Terrified and depressed due to downward mobility

[Anonymous]

Because I grew up UMC, it is really sad and depressing for me to be middle class/lower middle class financially as a mid thirties woman. I make 110k and my husband makes 100k or so. I feel myself sliding into the dreaded MC life and it terrifies me. I always assumed I’d be upwardly mobile.

[Anonymous]

LOL. You make over $200k per year. Maybe you should spend your free time begging at the intersections.

[Anonymous]

Do you have kids?

[Anonymous]

Are you trolling? If not, you need therapy.

[Anonymous]

$210k per year is UMC girl. Get real

[Anonymous]

Sheesh, you are wealthy. I know people working 2-3 jobs to make $60,000.

[Anonymous]

Gross. Get over yourself, OP

[Anonymous]

Perceived downward mobility sucks. You peaked early and don’t know how to ever get that level of lifestyle back.

[Anonymous]

I don't know if OP is trolling or not, but I do actually feel this way. We make less money, though -- 150k (DH 100k, me 50k). I used to make more but the reality of trying to parent kids while you both work was overwhelming. We already had no margin for error because even with an income around 200k, childcare was tight. And then Covid hit. So now I work part time and we pay less for childcare, but have a little more flexibility in our schedule. But yes, money is very tight. We've pretty much given up on the idea that we'll ever own a SFH (we live in a condo now) or feel comfortable financially.

I have a graduate degree and DH is in a STEM field with an Ivy League degree. I grew up UMC and he grew up working class, and while we've far surpassed his economic status as a kid, it's definitely been a step down for me. We've both struggle with our mental health and while there is a version of us that makes WAY more money without working that much harder, I think we just lack the confidence and social skills to make it happen? I feel overwhelmed a lot. I don't know, but I do feel downwardly mobile and can relate to the anxiety OP is galling about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because I grew up UMC, it is really sad and depressing for me to be middle class/lower middle class financially as a mid thirties woman. I make 110k and my husband makes 100k or so. I feel myself sliding into the dreaded MC life and it terrifies me. I always assumed I’d be upwardly mobile.

$200 000+/per annum not middle Class. Middle class us $50,000/per annum.

[Anonymous]

What is so dreaded about it? As an MC person who is spending the summer camping, visiting my family, and taking kids to the pool, I don't really see what's so bad? Sure you can always have a bigger house and more money, but that's true for basically everyone poorer than Bezos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if OP is trolling or not, but I do actually feel this way. We make less money, though -- 150k (DH 100k, me 50k). I used to make more but the reality of trying to parent kids while you both work was overwhelming. We already had no margin for error because even with an income around 200k, childcare was tight. And then Covid hit. So now I work part time and we pay less for childcare, but have a little more flexibility in our schedule. But yes, money is very tight. We've pretty much given up on the idea that we'll ever own a SFH (we live in a condo now) or feel comfortable financially.

I have a graduate degree and DH is in a STEM field with an Ivy League degree. I grew up UMC and he grew up working class, and while we've far surpassed his economic status as a kid, it's definitely been a step down for me. We've both struggle with our mental health and while there is a version of us that makes WAY more money without working that much harder, I think we just lack the confidence and social skills to make it happen? I feel overwhelmed a lot. I don't know, but I do feel downwardly mobile and can relate to the anxiety OP is galling about.

This is fair. I'm MC from a LCOL area, so not being able to have the standard of living I grew up with here (where are jobs are) upsets me sometimes, we also have given up on an SFH. But it helps to focus on enjoying experiences. We may not have a spacious house and big yard like my very average parents do, but we did bike to the pool this morning, and that was neat. We have fun neighbors and walkable schools and fill up our weekends with fun instead of working on our overgrown gardens and shabby house. Being healthy with young kids is something you only get to enjoy for a short time.

[Anonymous]

If this is what “terrifies” you, your perspective is pathologically skewed.

Eat the rich.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if OP is trolling or not, but I do actually feel this way. We make less money, though -- 150k (DH 100k, me 50k). I used to make more but the reality of trying to parent kids while you both work was overwhelming. We already had no margin for error because even with an income around 200k, childcare was tight. And then Covid hit. So now I work part time and we pay less for childcare, but have a little more flexibility in our schedule. But yes, money is very tight. We've pretty much given up on the idea that we'll ever own a SFH (we live in a condo now) or feel comfortable financially.

I have a graduate degree and DH is in a STEM field with an Ivy League degree. I grew up UMC and he grew up working class, and while we've far surpassed his economic status as a kid, it's definitely been a step down for me. We've both struggle with our mental health and while there is a version of us that makes WAY more money without working that much harder, I think we just lack the confidence and social skills to make it happen? I feel overwhelmed a lot. I don't know, but I do feel downwardly mobile and can relate to the anxiety OP is galling about.

Op here. This is how I feel too. On one hand there is shame in not being able to replicate my parents success even though I was given all the opportunities and resources. Then there’s the depressing realization that we will ever be able to buy a SFH in a good neighborhood around here and I’ll never have the quality of life I grew up with or give my kids the same experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if OP is trolling or not, but I do actually feel this way. We make less money, though -- 150k (DH 100k, me 50k). I used to make more but the reality of trying to parent kids while you both work was overwhelming. We already had no margin for error because even with an income around 200k, childcare was tight. And then Covid hit. So now I work part time and we pay less for childcare, but have a little more flexibility in our schedule. But yes, money is very tight. We've pretty much given up on the idea that we'll ever own a SFH (we live in a condo now) or feel comfortable financially.

I have a graduate degree and DH is in a STEM field with an Ivy League degree. I grew up UMC and he grew up working class, and while we've far surpassed his economic status as a kid, it's definitely been a step down for me. We've both struggle with our mental health and while there is a version of us that makes WAY more money without working that much harder, I think we just lack the confidence and social skills to make it happen? I feel overwhelmed a lot. I don't know, but I do feel downwardly mobile and can relate to the anxiety OP is galling about.

It’s wild to me how much we now require people to “hustle” to have middle class lives in major metros. My grandfather was a teacher. Supported Grandma and sent 3 kids to college.

Owned a modest ranch home in a major metro, worked part time in the summers, good healthcare, nice pension, traveled in his retirement, had enough to pay for very nice assisted living accommodations in his 80s.

Never owned fancy things (or cared) but good quality of life.

Now, his life is elite.