SIL doesn’t respect boundaries

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is/wants to be The Fun Aunt, and you don't want her to be.

Um, no. Kid doesn’t seem that into her, and “fun” aunts still respect parental boundaries.

I’d teach DD to label aunt as unsafe each and every time. “You’re not listening to or respecting what I just said; you’re making me feel unsafe.” “Mom and Dad said you weren’t supposed to pick me up at school. If you don’t leave now, I’m going to scream and go find a safe adult.”

Are you insane?

Are you? When parents say don’t show up at my kid’s school, you will not be escorting her home, any adult who does so anyway is unsafe. Period.

.

Yet she’s welcome in the home 6-8x a year drama llama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you have no problem presently, not based on your examples. You may in the future.

These were two examples of many. I could give more but that’s the point? It’s the same story - her not respecting my wishes regarding my kids.

I thought it was your daughter's wishes? You keep flip flopping.

It was my daughter’s wishes but I communicated them to SIL. I’m not sure why you are trying to find some sort of “gotcha” with my post.

Because you aren't communicating well here and probably in reality which is probably a huge part of your problem.

I think OP's description of her statements to SIL is extremely clear. SIL is completely in the wrong.

+1. PP who thinks OP is not “communicating well,” you are wrong and you are grasping at straws. Not sure why this subject is clearly hitting a nerve for you.

Maybe PP is an overbearing, steamrolling loser like the SIL. My SIL is like this too. You can be very clear with her but she ignores it and does what she wants anyway. I don’t understand how people like this operate.

Funny i don’t have these problems in my life. This is a problem doormats have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you have no problem presently, not based on your examples. You may in the future.

These were two examples of many. I could give more but that’s the point? It’s the same story - her not respecting my wishes regarding my kids.

I thought it was your daughter's wishes? You keep flip flopping.

It was my daughter’s wishes but I communicated them to SIL. I’m not sure why you are trying to find some sort of “gotcha” with my post.

Because you aren't communicating well here and probably in reality which is probably a huge part of your problem.

I think OP's description of her statements to SIL is extremely clear. SIL is completely in the wrong.

+1. PP who thinks OP is not “communicating well,” you are wrong and you are grasping at straws. Not sure why this subject is clearly hitting a nerve for you.

Maybe PP is an overbearing, steamrolling loser like the SIL. My SIL is like this too. You can be very clear with her but she ignores it and does what she wants anyway. I don’t understand how people like this operate.

Funny i don’t have these problems in my life. This is a problem doormats have.

Uh, because this is her SIL? OP can't just easily cut SIL out of her life.

OP needs back-up from her spouse, and probably needs to state that there will be consequences if SIL cannot respect very clear, obvious requests about OP's child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you have no problem presently, not based on your examples. You may in the future.

These were two examples of many. I could give more but that’s the point? It’s the same story - her not respecting my wishes regarding my kids.

I thought it was your daughter's wishes? You keep flip flopping.

It was my daughter’s wishes but I communicated them to SIL. I’m not sure why you are trying to find some sort of “gotcha” with my post.

Because you aren't communicating well here and probably in reality which is probably a huge part of your problem.

I think OP's description of her statements to SIL is extremely clear. SIL is completely in the wrong.

+1. PP who thinks OP is not “communicating well,” you are wrong and you are grasping at straws. Not sure why this subject is clearly hitting a nerve for you.

Maybe PP is an overbearing, steamrolling loser like the SIL. My SIL is like this too. You can be very clear with her but she ignores it and does what she wants anyway. I don’t understand how people like this operate.

Funny i don’t have these problems in my life. This is a problem doormats have.

Uh, because this is her SIL? OP can't just easily cut SIL out of her life.

OP needs back-up from her spouse, and probably needs to state that there will be consequences if SIL cannot respect very clear, obvious requests about OP's child.

Really? This would be so easy for me. Op has a culture problem. Thats why no normal advice will work here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is/wants to be The Fun Aunt, and you don't want her to be.

Um, no. Kid doesn’t seem that into her, and “fun” aunts still respect parental boundaries.

I’d teach DD to label aunt as unsafe each and every time. “You’re not listening to or respecting what I just said; you’re making me feel unsafe.” “Mom and Dad said you weren’t supposed to pick me up at school. If you don’t leave now, I’m going to scream and go find a safe adult.”

Are you insane?

Are you? When parents say don’t show up at my kid’s school, you will not be escorting her home, any adult who does so anyway is unsafe. Period.

.

Yet she’s welcome in the home 6-8x a year drama llama.

In the home is SUPERVISED and PLANNED, dingbat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you have no problem presently, not based on your examples. You may in the future.

These were two examples of many. I could give more but that’s the point? It’s the same story - her not respecting my wishes regarding my kids.

I thought it was your daughter's wishes? You keep flip flopping.

It was my daughter’s wishes but I communicated them to SIL. I’m not sure why you are trying to find some sort of “gotcha” with my post.

Because you aren't communicating well here and probably in reality which is probably a huge part of your problem.

I think OP's description of her statements to SIL is extremely clear. SIL is completely in the wrong.

+1. PP who thinks OP is not “communicating well,” you are wrong and you are grasping at straws. Not sure why this subject is clearly hitting a nerve for you.

Maybe PP is an overbearing, steamrolling loser like the SIL. My SIL is like this too. You can be very clear with her but she ignores it and does what she wants anyway. I don’t understand how people like this operate.

Funny i don’t have these problems in my life. This is a problem doormats have.

Uh, because this is her SIL? OP can't just easily cut SIL out of her life.

OP needs back-up from her spouse, and probably needs to state that there will be consequences if SIL cannot respect very clear, obvious requests about OP's child.

Really? This would be so easy for me. Op has a culture problem. Thats why no normal advice will work here.

Yes, sounds like OP comes from a culture that respects clearly-stated boundaries, and SIL does not. That doesn't mean that SIL gets to do whatever she wants, and obviously OP needs to escalate the issue to get SIL to care about her own violations.

I think a convo where OP + spouse sit down with SIL and very clear and seriously explain the problem and suggest that SIL will not be welcome in the future if she cannot abide by these very basic, clearly stated requests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is/wants to be The Fun Aunt, and you don't want her to be.

Um, no. Kid doesn’t seem that into her, and “fun” aunts still respect parental boundaries.

I’d teach DD to label aunt as unsafe each and every time. “You’re not listening to or respecting what I just said; you’re making me feel unsafe.” “Mom and Dad said you weren’t supposed to pick me up at school. If you don’t leave now, I’m going to scream and go find a safe adult.”

Are you insane?

Are you? When parents say don’t show up at my kid’s school, you will not be escorting her home, any adult who does so anyway is unsafe. Period.

.

Yet she’s welcome in the home 6-8x a year drama llama.

In the home is SUPERVISED and PLANNED, dingbat.

Why are you so mad?

[Anonymous]

This doesn't make any sense. Schools in the US don't release children to adults who are not pre-registered with the school by their parents. Is SIL on file to be able to pick up your daughter? If she is - just change the permissions paperwork. The school will simply not release your child to her. Unless you want to go through drama with SIL.

[Anonymous]

PS: if DH is doing the communications - make sure you're there. Because he maybe minimizing things and waffling through it, making it more like "i am sure you're tired, get home first, get some rest" than "don't go to school because we don't want you to". Ensure that the message doesn't get lost in translation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This doesn't make any sense. Schools in the US don't release children to adults who are not pre-registered with the school by their parents. Is SIL on file to be able to pick up your daughter? If she is - just change the permissions paperwork. The school will simply not release your child to her. Unless you want to go through drama with SIL.

My DD is a walker. She isn’t being released to anyone. She’d be walking home alone on any other given day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is/wants to be The Fun Aunt, and you don't want her to be.

Um, no. Kid doesn’t seem that into her, and “fun” aunts still respect parental boundaries.

I’d teach DD to label aunt as unsafe each and every time. “You’re not listening to or respecting what I just said; you’re making me feel unsafe.” “Mom and Dad said you weren’t supposed to pick me up at school. If you don’t leave now, I’m going to scream and go find a safe adult.”

Are you insane?

Are you? When parents say don’t show up at my kid’s school, you will not be escorting her home, any adult who does so anyway is unsafe. Period.

.

Yet she’s welcome in the home 6-8x a year drama llama.

In the home is SUPERVISED and PLANNED, dingbat.

Why are you so mad?

Do you or do you not understand the difference between a planned and supervised visit, and an unplanned, already-denied visit with a minor child? This is a yes or no question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is/wants to be The Fun Aunt, and you don't want her to be.

Um, no. Kid doesn’t seem that into her, and “fun” aunts still respect parental boundaries.

I’d teach DD to label aunt as unsafe each and every time. “You’re not listening to or respecting what I just said; you’re making me feel unsafe.” “Mom and Dad said you weren’t supposed to pick me up at school. If you don’t leave now, I’m going to scream and go find a safe adult.”

Are you insane?

Are you? When parents say don’t show up at my kid’s school, you will not be escorting her home, any adult who does so anyway is unsafe. Period.

.

Yet she’s welcome in the home 6-8x a year drama llama.

In the home is SUPERVISED and PLANNED, dingbat.

Why are you so mad?

Really! And no one uses the word "dingbat" anymore. My dad does but he's 96

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is/wants to be The Fun Aunt, and you don't want her to be.

Um, no. Kid doesn’t seem that into her, and “fun” aunts still respect parental boundaries.

I’d teach DD to label aunt as unsafe each and every time. “You’re not listening to or respecting what I just said; you’re making me feel unsafe.” “Mom and Dad said you weren’t supposed to pick me up at school. If you don’t leave now, I’m going to scream and go find a safe adult.”

Are you insane?

Are you? When parents say don’t show up at my kid’s school, you will not be escorting her home, any adult who does so anyway is unsafe. Period.

.

Yet she’s welcome in the home 6-8x a year drama llama.

In the home is SUPERVISED and PLANNED, dingbat.

Why are you so mad?

Do you or do you not understand the difference between a planned and supervised visit, and an unplanned, already-denied visit with a minor child? This is a yes or no question.

DP but you really do have anger issues

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you have no problem presently, not based on your examples. You may in the future.

These were two examples of many. I could give more but that’s the point? It’s the same story - her not respecting my wishes regarding my kids.

I thought it was your daughter's wishes? You keep flip flopping.

It was my daughter’s wishes but I communicated them to SIL. I’m not sure why you are trying to find some sort of “gotcha” with my post.

Because you aren't communicating well here and probably in reality which is probably a huge part of your problem.

I think OP's description of her statements to SIL is extremely clear. SIL is completely in the wrong.

+1. PP who thinks OP is not “communicating well,” you are wrong and you are grasping at straws. Not sure why this subject is clearly hitting a nerve for you.

Maybe PP is an overbearing, steamrolling loser like the SIL. My SIL is like this too. You can be very clear with her but she ignores it and does what she wants anyway. I don’t understand how people like this operate.

Funny i don’t have these problems in my life. This is a problem doormats have.

Uh, because this is her SIL? OP can't just easily cut SIL out of her life.

OP needs back-up from her spouse, and probably needs to state that there will be consequences if SIL cannot respect very clear, obvious requests about OP's child.

Really? This would be so easy for me. Op has a culture problem. Thats why no normal advice will work here.

Yes, sounds like OP comes from a culture that respects clearly-stated boundaries, and SIL does not. That doesn't mean that SIL gets to do whatever she wants, and obviously OP needs to escalate the issue to get SIL to care about her own violations.

I think a convo where OP + spouse sit down with SIL and very clear and seriously explain the problem and suggest that SIL will not be welcome in the future if she cannot abide by these very basic, clearly stated requests.

Uh, no. This is some culture where OP needs to be subservient to her female in-laws. This is the dark side of all that close knit, family first, strong bond, cultures. Comes at a pretty hefty price. This is why OP won't win here. Her husband fully buys in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is/wants to be The Fun Aunt, and you don't want her to be.

Um, no. Kid doesn’t seem that into her, and “fun” aunts still respect parental boundaries.

I’d teach DD to label aunt as unsafe each and every time. “You’re not listening to or respecting what I just said; you’re making me feel unsafe.” “Mom and Dad said you weren’t supposed to pick me up at school. If you don’t leave now, I’m going to scream and go find a safe adult.”

Are you insane?

Are you? When parents say don’t show up at my kid’s school, you will not be escorting her home, any adult who does so anyway is unsafe. Period.

.

Yet she’s welcome in the home 6-8x a year drama llama.

In the home is SUPERVISED and PLANNED, dingbat.

Why are you so mad?

Do you or do you not understand the difference between a planned and supervised visit, and an unplanned, already-denied visit with a minor child? This is a yes or no question.

There isn't a custody or court mandated visitation order, weirdo. Her husband picks his family up from the airport and welcomes them in with open arms. Because they rule the roost.