Sister in law bridal shower

[Anonymous]

Is there any possibility, OP, that this young woman is either very shy around you, or a little socially awkward, and where you perceive rudeness, it's not intentional, but poor social skills?

I'm in my 40s, and now I can talk to anyone, but in my teens and 20s, I had really bad social anxiety. It was very hard talking to certain people, especially if they were outgoing and loud.

I just want to make sure you're not burning a bridge when it's not warranted.

[Anonymous]

Agree with PPs that say the invite isn't supposed to come from the bride. That's not a reason to be offended. If you don't want to go, don't, but not because of who invited you.

Since you are hoping for a ring, probably best to go, unless finals are literally the next day.

[Anonymous]

Op, something is very "off" that you are pretending you are married (Sister-Inlaw)

[Anonymous]

If you go it will show your boyfriend you support him and his family, even if you don't get along with that rude woman. Your relationship with him is far more important, so making a concession here to keep the peace will mean a lot.

His mother invited you, so declining may offend or hurt her. As the matriarch of their family, keeping her happy and maintaining a good relationship with her is important for your own wellbeing and your boyfriend's.

Not going when his whole family will be there may create tension and drama that carries over to your boyfriend. Even if that woman is awful to you, don't let her drive a wedge between you two or cause problems for him with his family. Take the high road.

Your presence there, despite the rude treatment, shows how classy and gracious you are. She may never change, but others will notice your kindness and patience in the face of her bad attitude. In the long run, that makes her look petty while raising you in their esteem.

Once the wedding happens, you'll be seeing a lot more of her. Making an effort now, even if just briefly popping into the shower, helps establish that you're willing to be civil and build bridges from your side. That way you can say you tried, and the ball is in her court.

[Anonymous]

While the company may be undesirable, the chance to get an up close look at her engagement ring and gain valuable intel is reason enough to make a brief appearance. Think of it as doing some recon for your own future by seeing your "competition's" ring. The sacrifice will be well worth the reward of your boyfriend proposing with your perfect ring someday thanks to the hints you'll be dropping!

[Anonymous]

I would get there at the starting time and leave at exactly an hour after dropping a gift. Say good bye to bride to be/host and explain you have finals.

I wouldn’t be too put out if people are rude. Just be pleasant and get out of there after an hour.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should go out of goodwill to your future mother-in-law (assuming you are going to marry your boyfriend, it's not clear). And in case it isn't obvious (because it sounds like you don't know), the bride to be wouldn't be the one inviting you. She's the guest of honor. The MIL (your boyfriend's mother) is the host. She invited you because she considers you part of the family. You should go. It will go a long way in maintaining a great relationship with your child's grandmother.

(I say all this because you sound really, really young, and maybe you don't know how these things work).

Totally disagree. No need to make things political here. She's in school and has a child and the guest of honor is mean to her. I don't think OP should go.

NP. Disagree. I do think there is SOME responsibility to go and keep peace. Additionally, OP's "mean" treatment . . . seems one-sided, vague, and subjective. Certainly not "mean." Not going would just be setting up yourself for constant drama with this person who is going to be in your life, like it or not.

And also, the first PP is right. The SIL shouldn't be the one inviting you so no reason to get your nose out of joint about that.

[Anonymous]

I see the point of the people saying OP should go out of goodwill for the family. However, I disagree. I think OP would be potentially subjecting herself to more rudeness and who has time for that? The bride to be will likely not want OP there and be relieved if she doesn’t go. I say skip it, even if you have to do so at the last minute because you or your child is unwell. Or skip it in advance and say you have a term paper due the following day or whatever. I think it’s OK to bow out under the circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you jealous that you’re not married to the father of your child?

This has nothing to do with jealousy. I feel no jealousy towards her. - I don’t even dislike her I dislike the way she treats me. I am my own person. We are practically engaged and the only reason we even put off engagement/marriage was because we wanted to be somewhat financially stable. I don’t understand why people think it’s me or keep coming at me like I’m the issue. I’m genuinely letting people know I’ve tried very hard with her to be kind and I feel like I’m just getting attacked on this post.

You want to be financially stable for marriage so held off but you have a child together? I'm going to go out on a limb and say you probably live together too.

Your reason for not being married is your business - but the lame excuses are just that...excuses. You don't owe anyone an explanation. You can say no - but like your original post - somehow that doesn't sit right with you so you came here - and are mad that ppl actually have an opinion that doesn't fit your narrative.

The first thing you need to do is drop the chip on your shoulder. No one forced you to buy gifts or be kind to someone you say treats you badly. Maybe you need to grow up and address why that is - why you do things for others that treat you badly rather than trying to go off on everyone in this post - because truly we do not care if you go or not but don't ask for advice and get mad at everyone for giving it.

[Anonymous]

An invitation is not a summons. You can decline to attend—but do send a gift and a card with a nice, personal sentiment. You can also attend for a short time. Alternatively, say that you aren’t free the day of the shower but offer to do a luncheon out on a different date.

Even if you do marry into this family, it sounds like you probably won’t be besties with this other woman. That’s ok, as long as you keep things light, pleasant, and polite.

[Anonymous]

I would show up to say hello, eat and then leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with PPs that say the invite isn't supposed to come from the bride. That's not a reason to be offended. If you don't want to go, don't, but not because of who invited you.

Since you are hoping for a ring, probably best to go, unless finals are literally the next day.

Finals are the same day and people are misreading my post or maybe I didn’t give enough info. My MIL didn’t plan the shower, she didn’t even want to tell me when it was but my MIL slipped up and told me so then I got an invite. I understand how bridal showers work im saying im never invited to anything unless my MIL invites me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with PPs that say the invite isn't supposed to come from the bride. That's not a reason to be offended. If you don't want to go, don't, but not because of who invited you.

Since you are hoping for a ring, probably best to go, unless finals are literally the next day.

Finals are the same day and people are misreading my post or maybe I didn’t give enough info. My MIL didn’t plan the shower, she didn’t even want to tell me when it was but my MIL slipped up and told me so then I got an invite. I understand how bridal showers work im saying im never invited to anything unless my MIL invites me also my finals are the same day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with PPs that say the invite isn't supposed to come from the bride. That's not a reason to be offended. If you don't want to go, don't, but not because of who invited you.

Since you are hoping for a ring, probably best to go, unless finals are literally the next day.

Finals are the same day and people are misreading my post or maybe I didn’t give enough info. My MIL didn’t plan the shower, she didn’t even want to tell me when it was but my MIL slipped up and told me so then I got an invite. I understand how bridal showers work im saying im never invited to anything unless my MIL invites me

It sounds like you are holding way too many grudges and just want to come up with excuses why you can’t go. If you have finals that day won’t you be finished studying? Most people seem to think you should go at least to make an appearance. You have jumped on several people for suggesting you go and not sharing in your excuses. Do whatever you want but don’t expect people to agree with you. And don’t blame it on finals, just say I don’t want to go and reap the consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you jealous that you’re not married to the father of your child?

This has nothing to do with jealousy. I feel no jealousy towards her. - I don’t even dislike her I dislike the way she treats me. I am my own person. We are practically engaged and the only reason we even put off engagement/marriage was because we wanted to be somewhat financially stable. I don’t understand why people think it’s me or keep coming at me like I’m the issue. I’m genuinely letting people know I’ve tried very hard with her to be kind and I feel like I’m just getting attacked on this post.

You want to be financially stable for marriage so held off but you have a child together? I'm going to go out on a limb and say you probably live together too.

Your reason for not being married is your business - but the lame excuses are just that...excuses. You don't owe anyone an explanation. You can say no - but like your original post - somehow that doesn't sit right with you so you came here - and are mad that ppl actually have an opinion that doesn't fit your narrative.

The first thing you need to do is drop the chip on your shoulder. No one forced you to buy gifts or be kind to someone you say treats you badly. Maybe you need to grow up and address why that is - why you do things for others that treat you badly rather than trying to go off on everyone in this post - because truly we do not care if you go or not but don't ask for advice and get mad at everyone for giving it.

I think people are misunderstanding it’s not about me buying gifts for her or anything like that. She has been extremely rude to me for no reason and I have finals the same day. I would have to ditch some of my finals to go and my point is I would usually go whether she liked me or not, but I also have important things that day. Yes we live together and have a child. My SO was finishing his school that’s what I mean by financial stability we wanted to make sure he got into his new job first so everything wouldn’t be stressful, I’m not going off on people on this post. I’m defending myself when people call me jealous when it has nothing to do with that and I’m defending myself when people are flat out calling me a bad person which anyone would do.