Sister in law bridal shower

[Anonymous]

So my boyfriends brothers fiancé is having a bridal shower which I got invited too not by her but by my boyfriends mom. She never talks to me unless she has too and she has been rude to me a couple of times. I’ve tried to be nice to her and she still gives dirty looks & has her friends stalk my insta page but can’t even talk to me. Even when I had my baby shower and invited her I would try to talk to her and she acted like I didn’t even exist literally. I really don’t feel like going I have a child to take care of and college work to do that day and going to something like that when the person has treated me so poorly seems exhausting. I’ll go to the wedding but this just seems like something I’d rather not attend. But why do I feel bad about it? I feel like I’m doing something wrong or like I’m guilty for not going… I just don’t feel like it would truly make a difference if I was there or not and I have more important things to do

[Anonymous]

She's not your sister in law, don't feel obligated.

[Anonymous]

You feel that way because of who invited you. The baby’s grandma. And that’s cute and all but you don’t like the fiancé and you are busy so decline.

[Anonymous]

Don’t attend, but don’t feed into the drama either.

[Anonymous]

You should go out of goodwill to your future mother-in-law (assuming you are going to marry your boyfriend, it's not clear). And in case it isn't obvious (because it sounds like you don't know), the bride to be wouldn't be the one inviting you. She's the guest of honor. The MIL (your boyfriend's mother) is the host. She invited you because she considers you part of the family. You should go. It will go a long way in maintaining a great relationship with your child's grandmother.

(I say all this because you sound really, really young, and maybe you don't know how these things work).

[Anonymous]

I didn't go to my future SIL's bachelorette party when I got invited and didn't feel bad about it at all. Our relationship was not in a great place, and I genuinely thought she'd have more fun without me there. It is ten years later and I still think she had a better time without me being there than she would have had I been there. I feel zero guilt.

Send a gift and your regrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should go out of goodwill to your future mother-in-law (assuming you are going to marry your boyfriend, it's not clear). And in case it isn't obvious (because it sounds like you don't know), the bride to be wouldn't be the one inviting you. She's the guest of honor. The MIL (your boyfriend's mother) is the host. She invited you because she considers you part of the family. You should go. It will go a long way in maintaining a great relationship with your child's grandmother.

(I say all this because you sound really, really young, and maybe you don't know how these things work).

Totally disagree. No need to make things political here. She's in school and has a child and the guest of honor is mean to her. I don't think OP should go.

[Anonymous]

I’m not young and only ever get invited by mother in law, she doesn’t even come to my daughters birthday parties we invite her too. I feel like just because I don’t go shouldn’t change the relationship between my mother in law and I especially when I wasn’t the one to constantly treat her bad even when she treated me horrible.

[Anonymous]

She’s not your sister-in-law.

[Anonymous]

If you imagine a future with these people - ie you will be with boyfriend for the long term - I would go. This is his family. Go for his mom or brother, if that makes it more palatable. Maybe it will soften SIL in the future & make your life easier. Maybe not. But a good rule of thumb is that if you imagine being related to this person for the next say, 50 yrs, & this is a one in a lifetime thing (not an annual bday party or whatever), go.

If you stay with your bf & she stays with his brother, you will all be family for a long, long time. Don’t let them think about how you skipped the shower bc you had homework that day.

[Anonymous]

You're absolutely right, not attending this bridal shower would be a selfish and foolish choice. This is your boyfriend's brother's fiancée - that makes her family, and family should always come first. Skipping out on a family event like this just to avoid some mild discomfort is childish and will reflect very poorly on you. How do you think your boyfriend will feel if you don't go? Do you want him to be put in the awkward position of defending you to his family and causing stress? A good girlfriend supports her partner's family, she doesn't make life more difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're absolutely right, not attending this bridal shower would be a selfish and foolish choice. This is your boyfriend's brother's fiancée - that makes her family, and family should always come first. Skipping out on a family event like this just to avoid some mild discomfort is childish and will reflect very poorly on you. How do you think your boyfriend will feel if you don't go? Do you want him to be put in the awkward position of defending you to his family and causing stress? A good girlfriend supports her partner's family, she doesn't make life more difficult.

Excuse me? I haven’t made life difficult I go to everything no matter what. Even if her whole family was rude to me for no reason. She never comes to anything I do for my boyfriend or for our daughter. I have finals that week to me it’s so well with my finals or go where I’m not even appreciated. I like how she is allowed to treat me however but the minute I’m like maybe I don’t want to give all my energy like always I’m the issue. If anyone is causing issues no one cares if she doesn’t show up or is kind to me. So coming at me like I’m a bad girlfriend is crap honestly I’ve gone out of my way. I text her always on birthdays and other days, sent her flowers when a hard time, I give gifts to her even when she doesn’t to me. I’m exhausted being nice and putting everyone first

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not young and only ever get invited by mother in law, she doesn’t even come to my daughters birthday parties we invite her too. I feel like just because I don’t go shouldn’t change the relationship between my mother in law and I especially when I wasn’t the one to constantly treat her bad even when she treated me horrible.

I wouldn’t go. This isn’t your mother in law. It’s boyfriend’s mom.

I feel like there’s more to the story because you have a kid and aren’t married but seem to get involved with his family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're absolutely right, not attending this bridal shower would be a selfish and foolish choice. This is your boyfriend's brother's fiancée - that makes her family, and family should always come first. Skipping out on a family event like this just to avoid some mild discomfort is childish and will reflect very poorly on you. How do you think your boyfriend will feel if you don't go? Do you want him to be put in the awkward position of defending you to his family and causing stress? A good girlfriend supports her partner's family, she doesn't make life more difficult.

Excuse me? I haven’t made life difficult I go to everything no matter what. Even if her whole family was rude to me for no reason. She never comes to anything I do for my boyfriend or for our daughter. I have finals that week to me it’s so well with my finals or go where I’m not even appreciated. I like how she is allowed to treat me however but the minute I’m like maybe I don’t want to give all my energy like always I’m the issue. If anyone is causing issues no one cares if she doesn’t show up or is kind to me. So coming at me like I’m a bad girlfriend is crap honestly I’ve gone out of my way. I text her always on birthdays and other days, sent her flowers when a hard time, I give gifts to her even when she doesn’t to me. I’m exhausted being nice and putting everyone first

Then you don’t deserve him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not young and only ever get invited by mother in law, she doesn’t even come to my daughters birthday parties we invite her too. I feel like just because I don’t go shouldn’t change the relationship between my mother in law and I especially when I wasn’t the one to constantly treat her bad even when she treated me horrible.

I wouldn’t go. This isn’t your mother in law. It’s boyfriend’s mom.

I feel like there’s more to the story because you have a kid and aren’t married but seem to get involved with his family.

Uhhh him and I have a child together it’s our child; there isn’t more to the story? She calls herself my mother-in-law and I’m viewed as family. We are getting engaged soon we made a ring together. I’m involved with his family because we are together uhhh what??? Lol. Her and I have been around for the same amount of time and even my boyfriend doesn’t always like the way she treats me.