Very pretty, educated and successful 30-something women single or with unattractive and/or unsuccessful men?

[Anonymous]

These women realize that their number is going down as they age and their looks fade, while even the average man is becoming more valuable as he ages as he accrues more earning capacity. Every single one of my legitimately gorgeous and extremely accomplished female friends married a man beneath them in looks and personality. Only one of those men was a very high earner and one was a $300-400K earner. The best looking one has been only sporadically employed (while his wife has absolutely killed it at work). Ten years later, every one of those guys except the really good looking one is a steadily employed spouse making as much or more than their initially more attractive and higher earning wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible your daughter's friends somehow managed to not to pick up your shallowness? Good for them! They could probably teach you a lot and they are probably much happier than you are.

Physical attractiveness is not shallow. Nor is noticing the mismatch. Everyone does this. And when you’re in a room with dozens of pretty women and mismatched men it’s difficult to not notice. I just wasn’t sure if this was a broader phenomenon.

[Anonymous]

What does "long-term single" mean when someone is 30 years old? I sense a very conservative leaning in your post OP, in other words someone who assumes the gentler sex needs to be married off at 30, and best believe the guy better be more successful than her, with a solid earnings future. Very boomer of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yawn, here we go with "the women are great and the men are mediocre" spiel. What is an optics mismatch? The reality is, with hair, makeup, and clothes, an average woman can make herself much more attractive vs. a man who has fewer tools at his disposal.

There are a lot more quality women out there than comparable men.

Bro culture, incel culture, porn, video games, Ritalin have turned men into unmarriable dopes.

Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe OP.

Mid-30s the top tier men are either married and fathers or soon-to-be fathers or dating younger.

The relatively good looking divorced dads of means are dating much younger women. 40-yr old neighbor, dad of two young boys, moved in when he and his (successful, pretty, same-age-as-him) wife separated. Within 6 months he had a 25 year-old girlfriend who clearly thought he hung the moon. The 25-yr old (who doesn't even seem to have a job) has since moved in. A 35-yr old would know this guy doesn't hang the moon, and he knows it. He isn't picking the young dummy because she's pretty, he's picking her because he knows that deep down he's a loser and older women would sniff it out quickly.

So there's that phenomenon going on. Divorced men dating 20-something women because they know the 30-something women wouldn't want them anyway (or they at least fear this).

Yep. The typical story is a guy who looks great on paper (advanced degree, prestigious school) but is a complete emotional trainwreck - split from pretty, wildly successful wife and is seeing a late 20-something who makes no sense for him at all and is probably in it for a green card. It’s kind of sad to watch.

[Anonymous]

The girls are so pretty. So, so, so pretty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughters are in their thirties, and I've been happy to note that they & their peers are marrying bookish guys who would have been called geeks back in the day. They're avoiding the bro types and the conventionally attractive dudes. Beauty fades. These bookish guys aren't that successful...yet. They will be.

Maybe your daughters' friends are smart enough and mature enough to be attracted to something other than looks alone. In my 20s, I had a few boyfriends who were extremely attractive, but at that age I wasn't ready to get married.

As I got older, I was just naturally attracted more to personality, intelligence, etc., over conventional looks. I dated a lot and had my choice of many guys. The one I chose to be my DH was brilliant, fun, high earning, and great in bed, but most people would've thought his looks were more on the plain side (not ugly by any means, but not super hot like some of my old boyfriends). I was so much more attracted to him than my previous boyfriend who was also a high earner and fun, and much more conventionally attractive, but not so great in bed and just moderately smart (Ivy educated but not truly brilliant like my DH), and who I just couldn't bring myself to marry.

Women like me who are smart, educated, and attractive have choices, and we're free to make our own decisions rather than follow society's expectations or follow some checklist. If you had known my DH vs. the boyfriend I'd had before him, your superficial system would've thought the boyfriend was a much better catch. DH was the right choice for me. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and these girls may see something in these guys that you don't.

[Anonymous]

Men are going their own way. These guys are the leftovers.

[Anonymous]

This is dcum where every woman claims to be a brilliant 9 and has daughters who are 9s. Sure

[Anonymous]

I’m 34 and married but I would say most of the men in my age range I would actually be into if I was single are either already married or are enjoying dating and not actually ready to settle down seriously.

It can be a tough age range for women in the dating world because there are more accomplished and attractive women looking for marriage and kids at this age than men looking for the same thing. Most who wanted it already have it and those who are single aren’t in as big a rush

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not trying to be a jerk here, but this is the future for women in DC and many other large metropolitan areas. This is very common and, frankly, accepted in DC these days. Scrubby dudes with great ladies is the norm. A guy who loves video games and is a college dropout with a half-assed job can easily bag a 9 here in DC.

A DC 9 is a Miami 3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter hosted a gathering this weekend. She and her friends are all 30 to 35 years old. This may sound terrible but I couldn’t help but notice how many of her stunning lifelong friends were either long-term single or their male companions (husbands, fiancés, and live-in boyfriends) were optics mismatches and also, many of them didn’t seem to have a lot going on professionally. I’m not just saying this because I’ve known them for so long. My daughter’s friends are very attractive, very sporty lifestyles, most have two degrees, and they are successful professionally. I’m sorry for noticing, but most of the men they were with just were not handsome at all. Even my husband noticed and he never makes comments like that.

Is this reflective of how challenging it is out there for women my daughter’s age?

Yes.
I know dozens of beautiful, charming, fit, educated and successful women who are single or with men who are some combination of unemployed/ugly/obese/horrible.
I only know one woman who is married to a man who I'd say is a catch, and she's probably the ugliest woman I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is dcum where every woman claims to be a brilliant 9 and has daughters who are 9s. Sure

My daughter is married. I said nothing about her physical attractiveness. Her friends are in fact classically pretty and fit. With advanced degrees and great jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yawn, here we go with "the women are great and the men are mediocre" spiel. What is an optics mismatch? The reality is, with hair, makeup, and clothes, an average woman can make herself much more attractive vs. a man who has fewer tools at his disposal.

There are a lot more quality women out there than comparable men.

Bro culture, incel culture, porn, video games, Ritalin have turned men into unmarriable dopes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is dcum where every woman claims to be a brilliant 9 and has daughters who are 9s. Sure

My daughter is married. I said nothing about her physical attractiveness. Her friends are in fact classically pretty and fit. With advanced degrees and great jobs.

And to be clear, it wasn’t all of the men. There were a handful of handsome and successful men there. But enough of the men looked so schleppy and/or were under employed compared to their female companions that I wasn’t the only one who picked up on it. It was not my imagination or bias. And as far as my alleged bias, I have known maybe half of the women there for 10 or 20 plus years but the other half I haven’t met more than once or twice.