First heartbreak

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is there some weird immigrant hijacking this thread. No one cares about your non dating teen life. Do you always do this? Push your agenda where it isn’t asked? Answer the OP’s question or move on and bother another thread. Geez

Wow - “weird immigrant”? That’s offensive. You can’t handle opinions different from yours so you resort to name calling?

Don't choose to get offended. The main word is weird. Immigrant is something they self identified with.
- also an immigrant

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Why are people who don’t allow dating fir their teens even posting here??

OP's kid is already dating. That ship has left the port. She wants to know how she should support her. Why not answer the question instead of coming hear to brag about your excellent teen raising skills.

You realize their teens are just doing everything behind their back. After school clubs are make-out sessions and kids sext and send pics and ft each other. That is the type of relationships the kids get into when parents are that controlling.

As my teen said regarding some other stuff (not dating): "Parents allow it because they think everyone is doing it".

But, they aren't.

Not the person you are replying to, but as a middle school teacher, you are very wrong.

I see kids logging into their social medias on friends phones because they aren’t allowed. Girls changing clothes or taking off their hoodie because they aren’t allowed certain clothes. Old phones being brought in for kids who aren’t allowed to have them. Young kids in relationships even though they aren’t allowed. And way more vaping and drugs than I have ever seen tweens/teens ever do in any decade or generation.

There are only certain ways for kids to fit in and all middle schoolers want to do is fit in. They will go behind their parents back to do it every time. I am not saying it’s right, but you literally can’t believe that there are more kids waking a solo straight line than kids pushing the limits to conform to the norm.

Sorry to break it to you, teacher, but not all kids are trying to fit in.

But they said more are trying to fit in than are not and I agree with that.

The teacher also implied that everyone is doing the forbidden thing and there is no point in trying to have any restrictions whatsoever. The kids will do whatever they need to do to fit in. "Parents, just give up" - teacher

The teacher did not say that. What were you reading? LOL

Parenting changes daily. You pick your battles. The job of a teen is going from child to adult and we are supposed to help guide them. Not snowplow and certainly not to outright forbid. It’s teaching compromise. Sone days they act like toddlers. Some days they need help. Other days they want independence and push their limits. We balance.

I allow my teens to date but I am certainly not going to allow them being alone, hang out in bedrooms, buy lavish gifts or go on more adultish dates. But I am also not naive to realize that kids don’t make the best decisions and I watch relationships closely and have good open dialogue with my kids.

Heartbreak is tough, just like OP said but watching my teens navigate the ups and downs of life and becoming adults is honestly a joy. If I belittled them, decreased their voices or dictating all of their decisions I know they would struggle once alone in college. So it’s a balance we work on and communicate and change as needed.

this was maybe cute the first time, now it's just a very stale cliche. no, "the job of the teen is not become adult". that will happen regardless. it sounds like you are getting some kind of a high from participating in your teen's love life.

Not the PP but a teen is LITERALLY the transition from childhood to adulthood. Your job as a parent is to help guide them into mentally-stable strong-minded functioning adults. As kids hit puberty and enter their teen years, they go through a lot. Their strong desire to have their own friendships, relationships, and a mind of their own. But having the support of a home and family to be there to guide them makes it much easier.

If you are infantilizing your teens and making all of their rules and decisions when do they start transitioning to adulthood? The day you drop them off at college?

I just don’t understand parents who think that would work. Have we not seen this generation lack communication skills, street smarts, autonomy, poor work ethic, and terrible at face to face relationships with friends, teachers, family, and yes even potential relationships. Have we not seen sky high percentages of anxiety and depression in teens?

Guide them, encourage them, let them know when they are going down wrong paths but you can’t mold them yourselves. You can’t force a certain lifestyle on them. I just don’t get it. So unhealthy.

what does that have to do with me? the results you are seeing are kids driving the bus and parents saying "nothing can be done!" "kids will do it anyway!" "if you restrict it, they won't talk to you anymore!".

in contrast, i am raising my own kids the way my parents raised me and my siblings. and you know what that looked like? no, they didn't allow me to date. they told me what to study (in college) and i lived with them while doing it. i did zero chores at home and i never worked a day/earned a dime working. i never baby sat or washed my clothes. i didn't learn how to drive.

and you know what else happened? i immigrated to the USA (my first ever visit to this continent) at age 22 and made my life here from scratch. i got an ivy league phd, a husband and 3 kids, multiple jobs, a house or two, a citizenship.

no, you don't become adult buy playing adult. and this is what your teens and college kids are doing - they are doing some pleasant adult stuff (freedom! sex! decisions!) but not paying the cost of it (financial independence). so this is actually a type of regression rather than growth. it certainly is not adulthood.

as a teen, you need parents who can direct you rather than make you lead because they are scared you won't like them. and when you want to be adult, when you are actually ready for it, you get the whole package. all the freedom in the world to do whatever you want to do, but on your own dime. an actual adulthood.

If you didn’t date as a teen, and don’t allow your teens to date, why are you responding to this thread? No offense but OP didn’t ask for opinions n teens dating. They asked for advice on helping their teen navigate their first heartbreak. Start a new thread debating the merits of teenage dating and you can crow about your awesomeness.

I think you have to just ignore them. The etiquette of not commenting if you have nothing to add seems to be lost on them.

please. if what i added was in line with your parenting, to wit "my 14 yo must have sex, otherwise she won't be ready for college", you wouldn't be bothered by my excursions. a bunch of people lectured me on how putting restrictions on teen's behavior is devastating for teens' growth to adulthood, but that was fine, because it was what you wanted to hear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is there some weird immigrant hijacking this thread. No one cares about your non dating teen life. Do you always do this? Push your agenda where it isn’t asked? Answer the OP’s question or move on and bother another thread. Geez

Wow - “weird immigrant”? That’s offensive. You can’t handle opinions different from yours so you resort to name calling?

Name calling? Not the pp but the person keeps saying immigrant so that isn’t name calling. And if you read any of their self righteous posts that have nothing to do with this thread, weird is about as nice as you can get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I hope your child is doing okay today. Hugs

+1

Once they move on they will feel stronger. It’s like a rollercoaster ride. love is like that and even though it can be scary and sad sometimes, it also makes you happy, smiling, and laughing. All worth having again. Make sure they don’t change!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is there some weird immigrant hijacking this thread. No one cares about your non dating teen life. Do you always do this? Push your agenda where it isn’t asked? Answer the OP’s question or move on and bother another thread. Geez

Wow - “weird immigrant”? That’s offensive. You can’t handle opinions different from yours so you resort to name calling?

Name calling? Not the pp but the person keeps saying immigrant so that isn’t name calling. And if you read any of their self righteous posts that have nothing to do with this thread, weird is about as nice as you can get.

There’s nothing weird about her post. She’s well educated and highly successful and has good kids. All without resorting to ditzy behavior such as dating in high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is there some weird immigrant hijacking this thread. No one cares about your non dating teen life. Do you always do this? Push your agenda where it isn’t asked? Answer the OP’s question or move on and bother another thread. Geez

Wow - “weird immigrant”? That’s offensive. You can’t handle opinions different from yours so you resort to name calling?

Name calling? Not the pp but the person keeps saying immigrant so that isn’t name calling. And if you read any of their self righteous posts that have nothing to do with this thread, weird is about as nice as you can get.

There’s nothing weird about her post. She’s well educated and highly successful and has good kids. All without resorting to ditzy behavior such as dating in high school.

All of her posts have massive grammar mistakes and are not well written. They also are not relevant to this post at all. So let's stop on the she is well educated, highly successful and has good kids. She could be a 65yr old single loony and lonely (and seriously angry) alcoholic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is there some weird immigrant hijacking this thread. No one cares about your non dating teen life. Do you always do this? Push your agenda where it isn’t asked? Answer the OP’s question or move on and bother another thread. Geez

Wow - “weird immigrant”? That’s offensive. You can’t handle opinions different from yours so you resort to name calling?

Name calling? Not the pp but the person keeps saying immigrant so that isn’t name calling. And if you read any of their self righteous posts that have nothing to do with this thread, weird is about as nice as you can get.

There’s nothing weird about her post. She’s well educated and highly successful and has good kids. All without resorting to ditzy behavior such as dating in high school.

All of her posts have massive grammar mistakes and are not well written. They also are not relevant to this post at all. So let's stop on the she is well educated, highly successful and has good kids. She could be a 65yr old single loony and lonely (and seriously angry) alcoholic.

As could you.

[Anonymous]

I had boyfriends from freshman year of high school on. I never gave them blow jobs, hand jobs, or had PIV sex with them. In fact, I didn't have sex or give blowjobs until the end of college. Some of you people have strange ideas about what normal adolescent development. It's totally normal to be drawn to other people sexually once you've hit puberty. That's just basic biology.

As for helping OP's child, I'd recommend lots of hugs and letting them know it's perfectly normal and acceptable for them to cry and mope for a bit. If you see that it's going to far, you need to intervene. But don't encourage them to stuff down their emotions. And do validate that it hurts like hell.

[Anonymous]

Going thru heartbreak in high school happens to everyone whether they are dating or not. Crushes etc…

The more you go thru the stronger you get. The firmer your boundaries will be and the less “play” you will tolerate from the opposite sex.

Hope your child is doing well OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any advice on how to support my teen through their first broken heart?

Windshield is bigger than the rear view mirror for a reason.

Appreciate the time, learn the lessons and keep pushing forward.

Easier said than done but they can do it!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any advice on how to support my teen through their first broken heart?

Windshield is bigger than the rear view mirror for a reason.

Appreciate the time, learn the lessons and keep pushing forward.

Easier said than done but they can do it!!

+1

It always feels like you can’t survive without them at first, especially young love. But the quicker you accept it the closer you are to your own personal happiness

[Anonymous]

OP any update?

[Anonymous]

DD and her boyfriend have been dating since 7th grade, both in 9th now. It's really sweet, he's extremely nice and very genuine, brings out the best in DD, makes her happy. I'll be sad when it's over but for now, I'll just let it play out. When it does happen I know it'll be rough cause of how long she's been with him, but still. The hopeless romantic teen love is adorable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD and her boyfriend have been dating since 7th grade, both in 9th now. It's really sweet, he's extremely nice and very genuine, brings out the best in DD, makes her happy. I'll be sad when it's over but for now, I'll just let it play out. When it does happen I know it'll be rough cause of how long she's been with him, but still. The hopeless romantic teen love is adorable.

Barf. Do they use protection?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD and her boyfriend have been dating since 7th grade, both in 9th now. It's really sweet, he's extremely nice and very genuine, brings out the best in DD, makes her happy. I'll be sad when it's over but for now, I'll just let it play out. When it does happen I know it'll be rough cause of how long she's been with him, but still. The hopeless romantic teen love is adorable.

Barf. Do they use protection?

Why are some moms so caddy and immature. How much anger and low self esteem is in your life to react this way? It’s crazy to think these type of people are raising teens. Hope it’s a troll