college children and money

[Anonymous]

Your money, not the kids. Each gets what they need, not what they want

[Anonymous]

Sure, give it to him. Nobody's ever regretted giving their child a huge amount of money at the age of 22. What could possibly go wrong?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We paid for child #1 to go to grad school. Child #2 received a full scholarship and went to that school over one they preferred (both similar academically). We gave the money we saved to #2. Child #2 did not ask us to do this and we would have been unhappy if they had, but doing this as our choice, seemed fair to us given the sacrifice made by #2 to save us money.

+1

That is your choice, and many parents do that. But if your kid demands it from you, they are entitled brats

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think #2 is being a selfish, self-centered, naive, oblivious little baby. Yes he worked hard, great, but there are a LOT of factors in addition. He didn't earn his natural endowment of talent, it's happenstance that he didn't get an injury or illness that sidelined him, it's happenstance that he had a good team to play on and good coaches. It's happenstance that he had a good day in his sport the day the scout was visiting, or whatever-- athletic scholarships can be pretty arbitrary across similarly situated kids. Your son had a lot of good luck and support from others and you need to open his eyes to that. And YES, definitely claw back all of the money you invested in his sport, with the value of money over time.

No way would I give a young adult $350K for any reason at all. And especially someone who's showing such a lack of maturity. If he's fool enough to throw away a sibling relationship over this, the best gift you could give him is a big fat reality check.

OP here and it is somewhat complicated.  We spent around 20k per year for DS #1 piano and violin activities such as lessons, competitions and cost of travel.  We spent about 25k per year for DS #2 with his sports activities.  DS #1 also has an 80K Steinway piano and 20K violin.  You can say that DS #1 had it better than DS #2.  As a dad, I am comfortable in giving DS #2 his share of the money 350K, probably more by the time he graduates from investment, because he receives the athletic scholarship for his hard work.  Unfortunately, DW doesn't think the same way and it is causing a rift between mother and son.  DS #1 does not have any issues with DS #2 getting that money.  Our family is very transparent about finances.

Btw, I do understand that getting an academic scholarship, even without room and board, is extremely hard; however, getting an athletic scholarship with free tuition, room/board, and stipend, is even harder, right?  There are not many of them available.

I will not give the money to DC #2, but I will use the money for him on something else (down payment for first home, buying him his first car, for his kids’ college, etc.). The money is yours. You can use it in anyway you want. If you would like to balance financial contributions to your kids, there are ways to do it.

[Anonymous]

What if DS1 works super hard in college, gets amazing grades, and goes to medical school, while DS2 parties it up and can't get in anywhere? Are you going to even that up too somehow? Then are you going to judge their job performance as adults? Which is the more motivated father to his own children? Then which is more motivated to care for you in your old age? Come on. Really it's best not to go down that road. I see where your DS gets his money-mindedness and poor judgment.

FYI, the difficulty of earning an athletic scholarship varies WIDELY depending on what sport it is and what kind of college is giving it. If you're going to dig in your heels on this and cause problems within your family, at least do some research and don't go based on your general sense of things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

FYI, the difficulty of earning an athletic scholarship varies WIDELY depending on what sport it is and what kind of college is giving it. If you're going to dig in your heels on this and cause problems within your family, at least do some research and don't go based on your general sense of things.

I am assuming that OP spent 25K per year on sport, it must be either tennis or golf. It is extremely hard to get a full athletic scholarship on those sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

FYI, the difficulty of earning an athletic scholarship varies WIDELY depending on what sport it is and what kind of college is giving it. If you're going to dig in your heels on this and cause problems within your family, at least do some research and don't go based on your general sense of things.

I am assuming that OP spent 25K per year on sport, it must be either tennis or golf. It is extremely hard to get a full athletic scholarship on those sports.

You can blow through that much on any number of sports, if you're traveling a lot to actual competitions. Gymnastics and diving for example. Hockey is expensive. Equestrian, God help you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS #1 attends USC at 90K/yr (full pay) and DS #2 attends UCLA on an athletic scholarship as a recruited athlete. Each son has 350K in education fund for undergrad and 200K for grad school. DS #2 feels that because he works hard to get the athletic scholarship, he is entitled to the 350K after graduation, and he wants me to aggressively invest his 350K so that he will have a lot of more than 350K upon graduation. DW wants to split that 350K between two boys and DS #2 is not happy with that and it is causing turmoil between DS #2 and DW. They haven't talked to each other in almost three months. I happen to agree with DS #2 because they both should be treated the same way. Not sure how I am going to resolve this. Thoughts?

To be fair, USC kid could've picked a lower ranking free merit ride somewhere and pocketed his money as well. However, only reason he isn't getting free need based aid at USC is because of money family has so can't hold it against him. I say divide equally.

[Anonymous]

Its not their money. Its your money and you should distribute it as you see fit. If he is upset, it's privileged entitlement of a spoiled brat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS #1 attends USC at 90K/yr (full pay) and DS #2 attends UCLA on an athletic scholarship as a recruited athlete. Each son has 350K in education fund for undergrad and 200K for grad school. DS #2 feels that because he works hard to get the athletic scholarship, he is entitled to the 350K after graduation, and he wants me to aggressively invest his 350K so that he will have a lot of more than 350K upon graduation. DW wants to split that 350K between two boys and DS #2 is not happy with that and it is causing turmoil between DS #2 and DW. They haven't talked to each other in almost three months. I happen to agree with DS #2 because they both should be treated the same way. Not sure how I am going to resolve this. Thoughts?

To be fair, USC kid could've picked a lower ranking free merit ride somewhere and pocketed his money as well. However, only reason he isn't getting free need based aid at USC is because of money family has so can't hold it against him. I say divide equally.

This. And it's not your DS1's fault that music scholarships are pretty rare and skimpy. You need to stop looking at the scholarship as the direct result of hard work. There are too many extrinsic factors and disparities.

And btw it's your DS2 and his entitled attitude that's causing turmoil. Not your wife's reasonable decision about what is ultimately THE PARENTS' MONEY AND NOT THE CHILDREN'S MONEY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

FYI, the difficulty of earning an athletic scholarship varies WIDELY depending on what sport it is and what kind of college is giving it. If you're going to dig in your heels on this and cause problems within your family, at least do some research and don't go based on your general sense of things.

I am assuming that OP spent 25K per year on sport, it must be either tennis or golf. It is extremely hard to get a full athletic scholarship on those sports.

You can blow through that much on any number of sports, if you're traveling a lot to actual competitions. Gymnastics and diving for example. Hockey is expensive. Equestrian, God help you.

Dance can easily be $15-20K, go to a few national tournaments in the summer and you will get to $25K easily.

Figure skating---where the costumes have to be specially sewn so nothing falls off on the ice---a single costume can run you over $1k once it's fitted and sequins sewn on not to mention the skates themselves.

Plenty of sports are expensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This. And it's not your DS1's fault that music scholarships are pretty rare and skimpy. You need to stop looking at the scholarship as the direct result of hard work. There are too many extrinsic factors and disparities.

And btw it's your DS2 and his entitled attitude that's causing turmoil. Not your wife's reasonable decision about what is ultimately THE PARENTS' MONEY AND NOT THE CHILDREN'S MONEY.

DS #1 has every right to choose music but he needs to realize that the scholarship for music is very rare while DS #2 chose a sport and it paid off handsomely with a full athletic scholarship. Should I pay someone with a degree in humanity the same salary as someone with a degree in Biomedical Engineering just because they both work equally hard?

[Anonymous]

Any money leftover in my kid’s college fund is mine. I purposefully didn’t put all the college money in a 529. I plan to drain the 529 first, and then touch the other money if needed.

Unless you made a specific promise to your kids, tell child number two to pound sand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This. And it's not your DS1's fault that music scholarships are pretty rare and skimpy. You need to stop looking at the scholarship as the direct result of hard work. There are too many extrinsic factors and disparities.

And btw it's your DS2 and his entitled attitude that's causing turmoil. Not your wife's reasonable decision about what is ultimately THE PARENTS' MONEY AND NOT THE CHILDREN'S MONEY.

DS #1 has every right to choose music but he needs to realize that the scholarship for music is very rare while DS #2 chose a sport and it paid off handsomely with a full athletic scholarship. Should I pay someone with a degree in humanity the same salary as someone with a degree in Biomedical Engineering just because they both work equally hard?

Maybe. I would. It depends on your values as a parent and a person in society.

If you didn't make this clear to DS1 in advance, that isn't very fair or very good parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This. And it's not your DS1's fault that music scholarships are pretty rare and skimpy. You need to stop looking at the scholarship as the direct result of hard work. There are too many extrinsic factors and disparities.

And btw it's your DS2 and his entitled attitude that's causing turmoil. Not your wife's reasonable decision about what is ultimately THE PARENTS' MONEY AND NOT THE CHILDREN'S MONEY.

DS #1 has every right to choose music but he needs to realize that the scholarship for music is very rare while DS #2 chose a sport and it paid off handsomely with a full athletic scholarship. Should I pay someone with a degree in humanity the same salary as someone with a degree in Biomedical Engineering just because they both work equally hard?

Maybe. I would. It depends on your values as a parent and a person in society.
Does society, in general, pay a humanities degree graduate and a biomedical engineering degree graduate the same salary even though they are both equally working hard? The answer is a NO.

DS #1 is allowed to choose music as his EC but he must understand that the probability of getting a music scholarship is slim to none while DS #2 picked a sport as an EC and ended up with a scholarship. You can't penalize DS #2 for wanting that money.


If you didn't make this clear to DS1 in advance, that isn't very fair or very good parenting.