Anyone find being in their elderly parents’ home so painful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not painful emotionally, like I feel bad for them. And yes, I am thankful they are still around, blah blah blah.

Painful, like they are SO LOUD first thing in the morning.

Father talking loudly on his phone to who knows at 8AM.

Mother starting to warm things up for lunch starting 8AM.

Them wanting to be around me but only having surface-level conversations.

Been here less than 24 hours and I am ready to go to my home.

Yes, I visited after 2 years and after the visit, it took me days to recover from our week visit. They are painfully loud, blasting music and watching youtube animal videos over and over. Emotionally, it took me awhile to recover as well.

[Anonymous]

Yup. I bring an inflatable pad to layer on top of their horrible mattresses, and ear plugs. They can't hear anything so they blast the TV super loud, they can't smell things so it reeks of mothballs, all they do is complain because that's their habit. DH puts up with it like a saint. And it's just so sad to see their world shrinking and their capabilities diminish.

It's sad but it's the natural order of things. My parents no longer take care of me, instead I am there as part of taking care of them. I wish I had a home to go to where a competent adult would give me a restful break, but that just isn't my fate anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife visited her mother halfway across the country for a week every month. She was extremely hard of hearing and legally blind. She died at 95 in assisted living in the late spring of 2020 after they closed off the facility to visitors because of Covid.

She still misses her every day.

You’re a shrew, OP.

Am I also a shrew? In my parents home there is no working shower and they have an incontinent dog they refuse to put down so their whole house smells like dog poop. Dog poop and Fox News. What’s not to love? Add in a little racism and homophobia and have yourself a party!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can relate, though at my parents' house, it's not just the noise-- cable news blasting anger over politics and the state of the world-- it's what some of the others have pointed out at their parents' homes-- how old and uncomfortable everything is, how everything is still stuck in the 1990s when my siblings and I left for college. Maybe some of the discomfort arises from the fact that my parents never moved on to a second act after retirement. They're pretty much the same stuck, miserable people they were 30 years ago. Same house, same furniture, same paint on the walls. My mother lies about the age of the mattress we use. It's obviously my and my sister's childhood beds pushed together into one larger bed for DH and me to use. The sheets are old and uncomfortable and dusty (and my mother lies that they're cleaned). And yes, we'd happily stay at a hotel but the closest hotel is half an hour away and very expensive. When we visit we try to keep it to 3-4 days at most, then get comments about why we can't stay longer.

Have you asked your mom if you could buy a new mattress and sheets for the bed?

NP. My mother would be offended and have a tantrum if I got a new mattress.

I have to take allergy medicine when I'm at my parents. There is so much dust. They also have a cat, but it's an outdoor cat so there isn't too much fur in the house.

[Anonymous]

All of you people who hate staying with your parents: why not stay in a motel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I hate it. We are going for 36 hours next weekend and I booked a hotel. They don’t have a crib for our toddler, there’s one full bathroom for 5 adults and two children to share. It’s just not comfortable.

Of course, when I mentioned it, my mom is so disappointed and let me know it. How do you get over the guilt of this sort of thing?

I just don’t accept the ticket for the guilt trip.

We lived with one bathroom for four people when my sister and I were kids. Never doing it voluntarily as an adult. It’s not personal; it’s medical. The end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of you people who hate staying with your parents: why not stay in a motel?

My parents live in a remote rural area and there are no motels nearby that are any less uncomfortable.

Also I like the ability to be a fly on the wall and notice things, I would have less of that if I wasn't there as many hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL. No.
First couple of days, I get the lay of the land. Then I take over. Cleaning, sorting, organizing, downsizing, house repair or upkeep, checking supplies.

They're lucky to have you.

I am their product. They have made me, sacrificed for me and have always put me first.

For me to - let them be put down, let them decline, not take care of them, not do show them care and affection - just means that I am an ungrateful human unworthy of being loved by anyone.