Anyone find being in their elderly parents’ home so painful?

[Anonymous]

Yes, I used to feel that way. My other was sanctimoniously loud early in the morning. It was annoying.

Now my parents are so disabled they need twenty four seven care. We have caregivers listening to random videos on their iPhone and talking loudly to their friends. My parents cannot get out of bed without hoyer lifts. They cannot place phone calls.

So, what you describe is not so bad to me anymore. I recommend you stay at an Airbnb or hotel and try to appreciate that your parents are still able to do things like call people and make breakfast. Hopefully your parents will not degrade to the point my parents have. Hopefully they will die quickly without a long period of disability. But if they wind up like mine, you will look back at your younger self and realize how petty your complaints are.

But yes, old people’s homes are often uncomfortable. Old mattresses, early morning wake ups, etc. Stay elsewhere if you find you don’t sleep well because that will make you irritable and lead to the trip being less nice.

[Anonymous]

Yes, the chain smoking made it impossible to breathe. Everything was sticky, stinky and yellow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not painful emotionally, like I feel bad for them. And yes, I am thankful they are still around, blah blah blah.

Painful, like they are SO LOUD first thing in the morning.

Father talking loudly on his phone to who knows at 8AM.

Mother starting to warm things up for lunch starting 8AM.

Them wanting to be around me but only having surface-level conversations.

Been here less than 24 hours and I am ready to go to my home.

Multiple reasons I can’t be an overnight guest in my parents house. And they’re not personal, they are physical issues (and a personal issue against adult sibling who will live there forever)

OP here and yes, this too. Mid-40 year old sibling lost job during pandemic, moved into parents’ home and now acts like she owns the place and that she is in charge of our parents and my relationship with them - and parents act like nothing is off about this. Just another reason for the surface-level conversations.

OP, I just posted about having parents who are sick and disabled.

Get a hotel room. And then use this time during visits to record them talking about their childhoods and lives. I so wish we had done this before my parents lost their ability to converse. Make a list of questions to ask the to help the interviewing along, but let them veer away from those questions. I know they are annoying you now but you will be glad you have those.

It will fill the time and hopefully they will shut the tv off..

Also, try to find stuff to do in their community outdoors to get out of the house and away from the sister. Can they walk? Get them out for walks. Take the out for an outdoor ice cream. Etc.

Fyi, I was living with my parents for a while. Is she helping care for them? Is she saying they need help and you are disagreeing? My siblings were utterly clueless as to how much I was doing around the house for my parents and derided my presence there. Try to look at this objectively and consider that your sibling may be doing elder care.

Also, you could invite them to your place potentially and then it’s your turf and sibling is not there.

[Anonymous]

You left out the house feeling like a sauna & leaving the thermostat at 80+ degrees. 🔥🥵

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re an adult, aren’t you? 8am is not 6 am. What time do you need to sleep in until? I’m hardly old but by 8 am I’ve had a long chat with my best friend, and done a good chunk of the housework for the day.

Suuurrreeee . . .

NP. I agree with PP. What are you doing with your life that you aren’t fully awake and functional by 8:00?

NP nothing good happens before 8am. I trained my kids from about 3 years old to be as quiet as a mouse in the morning. They color, play silently and then we party when parents wake up.

Besides, it's a Saturday morning. I get waking up for work or school, but why do adults need to wake up on Saturdays?!

Hi, Mom!

Yeah, it was really fun having to tiptoe around the house while you slept in. Fortunately, sis and me figured out how to turn on the TV with the volume really low and our faces a couple inches from the screen so we could watch cartoons. And we ate whatever crap we could reach, because we were starving.

- Kids wake up early, hungry.

Playing a tiny violin for you

[Anonymous]

Did you start the thread about old people at bad restaurants as well?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not painful emotionally, like I feel bad for them. And yes, I am thankful they are still around, blah blah blah.

Painful, like they are SO LOUD first thing in the morning.

Father talking loudly on his phone to who knows at 8AM.

Mother starting to warm things up for lunch starting 8AM.

Them wanting to be around me but only having surface-level conversations.

Been here less than 24 hours and I am ready to go to my home.

Multiple reasons I can’t be an overnight guest in my parents house. And they’re not personal, they are physical issues (and a personal issue against adult sibling who will live there forever)

OP here and yes, this too. Mid-40 year old sibling lost job during pandemic, moved into parents’ home and now acts like she owns the place and that she is in charge of our parents and my relationship with them - and parents act like nothing is off about this. Just another reason for the surface-level conversations.

OP, I just posted about having parents who are sick and disabled.

Get a hotel room. And then use this time during visits to record them talking about their childhoods and lives. I so wish we had done this before my parents lost their ability to converse. Make a list of questions to ask the to help the interviewing along, but let them veer away from those questions. I know they are annoying you now but you will be glad you have those.

It will fill the time and hopefully they will shut the tv off..

Also, try to find stuff to do in their community outdoors to get out of the house and away from the sister. Can they walk? Get them out for walks. Take the out for an outdoor ice cream. Etc.

Fyi, I was living with my parents for a while. Is she helping care for them? Is she saying they need help and you are disagreeing? My siblings were utterly clueless as to how much I was doing around the house for my parents and derided my presence there. Try to look at this objectively and consider that your sibling may be doing elder care.

Also, you could invite them to your place potentially and then it’s your turf and sibling is not there.

All good advice. Thanks! And I feel better after the coffee. The lack of sleep because of hot bedroom, tiny soft mattress don’t help.

Is she helping care for them? No, she is addicted to Xanax and adderall and barely functioning like an adult.
Is she saying they need help and you are disagreeing? She does claim to be helping them. I don’t disagree or even engage because it’s not possible to have a rational conversation with an addict. My parents are saying she is not helping them and her living in their house being the way she it is stressful for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you start the thread about old people at bad restaurants as well?

No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not painful emotionally, like I feel bad for them. And yes, I am thankful they are still around, blah blah blah.

Painful, like they are SO LOUD first thing in the morning.

Father talking loudly on his phone to who knows at 8AM.

Mother starting to warm things up for lunch starting 8AM.

Them wanting to be around me but only having surface-level conversations.

Been here less than 24 hours and I am ready to go to my home.

Multiple reasons I can’t be an overnight guest in my parents house. And they’re not personal, they are physical issues (and a personal issue against adult sibling who will live there forever)

OP here and yes, this too. Mid-40 year old sibling lost job during pandemic, moved into parents’ home and now acts like she owns the place and that she is in charge of our parents and my relationship with them - and parents act like nothing is off about this. Just another reason for the surface-level conversations.

OP, I just posted about having parents who are sick and disabled.

Get a hotel room. And then use this time during visits to record them talking about their childhoods and lives. I so wish we had done this before my parents lost their ability to converse. Make a list of questions to ask the to help the interviewing along, but let them veer away from those questions. I know they are annoying you now but you will be glad you have those.

It will fill the time and hopefully they will shut the tv off..

Also, try to find stuff to do in their community outdoors to get out of the house and away from the sister. Can they walk? Get them out for walks. Take the out for an outdoor ice cream. Etc.

Fyi, I was living with my parents for a while. Is she helping care for them? Is she saying they need help and you are disagreeing? My siblings were utterly clueless as to how much I was doing around the house for my parents and derided my presence there. Try to look at this objectively and consider that your sibling may be doing elder care.

Also, you could invite them to your place potentially and then it’s your turf and sibling is not there.

All good advice. Thanks! And I feel better after the coffee. The lack of sleep because of hot bedroom, tiny soft mattress don’t help.

Is she helping care for them? No, she is addicted to Xanax and adderall and barely functioning like an adult.
Is she saying they need help and you are disagreeing? She does claim to be helping them. I don’t disagree or even engage because it’s not possible to have a rational conversation with an addict. My parents are saying she is not helping them and her living in their house being the way she it is stressful for them.

I should add they refuse to put up boundaries with her so unfortunately they have to deal with her.

[Anonymous]

Parents sitting in different living rooms across from each other with loud tvs turning then up to out blare each other. Refusing to get hearing aids unless the other one gets theirs first. 😆 fun times!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not painful emotionally, like I feel bad for them. And yes, I am thankful they are still around, blah blah blah.

Painful, like they are SO LOUD first thing in the morning.

Father talking loudly on his phone to who knows at 8AM.

Mother starting to warm things up for lunch starting 8AM.

Them wanting to be around me but only having surface-level conversations.

Been here less than 24 hours and I am ready to go to my home.

Multiple reasons I can’t be an overnight guest in my parents house. And they’re not personal, they are physical issues (and a personal issue against adult sibling who will live there forever)

OP here and yes, this too. Mid-40 year old sibling lost job during pandemic, moved into parents’ home and now acts like she owns the place and that she is in charge of our parents and my relationship with them - and parents act like nothing is off about this. Just another reason for the surface-level conversations.

OP, I just posted about having parents who are sick and disabled.

Get a hotel room. And then use this time during visits to record them talking about their childhoods and lives. I so wish we had done this before my parents lost their ability to converse. Make a list of questions to ask the to help the interviewing along, but let them veer away from those questions. I know they are annoying you now but you will be glad you have those.

It will fill the time and hopefully they will shut the tv off..

Also, try to find stuff to do in their community outdoors to get out of the house and away from the sister. Can they walk? Get them out for walks. Take the out for an outdoor ice cream. Etc.

Fyi, I was living with my parents for a while. Is she helping care for them? Is she saying they need help and you are disagreeing? My siblings were utterly clueless as to how much I was doing around the house for my parents and derided my presence there. Try to look at this objectively and consider that your sibling may be doing elder care.

Also, you could invite them to your place potentially and then it’s your turf and sibling is not there.

All good advice. Thanks! And I feel better after the coffee. The lack of sleep because of hot bedroom, tiny soft mattress don’t help.

Is she helping care for them? No, she is addicted to Xanax and adderall and barely functioning like an adult.
Is she saying they need help and you are disagreeing? She does claim to be helping them. I don’t disagree or even engage because it’s not possible to have a rational conversation with an addict. My parents are saying she is not helping them and her living in their house being the way she it is stressful for them.

Jfc now the mattress is too soft? You’re just a whiny person in general, aren’t you

[Anonymous]

For me There is nothing as comfortable as being in my own home. Therefore, visiting my parents or anyone else is never great, because you have to follow their “rules”. However, I know that they won’t be here forever, so I treasure those days with them, even when I cannot sleep well or have to listen to the TV more than I like to.

[Anonymous]

Tell me you’re a have a lot of growing up to do without telling me you have a lot of growing up to do.

[Anonymous]

Noise at 8am? My kids and husband know not to torture me like that!

Your parents need hearing aids: they’re noisy because they can’t hear themselves. Don’t wait til they’re deaf! Auditory medicine has progressed a ton and even mild hearing loss can and should be treated: otherwise it leads to social problems like these, as well as dementia and other serious issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell me you’re a have a lot of growing up to do without telling me you have a lot of growing up to do.

And?