weren't very clear. She doesn't want Aunt to pick her up, not all the other nonsense about wanting to walk home alone. I'd much rather my daughter have a ride than walk home alone when she has other options, but you do you.

DP, she is not your daughter and if her parents are ok with her walking home alone then it’s not up to you.

Cool, but OP is the one asking advice so she's going to get advice.

NP. You didn't give advice - you stated your opinion of whether OP should have wanted SIL to pick her daughter up - again that's not advice. Who cares what you think of the decision - OP didn't ask that of the post - she's confident in her own parenting choices.

Confident? Hardly. And everyone is stating their opinion/advice on the entire issue. It's all the same. OP asked and people answered. That you don't like the advice is completely irrelevant and derailing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husbands sister, even when spoken to directly, ignores boundaries. The most recent example happened a few weeks ago. SIL was flying in and she said she wanted to meet my daughter to pick her up from school. I told her “no, DD has an after school duty (think crossing guard) and is busy hanging with her friends and gets a great sense of independence walking home alone. Just come straight to our house when you land.” What did she do? She took a taxi straight to the school to meet DD! (Sidebar: MIL wanted to do the same, but I asked her to meet us at the house instead, just like I told SIL. She said “that’s fine. But you know that won’t stop SIL!”)

There are many other examples. For instance, when my older daughter needs a break from her (she’s VERY clingy), and says “I’m going to go paint in my room for a bit”, my SIL says “oh I’ll come with you!” We’ve tried coaching DD today no, but she feels bad for her Aunt.

Not sure what to do considering she ignores explicit directives. I need help!

Never invite her to your home.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you ever ask your daughter if she wanted a ride home from Aunt? It seems like you're answering for her without having asked if she would like that.

Irrelevant. The issue isn’t whether DD wanted a ride (she didn’t), it’s that SIL ignored me when I told her to not go to DD’s school. If I had answered for DD the situation would still be the same.

You don't know she didn't when not even asked. You know OP didn't ask.

Sorry that was me (OP). Daughter didn’t want a ride. I did ask.

Then say that. Because you weren't very clear. She doesn't want Aunt to pick her up, not all the other nonsense about wanting to walk home alone. I'd much rather my daughter have a ride than walk home alone when she has other options, but you do you.

DP, she is not your daughter and if her parents are ok with her walking home alone then it’s not up to you.

Cool, but OP is the one asking advice so she's going to get advice.

NP. You didn't give advice - you stated your opinion of whether OP should have wanted SIL to pick her daughter up - again that's not advice. Who cares what you think of the decision - OP didn't ask that of the post - she's confident in her own parenting choices.

Confident? Hardly. And everyone is stating their opinion/advice on the entire issue. It's all the same. OP asked and people answered. That you don't like the advice is completely irrelevant and derailing.

This is OP. I asked for specific advice on how to handle my SIL, not about whether or not I should let my daughter walk home alone. Your advice was off topic.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you ever ask your daughter if she wanted a ride home from Aunt? It seems like you're answering for her without having asked if she would like that.

Irrelevant. The issue isn’t whether DD wanted a ride (she didn’t), it’s that SIL ignored me when I told her to not go to DD’s school. If I had answered for DD the situation would still be the same.

You don't know she didn't when not even asked. You know OP didn't ask.

Sorry that was me (OP). Daughter didn’t want a ride. I did ask.

Then say that. Because you weren't very clear. She doesn't want Aunt to pick her up, not all the other nonsense about wanting to walk home alone. I'd much rather my daughter have a ride than walk home alone when she has other options, but you do you.

DP, she is not your daughter and if her parents are ok with her walking home alone then it’s not up to you.

Cool, but OP is the one asking advice so she's going to get advice.

NP. You didn't give advice - you stated your opinion of whether OP should have wanted SIL to pick her daughter up - again that's not advice. Who cares what you think of the decision - OP didn't ask that of the post - she's confident in her own parenting choices.

Confident? Hardly. And everyone is stating their opinion/advice on the entire issue. It's all the same. OP asked and people answered. That you don't like the advice is completely irrelevant and derailing.

This is OP. I asked for specific advice on how to handle my SIL, not about whether or not I should let my daughter walk home alone. Your advice was off topic.

I gave you my advice including what I would do with my daughter. You put it all out there, so you get what you get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you ever ask your daughter if she wanted a ride home from Aunt? It seems like you're answering for her without having asked if she would like that.

Irrelevant. The issue isn’t whether DD wanted a ride (she didn’t), it’s that SIL ignored me when I told her to not go to DD’s school. If I had answered for DD the situation would still be the same.

It's not irrelevant. If you didn't even ask your daughter, then be honest. Don't use your dd as the scapegoat. Tell your sister (and yourself) "I don't want you to pick up dd from school." Don't make up silly excuses that blame your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you ever ask your daughter if she wanted a ride home from Aunt? It seems like you're answering for her without having asked if she would like that.

Irrelevant. The issue isn’t whether DD wanted a ride (she didn’t), it’s that SIL ignored me when I told her to not go to DD’s school. If I had answered for DD the situation would still be the same.

It's not irrelevant. If you didn't even ask your daughter, then be honest. Don't use your dd as the scapegoat. Tell your sister (and yourself) "I don't want you to pick up dd from school." Don't make up silly excuses that blame your kid.

Man, there is a definite “fun aunt” poster on this thread who is TRIGGERED.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you ever ask your daughter if she wanted a ride home from Aunt? It seems like you're answering for her without having asked if she would like that.

Irrelevant. The issue isn’t whether DD wanted a ride (she didn’t), it’s that SIL ignored me when I told her to not go to DD’s school. If I had answered for DD the situation would still be the same.

It's not irrelevant. If you didn't even ask your daughter, then be honest. Don't use your dd as the scapegoat. Tell your sister (and yourself) "I don't want you to pick up dd from school." Don't make up silly excuses that blame your kid.

My DD wanted to walk home alone. I already said that. What part of that are you not understanding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you ever ask your daughter if she wanted a ride home from Aunt? It seems like you're answering for her without having asked if she would like that.

Irrelevant. The issue isn’t whether DD wanted a ride (she didn’t), it’s that SIL ignored me when I told her to not go to DD’s school. If I had answered for DD the situation would still be the same.

It's not irrelevant. If you didn't even ask your daughter, then be honest. Don't use your dd as the scapegoat. Tell your sister (and yourself) "I don't want you to pick up dd from school." Don't make up silly excuses that blame your kid.

Man, there is a definite “fun aunt” poster on this thread who is TRIGGERED.

Yep

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you ever ask your daughter if she wanted a ride home from Aunt? It seems like you're answering for her without having asked if she would like that.

Irrelevant. The issue isn’t whether DD wanted a ride (she didn’t), it’s that SIL ignored me when I told her to not go to DD’s school. If I had answered for DD the situation would still be the same.

You don't know she didn't when not even asked. You know OP didn't ask.

Sorry that was me (OP). Daughter didn’t want a ride. I did ask.

Then say that. Because you weren't very clear. She doesn't want Aunt to pick her up, not all the other nonsense about wanting to walk home alone. I'd much rather my daughter have a ride than walk home alone when she has other options, but you do you.

DP, she is not your daughter and if her parents are ok with her walking home alone then it’s not up to you.

Cool, but OP is the one asking advice so she's going to get advice.

NP. You didn't give advice - you stated your opinion of whether OP should have wanted SIL to pick her daughter up - again that's not advice. Who cares what you think of the decision - OP didn't ask that of the post - she's confident in her own parenting choices.

Confident? Hardly. And everyone is stating their opinion/advice on the entire issue. It's all the same. OP asked and people answered. That you don't like the advice is completely irrelevant and derailing.

This is OP. I asked for specific advice on how to handle my SIL, not about whether or not I should let my daughter walk home alone. Your advice was off topic.

I gave you my advice including what I would do with my daughter. You put it all out there, so you get what you get.

No one needed you to include what you would do with your daughter. You only “get what you get” with a$$holes like yourself. Everyone else gave helpful (and relevant) advice. You shoved your nose where it doesn’t belong. And are pissed that you got called out by multiple posters. Yet you continue to dig your heels in. Let it go. You’re making yourself look worse with every subsequent post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you ever ask your daughter if she wanted a ride home from Aunt? It seems like you're answering for her without having asked if she would like that.

Irrelevant. The issue isn’t whether DD wanted a ride (she didn’t), it’s that SIL ignored me when I told her to not go to DD’s school. If I had answered for DD the situation would still be the same.

You don't know she didn't when not even asked. You know OP didn't ask.

Sorry that was me (OP). Daughter didn’t want a ride. I did ask.

Then say that. Because you weren't very clear. She doesn't want Aunt to pick her up, not all the other nonsense about wanting to walk home alone. I'd much rather my daughter have a ride than walk home alone when she has other options, but you do you.

DP, she is not your daughter and if her parents are ok with her walking home alone then it’s not up to you.

Cool, but OP is the one asking advice so she's going to get advice.

NP. You didn't give advice - you stated your opinion of whether OP should have wanted SIL to pick her daughter up - again that's not advice. Who cares what you think of the decision - OP didn't ask that of the post - she's confident in her own parenting choices.

Confident? Hardly. And everyone is stating their opinion/advice on the entire issue. It's all the same. OP asked and people answered. That you don't like the advice is completely irrelevant and derailing.

This is OP. I asked for specific advice on how to handle my SIL, not about whether or not I should let my daughter walk home alone. Your advice was off topic.

I gave you my advice including what I would do with my daughter. You put it all out there, so you get what you get.

No one needed you to include what you would do with your daughter. You only “get what you get” with a$$holes like yourself. Everyone else gave helpful (and relevant) advice. You shoved your nose where it doesn’t belong. And are pissed that you got called out by multiple posters. Yet you continue to dig your heels in. Let it go. You’re making yourself look worse with every subsequent post.

Don’t quit your day job to be a hall monitor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you ever ask your daughter if she wanted a ride home from Aunt? It seems like you're answering for her without having asked if she would like that.

Irrelevant. The issue isn’t whether DD wanted a ride (she didn’t), it’s that SIL ignored me when I told her to not go to DD’s school. If I had answered for DD the situation would still be the same.

You don't know she didn't when not even asked. You know OP didn't ask.

Sorry that was me (OP). Daughter didn’t want a ride. I did ask.

Then say that. Because you weren't very clear. She doesn't want Aunt to pick her up, not all the other nonsense about wanting to walk home alone. I'd much rather my daughter have a ride than walk home alone when she has other options, but you do you.

DP, she is not your daughter and if her parents are ok with her walking home alone then it’s not up to you.

Cool, but OP is the one asking advice so she's going to get advice.

NP. You didn't give advice - you stated your opinion of whether OP should have wanted SIL to pick her daughter up - again that's not advice. Who cares what you think of the decision - OP didn't ask that of the post - she's confident in her own parenting choices.

Confident? Hardly. And everyone is stating their opinion/advice on the entire issue. It's all the same. OP asked and people answered. That you don't like the advice is completely irrelevant and derailing.

This is OP. I asked for specific advice on how to handle my SIL, not about whether or not I should let my daughter walk home alone. Your advice was off topic.

I gave you my advice including what I would do with my daughter. You put it all out there, so you get what you get.

No one needed you to include what you would do with your daughter. You only “get what you get” with a$$holes like yourself. Everyone else gave helpful (and relevant) advice. You shoved your nose where it doesn’t belong. And are pissed that you got called out by multiple posters. Yet you continue to dig your heels in. Let it go. You’re making yourself look worse with every subsequent post.

Don’t quit your day job to be a hall monitor.

Foster another identity besides “Fun Aunt,” it’s clearly not working for you, which is why you are so defensive. We get that you don’t like that people see your controlling, disrespectful, steamrolling ways, and we’re not putting up with types like you anymore. Grow up. -NP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you ever ask your daughter if she wanted a ride home from Aunt? It seems like you're answering for her without having asked if she would like that.

Irrelevant. The issue isn’t whether DD wanted a ride (she didn’t), it’s that SIL ignored me when I told her to not go to DD’s school. If I had answered for DD the situation would still be the same.

You don't know she didn't when not even asked. You know OP didn't ask.

Sorry that was me (OP). Daughter didn’t want a ride. I did ask.

Then say that. Because you weren't very clear. She doesn't want Aunt to pick her up, not all the other nonsense about wanting to walk home alone. I'd much rather my daughter have a ride than walk home alone when she has other options, but you do you.

DP, she is not your daughter and if her parents are ok with her walking home alone then it’s not up to you.

Cool, but OP is the one asking advice so she's going to get advice.

NP. You didn't give advice - you stated your opinion of whether OP should have wanted SIL to pick her daughter up - again that's not advice. Who cares what you think of the decision - OP didn't ask that of the post - she's confident in her own parenting choices.

Confident? Hardly. And everyone is stating their opinion/advice on the entire issue. It's all the same. OP asked and people answered. That you don't like the advice is completely irrelevant and derailing.

This is OP. I asked for specific advice on how to handle my SIL, not about whether or not I should let my daughter walk home alone. Your advice was off topic.

I gave you my advice including what I would do with my daughter. You put it all out there, so you get what you get.

No one needed you to include what you would do with your daughter. You only “get what you get” with a$$holes like yourself. Everyone else gave helpful (and relevant) advice. You shoved your nose where it doesn’t belong. And are pissed that you got called out by multiple posters. Yet you continue to dig your heels in. Let it go. You’re making yourself look worse with every subsequent post.

Don’t quit your day job to be a hall monitor.

Oh cmon PP you can do better than that. You didn’t put much effort into that one. The bar is much higher for doüchebags. Do better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you ever ask your daughter if she wanted a ride home from Aunt? It seems like you're answering for her without having asked if she would like that.

Irrelevant. The issue isn’t whether DD wanted a ride (she didn’t), it’s that SIL ignored me when I told her to not go to DD’s school. If I had answered for DD the situation would still be the same.

You don't know she didn't when not even asked. You know OP didn't ask.

Sorry that was me (OP). Daughter didn’t want a ride. I did ask.

Then say that. Because you weren't very clear. She doesn't want Aunt to pick her up, not all the other nonsense about wanting to walk home alone. I'd much rather my daughter have a ride than walk home alone when she has other options, but you do you.

DP, she is not your daughter and if her parents are ok with her walking home alone then it’s not up to you.

Cool, but OP is the one asking advice so she's going to get advice.

NP. You didn't give advice - you stated your opinion of whether OP should have wanted SIL to pick her daughter up - again that's not advice. Who cares what you think of the decision - OP didn't ask that of the post - she's confident in her own parenting choices.

Confident? Hardly. And everyone is stating their opinion/advice on the entire issue. It's all the same. OP asked and people answered. That you don't like the advice is completely irrelevant and derailing.

This is OP. I asked for specific advice on how to handle my SIL, not about whether or not I should let my daughter walk home alone. Your advice was off topic.

I gave you my advice including what I would do with my daughter. You put it all out there, so you get what you get.

No one needed you to include what you would do with your daughter. You only “get what you get” with a$$holes like yourself. Everyone else gave helpful (and relevant) advice. You shoved your nose where it doesn’t belong. And are pissed that you got called out by multiple posters. Yet you continue to dig your heels in. Let it go. You’re making yourself look worse with every subsequent post.

Don’t quit your day job to be a hall monitor.

Oh cmon PP you can do better than that. You didn’t put much effort into that one. The bar is much higher for doüchebags. Do better.

She ran out of steam. The steam rollers usually do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you ever ask your daughter if she wanted a ride home from Aunt? It seems like you're answering for her without having asked if she would like that.

Irrelevant. The issue isn’t whether DD wanted a ride (she didn’t), it’s that SIL ignored me when I told her to not go to DD’s school. If I had answered for DD the situation would still be the same.

You don't know she didn't when not even asked. You know OP didn't ask.

Sorry that was me (OP). Daughter didn’t want a ride. I did ask.

Then say that. Because you weren't very clear. She doesn't want Aunt to pick her up, not all the other nonsense about wanting to walk home alone. I'd much rather my daughter have a ride than walk home alone when she has other options, but you do you.

DP, she is not your daughter and if her parents are ok with her walking home alone then it’s not up to you.

Cool, but OP is the one asking advice so she's going to get advice.

NP. You didn't give advice - you stated your opinion of whether OP should have wanted SIL to pick her daughter up - again that's not advice. Who cares what you think of the decision - OP didn't ask that of the post - she's confident in her own parenting choices.

Confident? Hardly. And everyone is stating their opinion/advice on the entire issue. It's all the same. OP asked and people answered. That you don't like the advice is completely irrelevant and derailing.

This is OP. I asked for specific advice on how to handle my SIL, not about whether or not I should let my daughter walk home alone. Your advice was off topic.

I gave you my advice including what I would do with my daughter. You put it all out there, so you get what you get.

No one needed you to include what you would do with your daughter. You only “get what you get” with a$$holes like yourself. Everyone else gave helpful (and relevant) advice. You shoved your nose where it doesn’t belong. And are pissed that you got called out by multiple posters. Yet you continue to dig your heels in. Let it go. You’re making yourself look worse with every subsequent post.

Don’t quit your day job to be a hall monitor.

Oh cmon PP you can do better than that. You didn’t put much effort into that one. The bar is much higher for doüchebags. Do better.

She ran out of steam. The steam rollers usually do.

Excellent point.