Terrified and depressed due to downward mobility

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if OP is trolling or not, but I do actually feel this way. We make less money, though -- 150k (DH 100k, me 50k). I used to make more but the reality of trying to parent kids while you both work was overwhelming. We already had no margin for error because even with an income around 200k, childcare was tight. And then Covid hit. So now I work part time and we pay less for childcare, but have a little more flexibility in our schedule. But yes, money is very tight. We've pretty much given up on the idea that we'll ever own a SFH (we live in a condo now) or feel comfortable financially.

I have a graduate degree and DH is in a STEM field with an Ivy League degree. I grew up UMC and he grew up working class, and while we've far surpassed his economic status as a kid, it's definitely been a step down for me. We've both struggle with our mental health and while there is a version of us that makes WAY more money without working that much harder, I think we just lack the confidence and social skills to make it happen? I feel overwhelmed a lot. I don't know, but I do feel downwardly mobile and can relate to the anxiety OP is galling about.

Op here. This is how I feel too. On one hand there is shame in not being able to replicate my parents success even though I was given all the opportunities and resources. Then there’s the depressing realization that we will ever be able to buy a SFH in a good neighborhood around here and I’ll never have the quality of life I grew up with or give my kids the same experiences.

A lot of people grow up and don’t become wealthy like their parents. My in-laws Ivy League, very wealthy. Not us though and it doesn’t bother us in the least. We are lucky that they are the most generous and kindness people in the world. He retired early and bought us a house, gifting every year, paid for all activities and tuitions for our kids, not just monetarily, they are also there for their children. They are proud of their children, none went to Ivy League or reached their level of financial success.

If your parents are wealthy hopefully they can help with the kids. Just don’t try and be something you’re not. Don’t overreach and buy in a neighborhood you can’t afford. If you stop feeling sorry for yourself your kids will have their own childhood, not a replica of yours.

If your ILs bought you a home, you are wealthy. They'll probably also help with kid's education, right? So all you and your husband need to do is make enough money to cover living expense (minus mortgage) and save for retirement. That would be so easy.

Not all UMC or wealthy parents are generous like that, either. You are lucky, but you need to understand how unusual your situation is. You're in a really ideal situation.

All their education is paid for but we are not wealthy. I had to quit work because of cancer. My husband lost his job during the recession just as he was starting out and took a pay cut when it was over. We have one child out of three who has special needs and a ton of expenses.

The parents have kept us going and we have everything we need without complaining of what could have been. Like the OP

[Anonymous]

Given the political system we have in place is so enmeshed with the tech and banking oligarchs, it was inevitably going to come to this.

America has been quietly transitioning out of late stage capitalism into neo-feudalism.

[Anonymous]

I'd be pretty depressed too if I realized I was a shallow A-hole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel the exact same way. I grew up UMC spending summers at the club playing tennis and swimming. We vacationed every year to Hawaii or Florida. Parents paid for college, mother didn't work, etc. Spouse grew up poor so in his view the fact that we make 225 K combined is fantastic. Inflation is steadily eating away at what life is costing us. We can't afford to pay for private college for our kids.

I feel like it is nothing with inflation. One thing that we didn't get help on is buying a house or any help with childcare in the infant to preschool years. It was so expensive those years with two kids that we didn't buy a house until the youngest entered kindergarten. This I feel is the main issue that has set up behind and not just us our kids as well. Friends I know that had family help to buy their first houses kept those houses and are renting them out while they moved into bigger houses. By the time they are 65 they will own two houses free and clear which sets them up to help their own children buy houses.

I was thinking of retiring at 60 but now I am thinking of toughing it out in a job I don't really like so that for three to five years (so retiring at 63 to 65) I can put money away for my kids to provide the down payment to purchase property.

JFC. If you are thinking of retiring early, but not quite as early as you wished, not because you have to work to pay the bills but to pass significant amounts to your kids, you are at a minimum UMC. And a clueless twit, but that has nothing to do with economics.

[Anonymous]

When the middle class are in food lines is the political game plan to shame them by how much worse other people have it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gross. Get over yourself, OP

+1 agree with all PPs. Terrified? Cut the histrionics. Life is too short for this nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When the middle class are in food lines is the political game plan to shame them by how much worse other people have it?

The plan, per usual, is to pretend they don’t exist. They’ve done this with the homeless, disabled veterans, and drug addicts. Next will be the working class and the middle class and anyone who doesn’t use “summer” as a verb.

[Anonymous]

Wow people are ridiculous on here. Boo hoo you don't get to play tennis all summer.

Learn how to budget, cook at home and not impulse spend. You will be surprised at what you can make work.

Cannot wait for these same people tears in 15 years because they cannot retire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Given the political system we have in place is so enmeshed with the tech and banking oligarchs, it was inevitably going to come to this.

America has been quietly transitioning out of late stage capitalism into neo-feudalism.

Finally posters will get their wish about leveling of privilege. One of us... One of us... One of us...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because I grew up UMC, it is really sad and depressing for me to be middle class/lower middle class financially as a mid thirties woman. I make 110k and my husband makes 100k or so. I feel myself sliding into the dreaded MC life and it terrifies me. I always assumed I’d be upwardly mobile.

It’s going to be tough getting sympathy when you’ve just insulted about 90% of the population of this country.

Get some professional help for your misguided feelings of terror.

Right? God, I am so relieved that I've been LMC all my life to save me from this kind of drama.

OP, what does the "dreaded MC life" mean to you?

[Anonymous]

Also lol we cannot pay for private college. Why on earth do you NEED private college? Delusional

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never aspired to be wealthy. Maybe I need therapy ?
No really, this whole forum is obsessed with money and all the trappings one wants. Why is that ?
Been to a cemetery lately ?
Not one tombstone says she had a great house, nice car, travel to places one only reads about and she was one fine dresser.

You’re missing the point.

[Anonymous]

I have highly educated, kind and hard working friends who can barely pay their rent.
You need a reality check and you should count your blessings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if OP is trolling or not, but I do actually feel this way. We make less money, though -- 150k (DH 100k, me 50k). I used to make more but the reality of trying to parent kids while you both work was overwhelming. We already had no margin for error because even with an income around 200k, childcare was tight. And then Covid hit. So now I work part time and we pay less for childcare, but have a little more flexibility in our schedule. But yes, money is very tight. We've pretty much given up on the idea that we'll ever own a SFH (we live in a condo now) or feel comfortable financially.

I have a graduate degree and DH is in a STEM field with an Ivy League degree. I grew up UMC and he grew up working class, and while we've far surpassed his economic status as a kid, it's definitely been a step down for me. We've both struggle with our mental health and while there is a version of us that makes WAY more money without working that much harder, I think we just lack the confidence and social skills to make it happen? I feel overwhelmed a lot. I don't know, but I do feel downwardly mobile and can relate to the anxiety OP is galling about.

Op here. This is how I feel too. On one hand there is shame in not being able to replicate my parents success even though I was given all the opportunities and resources. Then there’s the depressing realization that we will ever be able to buy a SFH in a good neighborhood around here and I’ll never have the quality of life I grew up with or give my kids the same experiences.

A lot of people grow up and don’t become wealthy like their parents. My in-laws Ivy League, very wealthy. Not us though and it doesn’t bother us in the least. We are lucky that they are the most generous and kindness people in the world. He retired early and bought us a house, gifting every year, paid for all activities and tuitions for our kids, not just monetarily, they are also there for their children. They are proud of their children, none went to Ivy League or reached their level of financial success.

If your parents are wealthy hopefully they can help with the kids. Just don’t try and be something you’re not. Don’t overreach and buy in a neighborhood you can’t afford. If you stop feeling sorry for yourself your kids will have their own childhood, not a replica of yours.

If your ILs bought you a home, you are wealthy. They'll probably also help with kid's education, right? So all you and your husband need to do is make enough money to cover living expense (minus mortgage) and save for retirement. That would be so easy.

Not all UMC or wealthy parents are generous like that, either. You are lucky, but you need to understand how unusual your situation is. You're in a really ideal situation.

x10000

Seems the norm around here that grandparents pay for their kids' houses and education, and their grandchildrens' houses and education. Holy crap - you people who have that are completely out of touch and only expect more - if you were my kids, I would donate every penny to a charity that actually needs it.

My kids grandparents only play favorites. It is sickening. I can't fathom having such generous people in our lives. Just wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have highly educated, kind and hard working friends who can barely pay their rent.
You need a reality check and you should count your blessings.

x100000