Very pretty, educated and successful 30-something women single or with unattractive and/or unsuccessful men?

[Anonymous]

Hehe strong personalities. Women who watch too much desperate housewives and think real people act that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter hosted a gathering this weekend. She and her friends are all 30 to 35 years old. This may sound terrible but I couldn’t help but notice how many of her stunning lifelong friends were either long-term single or their male companions (husbands, fiancés, and live-in boyfriends) were optics mismatches and also, many of them didn’t seem to have a lot going on professionally. I’m not just saying this because I’ve known them for so long. My daughter’s friends are very attractive, very sporty lifestyles, most have two degrees, and they are successful professionally. I’m sorry for noticing, but most of the men they were with just were not handsome at all. Even my husband noticed and he never makes comments like that.

Is this reflective of how challenging it is out there for women my daughter’s age?

Yes it is challenging.

Main reasons is that large portions of men:
- are underemployed and under-educated, don’t have their lives together, barely
- are educated but scared of educated and successful women.
- are educated, well employed, but intensely selfish and narcissistic
- are educated, well employed, but out of it socially and likely have unidentified mental disorders

That leaves a small population of marriage materials: educated, family oriented, can communicate, team approach to marriage and working

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter hosted a gathering this weekend. She and her friends are all 30 to 35 years old. This may sound terrible but I couldn’t help but notice how many of her stunning lifelong friends were either long-term single or their male companions (husbands, fiancés, and live-in boyfriends) were optics mismatches and also, many of them didn’t seem to have a lot going on professionally. I’m not just saying this because I’ve known them for so long. My daughter’s friends are very attractive, very sporty lifestyles, most have two degrees, and they are successful professionally. I’m sorry for noticing, but most of the men they were with just were not handsome at all. Even my husband noticed and he never makes comments like that.

Is this reflective of how challenging it is out there for women my daughter’s age?

What your DD is doing, who she is with and why you were you there at the gathering?

Good question.

My east coast friends partnered up at grad school getting terminal degrees. Or had to do online dating in late 20s / 30s.
Just be direct what yours looking for and let the chips fall. Have fun getting to know people, cull as appropriate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many of these women have strong personalities and difficult to be around. I am one of those women but I met my Dh when we were 24 years old and I was still developing my adult personality. I’m pretty sure if I was single at 35, I would be a pain in the ass.

My friends in their forties have difficult personalities and very demanding. They, including me, would be difficult to date and if I were a guy, I would pass.

Demanding how?

Like telling and expecting those in your household to pick up after themselves?

[Anonymous]

I think we all know the type of woman who brings their work personality home. At work she's earned some sort of nickname among her female colleagues. Maybe she's known as The Hammer. She speaks in bar level voices and is determined to Drive and Collection status updates. A total Girl Boss. Yeah that sh!t sucks at home ladies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter hosted a gathering this weekend. She and her friends are all 30 to 35 years old. This may sound terrible but I couldn’t help but notice how many of her stunning lifelong friends were either long-term single or their male companions (husbands, fiancés, and live-in boyfriends) were optics mismatches and also, many of them didn’t seem to have a lot going on professionally. I’m not just saying this because I’ve known them for so long. My daughter’s friends are very attractive, very sporty lifestyles, most have two degrees, and they are successful professionally. I’m sorry for noticing, but most of the men they were with just were not handsome at all. Even my husband noticed and he never makes comments like that.

Is this reflective of how challenging it is out there for women my daughter’s age?

Yes it is challenging.

Main reasons is that large portions of men:
- are underemployed and under-educated, don’t have their lives together, barely (30%)
- are educated but scared of educated and successful women. (20%)
- are educated, well employed, but intensely selfish and narcissistic (15%)
- are educated, well employed, but out of it socially and likely have unidentified mental disorders (15%)
- educated, successful, family oriented w proof of effort, looking for the same (20%)

That leaves a small population of marriage materials: educated, family oriented, can communicate, team approach to marriage and working

Also, all of the first 4 groups market themselves via lip service that they are successful and family oriented. But later their is a big disconnect between them saying they want a family/are family oriented and how they end up treating their wives, children and house (neglect, too busy, misogynistic, narcissist, lazy, clueless, too tired, never step up and grow into a true adult w a family).

I’ll do the same breakout for women, this is across all races, geos:
- uneducated and under-employed group. (25%)
-educated, work in pink collar jobs. Bin threatening to most men (20%)
-educated looking for rich spouse via Greek life or OLD, may or may not work fulltime (nonprofits, trainer jobs, work for family) (10%)
-educated, successful, family oriented and looking for the same (45%)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is dcum where every woman claims to be a brilliant 9 and has daughters who are 9s. Sure

My daughter is married. I said nothing about her physical attractiveness. Her friends are in fact classically pretty and fit. With advanced degrees and great jobs.

And to be clear, it wasn’t all of the men. There were a handful of handsome and successful men there. But enough of the men looked so schleppy and/or were under employed compared to their female companions that I wasn’t the only one who picked up on it. It was not my imagination or bias. And as far as my alleged bias, I have known maybe half of the women there for 10 or 20 plus years but the other half I haven’t met more than once or twice.

So you didn't even know half of the women and judging by your tone of surprise, you didn't know most of these men. People very often overestimate how much money college educated people are making, and also overestimate the amount of women married to men who are much more successful. It's very likely that many of these women are less successful than you assume and their husbands aren't actually making much less than they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter hosted a gathering this weekend. She and her friends are all 30 to 35 years old. This may sound terrible but I couldn’t help but notice how many of her stunning lifelong friends were either long-term single or their male companions (husbands, fiancés, and live-in boyfriends) were optics mismatches and also, many of them didn’t seem to have a lot going on professionally. I’m not just saying this because I’ve known them for so long. My daughter’s friends are very attractive, very sporty lifestyles, most have two degrees, and they are successful professionally. I’m sorry for noticing, but most of the men they were with just were not handsome at all. Even my husband noticed and he never makes comments like that.

Is this reflective of how challenging it is out there for women my daughter’s age?

Yes it is challenging.

Main reasons is that large portions of men:
- are underemployed and under-educated, don’t have their lives together, barely (30%)
- are educated but scared of educated and successful women. (20%)
- are educated, well employed, but intensely selfish and narcissistic (15%)
- are educated, well employed, but out of it socially and likely have unidentified mental disorders (15%)
- educated, successful, family oriented w proof of effort, looking for the same (20%)

That leaves a small population of marriage materials: educated, family oriented, can communicate, team approach to marriage and working

Also, all of the first 4 groups market themselves via lip service that they are successful and family oriented. But later their is a big disconnect between them saying they want a family/are family oriented and how they end up treating their wives, children and house (neglect, too busy, misogynistic, narcissist, lazy, clueless, too tired, never step up and grow into a true adult w a family).

I’ll do the same breakout for women, this is across all races, geos:
- uneducated and under-employed group. (25%)
-educated, work in pink collar jobs. Bin threatening to most men (20%)
-educated looking for rich spouse via Greek life or OLD, may or may not work fulltime (nonprofits, trainer jobs, work for family) (10%)
-educated, successful, family oriented and looking for the same (45%)

I can make up numbers too! Seriously, less than 40% of US women even have a bachelor's degree, which is a bare minimum to be "educated."

[Anonymous]

My sibling married their spouse because they were a lawyer. My sibling want that life. The spouse is ugly as a dog. Spouse is very average My sibling could have don’t much better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sibling married their spouse because they were a lawyer. My sibling want that life. The spouse is ugly as a dog. Spouse is very average My sibling could have don’t much better.

One of my best girlfriend’s from college married a doctor in her 30s — who she admits has never given her an orgasm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work for a very expensive dating service in Los Angeles, no app and through referral only. 99.9% of the men using this service are very wealthy and all of them want stunning women in their 20's. None of the women in the dating pool is over 30 years old. These men neither care about the woman's money or the MBA. As long as the woman is educated, does not have to be an Ivy education, a state degree is good enough. And being nice.

Dang. If I hadn’t met the love of my life, I’d have loved a referral to that service back in the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sibling married their spouse because they were a lawyer. My sibling want that life. The spouse is ugly as a dog. Spouse is very average My sibling could have don’t much better.

One of my best girlfriend’s from college married a doctor in her 30s — who she admits has never given her an orgasm.

My sister married a lawyer and they had sex twice to conceive 2 kids and that’s it.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I believe OP.

Mid-30s the top tier men are either married and fathers or soon-to-be fathers or dating younger.

The relatively good looking divorced dads of means are dating much younger women. 40-yr old neighbor, dad of two young boys, moved in when he and his (successful, pretty, same-age-as-him) wife separated. Within 6 months he had a 25 year-old girlfriend who clearly thought he hung the moon. The 25-yr old (who doesn't even seem to have a job) has since moved in. A 35-yr old would know this guy doesn't hang the moon, and he knows it. He isn't picking the young dummy because she's pretty, he's picking her because he knows that deep down he's a loser and older women would sniff it out quickly.

So there's that phenomenon going on. Divorced men dating 20-something women because they know the 30-something women wouldn't want them anyway (or they at least fear this).

Yeah, the guy couldn’t be dating a 25-year-old because she’s hotter, more youthful and more fertile (qualities that men have valued since time immemorial). It must be that he is intimidated by the 35-year-old. :roll:

Middle-age woman cope is really a sight to behold!

I think it boils down to the early and mid 30s “girl boss” women — even if they are still very attractive — just tend to have a lot of baggage and hangups. Not their fault. How can you not have a lot of baggage and trauma if you’ve been unsuccessfully dating men for 15 to 20 years. Plus decades of birth control screwing up your hormones, maybe an abortion, and all the stress that comes with a career, which requires you to be a bit pushy and elbowy.

What a misogynist!

Oh and birth control didn't screw up my hormones and also made it so I never needed an abortion.

If a woman in her 30s and both single and childless, after four years of undergrad, X years of advanced degrees, a career in a major city, and various boyfriends and hookups through the years, it is very likely she’s been on birth control off and on for upwards of 20 years and possibly has had an abortion. BC is not 100% and women go off it from time to time, especially when single.

Whether you want to admit to it or not, this is all BAGGAGE.

Ok now I know you are nuts. No, most women on bc have not had an abortion, and most women have not had an abortion. And whether or not she has had one or been on birth control is not baggage in the least. It’s basic human hygiene. This is like saying that thirty years of brushing your teeth is baggage. Ludicrous.

We are not talking about “most women,” the cohort the thread is about are successful 30-something girl bosses. The thread has digressed into single 30-something women who are unmarried and childless. If you get to such an advanced age without a marriage or baby, safe bet some history of BC, Plan B, and/or an abortion. They are not “hygiene” and they do impact your body and mind.

BS. You have no idea what you were talking about.

You apparently don’t know realize how the pill and Plan B works? And you think women who get abortions just forget about it afterwards? It’s permanent trauma. Failed relationships and hookups for 15 or 20 years are also a lot of trauma. It all takes a toll on you. This baggage impacts your hormones, your appearance, your disposition and personality and it all repels men. You can be in denial if you want to. It’s the truth. Marry young if you want to avoid this.

Be warned ladies, the scarlet letter is upon you because of birth control and hook ups. No maiden’s tale hat necessary, not for these gents! Bwahahahahahahha!

Do you really think:

- 15 years of failed relationships
- 15 years on the pill
- sporadic use of Plan B
- an abortion
- stressful career
- student loan debt
- fertility clock ticking

Have no impact on you as a person? Really? Do you think every 33 year old bachelorette is a clean slate? You are in denial if you don’t acknowledge this all creates baggage. This is why the successful men are likely put off by women their age and instead go for women in their mid and late 20s. Less baggage, less hangups, not as pushy and high maintenance.

Hi again-

No the pill doesn’t create baggage any more than a guy jerking off and losing his sperm creates baggage. Do men cry because of “lost sperm” when they are in the shower? I didn’t know.

Plan B doesn’t create baggage any more than using a condom does because they both block conception.

Abortion can go either way. Some women probably feel bad, but you don’t get to be the judge of how women feel about a very personal decision. For many women, it is the best choice for them at the time. If my Mom hadn’t had one, I wouldn’t exist.

A stressful career/student loan debt can create baggage on men and women equally in fact men are more likely to become rude to others when they experience stress.

I guess if guys want to become first time dads at 40+, they can, but it does get harder to bend down to pick up kids and toys as you get older!

You are free to choose whatever age they want, but the idea that these are reasons to be “put off women” belongs to you. Life gets to everyone and thinking that only those “clear of baggage” are worthy of love is a sure way to hate yourself as you get older.

Great post. Thank you for these words

Wow—-now that’s what I call some warped sibling rivalry. Wonder what your aborted sibling would have had to say about his/her being sacrificed for your survival. Bizarre framing on your part PP

Likewise, I see your framing as bizarre. Do you ask your organs (heart, lungs, liver) how they feel about the way you treat them and expect conscious words back? You organs are a more complex and organized clump of cells than my “sibling” was. Maybe I will ask my really born sister’s teratoma as it was once her twin, but she ate the cells when she was in utero. Guess she arrived in the world a killer according to your warped view.

“cases of teratomas may be caused by the presence of an undeveloped twin within the womb that is then encompassed by the surviving twin.”

https://www.tgh.org/institutes-and-services/conditions/teratomas-dermoid-cysts

Nature is weird, and not everything is black and white.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many of these women have strong personalities and difficult to be around. I am one of those women but I met my Dh when we were 24 years old and I was still developing my adult personality. I’m pretty sure if I was single at 35, I would be a pain in the ass.

My friends in their forties have difficult personalities and very demanding. They, including me, would be difficult to date and if I were a guy, I would pass.

Demanding how?

Like telling and expecting those in your household to pick up after themselves?

Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter hosted a gathering this weekend. She and her friends are all 30 to 35 years old. This may sound terrible but I couldn’t help but notice how many of her stunning lifelong friends were either long-term single or their male companions (husbands, fiancés, and live-in boyfriends) were optics mismatches and also, many of them didn’t seem to have a lot going on professionally. I’m not just saying this because I’ve known them for so long. My daughter’s friends are very attractive, very sporty lifestyles, most have two degrees, and they are successful professionally. I’m sorry for noticing, but most of the men they were with just were not handsome at all. Even my husband noticed and he never makes comments like that.

Is this reflective of how challenging it is out there for women my daughter’s age?

Yes it is challenging.

Main reasons is that large portions of men:
- are underemployed and under-educated, don’t have their lives together, barely (30%)
- are educated but scared of educated and successful women. (20%)
- are educated, well employed, but intensely selfish and narcissistic (15%)
- are educated, well employed, but out of it socially and likely have unidentified mental disorders (15%)
- educated, successful, family oriented w proof of effort, looking for the same (20%)

That leaves a small population of marriage materials: educated, family oriented, can communicate, team approach to marriage and working

Also, all of the first 4 groups market themselves via lip service that they are successful and family oriented. But later their is a big disconnect between them saying they want a family/are family oriented and how they end up treating their wives, children and house (neglect, too busy, misogynistic, narcissist, lazy, clueless, too tired, never step up and grow into a true adult w a family).

I’ll do the same breakout for women, this is across all races, geos:
- uneducated and under-employed group. (25%)
-educated, work in pink collar jobs. Bin threatening to most men (20%)
-educated looking for rich spouse via Greek life or OLD, may or may not work fulltime (nonprofits, trainer jobs, work for family) (10%)
-educated, successful, family oriented and looking for the same (45%)

I can make up numbers too! Seriously, less than 40% of US women even have a bachelor's degree, which is a bare minimum to be "educated."

Women have been 60% of most college grads for awhile now. So that works with the 40% steady state of population grads in most developed countries