First heartbreak

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so stupid. No 14 year old is trying to figure out what they are looking for in a future partner. 14 is too you to even deal with these types of mature feelings in relationships while in HS. Some marry their HS sweetheart, most will not. There are adults who can’t deal with break ups and still don’t know what they want.

Parents invent these rationalization so they don't have to do their job. "Just let the kid do what they feel like doing - it's good for them".

So are you saying a parents job is to forbid your teens from dating or having any relationships while they live under your roof?

A parent's job is to tell the kid you are 14. This is not their last relationship. Stop crying over spilt milk and move on. You are 14. There is more to learn and discover about yourself and life. Your are a kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are people who don’t allow dating fir their teens even posting here??

OP's kid is already dating. That ship has left the port. She wants to know how she should support her. Why not answer the question instead of coming hear to brag about your excellent teen raising skills.

You realize their teens are just doing everything behind their back. After school clubs are make-out sessions and kids sext and send pics and ft each other. That is the type of relationships the kids get into when parents are that controlling.

As my teen said regarding some other stuff (not dating): "Parents allow it because they think everyone is doing it".

But, they aren't.

Not the person you are replying to, but as a middle school teacher, you are very wrong.

I see kids logging into their social medias on friends phones because they aren’t allowed. Girls changing clothes or taking off their hoodie because they aren’t allowed certain clothes. Old phones being brought in for kids who aren’t allowed to have them. Young kids in relationships even though they aren’t allowed. And way more vaping and drugs than I have ever seen tweens/teens ever do in any decade or generation.

There are only certain ways for kids to fit in and all middle schoolers want to do is fit in. They will go behind their parents back to do it every time. I am not saying it’s right, but you literally can’t believe that there are more kids waking a solo straight line than kids pushing the limits to conform to the norm.

Sorry to break it to you, teacher, but not all kids are trying to fit in.

But they said more are trying to fit in than are not and I agree with that.

The teacher also implied that everyone is doing the forbidden thing and there is no point in trying to have any restrictions whatsoever. The kids will do whatever they need to do to fit in. "Parents, just give up" - teacher

The teacher did not say that. What were you reading? LOL

Parenting changes daily. You pick your battles. The job of a teen is going from child to adult and we are supposed to help guide them. Not snowplow and certainly not to outright forbid. It’s teaching compromise. Sone days they act like toddlers. Some days they need help. Other days they want independence and push their limits. We balance.

I allow my teens to date but I am certainly not going to allow them being alone, hang out in bedrooms, buy lavish gifts or go on more adultish dates. But I am also not naive to realize that kids don’t make the best decisions and I watch relationships closely and have good open dialogue with my kids.

Heartbreak is tough, just like OP said but watching my teens navigate the ups and downs of life and becoming adults is honestly a joy. If I belittled them, decreased their voices or dictating all of their decisions I know they would struggle once alone in college. So it’s a balance we work on and communicate and change as needed.

this was maybe cute the first time, now it's just a very stale cliche. no, "the job of the teen is not become adult". that will happen regardless. it sounds like you are getting some kind of a high from participating in your teen's love life.

Not the PP but a teen is LITERALLY the transition from childhood to adulthood. Your job as a parent is to help guide them into mentally-stable strong-minded functioning adults. As kids hit puberty and enter their teen years, they go through a lot. Their strong desire to have their own friendships, relationships, and a mind of their own. But having the support of a home and family to be there to guide them makes it much easier.

If you are infantilizing your teens and making all of their rules and decisions when do they start transitioning to adulthood? The day you drop them off at college?

I just don’t understand parents who think that would work. Have we not seen this generation lack communication skills, street smarts, autonomy, poor work ethic, and terrible at face to face relationships with friends, teachers, family, and yes even potential relationships. Have we not seen sky high percentages of anxiety and depression in teens?

Guide them, encourage them, let them know when they are going down wrong paths but you can’t mold them yourselves. You can’t force a certain lifestyle on them. I just don’t get it. So unhealthy.

what does that have to do with me? the results you are seeing are kids driving the bus and parents saying "nothing can be done!" "kids will do it anyway!" "if you restrict it, they won't talk to you anymore!".

in contrast, i am raising my own kids the way my parents raised me and my siblings. and you know what that looked like? no, they didn't allow me to date. they told me what to study (in college) and i lived with them while doing it. i did zero chores at home and i never worked a day/earned a dime working. i never baby sat or washed my clothes. i didn't learn how to drive.

and you know what else happened? i immigrated to the USA (my first ever visit to this continent) at age 22 and made my life here from scratch. i got an ivy league phd, a husband and 3 kids, multiple jobs, a house or two, a citizenship.

no, you don't become adult buy playing adult. and this is what your teens and college kids are doing - they are doing some pleasant adult stuff (freedom! sex! decisions!) but not paying the cost of it (financial independence). so this is actually a type of regression rather than growth. it certainly is not adulthood.

as a teen, you need parents who can direct you rather than make you lead because they are scared you won't like them. and when you want to be adult, when you are actually ready for it, you get the whole package. all the freedom in the world to do whatever you want to do, but on your own dime. an actual adulthood.

1. This is frightening
2. Your grammar is hideous so bragging about a PhD is embarrassing
3. Plenty of teens graduate with Ivy college degrees and had plenty of sex and relationships.
4. You demeaning other parenting styles while spewing immigrant, no sex, never had to work, forced to study only, Ivy, phd says a lot about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so stupid. No 14 year old is trying to figure out what they are looking for in a future partner. 14 is too you to even deal with these types of mature feelings in relationships while in HS. Some marry their HS sweetheart, most will not. There are adults who can’t deal with break ups and still don’t know what they want.

Parents invent these rationalization so they don't have to do their job. "Just let the kid do what they feel like doing - it's good for them".

So are you saying a parents job is to forbid your teens from dating or having any relationships while they live under your roof?

A parent's job is to tell the kid you are 14. This is not their last relationship. Stop crying over spilt milk and move on. You are 14. There is more to learn and discover about yourself and life. Your are a kid.

Phd Ivy League chick:

It’s YOU’RE or YOU ARE

My 14yr old knows that and has a boyfriend. Shocking

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so stupid. No 14 year old is trying to figure out what they are looking for in a future partner. 14 is too you to even deal with these types of mature feelings in relationships while in HS. Some marry their HS sweetheart, most will not. There are adults who can’t deal with break ups and still don’t know what they want.

Parents invent these rationalization so they don't have to do their job. "Just let the kid do what they feel like doing - it's good for them".

So are you saying a parents job is to forbid your teens from dating or having any relationships while they live under your roof?

A parent's job is to tell the kid you are 14. This is not their last relationship. Stop crying over spilt milk and move on. You are 14. There is more to learn and discover about yourself and life. Your are a kid.

Phd Ivy League chick:

It’s YOU’RE or YOU ARE

My 14yr old knows that and has a boyfriend. Shocking

um, that's a different PP. it's funny your pounced on it, as if your DD"s BJs depended on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are people who don’t allow dating fir their teens even posting here??

OP's kid is already dating. That ship has left the port. She wants to know how she should support her. Why not answer the question instead of coming hear to brag about your excellent teen raising skills.

You realize their teens are just doing everything behind their back. After school clubs are make-out sessions and kids sext and send pics and ft each other. That is the type of relationships the kids get into when parents are that controlling.

As my teen said regarding some other stuff (not dating): "Parents allow it because they think everyone is doing it".

But, they aren't.

Not the person you are replying to, but as a middle school teacher, you are very wrong.

I see kids logging into their social medias on friends phones because they aren’t allowed. Girls changing clothes or taking off their hoodie because they aren’t allowed certain clothes. Old phones being brought in for kids who aren’t allowed to have them. Young kids in relationships even though they aren’t allowed. And way more vaping and drugs than I have ever seen tweens/teens ever do in any decade or generation.

There are only certain ways for kids to fit in and all middle schoolers want to do is fit in. They will go behind their parents back to do it every time. I am not saying it’s right, but you literally can’t believe that there are more kids waking a solo straight line than kids pushing the limits to conform to the norm.

Sorry to break it to you, teacher, but not all kids are trying to fit in.

But they said more are trying to fit in than are not and I agree with that.

The teacher also implied that everyone is doing the forbidden thing and there is no point in trying to have any restrictions whatsoever. The kids will do whatever they need to do to fit in. "Parents, just give up" - teacher

The teacher did not say that. What were you reading? LOL

Parenting changes daily. You pick your battles. The job of a teen is going from child to adult and we are supposed to help guide them. Not snowplow and certainly not to outright forbid. It’s teaching compromise. Sone days they act like toddlers. Some days they need help. Other days they want independence and push their limits. We balance.

I allow my teens to date but I am certainly not going to allow them being alone, hang out in bedrooms, buy lavish gifts or go on more adultish dates. But I am also not naive to realize that kids don’t make the best decisions and I watch relationships closely and have good open dialogue with my kids.

Heartbreak is tough, just like OP said but watching my teens navigate the ups and downs of life and becoming adults is honestly a joy. If I belittled them, decreased their voices or dictating all of their decisions I know they would struggle once alone in college. So it’s a balance we work on and communicate and change as needed.

this was maybe cute the first time, now it's just a very stale cliche. no, "the job of the teen is not become adult". that will happen regardless. it sounds like you are getting some kind of a high from participating in your teen's love life.

Not the PP but a teen is LITERALLY the transition from childhood to adulthood. Your job as a parent is to help guide them into mentally-stable strong-minded functioning adults. As kids hit puberty and enter their teen years, they go through a lot. Their strong desire to have their own friendships, relationships, and a mind of their own. But having the support of a home and family to be there to guide them makes it much easier.

If you are infantilizing your teens and making all of their rules and decisions when do they start transitioning to adulthood? The day you drop them off at college?

I just don’t understand parents who think that would work. Have we not seen this generation lack communication skills, street smarts, autonomy, poor work ethic, and terrible at face to face relationships with friends, teachers, family, and yes even potential relationships. Have we not seen sky high percentages of anxiety and depression in teens?

Guide them, encourage them, let them know when they are going down wrong paths but you can’t mold them yourselves. You can’t force a certain lifestyle on them. I just don’t get it. So unhealthy.

what does that have to do with me? the results you are seeing are kids driving the bus and parents saying "nothing can be done!" "kids will do it anyway!" "if you restrict it, they won't talk to you anymore!".

in contrast, i am raising my own kids the way my parents raised me and my siblings. and you know what that looked like? no, they didn't allow me to date. they told me what to study (in college) and i lived with them while doing it. i did zero chores at home and i never worked a day/earned a dime working. i never baby sat or washed my clothes. i didn't learn how to drive.

and you know what else happened? i immigrated to the USA (my first ever visit to this continent) at age 22 and made my life here from scratch. i got an ivy league phd, a husband and 3 kids, multiple jobs, a house or two, a citizenship.

no, you don't become adult buy playing adult. and this is what your teens and college kids are doing - they are doing some pleasant adult stuff (freedom! sex! decisions!) but not paying the cost of it (financial independence). so this is actually a type of regression rather than growth. it certainly is not adulthood.

as a teen, you need parents who can direct you rather than make you lead because they are scared you won't like them. and when you want to be adult, when you are actually ready for it, you get the whole package. all the freedom in the world to do whatever you want to do, but on your own dime. an actual adulthood.

1. This is frightening
2. Your grammar is hideous so bragging about a PhD is embarrassing
3. Plenty of teens graduate with Ivy college degrees and had plenty of sex and relationships.
4. You demeaning other parenting styles while spewing immigrant, no sex, never had to work, forced to study only, Ivy, phd says a lot about you.

it must be hard when someone comes from across the world and leapfrogs you, yet keeps their common sense. yes, i am better than you. and we are both lucky (yes, you too) that our great country keeps bringing in people like me, to keep it great - it's certainly not going to come from you. or your kids.

[Anonymous]

OP, tomorrow will be rough. Make sure she has extra love and maybe invite friends over to watch Mean Girls or Superbad. Something funny.

She will be better soon enough and will be stronger in the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are people who don’t allow dating fir their teens even posting here??

OP's kid is already dating. That ship has left the port. She wants to know how she should support her. Why not answer the question instead of coming hear to brag about your excellent teen raising skills.

You realize their teens are just doing everything behind their back. After school clubs are make-out sessions and kids sext and send pics and ft each other. That is the type of relationships the kids get into when parents are that controlling.

As my teen said regarding some other stuff (not dating): "Parents allow it because they think everyone is doing it".

But, they aren't.

Not the person you are replying to, but as a middle school teacher, you are very wrong.

I see kids logging into their social medias on friends phones because they aren’t allowed. Girls changing clothes or taking off their hoodie because they aren’t allowed certain clothes. Old phones being brought in for kids who aren’t allowed to have them. Young kids in relationships even though they aren’t allowed. And way more vaping and drugs than I have ever seen tweens/teens ever do in any decade or generation.

There are only certain ways for kids to fit in and all middle schoolers want to do is fit in. They will go behind their parents back to do it every time. I am not saying it’s right, but you literally can’t believe that there are more kids waking a solo straight line than kids pushing the limits to conform to the norm.

Sorry to break it to you, teacher, but not all kids are trying to fit in.

But they said more are trying to fit in than are not and I agree with that.

The teacher also implied that everyone is doing the forbidden thing and there is no point in trying to have any restrictions whatsoever. The kids will do whatever they need to do to fit in. "Parents, just give up" - teacher

The teacher did not say that. What were you reading? LOL

Parenting changes daily. You pick your battles. The job of a teen is going from child to adult and we are supposed to help guide them. Not snowplow and certainly not to outright forbid. It’s teaching compromise. Sone days they act like toddlers. Some days they need help. Other days they want independence and push their limits. We balance.

I allow my teens to date but I am certainly not going to allow them being alone, hang out in bedrooms, buy lavish gifts or go on more adultish dates. But I am also not naive to realize that kids don’t make the best decisions and I watch relationships closely and have good open dialogue with my kids.

Heartbreak is tough, just like OP said but watching my teens navigate the ups and downs of life and becoming adults is honestly a joy. If I belittled them, decreased their voices or dictating all of their decisions I know they would struggle once alone in college. So it’s a balance we work on and communicate and change as needed.

this was maybe cute the first time, now it's just a very stale cliche. no, "the job of the teen is not become adult". that will happen regardless. it sounds like you are getting some kind of a high from participating in your teen's love life.

Not the PP but a teen is LITERALLY the transition from childhood to adulthood. Your job as a parent is to help guide them into mentally-stable strong-minded functioning adults. As kids hit puberty and enter their teen years, they go through a lot. Their strong desire to have their own friendships, relationships, and a mind of their own. But having the support of a home and family to be there to guide them makes it much easier.

If you are infantilizing your teens and making all of their rules and decisions when do they start transitioning to adulthood? The day you drop them off at college?

I just don’t understand parents who think that would work. Have we not seen this generation lack communication skills, street smarts, autonomy, poor work ethic, and terrible at face to face relationships with friends, teachers, family, and yes even potential relationships. Have we not seen sky high percentages of anxiety and depression in teens?

Guide them, encourage them, let them know when they are going down wrong paths but you can’t mold them yourselves. You can’t force a certain lifestyle on them. I just don’t get it. So unhealthy.

what does that have to do with me? the results you are seeing are kids driving the bus and parents saying "nothing can be done!" "kids will do it anyway!" "if you restrict it, they won't talk to you anymore!".

in contrast, i am raising my own kids the way my parents raised me and my siblings. and you know what that looked like? no, they didn't allow me to date. they told me what to study (in college) and i lived with them while doing it. i did zero chores at home and i never worked a day/earned a dime working. i never baby sat or washed my clothes. i didn't learn how to drive.

and you know what else happened? i immigrated to the USA (my first ever visit to this continent) at age 22 and made my life here from scratch. i got an ivy league phd, a husband and 3 kids, multiple jobs, a house or two, a citizenship.

no, you don't become adult buy playing adult. and this is what your teens and college kids are doing - they are doing some pleasant adult stuff (freedom! sex! decisions!) but not paying the cost of it (financial independence). so this is actually a type of regression rather than growth. it certainly is not adulthood.

as a teen, you need parents who can direct you rather than make you lead because they are scared you won't like them. and when you want to be adult, when you are actually ready for it, you get the whole package. all the freedom in the world to do whatever you want to do, but on your own dime. an actual adulthood.

1. This is frightening
2. Your grammar is hideous so bragging about a PhD is embarrassing
3. Plenty of teens graduate with Ivy college degrees and had plenty of sex and relationships.
4. You demeaning other parenting styles while spewing immigrant, no sex, never had to work, forced to study only, Ivy, phd says a lot about you.

it must be hard when someone comes from across the world and leapfrogs you, yet keeps their common sense. yes, i am better than you. and we are both lucky (yes, you too) that our great country keeps bringing in people like me, to keep it great - it's certainly not going to come from you. or your kids.

You actually don't sound that great, sorry for you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are people who don’t allow dating fir their teens even posting here??

OP's kid is already dating. That ship has left the port. She wants to know how she should support her. Why not answer the question instead of coming hear to brag about your excellent teen raising skills.

You realize their teens are just doing everything behind their back. After school clubs are make-out sessions and kids sext and send pics and ft each other. That is the type of relationships the kids get into when parents are that controlling.

As my teen said regarding some other stuff (not dating): "Parents allow it because they think everyone is doing it".

But, they aren't.

Not the person you are replying to, but as a middle school teacher, you are very wrong.

I see kids logging into their social medias on friends phones because they aren’t allowed. Girls changing clothes or taking off their hoodie because they aren’t allowed certain clothes. Old phones being brought in for kids who aren’t allowed to have them. Young kids in relationships even though they aren’t allowed. And way more vaping and drugs than I have ever seen tweens/teens ever do in any decade or generation.

There are only certain ways for kids to fit in and all middle schoolers want to do is fit in. They will go behind their parents back to do it every time. I am not saying it’s right, but you literally can’t believe that there are more kids waking a solo straight line than kids pushing the limits to conform to the norm.

Sorry to break it to you, teacher, but not all kids are trying to fit in.

But they said more are trying to fit in than are not and I agree with that.

The teacher also implied that everyone is doing the forbidden thing and there is no point in trying to have any restrictions whatsoever. The kids will do whatever they need to do to fit in. "Parents, just give up" - teacher

The teacher did not say that. What were you reading? LOL

Parenting changes daily. You pick your battles. The job of a teen is going from child to adult and we are supposed to help guide them. Not snowplow and certainly not to outright forbid. It’s teaching compromise. Sone days they act like toddlers. Some days they need help. Other days they want independence and push their limits. We balance.

I allow my teens to date but I am certainly not going to allow them being alone, hang out in bedrooms, buy lavish gifts or go on more adultish dates. But I am also not naive to realize that kids don’t make the best decisions and I watch relationships closely and have good open dialogue with my kids.

Heartbreak is tough, just like OP said but watching my teens navigate the ups and downs of life and becoming adults is honestly a joy. If I belittled them, decreased their voices or dictating all of their decisions I know they would struggle once alone in college. So it’s a balance we work on and communicate and change as needed.

this was maybe cute the first time, now it's just a very stale cliche. no, "the job of the teen is not become adult". that will happen regardless. it sounds like you are getting some kind of a high from participating in your teen's love life.

Not the PP but a teen is LITERALLY the transition from childhood to adulthood. Your job as a parent is to help guide them into mentally-stable strong-minded functioning adults. As kids hit puberty and enter their teen years, they go through a lot. Their strong desire to have their own friendships, relationships, and a mind of their own. But having the support of a home and family to be there to guide them makes it much easier.

If you are infantilizing your teens and making all of their rules and decisions when do they start transitioning to adulthood? The day you drop them off at college?

I just don’t understand parents who think that would work. Have we not seen this generation lack communication skills, street smarts, autonomy, poor work ethic, and terrible at face to face relationships with friends, teachers, family, and yes even potential relationships. Have we not seen sky high percentages of anxiety and depression in teens?

Guide them, encourage them, let them know when they are going down wrong paths but you can’t mold them yourselves. You can’t force a certain lifestyle on them. I just don’t get it. So unhealthy.

what does that have to do with me? the results you are seeing are kids driving the bus and parents saying "nothing can be done!" "kids will do it anyway!" "if you restrict it, they won't talk to you anymore!".

in contrast, i am raising my own kids the way my parents raised me and my siblings. and you know what that looked like? no, they didn't allow me to date. they told me what to study (in college) and i lived with them while doing it. i did zero chores at home and i never worked a day/earned a dime working. i never baby sat or washed my clothes. i didn't learn how to drive.

and you know what else happened? i immigrated to the USA (my first ever visit to this continent) at age 22 and made my life here from scratch. i got an ivy league phd, a husband and 3 kids, multiple jobs, a house or two, a citizenship.

no, you don't become adult buy playing adult. and this is what your teens and college kids are doing - they are doing some pleasant adult stuff (freedom! sex! decisions!) but not paying the cost of it (financial independence). so this is actually a type of regression rather than growth. it certainly is not adulthood.

as a teen, you need parents who can direct you rather than make you lead because they are scared you won't like them. and when you want to be adult, when you are actually ready for it, you get the whole package. all the freedom in the world to do whatever you want to do, but on your own dime. an actual adulthood.

+1 yes yes yes!!!! me too. Except I did babysit and do some little jobs here and there. But no chores. No dating. Focus on studies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are people who don’t allow dating fir their teens even posting here??

OP's kid is already dating. That ship has left the port. She wants to know how she should support her. Why not answer the question instead of coming hear to brag about your excellent teen raising skills.

You realize their teens are just doing everything behind their back. After school clubs are make-out sessions and kids sext and send pics and ft each other. That is the type of relationships the kids get into when parents are that controlling.

As my teen said regarding some other stuff (not dating): "Parents allow it because they think everyone is doing it".

But, they aren't.

Not the person you are replying to, but as a middle school teacher, you are very wrong.

I see kids logging into their social medias on friends phones because they aren’t allowed. Girls changing clothes or taking off their hoodie because they aren’t allowed certain clothes. Old phones being brought in for kids who aren’t allowed to have them. Young kids in relationships even though they aren’t allowed. And way more vaping and drugs than I have ever seen tweens/teens ever do in any decade or generation.

There are only certain ways for kids to fit in and all middle schoolers want to do is fit in. They will go behind their parents back to do it every time. I am not saying it’s right, but you literally can’t believe that there are more kids waking a solo straight line than kids pushing the limits to conform to the norm.

Sorry to break it to you, teacher, but not all kids are trying to fit in.

But they said more are trying to fit in than are not and I agree with that.

The teacher also implied that everyone is doing the forbidden thing and there is no point in trying to have any restrictions whatsoever. The kids will do whatever they need to do to fit in. "Parents, just give up" - teacher

The teacher did not say that. What were you reading? LOL

Parenting changes daily. You pick your battles. The job of a teen is going from child to adult and we are supposed to help guide them. Not snowplow and certainly not to outright forbid. It’s teaching compromise. Sone days they act like toddlers. Some days they need help. Other days they want independence and push their limits. We balance.

I allow my teens to date but I am certainly not going to allow them being alone, hang out in bedrooms, buy lavish gifts or go on more adultish dates. But I am also not naive to realize that kids don’t make the best decisions and I watch relationships closely and have good open dialogue with my kids.

Heartbreak is tough, just like OP said but watching my teens navigate the ups and downs of life and becoming adults is honestly a joy. If I belittled them, decreased their voices or dictating all of their decisions I know they would struggle once alone in college. So it’s a balance we work on and communicate and change as needed.

this was maybe cute the first time, now it's just a very stale cliche. no, "the job of the teen is not become adult". that will happen regardless. it sounds like you are getting some kind of a high from participating in your teen's love life.

Not the PP but a teen is LITERALLY the transition from childhood to adulthood. Your job as a parent is to help guide them into mentally-stable strong-minded functioning adults. As kids hit puberty and enter their teen years, they go through a lot. Their strong desire to have their own friendships, relationships, and a mind of their own. But having the support of a home and family to be there to guide them makes it much easier.

If you are infantilizing your teens and making all of their rules and decisions when do they start transitioning to adulthood? The day you drop them off at college?

I just don’t understand parents who think that would work. Have we not seen this generation lack communication skills, street smarts, autonomy, poor work ethic, and terrible at face to face relationships with friends, teachers, family, and yes even potential relationships. Have we not seen sky high percentages of anxiety and depression in teens?

Guide them, encourage them, let them know when they are going down wrong paths but you can’t mold them yourselves. You can’t force a certain lifestyle on them. I just don’t get it. So unhealthy.

what does that have to do with me? the results you are seeing are kids driving the bus and parents saying "nothing can be done!" "kids will do it anyway!" "if you restrict it, they won't talk to you anymore!".

in contrast, i am raising my own kids the way my parents raised me and my siblings. and you know what that looked like? no, they didn't allow me to date. they told me what to study (in college) and i lived with them while doing it. i did zero chores at home and i never worked a day/earned a dime working. i never baby sat or washed my clothes. i didn't learn how to drive.

and you know what else happened? i immigrated to the USA (my first ever visit to this continent) at age 22 and made my life here from scratch. i got an ivy league phd, a husband and 3 kids, multiple jobs, a house or two, a citizenship.

no, you don't become adult buy playing adult. and this is what your teens and college kids are doing - they are doing some pleasant adult stuff (freedom! sex! decisions!) but not paying the cost of it (financial independence). so this is actually a type of regression rather than growth. it certainly is not adulthood.

as a teen, you need parents who can direct you rather than make you lead because they are scared you won't like them. and when you want to be adult, when you are actually ready for it, you get the whole package. all the freedom in the world to do whatever you want to do, but on your own dime. an actual adulthood.

+1 yes yes yes!!!! me too. Except I did babysit and do some little jobs here and there. But no chores. No dating. Focus on studies.

What do you have against chores?

[Anonymous]

Why is there some weird immigrant hijacking this thread. No one cares about your non dating teen life. Do you always do this? Push your agenda where it isn’t asked? Answer the OP’s question or move on and bother another thread. Geez

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is so stupid. No 14 year old is trying to figure out what they are looking for in a future partner. 14 is too you to even deal with these types of mature feelings in relationships while in HS. Some marry their HS sweetheart, most will not. There are adults who can’t deal with break ups and still don’t know what they want.

Parents invent these rationalization so they don't have to do their job. "Just let the kid do what they feel like doing - it's good for them".

So are you saying a parents job is to forbid your teens from dating or having any relationships while they live under your roof?

A parent's job is to tell the kid you are 14. This is not their last relationship. Stop crying over spilt milk and move on. You are 14. There is more to learn and discover about yourself and life. Your are a kid.

Phd Ivy League chick:

It’s YOU’RE or YOU ARE

My 14yr old knows that and has a boyfriend. Shocking

Why would you brag about your 14 year old having a boyfriend?! Omg you are gross and so f*cked up!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are people who don’t allow dating fir their teens even posting here??

OP's kid is already dating. That ship has left the port. She wants to know how she should support her. Why not answer the question instead of coming hear to brag about your excellent teen raising skills.

You realize their teens are just doing everything behind their back. After school clubs are make-out sessions and kids sext and send pics and ft each other. That is the type of relationships the kids get into when parents are that controlling.

As my teen said regarding some other stuff (not dating): "Parents allow it because they think everyone is doing it".

But, they aren't.

Not the person you are replying to, but as a middle school teacher, you are very wrong.

I see kids logging into their social medias on friends phones because they aren’t allowed. Girls changing clothes or taking off their hoodie because they aren’t allowed certain clothes. Old phones being brought in for kids who aren’t allowed to have them. Young kids in relationships even though they aren’t allowed. And way more vaping and drugs than I have ever seen tweens/teens ever do in any decade or generation.

There are only certain ways for kids to fit in and all middle schoolers want to do is fit in. They will go behind their parents back to do it every time. I am not saying it’s right, but you literally can’t believe that there are more kids waking a solo straight line than kids pushing the limits to conform to the norm.

Sorry to break it to you, teacher, but not all kids are trying to fit in.

But they said more are trying to fit in than are not and I agree with that.

The teacher also implied that everyone is doing the forbidden thing and there is no point in trying to have any restrictions whatsoever. The kids will do whatever they need to do to fit in. "Parents, just give up" - teacher

The teacher did not say that. What were you reading? LOL

Parenting changes daily. You pick your battles. The job of a teen is going from child to adult and we are supposed to help guide them. Not snowplow and certainly not to outright forbid. It’s teaching compromise. Sone days they act like toddlers. Some days they need help. Other days they want independence and push their limits. We balance.

I allow my teens to date but I am certainly not going to allow them being alone, hang out in bedrooms, buy lavish gifts or go on more adultish dates. But I am also not naive to realize that kids don’t make the best decisions and I watch relationships closely and have good open dialogue with my kids.

Heartbreak is tough, just like OP said but watching my teens navigate the ups and downs of life and becoming adults is honestly a joy. If I belittled them, decreased their voices or dictating all of their decisions I know they would struggle once alone in college. So it’s a balance we work on and communicate and change as needed.

this was maybe cute the first time, now it's just a very stale cliche. no, "the job of the teen is not become adult". that will happen regardless. it sounds like you are getting some kind of a high from participating in your teen's love life.

Not the PP but a teen is LITERALLY the transition from childhood to adulthood. Your job as a parent is to help guide them into mentally-stable strong-minded functioning adults. As kids hit puberty and enter their teen years, they go through a lot. Their strong desire to have their own friendships, relationships, and a mind of their own. But having the support of a home and family to be there to guide them makes it much easier.

If you are infantilizing your teens and making all of their rules and decisions when do they start transitioning to adulthood? The day you drop them off at college?

I just don’t understand parents who think that would work. Have we not seen this generation lack communication skills, street smarts, autonomy, poor work ethic, and terrible at face to face relationships with friends, teachers, family, and yes even potential relationships. Have we not seen sky high percentages of anxiety and depression in teens?

Guide them, encourage them, let them know when they are going down wrong paths but you can’t mold them yourselves. You can’t force a certain lifestyle on them. I just don’t get it. So unhealthy.

what does that have to do with me? the results you are seeing are kids driving the bus and parents saying "nothing can be done!" "kids will do it anyway!" "if you restrict it, they won't talk to you anymore!".

in contrast, i am raising my own kids the way my parents raised me and my siblings. and you know what that looked like? no, they didn't allow me to date. they told me what to study (in college) and i lived with them while doing it. i did zero chores at home and i never worked a day/earned a dime working. i never baby sat or washed my clothes. i didn't learn how to drive.

and you know what else happened? i immigrated to the USA (my first ever visit to this continent) at age 22 and made my life here from scratch. i got an ivy league phd, a husband and 3 kids, multiple jobs, a house or two, a citizenship.

no, you don't become adult buy playing adult. and this is what your teens and college kids are doing - they are doing some pleasant adult stuff (freedom! sex! decisions!) but not paying the cost of it (financial independence). so this is actually a type of regression rather than growth. it certainly is not adulthood.

as a teen, you need parents who can direct you rather than make you lead because they are scared you won't like them. and when you want to be adult, when you are actually ready for it, you get the whole package. all the freedom in the world to do whatever you want to do, but on your own dime. an actual adulthood.

If you didn’t date as a teen, and don’t allow your teens to date, why are you responding to this thread? No offense but OP didn’t ask for opinions n teens dating. They asked for advice on helping their teen navigate their first heartbreak. Start a new thread debating the merits of teenage dating and you can crow about your awesomeness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are people who don’t allow dating fir their teens even posting here??

OP's kid is already dating. That ship has left the port. She wants to know how she should support her. Why not answer the question instead of coming hear to brag about your excellent teen raising skills.

You realize their teens are just doing everything behind their back. After school clubs are make-out sessions and kids sext and send pics and ft each other. That is the type of relationships the kids get into when parents are that controlling.

As my teen said regarding some other stuff (not dating): "Parents allow it because they think everyone is doing it".

But, they aren't.

Not the person you are replying to, but as a middle school teacher, you are very wrong.

I see kids logging into their social medias on friends phones because they aren’t allowed. Girls changing clothes or taking off their hoodie because they aren’t allowed certain clothes. Old phones being brought in for kids who aren’t allowed to have them. Young kids in relationships even though they aren’t allowed. And way more vaping and drugs than I have ever seen tweens/teens ever do in any decade or generation.

There are only certain ways for kids to fit in and all middle schoolers want to do is fit in. They will go behind their parents back to do it every time. I am not saying it’s right, but you literally can’t believe that there are more kids waking a solo straight line than kids pushing the limits to conform to the norm.

Sorry to break it to you, teacher, but not all kids are trying to fit in.

But they said more are trying to fit in than are not and I agree with that.

The teacher also implied that everyone is doing the forbidden thing and there is no point in trying to have any restrictions whatsoever. The kids will do whatever they need to do to fit in. "Parents, just give up" - teacher

The teacher did not say that. What were you reading? LOL

Parenting changes daily. You pick your battles. The job of a teen is going from child to adult and we are supposed to help guide them. Not snowplow and certainly not to outright forbid. It’s teaching compromise. Sone days they act like toddlers. Some days they need help. Other days they want independence and push their limits. We balance.

I allow my teens to date but I am certainly not going to allow them being alone, hang out in bedrooms, buy lavish gifts or go on more adultish dates. But I am also not naive to realize that kids don’t make the best decisions and I watch relationships closely and have good open dialogue with my kids.

Heartbreak is tough, just like OP said but watching my teens navigate the ups and downs of life and becoming adults is honestly a joy. If I belittled them, decreased their voices or dictating all of their decisions I know they would struggle once alone in college. So it’s a balance we work on and communicate and change as needed.

this was maybe cute the first time, now it's just a very stale cliche. no, "the job of the teen is not become adult". that will happen regardless. it sounds like you are getting some kind of a high from participating in your teen's love life.

Not the PP but a teen is LITERALLY the transition from childhood to adulthood. Your job as a parent is to help guide them into mentally-stable strong-minded functioning adults. As kids hit puberty and enter their teen years, they go through a lot. Their strong desire to have their own friendships, relationships, and a mind of their own. But having the support of a home and family to be there to guide them makes it much easier.

If you are infantilizing your teens and making all of their rules and decisions when do they start transitioning to adulthood? The day you drop them off at college?

I just don’t understand parents who think that would work. Have we not seen this generation lack communication skills, street smarts, autonomy, poor work ethic, and terrible at face to face relationships with friends, teachers, family, and yes even potential relationships. Have we not seen sky high percentages of anxiety and depression in teens?

Guide them, encourage them, let them know when they are going down wrong paths but you can’t mold them yourselves. You can’t force a certain lifestyle on them. I just don’t get it. So unhealthy.

what does that have to do with me? the results you are seeing are kids driving the bus and parents saying "nothing can be done!" "kids will do it anyway!" "if you restrict it, they won't talk to you anymore!".

in contrast, i am raising my own kids the way my parents raised me and my siblings. and you know what that looked like? no, they didn't allow me to date. they told me what to study (in college) and i lived with them while doing it. i did zero chores at home and i never worked a day/earned a dime working. i never baby sat or washed my clothes. i didn't learn how to drive.

and you know what else happened? i immigrated to the USA (my first ever visit to this continent) at age 22 and made my life here from scratch. i got an ivy league phd, a husband and 3 kids, multiple jobs, a house or two, a citizenship.

no, you don't become adult buy playing adult. and this is what your teens and college kids are doing - they are doing some pleasant adult stuff (freedom! sex! decisions!) but not paying the cost of it (financial independence). so this is actually a type of regression rather than growth. it certainly is not adulthood.

as a teen, you need parents who can direct you rather than make you lead because they are scared you won't like them. and when you want to be adult, when you are actually ready for it, you get the whole package. all the freedom in the world to do whatever you want to do, but on your own dime. an actual adulthood.

If you didn’t date as a teen, and don’t allow your teens to date, why are you responding to this thread? No offense but OP didn’t ask for opinions n teens dating. They asked for advice on helping their teen navigate their first heartbreak. Start a new thread debating the merits of teenage dating and you can crow about your awesomeness.

I think you have to just ignore them. The etiquette of not commenting if you have nothing to add seems to be lost on them.

[Anonymous]

OP I hope your child is doing okay today. Hugs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is there some weird immigrant hijacking this thread. No one cares about your non dating teen life. Do you always do this? Push your agenda where it isn’t asked? Answer the OP’s question or move on and bother another thread. Geez

Wow - “weird immigrant”? That’s offensive. You can’t handle opinions different from yours so you resort to name calling?