First heartbreak

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Set a rule no dating in high school and you avoid all this drama.

Great! Then they experience this for the first time when they are alone. Good idea!!

They will be older and more mature and have plenty of friends. Mommy doesn’t have to help with heartbreak.

My friend waited to date in college because her parents forced her. She thought she was in love but the first guy she started seeing and he was only using her. She was a simpleton and completely naive with what to do or how to handle typical male, let alone typical college males. He embarrassed her at a party and was with another girl. She went back to her dorm and took a ton of pills and thankfully I left the party to check on her (once I realized she left) My friend and I had to call 911. She never came back that semester and I never talked to her again (pre cell phones)

So I absolutely do not believe you should forbid dating in high school. Watch closely and help out as needed. Dads need to talk about how they were as guys to their daughter and moms need to talk about how girls feel in high school. Of course you can't forbid relationships, certain people, etc... but just be there for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Set a rule no dating in high school and you avoid all this drama.

Great! Then they experience this for the first time when they are alone. Good idea!!

They will be older and more mature and have plenty of friends. Mommy doesn’t have to help with heartbreak.

My friend waited to date in college because her parents forced her. She thought she was in love but the first guy she started seeing and he was only using her. She was a simpleton and completely naive with what to do or how to handle typical male, let alone typical college males. He embarrassed her at a party and was with another girl. She went back to her dorm and took a ton of pills and thankfully I left the party to check on her (once I realized she left) My friend and I had to call 911. She never came back that semester and I never talked to her again (pre cell phones)

So I absolutely do not believe you should forbid dating in high school. Watch closely and help out as needed. Dads need to talk about how they were as guys to their daughter and moms need to talk about how girls feel in high school. Of course you can't forbid relationships, certain people, etc... but just be there for them.

so, if she met the same guy at 14 she would have just shrugged it off because 14 year olds are so much better at handling their first relationship?

[Anonymous]

Someone missed the point

14yr old boys are different than experienced 18-20yr old college kids.

And her family would have been there instead of living in a dorm.

[Anonymous]

OP: It would actually be easier if he had done something rotten. She is having a very hard time accepting that he just “lost feelings” after being together for so long.

[Anonymous]

Are there any good novels that show healthy teen or young adult relationships starting and ending?

My DD doesn’t like to talk about her own feelings a lot but will compare herself to characters in books. She has just started dating a senior, so I am trying to prepare myself.

I didn’t date until college and have only ever dated 2 people, so I am really unprepared for these discussions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Set a rule no dating in high school and you avoid all this drama.

Great! Then they experience this for the first time when they are alone. Good idea!!

They will be older and more mature and have plenty of friends. Mommy doesn’t have to help with heartbreak.

My friend waited to date in college because her parents forced her. She thought she was in love but the first guy she started seeing and he was only using her. She was a simpleton and completely naive with what to do or how to handle typical male, let alone typical college males. He embarrassed her at a party and was with another girl. She went back to her dorm and took a ton of pills and thankfully I left the party to check on her (once I realized she left) My friend and I had to call 911. She never came back that semester and I never talked to her again (pre cell phones)

So I absolutely do not believe you should forbid dating in high school. Watch closely and help out as needed. Dads need to talk about how they were as guys to their daughter and moms need to talk about how girls feel in high school. Of course you can't forbid relationships, certain people, etc... but just be there for them.

so, if she met the same guy at 14 she would have just shrugged it off because 14 year olds are so much better at handling their first relationship?

+1 exactly the anecdote above means nothing except the friend has deep rooted emotional issues to begin with.

[Anonymous]

Keep them busy.

My boys’ 1st real breakup was hard.

Both were in college btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: It would actually be easier if he had done something rotten. She is having a very hard time accepting that he just “lost feelings” after being together for so long.

Healthy breakups are easier at first and harder as the days go on. Where toxic breakups are hard initially and then relieving as time moves on.

Just gotta say you are too good to be with someone who doesn’t want to be in a relationship. You have to respect their honesty and not contact them. Boys do tend to break up and then try to come back in 1-2 weeks. So she needs to be strong and move on no matter what. And also expect a quick rebound.

She is better off focusing on herself, activities and friendships. Self care is so important

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: It would actually be easier if he had done something rotten. She is having a very hard time accepting that he just “lost feelings” after being together for so long.

Healthy breakups are easier at first and harder as the days go on. Where toxic breakups are hard initially and then relieving as time moves on.

Just gotta say you are too good to be with someone who doesn’t want to be in a relationship. You have to respect their honesty and not contact them. Boys do tend to break up and then try to come back in 1-2 weeks. So she needs to be strong and move on no matter what. And also expect a quick rebound.

She is better off focusing on herself, activities and friendships. Self care is so important

This has already been awful so I am hoping it doesn’t get much worse as the days move on

Also don’t think he will be coming back. He was quite decisive on ending things which is what is making it so hard on her.

I know she will be okay in time but this weekend has been hard to watch

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Set a rule no dating in high school and you avoid all this drama.

Great! Then they experience this for the first time when they are alone. Good idea!!

They will be older and more mature and have plenty of friends. Mommy doesn’t have to help with heartbreak.

My friend waited to date in college because her parents forced her. She thought she was in love but the first guy she started seeing and he was only using her. She was a simpleton and completely naive with what to do or how to handle typical male, let alone typical college males. He embarrassed her at a party and was with another girl. She went back to her dorm and took a ton of pills and thankfully I left the party to check on her (once I realized she left) My friend and I had to call 911. She never came back that semester and I never talked to her again (pre cell phones)

So I absolutely do not believe you should forbid dating in high school. Watch closely and help out as needed. Dads need to talk about how they were as guys to their daughter and moms need to talk about how girls feel in high school. Of course you can't forbid relationships, certain people, etc... but just be there for them.

That’s an extreme example, c’mon. It’s not black and white - dating in HS can be a valuable experience, for sure but it’s not essential or risky not to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were lucky our two oldest kids (a DS and DD) experienced their first heartbreaks while still living at home. I agee with the PPs about acknowledging their pain and making sure they are engage in other stuff. I also used it as an opportunity to talk about life - any time you love, you risk heartbreak but that it's worth it. That it's never easy but the first one is the worst and the important thing is to learn healthy coping mechanisms. I also created Spotify playlists for both kids - but very different ones! One kid had the added experience of being cheated on (and gaslit), the other kid needed a playlist that reaffirmed their value and worth - I also allowed them to add songs to the playlist. Both kids are well past it now but we all still curate the playlists. I know they've both shared them with their friends. HTH

That’s awesome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Set a rule no dating in high school and you avoid all this drama.

Great! Then they experience this for the first time when they are alone. Good idea!!

They will be older and more mature and have plenty of friends. Mommy doesn’t have to help with heartbreak.

My friend waited to date in college because her parents forced her. She thought she was in love but the first guy she started seeing and he was only using her. She was a simpleton and completely naive with what to do or how to handle typical male, let alone typical college males. He embarrassed her at a party and was with another girl. She went back to her dorm and took a ton of pills and thankfully I left the party to check on her (once I realized she left) My friend and I had to call 911. She never came back that semester and I never talked to her again (pre cell phones)

So I absolutely do not believe you should forbid dating in high school. Watch closely and help out as needed. Dads need to talk about how they were as guys to their daughter and moms need to talk about how girls feel in high school. Of course you can't forbid relationships, certain people, etc... but just be there for them.

That’s an extreme example, c’mon. It’s not black and white - dating in HS can be a valuable experience, for sure but it’s not essential or risky not to.

+1 thank you. Not dating in high school is absolutely ok and I wish more people would encourage it. I see so many girls go down the wrong path due to guys in high school and it’s sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Set a rule no dating in high school and you avoid all this drama.

Great! Then they experience this for the first time when they are alone. Good idea!!

They will be older and more mature and have plenty of friends. Mommy doesn’t have to help with heartbreak.

My friend waited to date in college because her parents forced her. She thought she was in love but the first guy she started seeing and he was only using her. She was a simpleton and completely naive with what to do or how to handle typical male, let alone typical college males. He embarrassed her at a party and was with another girl. She went back to her dorm and took a ton of pills and thankfully I left the party to check on her (once I realized she left) My friend and I had to call 911. She never came back that semester and I never talked to her again (pre cell phones)

So I absolutely do not believe you should forbid dating in high school. Watch closely and help out as needed. Dads need to talk about how they were as guys to their daughter and moms need to talk about how girls feel in high school. Of course you can't forbid relationships, certain people, etc... but just be there for them.

That’s an extreme example, c’mon. It’s not black and white - dating in HS can be a valuable experience, for sure but it’s not essential or risky not to.

+1 thank you. Not dating in high school is absolutely ok and I wish more people would encourage it. I see so many girls go down the wrong path due to guys in high school and it’s sad.

Stop being sexist

[Anonymous]

Oh gosh, I remember my first heartache. And then I had to see him kissing his new GF at prom, it was just incredibly painful. My best friend and I drove around and listened to music and talked and talked…for months. But it helped (I admit she indulged me and she would drive by his house while I ducked, lol). But I just had to go through it. I don’t even think I knew what heartbreak was before then.

I remember my mom shared stories of her own teen heartbreak and PROMISED me it would get better, and I really hung on to that. It took a long time, but I was okay. I wa very busy with activities that I loved, and that helped too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: It would actually be easier if he had done something rotten. She is having a very hard time accepting that he just “lost feelings” after being together for so long.

Healthy breakups are easier at first and harder as the days go on. Where toxic breakups are hard initially and then relieving as time moves on.

Just gotta say you are too good to be with someone who doesn’t want to be in a relationship. You have to respect their honesty and not contact them. Boys do tend to break up and then try to come back in 1-2 weeks. So she needs to be strong and move on no matter what. And also expect a quick rebound.

She is better off focusing on herself, activities and friendships. Self care is so important

This has already been awful so I am hoping it doesn’t get much worse as the days move on

Also don’t think he will be coming back. He was quite decisive on ending things which is what is making it so hard on her.

I know she will be okay in time but this weekend has been hard to watch

It's harder to watch them be with someone they shouldn't be. Trust me!